Then we drove back to town and south to where someone was building a beautiful new house all of bricks. He showed me where the town was growing and we rolled among houses that were a grand sight beyond the adobe and wood ones around the presidio walls.
Then he seemed to loosen up again, and told me things about his family, and where he grew up in Mississippi and then in parts of Texas. He told me Savannah reminded him of his oldest sister Penelope, and how he admired her, and we agreed that they were first caliber women. All morning we talked and talked, when we finally got back to the hotel for some dinner we were both tired.
We had a small lunch and lemonades, and there was a picture on the restaurant wall of a rocky cliff and a little boat on the ocean, and it reminded me of the scarlet velvet lady book I so wanted returned. I suddenly asked him, Whatever happened to the book I traded to you? Is it lost? I still want to buy it back, even if it is damaged or torn, I don’t care.
His eyes got narrow, and I got a sense in my head that he began to tell me a lie, and he said, Well, it did get damaged, during a battle a ball struck it and killed my horse right from under me, and it wouldn’t be possible to read it so…He just let the word drift away.
What I wanted to know was why it got shot with a horse under it in a battle, why wasn’t it on a shelf somewhere in a room? but suddenly he asked me if I minded giving him leave for a couple of hours, and that he needed to check in at the Fort. However, he said, nothing would stop him from coming back to see me before supper time.
I was disappointed. I will never know what happened to the Duchess nor why she was filled with sorrows, nor who was on the little ship. I took one last look at the picture on the wall, and he saw me look at it, but didn’t say anything and only rode me back to the hotel and left.
While he was gone, I went to my room and took off my dress so I could be cool and tried to take a nap. But all I could think about was Captain Elliot. Then I realized what was happening. I didn’t feel near so hollowed out, being around him. I wished he could have stayed here a while and talked some more. And I thought about all we had done and said over and over, trying to remember it just right, and recall every word he’d said. When I finally dozed off, I dreamed about his arms around me and his kisses taking my strength away. Suddenly, I thought he was in the room, but I cleared my head and heard him knocking lightly on the door and calling my name.
I had to say through the door that I would meet him downstairs in a few minutes, to give me time to fix my hair again and get dressed. I stopped to say a prayer to get all that out of my mind, and I thought it worked at first. When I met him, he was with Albert and Harland, and they were all three dressed up and looking clean, and smiling at me. I felt like my thoughts were tangled up inside more than ever.
We had supper and Albert handed me almost four hundred dollars from selling those horses. Afterwards, Captain Elliot said he must get back to the Fort, and my room was still rented for another night, so we will leave early in the morning to get a jump on the afternoon heat. He thanked me for riding with him around town, but I felt like I hadn’t done a thing but rest for two days, so I don’t know why I deserved thanks. No one thanks me at home for working like a mule.
Riding my wagon home with Albert driving was plum tiresome. What a bumpy old thing it is, too, and Albert, I said, why don’t you see if you can miss some of them ruts you are so fond of, and give me a few bones left whole when we get there?
He just said back, Well, Miss High and Mighty, take the reins yourself if you want. But I didn’t. I had some thinking to do.
July 9, 1885
I went this morning to spend time with Mama and Savannah. We put our heads together and made some pies for dinner and plenty of good things. While we worked, we talked and talked. I don’t know how three women in a wilderness with the same kin folk can have so much to discuss, but we seem to manage it. In the afternoon it was warm, so when the little ones were napping, we sat in the shade. I was surprised when Savannah asked me right out what did I think of Captain Elliot, and she seemed real eager to hear.
Well, I said, you seem to be real set on him calling on me for a purpose.
No, Sarah, she said. I just thought after your calling in Tucson you might have softened in your opinion of him a bit.
I didn’t know just what to say. Mama looked at me and said, Your brothers and him did a trick, fixing that all up together for you. Can’t tell if he’s courting or not, taking two boys along. You girls want to help me piece some quilt blocks? They’re cut and matched. Care to?
