It didn’t take much to see Captain Elliot has combed and trimmed his mustache and scrubbed his face and hands, and he comes up to our group and smiles big at me and nods to me and Mama and the rest. Harland is standing close by him and nudges him with his elbow, and Captain Elliot tips his hat.
Mama, says Harland real loud, this here’s Captain Elliot. I was getting a knot in my stomach. Well, Captain Elliot is a staring hard at me and his eyes are twinkling like he’s grinning to beat the band under that mustache. Then Harland grunts his throat real loud and out from behind Harland’s back comes a handful of drooping wildflowers, most without even a open blossom yet, and then he takes the Captain by the hand and leads him up to Mama. He stuffs those flowers in Captain Elliot’s hand and says, Mama! This here’s Captain Elliot, come to court you!
Captain Elliot’s mouth opened wide and his eyes quit twinkling. Albert said What? real loud, and Savannah dropped the plate of cornbread in the dirt, and Ernest just about burst his sides open laughing so hard he could choke to death.
Mama looked up, kind of surprised like, and tipped her head to the side. Then she says, so genteel almost as if she was a queen, Why, Captain, that is most kind of you, but you see, I am too recently widowed. I am not receiving suitors, and do not expect to in the future.
I thought Ernest was going to die of laughing and he rolled on the ground, then Mama turned to him real serious, and said, Ernest William Prine if you don’t get up and stop acting like a lunatic I will cut a switch and wear a hole through your britches this very instant. Sarah, she says, fix the good Captain a plate, and sit down, sir. I was thinking she was in her right mind, but then she says, Now, sir, are you with General Lee’s forces? I hear they are moving on through Pennsylvania. How is the fighting? Have you many losses?
I am looking at her and looking at him wearing that blue uniform and I catch eyes with Captain Elliot and see something strange in his face.
So this evening we pretended Captain Elliot was a Captain in the Confederate Army come to suit Mama, who knew she was a widow but didn’t see a blue uniform instead of grey, and knew she had children and a grandchild coming but not that she was old.
Harland is sadder than I have seen him since Papa died, and he doesn’t understand anything he has done. After some cake, he let me give him a hug, and I told him it will be all right but he should let folks do their own sparking and not meddle, it is like stirring up bees, no good is likely to come of it.
January 16, 1882
We have not had the displeasure of Captain Elliot’s presence in two days. Likely we are rid of him and his grinning and I’m sure he thinks we are a family of lunatics.
I am still finding feed every day left for my horses only it is less as it seems to be scarce for all. Albert still will not own up to lightening my load although I know it must be him. Found some track of boots near the horses and I’m going to watch for Albert to lay some steps nearby so I can compare.
We are well into New Mexico Territory, and the end of our trip is in sight, just a few more weeks, and it has occurred to me that of all the things that are important for those Chinese children to know, they must learn to count money. I never was good with sums much, except to add money and take away what was spent. So with all gathered around, and Savannah helping over my shoulder, we are teaching them to say one dollar, two dollars, and eight bits to a dollar, and ten cents and such. Their Mama and Papa are trying hard too because as soon as I drew the pictures in the dirt and put down the few coins I had, they got real interested.
No rain or wind for some days. Savannah is still teaching school, and Mama has been coming out of yonder each Sunday morning for a few hours of Bible stories and praying. Every time she begins and it is not the story of Rahab the Harlot I say a prayer of thanks.
January 18, 1882
It was a beautiful clear day and Bear and Toobuddy had been chasing rabbits like they do every day, and after supper Bear stretched out by the fire, and Toobuddy laid himself under the pantry at the back only it wasn’t our wagon it was the China folks’. Toobuddy is a big red dog and it is about like having a horse in the parlor having him under that pantry, and Mrs. Sing fussed at him to move but he didn’t know Chinese and stayed put.
I was about to go get him when she popped him on the head with a broom, and he jumped up quick and startled her good. She bumped the pantry, the wagon gave a shake, and a tall, tall sack of white flour upended on a shelf she had and poured out on his whole body. Now he was a big white dog and he shook and shook, making a cloud of flour.
Mrs. Sing was having a conniption, and all the Sings got into it and pretty soon all of them and Toobuddy were white, white every where. All their black pigtails and colored clothes were white and Toobuddy shook and shook then sneezed and slobbered all over.
Well, I laughed out loud and then Toobuddy heard and came after me. He got real close and couldn’t stand it any more and began to shake again. Pretty soon I couldn’t see my own hands and I was in a cloud of white too. Mama and Savannah and the boys and me were all laughing to beat the band.
