He says loudly enough for me to hear, “Your curiosity will get you hurt.” His voice is full of contained anger.
Seething with fury, we walk opposite directions.
Who does Aleksey think he is? I’ll sleep with whomever I want, wherever and whenever I please. And I’m not about to let Rey overthink things again now that I finally have his full acceptance.
There are still two hours before curfew. I get back to my room, put on my cloak and call Poncho. I’ll go to find Rey, and we’ll finish what we started before Aleksey’s interruption.
“Among the fluctuation of the river currents, an abyss as green as the sea, its extension and profundity as immense as the ocean opened before me: The eyes of a beautiful girl.
I succumbed into that abyss instantly like a man who falls from the highest cliff into the ocean …
… and I drowned.”
General Fürst’s journal
Chapter 16
It’s almost dawn, and the river’s sloshy sounds harmonize with the loud chirping of the birds. Poncho runs excitedly and submerges himself in the water. I don’t come here just for Divine and Joey. I come for the peace and beauty of this solitary place. The orange flowers look more colorful than ever as a warm, soft breeze rustles them.
Aleksey hasn’t come to the river for two days. Fine by me. Just thinking about his arrogance brings a scowl to my face.
I lie down and let my mind wander. After that night in my room, Rey’s opened up the door that I thought for sure we’d closed. But now that I know he won’t reject me if I ask him to take my V, I won’t.
I stretch my arms above my head and close my eyes.
That night, as soon as I made the decision to go to Rey’s, Poncho started barking as though possessed. A helicopter full of Patriot soldiers arrived, and I hid in my room the entire night. Rey was too stressed that night because of Duque. He should think it through; prove to himself that he wants me again. Maybe if we let things flow, I can have a magical sexual debut with him. It won’t ever match my idealistic expectations, but it’ll be somehow enough.
I’m lost in my thoughts when the air starts to charge with a heated magnetism. He doesn’t make a sound as usual, but I know he’s standing next to me. Clearly, we aren’t happy to see each other, but I want to keep things civilized. “General Fürst.”
He nods briefly without looking at me and sits in his usual spot. I sit up, inhaling deeply. He doesn’t smell like alcohol today.
His muteness extends for an hour in which we do nothing but enjoy the view. Perhaps the key to his speech is booze, and he needs alcohol to communicate. Well, that’s unacceptable. He’ll talk to me normally, no drinks involved.
“You know, that thing you said I … um … was curious about. What you so rudely interrupted—” He’s still impassive, but I can tell he’s listening. I inhale deeply. “Curiosity isn’t what motivates me. I know what it is about. Even before I became a ... you know …” I’m trying to make him say voyeur. It doesn’t work.
“I have plenty of reasons to lose my V. None of them are curiosity. I was eight the first time I saw a couple doing it.”
The tiniest twitch of his eyebrow tells me he’s fighting to keep a poker face.
“It wasn’t intentional. They were my parents.”
He’s now preoccupied with his cape, but he has to be grossed out.
“I entered their room without knocking first. They’d quarreled that night, so I thought he was hurting her.” I cringe at the memory. “They became extremely embarrassed and dressed quickly. Mom put me to bed and the very next day I got the bees and flowers talk.”
“From your mom?”
Ha! There! I got an answer. I grin. “Both of them. Don’t wince. There was no morbid curiosity on my part, and it took me years to realize what happened that day.”
I throw a pebble into the current and he finally looks up. A thrilling sensation runs through my veins when those perfect blue eyes look into mine.
“I’m not sexually ignorant. I’ve observed … I’ve read books.”
He looks at me intensely. “You’re ignorant, Miss Velez. You just don’t realize how much you still have to learn.”
“Because I’m all theory and no practice?”
He nods and lays down on the grass with his hands under his head.
“Mr. Fürst, I’m not so untouched anymore. I’ve been kissed in intimate places.” My collarbone and cleavage are private places, aren’t they? Although I wish my breasts had been kissed, too. And I wish this conversation didn’t turn me on.
