She felt the tears resumed. He felt a tremor in her daughter and raised her face toward her. Cristina was crying already, in silence, perhaps not one hundred percent sure that what he feared was true, but with little hope to the contrary. The shaking also the mouth, lips as if trying to say something too bad to be pronounced.
Robert took a deep breath, lowering his eyes again. "Mom," he whispered, his voice cracking. "My mother left us." And the last word was lost in a sob that served as prelude to a new outburst of tears. Smaller, quieter and more intimate, and for the worse. For a while, 'he found the strength to look into the eyes Cristina.
She continued to shake and cry and try to say something that not even she knew. He felt a strange sensation, indefinable. He knew he should feel crushed by despair, that he should even pass out, or see the surface of the sea of rippling waves wild life. But for the moment that he could not contemplate a writing in his mind, one written in large black letters on gray background saying, THE MOTHER IS DEAD.
Then she found herself thinking even more strange. He had heard of people in serious incidents of lost equity arms or legs without feeling, at first, no pain. He had never believed, but only at that moment he thought that it could be a total idiot. His amputation was psychological rather than physical, but he thought that the principle has not changed.
He noticed that his father looked. He wanted to do something, give him a sign that did understand that she had received the message. He also wanted to show some reaction to itself, so as not to doubt that the trauma he had compromised the brain function, but found he could do nothing but watch as a spectator made his body shake, tears, words left unsaid.
Roberto's eyes were swollen. Christina stared and wondered if you were to take that immobility as a good or a bad sign. Whatever it was, for the moment could not help but observe: he did not feel strong enough to console himself, let alone someone else. Even since his daughter. He could only nod his head slowly, as if to confirm to Cristina that if she was thinking the opposite, unfortunately it was all true.
And finally she seemed to thaw. "Right now," he hissed, and pressed his lips against each other to keep from crying.
Robert nodded again, not knowing what to answer. Then he had another vision, softer this time, nothing but a picture in the back of his mind. As if it was outside his body, he saw himself sitting on the bed next to Christina, the one with her hands in those of the other, both in the throes of tears which would not submit to further, not to succumb. Why were men, rational beings, that before the end could not wish for someone to finish them once, but had to convince yourself that you could go on exactly as before. Roberto saw that and thought it was just what he wanted Simon: she was always optimistic, always cheerful, and would not tolerate that their desperation is more protracted than necessary.
"We quarreled," he added shortly after Cristina, even in a low voice. He had difficulty speaking. It looked like a bomb about to explode, knowing that every word too would have accelerated the process. "We had a fight and we were not speaking any more."
Roberto briefly pondered on those words, believing that in fact she had noticed a coolness in the relationship between Simon and Cristina in recent days. But it was a fleeting thought, a reflex that died at birth. Because at that Cristina lost consciousness.
***
When Robert's father had died, ten years before, he and Simon had told Cristina that his grandfather had been taken to heaven. He always said so to the children and basically, for those who lived as Christians, there is much away from reality. It was a way to sweeten the medicine, to understand how it was not just an end but an end that marked the ' beginning of something else. Because the simple end is much more scary and not just for kids.
However, the hackneyed story had the desired effect and Cristina, who was then nine years, had accepted the death of his grandfather with attitude. She wept because she had been told that it would never see him again. But you can always talk had told her and he will hear you will be together in your heart to Jesus He was soon made a reason. He even cried during the funeral, especially in the wake of the despair of his parents and his grandmother, but from that day was serene. It took every opportunity to go with mom or dad to the cemetery, the "new house of his grandfather," as he called her.
Roberto had hoped that the speech says-the-death-to-your-child-child he was exhausted at that time, convinced that the day they were supposed to celebrate the funeral of his mother or his mother-in-law, because, quant 'God was true, were they the next to have to leave, Cristina was old enough to understand without explanation. But death had come sooner than expected and seemed to have chosen the wrong victim, why even the nineteen years of his daughter was not old enough to accept the tragedy.
After Christina had regained consciousness and was reassured - Roberto had exploited the valuable support offered by a few drops of Lexotan for both him and her - they had chosen together with a complete elegant Simona, of those who wore at important meetings in 'firm where he worked as an assistant and he had to do to bring it to the morgue. Both courses were in the hospital but had insisted that Robert Cristina waiting for him in the car while handing the clothes, then they thrill your home of Gisella, in tremendous delays. Matthias had welcomed them, running towards them with joyful eyes, except for a subtle shade of doubt.
Gisella had appeared behind him, who had thrown a meaningful look with their eyes swollen and red. He had to invent a cold not to destroy the little grandson of the first time.
"Where's Mom?" She asked him, who had waited patiently even though they had arrived well after the agreed time for dinner.
Roberto had accompanied him home, suffering like never before at the look of Matthias darkened. And while thinking of what words to use, for the first time he wondered if the story of the mother who had gone to heaven also worked well with him. Because he had no doubt that Simon Matthias harbored something far deeper than the bond that existed long ago between Cristina and her grandfather.
But at that moment he was not free to choose what to do. In that time could and should just tell the truth. The consequences would be assessed later, and that would be a further problem.
