***
Worst of the funeral which had never taken part, that of his wife prematurely snatched from life by an inexplicable car accident, Roberto would remember few details, but among these the first place would be occupied by the emotion he felt when, turning over function, he saw people in the eye, crammed into every corner of the Free Church of Santa Giulia and externally, to defy the scorching heat that had not even deigned to lessen respect for the soul of good Simona.
There was nothing to cheer about, but still imagined that if there was a remote possibility that something after death continue to exist, what remained of Simona would be happy to attend such a show of affection. And what Robert had always wanted for her, every day of their life together was happiness, feeling that even if it was wished longer by his side. Because he loved her and would always love her, until one day they would be reunited, perhaps, to sing together again, hand in hand in the streets beyond.
For the rest, the terrible moments of the funeral would be reduced to slides, brief flashes of memory, and would be good. Cristina, at the coffin into the church, he was slumped against the back of their bench, burying her face in her handkerchief in her hand. Matthias who hugged his hand and that of his grandmother Gisella from beginning to end, increasing the grip when the tears were circumventing its resistance efforts. The parish priest who, in spite of them knew very well, during the homily is not never named the name of Simon, merely generic speeches, empty, standardized on the real life after a brief transit in the world, the light that would have provided for all eternity , the impossibility of finding rational explanations for such tragic events, words that would go well even if it was an uncle who died in the fourth degree of Roberto. The procession to the cemetery path arm in arm and Mattia Cristina, one crushed by despair and the other reinforced the belief that the posting would not be absolute, not after he experienced the power of dreams. And farewell to his wife, a whole part of himself with both hands resting on the cool wood of the coffin, as to be able to take the life energy he had left the body of Simon, as to want to absorb last breaths of life to carry it in his heart would break, and do not let the pain.
They stayed at the cemetery until the last of acquaintances had gone. They had a thousand people greeted and received one thousand hugs, but all three had before their eyes the image of the dark earth that was thrown on the coffin of Simona to cover it, a heavy blanket of oblivion that would be with her into eternity or nothing.
***
"Robert?"
They were still at the cemetery, Roberto and Cristina silently staring at the mound of damp earth that marked the place of eternal rest of Simon, and Matthias Gisella next to her grandmother, a little farther on, talking softly with the pastor. Isa and her nanny Olga had already been transported back home from an acquaintance of the mother-in-law Robert had seemed absent during the entire celebration, as he realized what was happening and where it was. She was sick for years, but in three days he had had a relapse impressive.
The speaker was a woman of about forty, very dark hair that fell to the base of the neck by covering part of the face, visibly dirty and unappealing. His eyes were hidden by sunglasses with huge lenses that made it unrecognizable, provided that Roberto had never seen before, something which he doubted.
"Yes," replied, his voice proved by long weeping, which only now, over the terrible rite of Simona and after seeing dozens of people, had found a temporary truce.
"I am ..." muttered one. "I do not know, my name is Erika" showed up, looking down despite the glasses would allow it to speak without having to stare at Robert's eyes. "I was a friend of Simon, the ..." he smiled, embarrassed, "... the best friend, if I may say so."
Robert nodded without comment. Erika could not remember any, or to have met her in person, nor heard of it by Simona. Beyond this, Erika gave the impression of being a woman very shabby and emaciated, as the victim of a deep mental breakdown. He wore corduroy trousers that put clear emphasis on the dryness of the legs, which made the pair the two skeletal arms coming out from the sleeves of her blouse black. Even the skin, white, gave it a touch of emaciated, sick.
Put sadness and was sure that did not depend only on the context in which they had met: he was clearly a woman in difficulty, with problems. It was strange even to approach its image completely opposite to that of Simon and believe that they were best friends.
"I ..." he continued Erika, not at all comfortable "I was speechless when I heard, I knew ..." A small tear slid under his glasses and reached his chin.