He looks frustrated. “If you’re so determined, why don’t you take a random guy?”
How do I explain that for me, sex isn’t just a physical act of rubbing genitals together for pleasure? I don’t know why, but I want him to understand.
“Seeing my parents like that left a mark on me. When they were together, they became a single entity. Because of them, I’m convinced there should be a connection between sex and being one. Sex and being in a long, committed relationship. Sex and being in love. What I feel for my friend is—” Every time I mention Rey, his brow deepens. “Not exactly that, but I have feelings for him. And—” I shake my head.
The wind ruffles his long hair. “It would be a huge mistake. I agree with your sister. You go through too much trouble just to check this off your to-do list.”
I sigh. I’ve never opened up like this to anyone, but something about him tells me he’ll listen. “There’s no to-do list. There’s recruitment.”
Aleksey nods. Maybe he’s always quiet because he’s a good listener. The word recruitment has brought a look of disapproval from the cop. I know he understands me now.
“You might think I’m silly. All this love talk—”
Kind blue eyes meet mine. “Not at all. There’s logic, even poetry, in your expectations.”
Just then, Divine and Joey arrive at the meadow. She smiles widely when she sees Aleksey’s back and gets immediately into action, showing off more than usual. “Enjoy it, sick perverts!” she shouts. I answer with a grin.
She practically tears Joey’s clothes off. In seconds, they are both naked, and she’s clinging to him, her legs wrapped around his waist. Joey presses her back against a tree and slides his hands down to rest on her buttocks.
I watch, fascinated. Out of the corner of my eye I notice he’s looking at me. Then, to my disappointment Aleksey takes out a flask. I reach for it. “Let me drink a little of what you have.”
His voice is stern. “Just a sip.”
It tastes horrible. But I use that as an excuse to drop the flask and let the liquid pour out. “Oops!” I put on my most innocent face. He doesn’t look angry at all. On the contrary, there’s a hint of amusement in his eyes as he looks at the lovers antics.
My desperation to lose my V always makes me forget that sex has a fun side, too. The way they’re clenching their bodies now as he struggles to keep his hold on her; it isn’t as arousing as it’s comical. Aleksey fights a smile while I’m openly grinning.
Joey loses his grip on Divine for a second, and his erection goes on full display.
“Small …” He hesitates as though he’d offend me if he said the word penis. “… Thing.” He wouldn’t offend me, but I don’t want to remember his thing at this moment.
“Mm, let’s call it the truth,” I say quietly.
He bursts out laughing. “The truth? You can’t handle the truth!”
I’ve never seen him laugh before. His joy makes him look younger, and God! He looks so damn hot when he’s happy.
I’m done. So is Divine. I stand up silently and climb my way back home.
He catches up with me. Throwing him a sideways look, I see him smiling crookedly.
“So you want to discover the truth? The naked truth?” He makes it sounds so dirty and so sexy that I don’t answer. Aleksey has an effect on me that affects my speech and my heart’s rhythm. It’s a combination of arousal and the fear I have for soldiers.
Poncho jumps happily around us. As we climb our way to the city, the road becomes too uneven. A wave of heat travels toward my lower body every time he puts his hand to the small of my back to steady me. Something I’ve been dying to know comes to my mind. I have to ask him now that he’s unusually talkative. “Your proposal, the one you gave me some days ago ... I’m still considering it. Do I have a deadline?”
He shakes his head.
“But even if I don’t accept, will you train me at driving and swords?
Aleksey answers as if this should be obvious. “I’ve already agreed to that. I won’t back down now.”
“If I accept your proposal, but refuse to have sex with you, what do you gain?”
He gives me his hand to help me step up a rock. “Hard to explain.”
“What guarantee I have you won’t try anything else?”