He had accompanied Matthew to the kitchen and sat down in front of him. His mother, Gisella had remained in the parlor and had formed strong Cristina, who could hardly contain himself despite drops of calming had assumed. They wept together, separated women from two generations, but victims of the same ancestral pain.
Robert had just started telling referring to his father. The expression of Matthias had become darker, then suddenly it was deformed into a form unrecognizable. It was when Roberto had come down to it, a phrase that still occupied the mind of Cristina 's mother is dead .
Matthias had burst into tears, but Roberto had been reached and had cuddled. "Be calm, my love," she had whispered, cradling it like when it was much smaller. "Cristina and I will always love you and we want to be as if my mother were still with us." The sobs of Matthias had opened a new hole in his heart. "We'll always be together, my star. We'll never let. "
But, hearing his words, it was found extremely false. can not be sure it was said. After what you have experienced today, can not be sure.
***
None of them had no desire to eat, and found no problem with the appointment rosary Gisella was fixed for nine o'clock that evening. After Matthias was partly recovered, showing a strength of mind that Bob would not have even imagined, Cristina had just enough time to shower and change. As his father had predicted, was merely a gesture of habit, and with an attempt not to give up normal, letting go of resignation. Because that was definitely the wrong way.
It was a little more than a quarter to nine when Robert remembered his mother-in-law Isa. "You go to church," he told his sons. "I'm going to take her grandmother Isa and I'll join you." They had nodded silently, watching blankly, unwilling protagonists of that film where no one wanted to talk.
Robert reached his car and drov
e toward Torvinaia, without pressing the accelerator more than they should. Suddenly seemed to see beyond the thin veil of reality, of custom, the infinite threats that threatened his life. That stone by the side of the road that could sway him, that truck in the oncoming lane that could collide with his car, the right front wheel had been replaced recently and that if he had not secured properly, could come off and get it out street: all enemies who had always been at his side, but which had never been circumspect. Now, however, the death of Simon seemed to have opened his eyes.
For some reason, however, Roberto suspected that he was allowed to see only temporarily, until he started to follow the usual track. Because, whatever happens, it is always there that you will return. The alternative is death or insanity.
Now aware that there would come to church late, when it was five minutes to nine he was knocking on the door of his mother-in-law. Replied the voice of Olga. "Yes?"
"It's me, Olga. I am Nick. "
"Oh, come, come!" She greeted him rushing to open the door. Came before him with his hair blacks gathered behind the head, to surround his face at all graceful. "I regret so much," she announced immediately, with sad eyes.
Roberto felt the need to cry again, but managed to hold back thinking it was late. It was one of the last meetings he had with Simon, after all, and did not want to miss. "Even I'm sorry, Olga. Isa is still awake? Why do we have to ... "
"Yes, yes, the name is ..." she began moving away, but Robert interrupted.
"No, bring it here, please. We have to go to church, it's late. "
"Oh, but she dressed badly. Must change it, "said Olga and Robert regretted to note that the expression of those words was similar to that of just before, when he said sorry for Simon.
"No, no, forget it. It's late, as it can be. Please. "He began to feel a slight headache and hoped it would remain so.
Olga sighed, but entered the apartment to get to Isa. Roberto was left standing at the door: for some strange reason did not feel like entering. A terrible thought lurked in the depths of his mind and reminded him that he had taken the responsibility of Simon when he married her, now she was dead and his mother lived in that apartment. Robert feared the reaction of Isa, was afraid of being accused of something he could not avoid, that nobody could have predicted. But nothing would have happened like that.
"Ah, no problem," Olga had informed him when he returned, bringing the arm body thin and marked by age of Isa. "From when I said Simona de, talk about it."
***
In the church of Santa Giulia there was a lot of people. Around had not yet been posted posters mortuary as Simona and Roberto had not had time nor desire to tell their acquaintances. The few ladies who were there were calls by Gisella, or were those strange women who were pouring into the church at all hours, any celebration it was, everyone was involved. How to go to the bar.
Don Mauro had received Gisella, Christina and Matthew with a slight smile, in the attempt to console them by sending them the certainty that he had in his heart and to which she devoted her life and that life was real Simona started right now . The priest had matted hair of Matthias, who had not even looked up, and gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder of Cristina, who in turn had produced what was supposed to look like a smile. In fact it seemed a face and had her down as a result of the new tears.
"Can we start?" Whispered Don Mauro Gisella when the bells rang nine peals.
Gisella looked around. He saw Mary, the lady who had called that afternoon giving confirmation of his fears, and beside her sat Piera and Carmen, two other acquaintances, and just ahead Gisella three ladies who knew only by sight. In one of the benches in the back of the church was Antonio, the baker. Gisella had warned him not, but it was very likely that he had heard of the death of Simon, who every day went to buy bread from him.
"Yes, we'll start," said Don Mauro, knowing that that night they could not expect any more.
"E. .. her husband? "asked the priest.
"He's coming is going to take his mother-in-law. He said that we can begin. "
Don Mauro nodded and walked away paying another smile to Matthew and Cristina. He went to get ready in the sacristy, throwing the first look at an unlit candle on the altar.