Then the Sings start laughing except Mrs. Sing who had lost a sack of flour, and she came running to me and said real mad like, Three dollar, Missy Sarung! Three dollar flower! I nodded and said I will have to give her a share of our flour, and a happy surprised look came over her face.
She says aloud, I understand! and nods real hard and then she says, Sankyou Missy Sarung! Well, she was talking as good as most people and I could tell she was proud of herself cause she said it to all her children over and over, Three dollar flower, I understand, Sankyou!
January 19, 1882
Mrs. Meyers is fussing around and getting me mighty peeved. She was mad at Albert because even though I have brushed Toobuddy with the curry comb he is still shaking flour and she had out some wet washing on a line and he covered it with flour. Well she knows not to fool with me, and no one will let her near Savannah, and Mama doesn’t know what day it is and Ernest and Harland are too young, so she is mad at Albert.
He told her he would try to get that dog cleaned up better and she said something like You and that lunatic mother of yours better keep him away or he’ll find himself shot through the head!
I saw Harland’s face when that old woman said Mama was a lunatic and he looked dreadful sad. Then I saw him look something else, I don’t know what. After a while Mrs. Meyers has rewashed all their clothes and we are having supper and the next thing I hear is Mrs. Meyers a hollering and here comes one of their horses running like crazy and her wet washing line is caught on his collar and dragging through the dirt picking up mud coating it all with brown. Harland is nowhere to be seen.
If she or her fat boys shoots Toobuddy she will be sorry she was born. It is real late and still I hear Mrs. Meyers’ scrub board going brritt, brritt and she is fussing to herself and fit to be tied and so I snuck up behind her real quiet like an Indian and leaned up and said in her ear, I killed two white men and five Indians before I was eighteen and I still got my rifle, and if my dog dies for any reason on this trip I don’t mind some more target shooting.
January 20, 1882
We have come upon a small Indian camp of some mud and skin houses and they are mostly women and children and old folks, cooking and farming a little plot of corn and squash. Captain Elliot rode out to them with eight other men and they were all very afraid of the soldiers. He tried to tell them we were just passing by, but he doesn’t know if they understood or not.
Well, all seemed fine until we were well past them and putting in for the evening, when we heard far off shooting that went on and on. Pretty soon here came five soldiers riding up and waving scalps and hollering as if they are drunk.
Captain Elliot jumped up and ordered those men down and said Dismount! and Throw down your arms, and they all looked real surprised and put down their guns and rifles. He told them they were all under arrest and bound to stand trial, and they began to complain about it as if they were children caug
ht writing bad words in the dirt with a stick. He told some other soldiers to Bind those men and post a guard over them for the night.
Mrs. Meyers was in the crowd behind me and I heard her ugly voice say Good enough end for some dirty blanket Indians.
All I could think of was that they were just little families cooking beans and planting and hunting a deer now and then, and having babies and laying their old folks to rest, not harming anyone, just living. I pictured that one Indian man I stood so close to I could hear his breathing, and those filthy, awful men I killed, and I know Indians aren’t no dirtier than any white folks and cleaner than some. Not stupid, either. But I saved my breath. The likes of her isn’t going to listen nor be changed in the mind just from hearing sense. Some people sense is wasted on and that’s purely a fact.
January 21, 1882
We are staying put. Captain Elliot has rode out to the Indian camp and said that he found everyone slaughtered even newborn babes, and how this was the kind of action that only made the Indian wars worse. He is arresting the men and charging them with the murder of thirty-nine men, women and children, all unarmed and defenseless except for some hunting knives and cook pots.
Later I saw him sitting on his horse again, staring away off, and looking powerfully sad, about as sad as I feel, as I know if all this wagon train were cut down by Indians it would be just the other side of the looking glass.
The Captain has sent a Dispatch of soldiers to bury all the Indians in rows of graves and mark every one of them. This is a kind thing in my mind and I remember how he talked so nice to Mama about the Confederacy and maybe I think he has a heart in him after all.
When he said those orders he looked terrifying and I’m sure not a one of those men would have waited one second before jumping to do what he said. Then he was walking out by himself, slapping his hat against his leg now and then, and he came by our wagon where I was. I asked him would he take a cup of water, and he nodded and drank from my dipper. While he did I said, That was a horrible thing those men did. Then he looked at me real strange, and nodded again, and looked all tight in the face as if it pained him to try to talk. So I didn’t push him, I just nodded back and went on with my work.
