Bruno studied the carpet. “I’m sorry, sir.”
The Headmaster sat back in his padded chair. “When I recommended to our Board that it would be good experience for the boys of Macdonald Hall to host a motion picture crew, my only reservation was that our students might not be mature enough to realize that there would be a time and a place for their participation. Your time and place was not today. You will wait until that time comes. And if that time never comes, you will take it like a man. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. However, it is necessary that you be punished.” He looked Bruno over from head to toe. “Actually, the person who truly merits punishment is your tailor. But as he is not a registered student of Macdonald Hall, you will pick up litter on the campus every afternoon for one week. Dismissed.”
As Bruno scampered off, Mr. Sturgeon heaved a great sigh, unable to shake the feeling that he had left something unsaid. He glanced out the window. Yes, there was Walton, sprinting at top speed, not for the dining hall for breakfast, not for Dormitory 3 to change his clothes, but straight back to the east lawn and the movie set.
* * *
An hour after lights-out that night, Bruno and Boots crouched in the window of room 306 in Dormitory 3, scanning the deserted campus.
Boots stuck his head and shoulders out the window and looked over toward the Housemaster’s room.
“Fudge’s light is still on,” he whispered.
Bruno glanced at his watch in annoyance. “Doesn’t he know what time it is? Anybody up this late has no business being a Housemaster. What a lousy example he’s setting for us students. Okay, he’s got five minutes. Then I’m going, no matter what.”
Boots laughed. “You’re just looking for someone to keep you company on garbage patrol.”
“I hate waiting,” growled Bruno. “It’s almost as thrilling as making a movie! Do you believe those idiots? Thirteen hours of Cutesy Newbar walking around! And tomorrow the shooting schedule calls for thirteen more hours of Cutesy Newbar walking around. I mean, what kind of a movie is this — a training film on walking?”
“You heard Mr. Dinkman,” said Boots. “They don’t just film the script scene by scene. They do it out of order and edit it together at the end. They’re not even shooting the whole movie here — just the outside stuff. They’re doing the interiors in California.”
“I think they’re just covering up the fact that they’re not too bright,” grumbled Bruno. “I mean, stupid Cutesy must have changed his clothes twenty times today. And for what? Walking around.”
“Mr. Dinkman explained all that,” said Boots. “They need to get him in every outfit. That way, when they cut from an inside shot to him walking, he’ll be wearing the right stuff. Hey, Fudge’s light just went out.” Now that the coast was clear, the two boys eased themselves over the sill and stepped outside into the cover of the bushes. Then, silently, they darted past the dormitories, scampered across the highway and scaled the wrought-iron fence surrounding Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School for Young Ladies. “It’s amazing to see the place so quiet,” observed Boots, gazing up at the darkened windows.
“It’s amazing to see the place still standing,” said Bruno in disgust, “after the display they put on every time his Royal Cutesiness blew his nose. I’m going to have something to say to Cathy about that.” He picked up a handful of pebbles and tossed them at a second-floor window.
A shadowy head appeared. “Come on up.”
Boots in the lead, they shinnied up the drainpipe.
“Just don’t start chewing them out until we’ve heard their side of the story,” Boots whispered. “I’m sure Cathy and Diane had nothing to do with that teenybopper stuff. They probably don’t even like Jordie Jones.”
At the window, blonde Diane Grant helped them into the room.
Bruno and Boots stared. The walls were plastered with posters of Jordie Jones movies, with eight-by-ten glossies of the actor himself filling in every available space. Several of the WELCOME, JORDIE signs lay in the corner under a stack of movie magazines that featured the teen idol. Diane wore a Jordie Jones T-shirt and a button featuring three-year-old Jordie’s face as Cutesy Newbar.
At that moment, the door opened and Cathy Burton whirled in. “Great news, Diane! Wilma sold us the mug!” She waved a glass coffee cup with Jordie Jones’s smiling face, then caught sight of Bruno and Boots. “Oh, fantastic, you’re here! What’s he like?”