We both nodded. I always like to sit and piece quilts, I like how all the little pieces that weren’t meant to go together end up making a pretty pattern. My Mama has a real hand at quilts, and the one she keeps on her bed took a ribbon at a fair once. She prizes her quilts and has no patience with me if I get careless in the stitches or any threads come loose.
When Mama went inside to get the quilt pieces she had bundled, I leaned over close to Savannah’s ear and said, I think that Captain Elliot is smitten with me.
She laughed quietly behind her hand and said, I think so too. Did he act like a gentleman? Did he take you places for dancing or anything like that?
No, I said. But I don’t know how to dance anyway. We ate at a fancy restaurant. And we rode in the buggy. And he just talked some and was quiet some.
One thing I know, whispered Savannah, is that if he was quiet, and you were quiet, and neither of you minded it, then you are in love.
What? I never heard of such a thing, I said. Why should being quiet mean you’re in love?
Because, she said. That means you aren’t nervous with each other, or affected, or likely to be hiding intentions behind too much conversation. A friendly silence can speak between two who will walk together a long way, she said.
Is that in the Bible? I asked.
No. My Pa said it, more than once. He liked to be quiet, and sit by the fire with Mama and watch her read or sew, or the both of them would just watch the fire die down before turning in. Then Savannah’s face turned very red, and tears filled her eyes. He must be so lonely, she said. Oh, Mother.
I hugged her tight. Your Pa sounds like a thoughtful person, I said. A good person.
I miss my mother so terribly, she said, and sobbed a couple of times. Then Mama came back out, loaded up with a bundle of scraps tied with string, her little box of thimbles and needles, and a pitcher of buttermilk in the other hand. She looked upset right away.
She was thinking of her mother, I said softly.
So Mama put her arms around her, and Savannah hugged us each, and then smiled after a while. She’s looking on me from beside the throne of God, Savannah said.
Yes, honey, said Mama. And she patted Savannah’s head and kissed her hair.
We began to piece the quilt blocks, and put several of them together. And the talk turned away from Jack Elliot and did not go back to him. Inside myself I was glad it had taken a different route. And yet, I thought of him between each and every word we said. I felt like he was there amongst us. Hovering around our shade and our stitches was his name and his face and his funny one sided grin.
July 19, 1885
This morning Rudolfo rode over to tell me he and Celia are expecting. I am very happy for them. He said Celia is really sick, so I told him to see if he could get some blackberry tea for her from town, and I wrote a letter to Fish’s for him in English requesting the tea. It’s too bad none of the wild blackberry cuttings I brought from Texas ever took.
Somehow it didn’t surprise me to see a blue uniform watering his horse at my well this afternoon. Captain Elliot has brought me two packages. One is soap fixings I ordered, and the other is a present for me, he said, from him. It was a book called Treasure Island. He said it was a fine story and full of excitement and pirates and it was his favorite book. Then he pulled out a present for April too.
She opened it like a little glutton, and whooped at the pretty things. It was a whole set of little colo
red wooden blocks. Each block had three letters of the alphabet, and a carved in picture of an animal, and a word she can learn to read. All different colors, too, she began to hold them up to us and ask Red? Blue? and we would say, Yes, or No, that’s yellow, that’s green. She said yellow in funny baby talk, but the rest she said real well, and she was just beside herself over the blocks. It wouldn’t be polite not to ask him to stay for supper, so I did, and he stayed. It was a warm evening, and after we ate we sat on the porch fanning and not talking much, watching April make tumbling down stacks of blocks.
Finally, I said, Are you planning to sleep at Albert’s again? He said he was. He came to see if I needed chores done tomorrow, but Albert had asked him to help him a bit, so he wouldn’t be by until the afternoon.
