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“I can understand that you had a job to do, but tell me something, Cole. Do they not have phones in South America? You couldn’t find one?”
If you had been married, a phone call from your lovers might have pissed off your husband.
But that hadn’t been the only reason. Instead, he said, “And risk those bastards tracing the call back to you? No way, baby. You don’t understand how corrupt these men are or how far their reach extends. ”
She nodded reluctantly. “Since they just blew up my house, I have to suppose you’re right. You could have given me your real names before you left. All I had was a phone number written on a tiny piece of paper. Do you know how easy it was to lose that number?”
She’d lost it? “Did you try to call us?”
“When I found out I was pregnant, yes. But I shoved the paper into my jeans that morning when you left. Housekeeping took my jeans and washed them. No more number. So I waited. I was sure you would come back. You said you loved me. ” She sniffled but kept her tough-girl armor around her. “I believed you. ”
Cole closed his eyes, feeling low and sad and twenty kinds of pissed off at fate. “Fuck. ”
“I used every dime I had saved up to try to track you down so I could tell you I was pregnant, but no one knew Burke and Cole Carlisle. ”
“It’s Lennox. Our last name is Lennox,” Cole conceded.
Jessa simply shook her head as though it no longer mattered. “When I was about seven months along, I gave up. I figured the whole song and dance about coming back was just a line to ease your way out of my life. ”
“Jessa…”
“Don’t. ” She held up a hand, looking moments away from tears. “I understand why you did it. I’ll concede that I would have tried to keep you. I would have cried and begged and been a general nuisance, so you were probably right to lie. ”
“We didn’t want to lie, Jessa. ” His voice started to rise, but Caleb shifted. He had to stay calm for their son’s sake. A son they had to protect above all else.
“All this dangerous stuff… This is your life, isn’t it?”
“Yes. ” This was why he’d stayed away from women like Jessa. “Burke and I joined the Navy when we were just kids. Our parents died when we were fifteen. We had one relative, a cruel bastard of an uncle. He went through any money our parents had, not that it was a lot. When we turned eighteen and the state support stopped, he gave us twenty bucks each and told us to get out. We joined up and made the SEAL program. We served overseas and started our own security company when we were discharged. Burke took heavy fire in Afghanistan. He lost some use of his left arm. The Navy cut him loose. I followed. We take rough cases. It’s the only life I know. ”
It was brutal and ruthless and never stopped.
“I can’t live this way. You know that if we survive this, I can’t be around you. I can’t let Caleb be around you. He’s my baby. He’s my only family. I can’t risk him. I want you gone as soon as possible. ”
Cole felt the cold like never before. He’d told her from the start. He’d warned her. He’d fucking tried to walk away from her, but she’d drawn him in. Damn it, he’d loved her. And now she was telling him he had no place in his son’s life? Bitterness crept through his veins. Caleb was so sweet, so trusting. The kid’s fathers had been in his life for less than two hours, and what did he have to show for it? His house in rubble, and he was on the run. He was about to be separated from his mother. Yeah, Cole saw that he’d been real fucking good for the kid so far.
Jessa’s lip trembled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m twelve kinds of freaked out right now. I really did try to call you and Burke because I thought Caleb needed his dads. Can we not make any decisions right now?”
But she’d already made the smart one. Cole pulled Caleb off his shoulder gently and handed him to Jessa. “Take him. ”
As soon as the baby’s soft, sleeping weight left his arms, he clenched his jaw and exited the car. Fuck. He might never hold his son again, but she was right. Caleb deserved better.
Jessa followed, the coat back around her body. She’d tucked Caleb inside, only a tuft of hair visible. “Cole?”
“I’m no good for him. I never wanted a kid in the first place. ”
He hadn’t—at least in the past. But now he wanted Caleb desperately. He wanted Jessa. Even that stupid cat who had thrown up everywhere. He wanted the goddamn white picket fence, but his life didn’t work that way.
Caleb turned his little head, pushing at the coat around him. His sleepy eyes sought Cole. That innocent gaze felt like a stab in the fucking heart.
“Just do what we tell you and you’ll be with him again. You won’t see me after this. ” He would disappear. He would walk into Colombia and save as many abducted girls as he could until he found that bullet with his name on it. Burke would stay. He’d said as much that day in the Mexican restaurant. Burke had been willing to take Jessa without Cole. Burke loved her. He was way fucking smarter.
“I got everything on the list. ” Burke approached, pushing a full cart. At the tension in the air, his eyes shifted, narrowed, quickly figuring out the situation and assigning blame. “What did you do?”
Cole shook his head. He wasn’t having this fight. She was Burke’s now. Burke would charm her, say all the right things. He would take care of her and Caleb.
And Cole would protect them all from afar.
When Jessa started to cry, Burke wrapped his arms around her. Cole turned away.
This was for the best. He wasn’t good for anyone. His uncle had drummed that into his head for years, and given the ugly things Cole had done to survive and put money in the bank, he couldn’t disagree. Jessa and Caleb would be better off if he disappeared from their lives forever.
* * * *
One year earlier, December 28 – New York City
Jessa wanted to have sex—with both of them. Burke was pretty sure his cock was going to explode. And he was pretty sure his heart wasn’t far behind.
She was different. He’d known it the minute he’d set eyes on her. Cole was just a stubborn bastard. But Jessa had quickly figured out exactly how to take him down.
She turned as Burke closed the door to their suite. “Is it okay if I use the bathroom first?”
He practically laughed. She looked so soft and sweet. She was perfect, and right now she was perfectly scared.