"We, too," agreed Bob. "It was one thing ... impossible, so sudden. I say, it was one that was strong in the car, but ... "He shook his head, staring into space. Beside him, Cristina was foreign to their words, concentrated in his terrible thoughts, lost in an inner dialogue with her mother.
"We call a few days ago" informed Erika.
"Really?" Marveled Robert, who, still unable to see the strange woman as a friend and confidant of Simon, he could not believe that they had been in touch recently. It could not explain why he had ever heard: never existed secrets with his wife.
"Yes. There telefonavamo often, until a few years ago. We were classmates in high school and we never entirely lost, even when Simon moved here. In recent times, for one reason or another, we feel less, but I came to call a month ago and then often these days. "
"Why?" Roberto wanted to learn more. Why Simon had felt the need to contact her friend? Cristina also seemed interested in: for the first time since he started the conversation turned away from the flowers lying on the ground and turned to Erika.
"So," she explained. "She knew her better than me, Simon was so. He said it was a lot that we did not talk and that she wanted to say a few stupid things. And after the first call had also followed up the next day. "He sighed and paused. When he spoke again his voice broken by sobs. "It seems impossible when I think about how it has always been serene and happy and now ... where did you look ... "
Robert lowered his head and looked back at the Cristina earth mound and a picture of Simona temporarily hung a wooden cross. Both were unable to hold back new tears.
"I'm sorry, excuse me," said Erika, composing and sniffling. "I did not want, it's just that ..."
"No problem," reassured the Roberto. "Nobody wants to believe, but it's all true. Unfortunately. "
"I ... take, take this, please. "Erika retrieved a white envelope from her purse and reached out to Robert.
"No, no, thank you, should not ..." He had already received a dozen envelopes that day, mostly from friends of his and Simon and a couple of distant relatives. It was another sign of affection and closeness, to offer money, although he shared the way down.
"Please, I want" she insisted. And as Robert, not entirely convinced, took the envelope, he turned with a quick "Goodbye. And yet condolences. " He walked toward the exit of the cemetery.
Roberto was astonished, motionless, with the envelope in his hands. Had he said something wrong? He put the envelope in your back pocket, while the thought of Erika and his strange farewell was set aside by the return of pain, when, turning round, saw Matthias, in tears, caressing the little wooden cross, the face of the counterfeit despair.
***
"Do not worry, I already said there is no problem." Cristina was talking on the phone with Daniel, who apologized for the umpteenth time that it was unable to attend the funeral. It was nearly nine and Roberto, Matthias and Gisella were downstairs in the kitchen, talking and remembering how many people had seen that afternoon, if only to prolong their time together as possible, and postpone the moment of going to sleep, each alone with their thoughts.
"You've done a beautiful gesture to come the other night at the Rosary" Cristina continued. "Even my dad was impressed, you've seen. And then today was a day so bad ... was not necessary for me to be, really. Do not believe it yet.. "He started crying again.
"Among other things are also worried now," he added after a moment, lowering his voice and making sur
e with a quick glance at the bedroom door was ajar. "Because I have a delay. In three days, four if I did the math. No, I know, I know. Yes, I thought about myself, but ... I do not know, I wish we had not escaped something, I would not be really ready. Other than that this thing even without the mother would be a bit 'early to my standards. "He listened a few seconds. "What? As "and if I did"? Meanwhile, we've known very little, okay a story that has already become serious enough, but we certainly can not be sure that it continues forever. And then ... I do not know, I do not even twenty years, I've just started university, I would not be ready. I do not understand if you talk seriously, or if I kidding. I understand, but think! "
Unconsciously he raised his voice, to be altered. Daniel's attitude was inexplicable, had never seemed the type of guy who would have willingly accepted the idea of becoming a father at twenty, and yet he was implying that, at worst, if she became pregnant , there was nothing to worry about. "We should get married, we should find a place where to stay, someone to help us. Is this the right time? Considering that neither you nor I have a job? BUT HOW IS EVERYTHING FROM SELF? "Another step towards a real scream. "Look, never mind, we close the discussion here, not in the mood and I'm not going to argue. Can we talk more, and still hope ... and however we hope that all goes well. Enough! Simply, hello. " He hung up, pretending not to hear Daniel undaunted, repeating that they would find a solution to everything.