Bruno knew exactly what she was talking about, but he folded his arms in front of him and set his jaw. “What’s who like?”
“Jordie, of course!”
“Jordie — Jordie —” mused Bruno. “It doesn’t ring a bell.”
Cathy exploded. “You walked right by him! You spoke to him! We saw you!”
“Oh,” said Bruno in sudden recognition. “You must mean Cutesy Newbar. Well, let me think. It’s kind of hard to judge because he had his pants on. But on the whole, all things considered, I would estimate that, on a scale of one to ten, I liked him about negative twelve.”
“Why?” wailed Diane. “What did he say to you?”
“Say?” repeated Bruno, as though she had suggested the impossible. “Speak to a common peasant? Don’t be ridiculous. He might lose his standing as a conceited jerk.”
“To be fair,” Boots put in, “you were in the middle of where you weren’t supposed to be. They gave out scripts, and I don’t remember any part where a guy in a red velvet jacket comes by for a conversation.”
“You’re just jealous,” added Diane.
“Of Cutesy Newbar?” Bruno exploded. “I feel sorry for the guy. How would you like it if, by your third birthday, everybody on earth with a TV set had already had a good look at your derrière? Frankly, I don’t see how he can show his face in public.”
“Cut it out,” pleaded Cathy. “We need your help to figure out some way to get to meet him!”
“Wait a second,” said Boots in annoyance. “What do we look like — marriage brokers?”
“Oh, please!” Diane wheedled. “Just do this one little favour!”
“Seems like we’re doing you a lot of favours this year,” Bruno snapped. “How about all those fireworks we’re hiding for Miss Scrimmage’s golden anniversary celebration?”
“Who can think of a bunch of dumb fireworks when Jordie Jones is right across the road?” squealed Cathy.
“I can,” said Boots feelingly. “Especially if The Fish calls a dorm inspection and finds thirty kilos of dynamite under our beds! Or worse, if they go off and blow us to kingdom come!”
“Now you’re being paranoid,” said Cathy. “See what jealousy does to a person? Look how mad you’re getting.”
Bruno swung a leg over the windowsill. “This isn’t mad at all. This is a friendly disagreement. Mad is when the guy goes home and never comes back again. And if he sees Cutesy Newbar on the way, he gives him a good swift kick in the part that made him so famous.” He heaved himself outside and began to descend.
After a shrug at Cathy and Diane that was half reproach and half apology, Boots followed.
About the Author
Gordon Korman’s first book, This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!, was published when he was only fourteen. Since then he has written more than seventy teen and middle-grade novels, including six more books about Macdonald Hall. Favourites include the New York Times bestselling The 39 Clues: Cahills vs. Vespers Book One: The Medusa Plot; Ungifted; Schooled; and the Hypnotist, Swindle, and Island series. Born and raised in Canada, Gordon now lives with his family on Long Island, New York.
The Macdonald Hall Series:
This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!
Go Jump in the Pool
Beware The Fish!
The Wizzle War
The Zucchini Warriors
Lights, Camera, Disaster!
The Joke’s on Us
“I love riots.”
—Bruno Walton
Macdonald Ha
ll is a grand old boarding school. Its ivy-covered buildings have housed and educated many fine young Canadians.
But this year there are two students who want to shake things up a little: Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal. They’re roommates and best friends, and they know how to have fun. To Headmaster Sturgeon — a.k.a. The Fish — they’re nothing but trouble.
Soon they have to face their worst nightmares. Boots is moved in with George Wexford-Smyth III, a rich hypochondriac, and Bruno has to bunk with science geek Elmer Drimsdale.
But they won’t let that spoil their school year, oh no. Whatever it takes — even skunk stunts and an ant stampede — they’ll be together again by the end of the semester.
And this is only the beginning.
“This is the darkest hour in the history of Macdonald Hall!”