He pulled her into his arms. The minute he drew her close, she softened against him. “Yes, sweetheart. Take all the time you want. If you want to wait, we’ll wait. We can still go out, you know. Nothing has to happen right now. ”
“Burke is right, Jessa. Nothing has to happen at all. We’re not going to be mad,” Cole assured, his voice low.
“I’ll be mad. ” Jessa frowned, turning her face up to his. “I’ll be very mad. I was promised sex. ”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I think we can handle that. ”
She nodded and pulled away. “I just want to freshen up is all. Give me a couple of minutes. I promise you that I want this. I want you both. ”
She disappeared into the bathroom.
“This is a bad idea. ” Cole was always the voice of doom.
“Shut up, Eeyore. She’s made her decision. ” Burke looked at his brother with a sigh. “I really like this girl. ”
“You think I don’t?” Cole challenged. “I’m crazy about her. I don’t think I’ve ever…”
Cole didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to. Burke understood precisely how he felt. He felt it, too. Jessa was special. In fact, she just might be the one. The ease with which she’d handled Cole’s withdrawal into himself proved it. She understood and accepted that they were a strange package deal. Burke couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t had his brother to rely on—and in many ways to take care of. Cole was more thoughtful, but he brooded. He’d let their fucker of an uncle crawl in his head, and he carried scars on his heart. Burke of
ten had to pull him out of the darkness. Maybe Jessa could finally convince his brother that he was not only worthwhile, but perfect.
Of course, Cole was the one who had Burke’s back and had risked everything to save him in Afghanistan. Cole was the one who had taken care of his ass, leaving his own military career behind when Burke had taken an IED. Burke might be more functional, more charming, but he couldn’t do much without his brother.
“I know the timing sucks,” Burke offered.
“We have a meeting soon where we’re basically buying a human being. These people are dangerous. ”
“We’re saving a girl. We’re not the bad guys here. ” And he wasn’t about to let the best thing that had happened to them slip through their fingers. Jessa didn’t have anything to do with their undercover work. They would catch the bad guys, save the girls, then come back and claim their own woman. End of story.
“And what happens if we find out Alea has already been transported to South America? You know it’s unlikely that she’s still in New York. We have to find her. We owe it to her cousins. Fuck. We owe it to her. ”
That was Cole in a nutshell. He wanted to save the whole fucking world. He might be dark, but he truly believed in the light. “We’ll find Alea and bring down Delgado, but I want Jessa. Don’t we get some reward for all the shit we do? Doesn’t the universe owe us one little slice of happiness? A goddamn future?”
He knew it sounded selfish, but he had to believe that the battles he’d fought for his country and his fellow man would net him a little happiness. He needed to believe that one day he could lay down his gun and sink into a happy marriage and family, even if his picket fence didn’t look all Normal Rockwell.
“Hey. ” Cole put a hand on his shoulder. “I understand. I want her as much as you do. I want her so fucking bad. But I’m scared. I don’t think I can change. I need some dark stuff. Maybe not tonight, but sooner or later. ” He paused. “I don’t want to hurt her. I’ll leave her to you. I’ll handle the business, and you can be happy. ”
Always the damn martyr. “I don’t—”
“What about what I want?” Jessa asked.
Burke turned and saw her standing in the bathroom door wearing nothing but the luxurious robe the hotel provided. Her auburn hair lay against the soft white velour. She’d tied the robe at the waist, but it still gaped, showing porcelain skin and the hint of round breasts.
“He’s being a self-sacrificing idiot,” Burke said. There was no other way to describe it. His brother huffed and sent him a dirty look.
Jessa merely smiled, looking on with a lazy, sexy indulgence. “He’s good at that. But I won’t have it. ”
“Jessa…” Cole began, his brow furrowing.
“We covered this,” Jessa said. “I want you, Cole, no matter how brooding or dark. I don’t just want Burke’s vibrance. I can be difficult, too. I’m not always sweet. Seriously, I’m on my best behavior. But I can be stubborn. When I feel like I’m in a corner, I come out scratching and clawing. I can get lost in my work and forget people exist. I’m not perfect. Can you handle that?”
“I can. ” Burke was so fucking proud of her. He’d known her for such a short time, but she’d filled up his whole heart so quickly. Sweet and funny and brave. She was smart and talented, and she knew how to handle them. That was so fucking sexy to him.
“You’re sure?” Cole asked.
Burke watched her gather her patience. “Yes. ”
Cole hesitated, drew in a deep breath, then. . . “Strip. ”
His brother’s inner caveman had emerged, and for the first time, Jessa’s confidence faltered. Her hands came up to the flaps of the robe, nervously pulling them together.
“Don’t, sweetheart,” Burke coached. “You’ve handled him beautifully so far. Don’t stop now. Drop the robe. He wants to inspect you. I want to look at you, too. I want to see the body that’s going to belong to us soon. ”
“You made your choice, Jessa,” Cole said, standing shoulder to shoulder with Burke. “This is how it’s going to be. We’re in control. We’ll treat you like a princess. We’ll indulge you, but here in our bed, you’re going to submit to us. ”
“I promise you’ll enjoy it, sweetheart. We’ll take care of you. Just trust us. ”
With trembling fingers, she pulled at the ties of the robe and let it fall to the floor.
Burke caught his breath. She was beautiful, all luscious curves and breasts and perfect skin. She stood there, biting her lip, waiting for them to say something.
“You’re gorgeous, sweetheart. ” Burke couldn’t take his eyes off her.
“Turn around,” Cole choked out, twirling his finger to mimic what he wanted.