It was disbelieving and on the verge of despair. What was a punishment from her mother? It hurt to do some thinking, but could not ignore the fact that one of the reasons why they fought furiously in the days before it was. Be careful what you do or might find yourself pregnant at nineteen had said Simona nell'elencarle the reasons for which had not liked Daniel and why Cristina would leave as soon as possible, causing a certain embarrassment in reference to their sex. And now the words of his mother could be realized, as a prophecy.
"Are you okay?" Robert had appeared at the door of the room. Or had moved in absolute silence or Cristina was so absorbed in thought not to have heard him.
On hearing his voice leaped and spun around, launching with an automatic gesture cordless phone on the bed, as if to hide the murder weapon. From what could be there? How could you have heard? "Yes, Daddy. Why? "
"I seemed to hear screaming from down below, I thought there was something wrong with your ... boyfriend, what's his name? "
"Daniele" she reminded him. "But no, nothing. We only had a moment to complain about one thing ... "
"Do not take if it did not come today, was not ..."
"No, no. Indeed, he was to be disappointed, I told him that everything is fine. It was just ... "But he did not know what excuse to invent and especially feared that his father was telling the whole truth, he had also overheard the conversation where it referred to the possibility of pregnancy.
"I do not care, your things are," came to her rescue Roberto. "Only ... is a difficult time, we are mentally stressed and we shall be for a long time, so ... my advice is: try to separate the fields, to see things as they are and not through the ... filtering of sadness and anger, too, that this situation has brought us. I mean, do not ruin everything, I know it's bad to say but it's true: life goes on, my mother would like us to continue to be happy like three days ago. "
"All right. Thank you. "
"That Daniel seems like a good guy, basically."
"Mother was not very well," he remarked Cristina with a sad smile.
Robert sighed. "I know, I said something that was not a genius, but frankly he did not explain why."
"He said to me, more or less. But in reality, as I recall, I fully understood where I was not really the problem. She saw him only ten minutes and seemed to know him from a life he described him as a monster who wanted to take advantage of me, told me that I should leave it if I did not want to end up in a mess. I spoke even more, except to add more mischief. "
"That's why you quarreled?"
"That and the fact that I told you, that it was not clear. Every so often repeated: "Trust me, you'll see, you'll understand," or said "If I knew ...", as if only she knew the men. And when I asked her to explain further said: "Forget it, do not make me talk, just trust me" "As recalled in Cristina's eyes were shiny because, although linked to a quarrel, brought back to mind the thought that the face his mother, who was not there. Gone forever. "The back was screaming because he treated me like a child, he wanted me to understand that you have something important to say, but actually seemed just an excuse to justify its prejudice against Daniel."
"Mother was a good person, but sometimes could be wrong too."
"You did not say anything?"
"No, really, I said something, but nothing more."
"Not even the night before ... accident? "Robert shook his head. "Because that morning I wrote a message and told me I was wanted, when I came home from university. He said it was important and so we made peace. I was hoping that you had talked about it, because now I will stay forever in doubt ". He sat on the bed. "If I had not gone to school that day, perhaps we would talk in the morning and we would put in place. Or if I had responded with less anger ... it's just that ... "
"You do not have the" if "," interrupted Robert. "Life is like that, you can not change. It's all gone. The important thing is that you do not believe that his mother has died trying to anger you. As we know, has been worried, but not spent a day in her life that she had first thought as you and Matthias. Just think about this. And I think that will stand beside you and help you even in moments of your life. "
"I'd be like Matthias and really believe it."