Aleksey pats Poncho’s head. “No guarantees. Take it or leave it,” he says harshly. “But if it makes you feel more secure, you can bring your dog.”
“Why do you talk to me more than to others?”
He takes his time before answering. “Maybe because you’re a voyeur. I like that you’ve found a safe, harmless way to express a part of your sexuality. You may be inexperienced, but you’ve got a kink.”
“The same kink you have.”
“This is not my kink.”
I ask even if I know he won’t answer. “What’s your kink?”
He looks away, and we walk in silence for a while across a steep road flanked by trees. I hate that he knows so much about me while he remains a mystery.
“I hate that you’re hiding the truth.” I cover my mouth to suppress a giggle.
He stops walking abruptly and grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. His hands on my shoulders cause a surge of warm sensations to spread all over my body. “Stop the jokes. You can’t handle the truth. You need to start with basic training before moving on to heavier practices.”
I want to say something, but my tongue refuses to cooperate.
His voice is raspy, low, and seductive. “I can teach you. If you want.”
I break eye contact, feeling my cheeks warm. Aleksey doesn’t use words much, but when he does, he makes electricity course through my veins. I force my voice to sound steady. “Only the basics?”
“Or whatever you want. You dictate the pace of our … lessons.”
I look at him in disbelief. Is he serious?
“It will be educational to me, too,” he says confidently.
“Educational? How?”
His accented voice comes as a sexy growl. “I’ve always had it … rough. I’ve never been with a V-girl. Being gentle, taking my time with you sounds … incredibly sensual to me.”
“You’d get bored.”
He shakes his head. “Why you care? This is about you.” His eyes travel all over my body. It doesn’t feel offensive. It feels sensual. “Regardless, sex is an instinctive act. You may be one of those birds that can fly immediately, or you may be the bird that crashes to the ground because you stepped out of the nest when you weren’t ready. You need guidance.”
I realize we’ve been unconsciously leaning toward each other. I step back, but he closes the distance again. His subtle, clean, masculine scent intoxicates me.
“I’m your best option. I have enough experience to guide you, teach you, and protect you from harm. If you want to, of course.”
“What harm?”
He brushes my cheek lightly with his enormous finger. The touch electrifies my skin. “Harm from other guys, from your friend, from yourself.”
I think about his size, knowing I’m not ready for this man. “If I don’t want to go all the way …”
“Then we won’t. If you want to, this could be an addition to the other skills I’ll train you on …”
I keep stepping back, shortening the distance to the trees. “Wouldn’t that be fraternizing? You’re not supposed to fraternize with Nats. They’ll deport you.”
He looks at me as though I’m crazy. “So? The world if full of places for us to go if you wanted to come with me.”
He’s deluded. No country would admit me without a passport tattoo. But hearing those words from his deep, masculine voice is heaven. “They’ll execute you.”
“I’ve put my life to risk for others ever since I joined the Army. It’d be a nice change to risk my life for something I want for me.” His humorless face smolders. “I crave you.”
Aleksey craves me. My cheeks warm at his words, and I don’t know what to say. He looks as though he has been dying to let those words out for a while. His eyes look at me expectantly. I can recognize his lust but … is there a difference between lusting and craving?
I shake my head. It doesn’t matter, anyway. He is an ex-soldier, and he looks more dangerous and violent than actual soldiers, so he’s off-limits. But I’m overwhelmed with feelings I haven’t ever felt before.
I look at him questioningly. “I don’t know anything about you.”
The cop looks down at himself and smiles wickedly. “You know my feet are big. What is left to know?” So many things. Like who are the people he cares for.
For a few minutes I bombard him with questions. ‘Who taught you to play bass?’ ‘Who do you fight for?’ ‘Is there anyone waiting for your return?’ and others of the sort. He gets closer to me with each question he politely refuses to answer. We stand very close to each other and electricity sizzles in the air. I forget what I was about to ask.
