Training had been ‘interesting’ thought Jay, struggling to stay awake on the tube long enough to send Zu a text. How had Chen known that his dad had died? Jay ran through several conspiracy theories ranging from Chen following him around to him being a Chinese double agent. Still, it was nice of him to give his condolences Jay concluded.
The following days turned into weeks and May came ever closer. Life went by, from one day to the next. Jay ‘survived’, taking strength from his time with Zu who had become his kingpin, his anchor, his rock of reason. How bad he now felt for betraying her. Within a matter of days he would be running around in a middle-eastern desert in total secrecy from her. And, should anything happen, what would he say? Jay acknowledged the predicament, but he would find it impossible to remain loyal to the deception. He would tell Zu, not now, but one day.
Jay’s nightmares returned. One nightmare in particular kept recurring. He’d had the same dream whilst he was with Gemma, just before they split up. Jay would be sitting in a wheelchair, behind closed French doors with a curtain draped over them. He sat close enough to pull one of the curtains slightly to one side but could not move his wheelchair. He watched through the narrow gap. He saw Gemma, naked, sitting astride a man on a chair. They kissed passionately. Jay sat watching and started crying in silent desperation, unable to speak. He knew the significance of the dream but he said nothing of it to Gemma, and it disappeared with time.
Jay reluctantly mentioned it to Zu. His reluctance was due to the fact that he didn’t want Zu to start thinking that he was having dreams about his ex. But Zu understood, she wasn’t worried. She interpreted the dream as an expression of Jay’s helplessness in relation to his father’s death. Jay agreed that that would somehow make sense, promising not to delve too much into it in the future.
___________________
The penultimate training session was physically exhausting even though Jay’s body was much better equipped for Chen’s onslaughts now than it ever was before. The pace had intensified and the hits were harder. Chen had also shown him how to use the ‘knife hand’, a quick strike to the throat which would make a victim pass out immediately. Luckily, Chen had only shown him the technique without trying it out on him. Jay felt battered and bruised as he came out of the shower. He was, however, impressed with his tan and muscle tone.
“So Jay.. only one more to go..” Chen’s entrance into the changing room had startled Jay. He pulled his towel in front of him “..Don’t worry Jay.. I’ve seen one of those before!” joked Chen.
“Oh hi.. yes.. only one more..” Jay dried his crotch to make it look as if that was why he had pulled the towel over him “..I can’t say I’m looking forward to next week though.. if this week is anything to go by”
“You’ll be fine..” Chen sat on a bench removing his shoes and socks “..To be honest Jay.. I’ve been very impressed.. You have progressed well”
“Thank you.. but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a ‘natural’”
“I would..” Chen stood up to remove his training trousers and underpants “..I think you’ve got a bit of a tiger in you”
Jay smiled awkwardly, paranoia getting the better of him. He felt sure that Chen was about to make a pass at him anyway. He tried to change the subject.
“So.. where did you study Chen.. if I may ask?”
“You may.. Cambridge.. I read philosophy”
“Really?.. I saw you more as a mathematician”
“Ahh.!. That’s my wife.. Philosophy was more my thing”
Jay was relieved that his fears were unfounded. He also consoled himself with the fact that, had Chen been gay, he would obviously have made a pass at him.
“You must’ve got good grades then.. to get into Cambridge?”
“They were ok I suppose.. but it’s like everything in life.. you have to work hard if you want to achieve anything” Chen removed his shirt and wrapped a towel around his waist.
“You’re right.. of course.. I’ve been very lazy I have to admit.. taking the easy options whenever I could”
“You’re in charge of your own destiny Jay.. if we take fate out of the equation”
“Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not dissatisfied with my life or where I am or anything.. but I often wonder where I could have been had I tried a little harder”
“For whose benefit Jay?.. Yours?”
“I’m not sure what you mean?”
“What I mean is.. we are all guilty of striving for things.. whether it be wealth or possessions.. so we can have a ‘happier life’..” Chen walked towards the shower room, turning to face Jay before he went in “..But the truth is.. we wouldn’t care about any of that if we were alone.. living on an island.. Too many of us go through life trying to please others.. or trying to achieve things we think other people want us to achieve.. But that is a never ending battle.. a war you can’t possibly win.. It’s the carrot on a stick we never can reach” Chen entered the shower room as Jay got dressed.
Jay mulled over Chen’s words. His observations made sense. How many times had Jay done something or said something just to please others? But this put Jay in another dilemma; what would his life look like now had he not tried to please others? He would surely have dropped out of school and be living off benefits, which wouldn’t have made him any happier either. Maybe that was why some people have a God to worship, a higher goal? That way, there would be less uncertainty as to who or what you should answer to.
Jay threw his training outfit into his kit bag, shouted bye to Chen and started ringing Zu on his mobile.
“Hi angel.. How’s things?”
“Hello darling.. Things are fine thanks.. Are you done with your training?”
“Yes.. all done.. Can we meet up at the usual place.. if you’re finished that is?”
“I’ve just got a few things to finish off here first.. I’ve got to mop the kitchen floor.. That’ll probably take twenty minutes or so.. Do you want to wait for me?”
“Can do.. Alternatively.. we can meet up at La Boheme and eat there if you like?” Jay walked out into the darkness of Kings Cross, slamming the door shut behind him.
“That would be nice.. assuming they’ll let us in again.. but yeah.. I could just take the bus directly there.. It’ll probably be an hour or so before I get there. Is that alright?”
“That’s fine Zu.. I need to pick my car up anyway”
“Ok”
“Oh.. and Zu?”
“What?”
“I’ve also got a brilliant idea for the weekend”
“What’s that?”
“Well.. you know I’ve got that course next Friday.. right?”
“Yes.. don’t remind me”
“Well.. as compensation.. I was just wondering if I could take you on a day trip to Cambridge?”
“Oooh.. yes! That would be lovely!”
“It’s going to be really sunny on Saturday they say”
“Sounds perfect!”
“Could you maybe stay over at mine tomorrow night then.. so we can get an early start?”
“So we can get an early start on what you pervert?”
Jay put on his best seductive voice “Whatever you like baby!”