July 20, 1885
Noon was still aways off, and April and I decided to have a cool bath on the back porch. Toobuddy had followed Captain Elliot back to Albert’s, so I sat Bear by the front near the rose bush, and pointed my finger at him. If you see any ornery looking man coming this way, I told him, you bark loud, Bear. And if he doesn’t stop coming, don’t hesitate to take off his leg.
I thought it was early and we’d have plenty of time before Captain Elliot came, so I filled the wash tub with cool water and we were splashing and having a nice time, both of us like little bathing girls, when I heard a horse whinny. I looked up through my wet hair, and there, right in front of me was a man on horseback.
It was that Moses Smith fellow from long ago. Well, looky here, he said. If it ain’t the Mizzez Reed and a little rat?
Get away from here, I said. Haven’t you got any decency?
He just got off his horse and laughed and said, Well, I ain’t been accused of it lately. He was just peering at me and looking scary. I was looking for my towels and they were too far away to reach without getting out of the tub. He walked up onto the porch and I was too scared to move but trying to cover myself with my arms. I come for some of your cooking, Mizz Reed, he said. But I see that I can have something else instead.
No you can’t, I said. My, my husband will kill you for saying that, and my baby is here. Bear, Bear! I hollered at the top of my lungs, but Bear didn’t come.
Smith just sneered and I saw he was missing teeth from rot. Your husband is worm fodder, Mizz Reed, I seen his stone in the yard. Then he shook his head at April, And rats, he said, is for drowning. I grabbed April and stood up quick, both of us all wet and slippery, and tried to get to the door with her but he was too fast. He took April from me by one arm, dangling her in the air, and she started to cry.
Don’t hurt her, I cried out. Please don’t hurt her.
So he said, Let’s just say you’d better keep quiet, I don’t want to hear a bunch of noise from you. Get in that house.
No! I yelled, but he held April over the tub head down and lowered her into the water. Stop! Stop, I said, and he took her out and dropped her with a thump on the porch. She shrieked. The sound tore my heart apart.
Get in that house! he ordered. Like a whip he pulled a hunting knife from his belt.
April cried and coughed, in a terrible panic. He followed me inside but left April screaming on the porch, and he shut the door.
I pulled the table cloth up to cover up with and he laughed and kept coming at me and put the knife back in a scabbard. I began to run around the room, but he just kept laughing, and I could hear April was still crying so hard that it broke my heart, and finally he got hold of my table cloth and yanked it out of my hands. I swung my fist at him and hit him, but he just grabbed my hand and twisted and pulled on it so I thought he would pull it off.
He shoved me hard against the wall, and crunched himself up against me, breathing horrible breath, and smelling like a old bear rug. He was short but real strong, and I tried to tell him, My family is coming over, and my neighbors, they’re due here any time.
Shut up, was all he said, and held both my hands in one of his big dirty hands, and with the other hand he began loosening his pants.
Don’t do this, I said. Please don’t hurt me. I’ll give you all my money. I’ll give you a horse.
I thought I told you to shut up! he hollered then he slapped my face so hard I thought my neck was broke and for a second I thought sure my eye had been crushed, it swelled right up. He looked at me and grinned. I’ll take your money and your horses too, he said, and slapped me a second time, so hard it twisted me around and away from him a little. I thought I could run, but I was dizzy, and he grabbed my hair and pulled me back, dragging me to the floor.
Then I began to fight him with all that was in me, but he just held on and seemed to enjoy it. Finally, he leaned over on top of me and I couldn’t lift my hands under his weight. I could feel him pushing his knees between mine, and I felt eaten alive with panic. No, no! I screamed, and again he slapped my face, but this time I almost didn’t feel it. When he raised his hand to hit me I did the same and slapped him back and it surprised him enough that he missed what he was doing with his knees and was straddling my legs, so I used my right knee and kicked with all my might between his legs. He bellowed out with pain and just got sort of stiff and I kicked him again, which got him off me and I ran toward the kitchen table.