My back finally hits a tree. I can’t step back anymore, so I tread to my side, stepping on a rock. This position erases our height difference. He presses his palms on the tree trunk next to my head, trapping me.
Looking at me intently, he takes a strand of my hair and twirls it before putting it behind my ear. The way his hand lingers at my earlobe leaves my skin tingling.
My voice comes out breathy. “I’ll … have to think … your offer … through.”
His voice is low, husky. “I’ll give you something to think about.”
Aleksey slides an enormous hand around my waist, pulling me closer. He positions my body so the difference in height isn’t an obstacle. He’s building anticipation first, making the wait for his lips deliciously torturous. His face slowly, deliberately approaches.
When his lips touch mine, it’s a soft brush that makes my body melt into liquid fire. Then they move against my mouth hungrily.
And everything that isn’t his body vanishes into thin air.
He’s showing me that he can be gentle, but I want more. My hands grab his shoulders forcefully. I press my body tightly against his, and he mirrors my action with his pelvis, blending it with mine. Showing me through his erection the promise of greater pleasures.
I whimper. Automatically the kiss deepens. His bulky arms tighten their grip on mine. My skin burns and tingles in all the points in which our bodies are touching.
I’ve never been kissed like this. Deep and lingering at times, playfully pulling my lower lip at others. Expertly moving his lips to my earlobe and neck before returning to my mouth. He doesn’t make me feel like he’s kissing me. He makes me feel like he owns me. I feel it in the way his enormous hands move up and down my sides, the way his strong arms are constricting me. It makes my blood bubble deliciously with a desire I’ve never felt before.
I can’t get enough of him.
He keeps kissing me like this until he finally pulls back, touching his forehead to mine and resting his enormous hands at the small of my back. I struggle to control my breathing. My heart pounds harshly against my chest, and I’m sure he can hear it. It’s not embarrassing because I can see that I affect him, too. He’s struggling to recover his cool, arrogant demeanor.
“Surrender,” Aleksey whispers, still holding me tightly against his body. He skims his nose along my jaw to my neck. “Surrender to me and I’ll …”
His lips at the hollow of my throat speak louder than words. If I surrender, the pleasure
will be like nothing I’ve felt before. I can barely manage it now. If this is what he makes me feel with a full-dressed kiss, how would it be if we were scantily clothed, exploring our bodies in a private place? I’m dying to find out, but I can’t overcome my reservations.
I’ve willingly yielded to a moment with someone I should consider an enemy. For all I know, he could’ve forced other girls into his wicked ways. He’s been nice to me, but that’s not reason enough to trust him. But as I look at his blue eyes that, at this moment look kind and expectant, I decide none of that matters. He might look like a soldier, but he doesn’t act like one. He may have a past, but it’s his present actions which count. He’s a soldier, but if we slept together, it’d be consensual. In my book, the word “consensual” is the key to my happy valley.
My breathing is still ragged and my face is all shades of red. Yet, the overwhelming lust Aleksey stirs in me can never match what Rey and I have. We have a history of mutual support. We protect each other and Rey has demonstrated he’s not a stranger to passion. Besides, there’s certain arrogance in Aleksey that makes me think he might be mocking me.
I escape the prison of his embrace. “You have to know that Rey … Come on! Don’t flinch … Well, the guy you’ve rudely mocked is still my first choice.”
He looks incredulous. Why would I prefer a regular guy over the quintessential super-soldier? The eighth wonder of penises?
“Him? You’re like an ocean during a storm, whereas he’s a slimy, moldy puddle,” he says scornfully. He leans slowly to kiss my neck again. “You can’t deny it. The way your body enjoys my touch … I could tell the sensations were new to you. He can’t make you feel like that. He never has and never will.”
I stubbornly refuse to admit he’s right. “I get lustful with you because apparently every girl feels like that when you’re around. And you know how to touch the right spots.” His scowling face looks slightly smug, so I add quickly, “But that’s not enough. I prefer Rey.”