"Nothing's stopping you," objected Bob. She reached into the front pocket of his pants and pulled out a gold necklace. "Here." Handed it to him. "This was the necklace of the mother, he always wore. I had not thought about where to hold it, but I decided that it is right that takes you. Put it, and help you to remember that she is with you.
"Even I, as a boy, I received a necklace from my grandfather, shortly before he died and ... Well, I was convinced that he had absorbed some of its energy, its soul, so I wore it and took it off again. In the evening, or when I was in trouble, her tight and strong was talking with him. Do not believe it, but ... "He unbuttoned his shirt and took her in his fingers the necklace, hidden by the vest. "Even in these days, I often called to give me strength."
Cristina took the necklace, held a few seconds in his hands, staring at her, then put it on. The cold metal skin of the chest was a feeling that, joined to the weight of the necklace, made her feel that jewel as something concrete, alive .
"Thanks," he whispered, clutching the necklace, like the hand of Simon and had finally riappacificate, as her mother had heralded in that last message before leaving.
***
"Dad, if I think hard, hard mother can dream it again tonight?" Matthew was lying in his bed, wearing only a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. With difficulty he could keep an eye out for the fatigue of a long and busy day, you would never forget.
"Probably," said Robert, trying to be sincere. "But if it does not come do not worry, it will be for another time. However, do not ever lose. "
"Okay, Dad. Good night. "It seemed to have fallen asleep before even finishing the sentence.
"Good night, love," she greeted him, turning off the light in the room. He hoped that night would pass in its Simona, of dreams, I had a need indescribable. But the next morning he would regret his wish.
***
It began more as a physical sensation as a perception of color, although the latter only days after he left a memory more defined. They were shivering, those who felt, inexplicable in a sultry night of early summer. They tore from deep sleep into which he dived and brought him to a state of consciousness that allowed him to notice the green.
Initially I was dazzled, as if he were a powerful beacon placed in front of the face. All he saw was a very strong light, almost painful when he struck his eyes accustomed to darkness. It was that pa
rticular to convince him that he was not dreaming: the dreams, as he remembered, the light never had such effects.
Then she realized she was immobilized. He tried to move my arms and legs, but could not move an inch. With eyes that rallied from the shock of the light, looked at his wrists, but saw nothing that could justify the failure to raise them. They were surrounded by the green fluorescent glare like a thick slime, goo, alien, but they were free. So why did not respond to the impulses sent from the brain? It was what you felt when you was left paralyzed?
But those thoughts became the least of his problems when he noticed the figures that emerged from the green. At first they appeared as clusters of light, such as lumps of whatever was causing the spectral atmosphere, then took shape and Roberto, in spite of himself, his heart about to crash like hands and legs, distinguished human contours. While the breathing became labored and a timid hope that, after all, it was a nightmare trying to get off, moved his head from side to side of the bed and counted at least ten forms. But behind them could be many other, although their nature was easily confused with the light.
Were women, female bodies flimsy, translucent, like the fluorescent light from which they came to life. He distinguished clearly the head and the trunk, wrapped in rags anonymous, that was tapering downwards, ending in a thin filament green, like a spiral of smoke that joined together. Floated around the bed and had all eyes turned towards Roberto, as if an electromagnetic field which were irresistibly attracted.
In the grip of a blind terror that had never known before, Roberto ascertained to know these women. Not in the sense of knowing who they were, but he was sure he had already met previously, because the facial features of each could see familiar features. Looking better - and surprised it has not yet passed out of fear that had taken possession of him - he noticed another detail: the figures resemble each other. Definitely different ages, however, showed features in common, as if they were linked by family ties more or less closely.
Finding himself unable to close their eyes and ignore the terrible scene which he had become unwitting protagonist, as if some force beyond his control forced him to grasp every detail, Robert shifted his gaze to the figure placed to the extreme right and suddenly everything was clearer. No less scary, but lighter.