He grabbed one of my ankles, still holding his privates and moaning, but he had me tight like a trap, and I dragged him with me some, trying to get to the hidden pistol. Then he was behind me, standing up, and got to me just as I touched the pistol.
He picked up a knife off the work table, and said, You’re going to pay for that, and he laid that knife against my breast. At that very second I pushed the pistol into his middle and pulled the trigger. I always kept the first chamber empty for safety. He looked down at it for a second and laughed like a sort of bark. Empty! he said.
Suddenly the front door flew in almost torn from the hinges and Jack Elliot was on Moses Smith like a wildcat. Smith was fast for such a heavy man, and took Jack’s punches without a wince. One time it looked like Jack was up against the wall, and just as Smith raised his bloodied knuckles again, I aimed the pistol and shot, striking him in the arm. Jack twisted away from him and got him down to the floor, and beat his head again and again on the floorboards, making the house shake like thunder.
Jack, I said, you’re going to kill him!
That’s what I had in mind, he said. Smith lay silent on the floor. Jack said to me, Keep that gun aimed at him and if he moves a hair blow his brains out. He ran to his horse and brought in a rope which he tied quick around Smith’s neck and dragged him like a dead corpse outside. I reached for my table cloth while he did.
Smith woke up then, and began fighting more, but Jack got the best of him, and when he hit him one more time, and swung him hard with the rope collar he was still wearing, Smith’s head fell against the iron pump near the well, and he didn’t move while Jack tied him hand and foot.
I stood like a statue, frozen to the spot. There by the front steps, sweet old Bear lay dead. Toobuddy laid down by Bear’s old body and whimpered and looked sad. Jack went in the house and pulled a quilt off my bed and wrapped me up in it, and I held on tightly.
April! I yelled. Where is she! Then he went all through the house much faster than me, until he found April, naked and terrified and crying, under a bushel soap basket on the back porch. He wrapped her up too, and brought her to me, and led me into the house and sat us down.
All that time he never did talk, but dipped a cloth in cool water and pressed it to my eye, and murmured Sh-sh to April, and patted her head as she began to quieten down.
Then he got another wet clean cloth and gently pulled the quilt away from me. I looked at him with dread in my heart, but there was nothing but kindness in his eyes as he tenderly put that cloth against my breast where it was bleeding. I watched him do it with surprise because I didn’t even know I was cut. He lifted it and dabbed gently, and finally he said, I don’t think it’s bad, just the very surface. Then he put the cloth back and pulled the quilt up onto my sho
ulders.
Jack? I said, and I wanted to say more but nothing would come out of my mouth. April was so frightened and exhausted, she sobbed a few times and fell right to sleep, bundled in my arms, so he took her gently and laid her on her bed. When he came back, he knelt by my chair, still without saying anything, and took the cloth and refolded it so it would be cool and put it back on my face.
Jack, I said again, if you hadn’t gotten here, he would have done it, I was almost out of fight.
Then I don’t really know why, except that I wanted to so much, I leaned over and took his neck and kissed him. I slipped out of the chair and into his arms and he held me close and kissed me long and hard, and I kissed him back. Then I leaned my face into his neck and just held onto him for dear life.
Don’t leave me, Jack, I said.
Not ever, he whispered back.
July 21, 1885
Jack made me go stay at Mama’s house. He took Moses Smith to town and handed him over to the Sheriff. I was so bruised and beaten I stayed in bed one whole day. Mama was glad Jack had come there just in time, and she held my hand and cried a while when she thought I was asleep.
I feel like I was hurt inside more than I was outside, and walk the floor at night and sleep fitfully. I also feel like I should tell Mama that I kissed Jack and it wasn’t any innocent sweet little kiss like Jimmy used to give. But I don’t think Mama would understand and she has never been fond of soldiers although she doesn’t mind Captain Elliot too much. All day I look toward the road, hoping to see him riding up. But all day he has not come back.
I know it is too quick to get to Tucson and back in one day, but I look anyway.