—Bruno Walton
For the students of Macdonald Hall, there’s nothing worse than losing to York Academy. And until the Hall gets its own pool, those York turkeys will win every swim meet. A pool is out of the question, though: the Hall’s budget is fifty thousand dollars short. School pride is plummeting. There’s even talk of Boots O’Neal’s father transferring him to York Academy.
But Bruno Walton has a brilliant plan. It’s time for the students to take matters into their own hands. How hard can it be to raise fifty grand? A few bake sales, a talent show, a rummage sale … they’ll be there in no time, won’t they?
Won’t they?
“Attention, world! We bring you The Fish!”
—Anonymous
Macdonald Hall is having a serious cash-flow problem. Everything is being cut back — evening snack is gone, the lab equipment is decrepit and the dorms are freezing at night.
Worst of all, Headmaster Sturgeon is closing Dormitory 3 and moving Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal in with Elmer Drimsdale, the science geek. There’s even talk of Macdonald Hall being put up for sale.
Could this really be the end for Canada’s finest boarding school?
Please. This is Bruno and Boots we’re talking about, and as always, they have a plan. If they can get some major publicity, score some big media attention, then tons of new students will sign up and the bucks will start rolling in!
The only problem is that the cops are closing in on them …
“You identify the enemy, and then you fight!”
—Bruno Walton
Macdonald Hall is under attack. Where once tradition and freedom of speech ruled the campus, now there is Mr. Wizzle.
That means a dress code — ties, even. Demerit points for just breathing the wrong way. Psychological tests for all students. Surprise dorm inspections. All in the name of progress.
Are the students of the Hall going to stand for it? Not on your life! Wizzle doesn’t stand a chance against The Committee — a secret society of Macdonald Hall loyalists who meet out in the woods, late at night, to plot their revenge.
Whether it takes toilet-paper rolls, a touch of romance, or even an earthquake, it’s unanimous: Wizzle must go!
“I never get caught.”
—Bruno Walton
Macdonald Hall has been Chosen. It is Fabulous. Perfect. Ideal — as the set for a Hollywood movie, with superstar Jordie Jones.
Bruno Walton would do anything to be in the movie. Boots O’Neal will do anything to keep Bruno out of trouble. And the girls at the school next door would do anything to meet Jordie Jones.
When they discover that the star just wants to be a normal guy, one who plays hockey, hangs out with friends and goes to dances, Bruno and Boots decide to help Jordie out.
Who would ever have guessed that a favour could go so wrong, so fast? Anyone who knows Bruno and Boots, of course. Because when they’re around, no day is complete without some really special effects.
“It’s not spying. It’s surveillance.”
—Bruno Walton
The Macdonald Hall campus is under siege: a practical joker is turning the swimming-pool water blue, dressing up the statue of Sir John A. and sneaking extra soap into the dishwasher. Of course, all fingers are pointed at the usual suspects, Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal.
But wait — these guys are innocent! And they’re going to have to prove it, before they get expelled.
So who is The Phantom? Is it Mark Davies, the school newspaper editor? Edward O’Neal, Boots’s creepy kid brother? Or, worse yet, could it be Cathy Burton and Diane Grant, their fans and longtime supporters from Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School across the road?
They’ll have to follow the clues to find out. One feather at a time.
Scholastic Canada Ltd.
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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Korman, Gordon
The Zucchini Warriors [electronic resource] / Gordon Korman.
(Macdonald Hall series)
Electronic monograph in EPUB format.
Issued also in print format.
ISBN 978-1-4431-2805-6
I. Title. II. Series: Korman, Gordon. MacDonald Hall series (Online).
PS8571.O78Z39 2013 jC813’.54 C2012-907845-X
Text copyright © 1988, 2004 by Gordon Korman.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read this e-book on-screen. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher, Scholastic Canada Ltd., 604 King Street West, Toronto, Ontario M5V 1E1, Canada.
First eBook edition: October 2013
Gordon Korman, The Zucchini Warriors
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