Gisella grandchildren invited to sit in the front pew. He heard the bowels twist when he saw what condition was Matthias, his eyes wet, staring, always facing Earth. Cristina looked at assimilation, but in a stage very, very early. He could not blame them: she had spent the whole afternoon in tears.
They had just sat down and the priest had not yet ascended the altar, when the sound of footsteps echoed through the aisle. It all turned around and Gisella had expected to see Roberto and Isa, but found himself in front of a boy who did not have to have many more years of Cristina, quite tall and with his beard, dressed elegantly in black. He walked along the space between the pews and stare in the direction of Gisella, a sad look.
"He's your friend that?" Asked her to Cristina.
The girl, one of the few people not to turn around, turned around and gasped. For a moment he was just amazed, then turned to despair. See Daniel was very unexpected, sent him a message shortly after learning of the death of his mother, but never would have believed that he would come to the rosary.
At the same time, its presence was further confirmation that everything was not a nightmare, but the terrible reality. Every element of his "normal" life was a pinch that confirmed what had happened.
Daniel reached the bench where he sat his girlfriend. Gisella greeted with a sad Hail then shifted his gaze on Cristina and spoke to her eyes. In that instant, she felt that she loves him more than anything else, he felt that he could marry him and wished potergli run to meet and embrace him, to find support and comfort in his arms.
"Condolences" he whispered, while Matthias also had looked at him. It was the first time she saw him, the "boyfriend" of his sister. Not that Christine talked about it much, but sometimes had happened.
"How ... Why? "He asked in a voice choked Cristina. Do not want to seem rude, simply could not believe that demonstration of affection by his boy. After all you knew to be so little and Daniel had not seen that on one occasion Simona. Just a few days before. Just in time.
Too bad that there were days of hell began, because mom had immediately expressed his opposition to that report, they had quarreled and had not spoken more practically, if not to fight even harder. And now they would not talk anymore. If you had known, mother , Christine thought. If only you had imagined it would come here for you, that would make a gesture so cute ... I regret that I would be spared!
"I could not miss," said Daniel. "It was ... She was your mother. "
Few words discounted, but that opened the heart of Cristina. She cried again, wept much, and did not stop until Daniel was not sitting next to her and Don Mauro had not started the rosary.
***
For the rest of his life he would remember very vaguely Mattia that half hour or less of prayer for his mother. Mostly occupied his time thinking of her, instead of praying for her. It was more intimate, more familiar, more normal.
Before his eyes, turned to the church floor, ran several pictures of him and Simon. At night when tucked the blankets and wished him good night, the morning when, with her joking, not only convinced him to eat, but it made him really hungry, that day he had organized his birthday, when they spent hours between the kitchen and the garden, to prepare cakes and preparing the table, where every afternoon waiting for him outside the school, except for that one occasion, the occasion when he could not come because she had gone to heaven.
He alternated between moments of pure nostalgia to others in which he could not refrain from smiling with my heart, moments which seemed to prevail in the acceptance, to others when he felt unable to stand without screaming and jumping to the ground and tearing his hair.
Not remembered almost nothing of that half hour, but was always well in my mind the figure of her grandmother Is
a who entered the church accompanied by his father and his foreign aide. That figure, which was the mother of his mother, but who, despite having just lost a daughter, not crying and did not show sadness in the face: the usual eyes lost in space, the usual wrinkled and dry , as he called it.
It had got to wonder what could make someone cry, even if the death of a dear he was able. When he exposed the problem, long after, his father had explained Isa, explaining that when Matthew was very old may also happen not to understand certain things, do not behave exactly normal. But this explanation would never think of everything.
Not remembered almost nothing of that half hour, but he never forgave the "boyfriend" Cristina, who was smiling, really smiling, while others wept and prayed. Matthias had turned, she saw her sister with her head down and hands clasped, had seen her grandmother Gisella with eyes closed and lips moving rapidly, she saw her father wipe his eyes with his handkerchief, and even the assistant foreign her grandmother Isa sorry more than you would expect from her.
But Gisella between Cristina and Daniel sat, his back erect, her face turned in front, in an attitude almost proud. And she laughed, a big smile showing his white teeth in that bearded faces, as if he were watching a comedy. No one had noticed, even the priest, but Mattia had discovered.
She watched him with all the hate he could muster, but Daniel did not even noticed. He continued to laugh Blessed, out of place as a crucifix in a pigsty. Until Matthias returned to his thoughts, intimate dialogue with his mother, promising, however, that never would have forgiven the "boyfriend" of his sister. Never, no matter what happened.
***
After Mass, Roberto approached Daniel and Cristina. Her eyes were bright, but he was trying to talk while keeping a certain demeanor. He was facing and was limited mostly to listen in silence. Robert Mattia followed, remaining at his side, the serious look to Daniel.
"You've got to be Cristina's boyfriend," she said when she was behind him. He felt comfortable at the time: he was granted a reprieve and thought essersela more than deserved.
Daniel spun around, but also Cristina lifted her face to see his father. She blushed quickly.