January 22, 1882
Today is the first day in all this time I have had to feed my stock myself. Albert’s boots don’t match the prints I seen before at all, and I am certain that it could be some soldier doing the deed. I rode Rose over to where those arrested men were walking in chains and ropes, and hollered out Any of you been feeding my horse? They all just looked at me strange and one of them spat on the ground. It isn’t likely it was one of that bunch.
Ernest said this morning he had had a dream about being eaten by a bear and woke several times during the night, and slept with a pistol across his chest. Lo and behold there is bear track all around his spot and Toobuddy is missing but there is no sign of blood or hair like there was a fight. Trees are thicker here and it looks like rain. If that dog is bear killed I will be sorry but if he is Meyers killed I will be mad.
We had some bacon and biscuit for breakfast and broke camp early. As we were pulling way I called Toobuddy but there is no sign of him. Ernest went to the Meyerses for me and says You seen our red dog? and they said no and got all bug-eyed and scared. They were wandering around in bushes all day long calling out Here Dog! ’til I could have laughed at them, except that I wanted my dog back.
At supper tonight we were all sitting around thoughtful and Mama has talked about Sunday School but the Captain says we will not stop for Sunday, and we are real near the Arizona Territory which is separated from New Mexico north to south. That is our border we are watching for, and he says we should cross it in six or seven days.
Yonder are the Chiricahua and Dragoon Mountains, a pretty looking mountain range that jumps up out of the flatness of west Texas and New Mexico Territory like a surprise. We are much further south than on the way toward Texas and I like this route better, although I hope I never do any traveling of this kind again.
Three wagons of folks have said they like this place and will stay behind in the morning, as there is good rain and water near and flat land without too much rocks for farming.
It is real cold but the rain has held. As the sun went down I felt a snap in the air like it could snow and the clouds are low and dark and it smells of snow too. Ernest says his leg is hurting him mighty bad all of a sudden, and he takes his wooden leg off and hops around tonight, but he just says it hurts worse that way. It is swollen and red and pains him much so he needs to ride tomorrow and not walk all day for a few days.
From the bushes around I hear some whimpering and up to the firelight comes Toobuddy. He is looking mighty weary and worn but doesn’t seem to be hurt. He is real hungry and sleeps hard by the fire all night.
I gave Rudy Willburn back his reader as I am finished with it, and he has asked to borrow a book and will take good care to return it before we get home.
Rudy sat with us tonight with his fiddle and played some tunes that were real merry and made us all smile. He said that lady who played the lap harp and spoons was Mrs. Raalle, who we buried aways back. We all feel bad that we didn’t get to know her before then but he said their families were friends together back in Louisiana State where they started. They were also friends with those foreigners who all died, and said those folks spoke a little bit of the Raalle’s language. He says Mr. Raalle still has a little girl named Melissa, five years old, and Mr. Raalle is real lonesome without his wife and boys.
That sorry soldier who was making eyes at me is one of the men arrested for killing all the Indians. I knew he was no good and when he hangs the devil will be waiting his arrival with a hot poker and a grin.
January 26, 1882
Now as we thought we were finished with Indian fighting, there has been sight of a band of Indians riding with some white men and some Mexican bandits. We are all afraid to be set upon by them as the soldiers are much fewer and Captain Elliot will not untie the arrested men to fight he says.
Then Sergeant Miller speaks up and says, But sir, they should at least have the same chance as all to defend themselves and not be shackled like animals.
Captain Elliot says back they should get the same chance at defense they gave to those babies they butchered. Once again I am real sorry I was standing so close I could hear that. He saw my face but this time he doesn’t apologize for saying it and he has a look on his face I can’t place, not just mad and not sorry, but I don’t know, it is like he is on fire inside.
January 27, 1882
Savannah and Albert both have a fever and are sniffing and headaching. We drove all day and stopped for noon dinner and I said Harland, Please drive my wagon, I am so tired, but he won’t.
Mama takes a look at me and there is a light in her eyes suddenly, and she says Harland you drive this wagon, your sister is real sick.
Mostly I just feel tired to the bones, too tired to eat, and sore all over, and real cold.
February 1, 1882
This page is on top of my cigar box because it is my last will and requests. Please bury me deep under the shade of a tree if you can find one and take a one-legged branding iron and burn my name on a marker so it will stay for a while.
Ernest take care of Rose and take her with you to the Army, she will take care of you and she will like being in the Cavalry.
Harland you take these books and read and try to go to school, you are a smart boy.
Albert and Savannah you have a passel of babies and build a fine house and plant all these trees and when you come to pecan picking season, think of me some.
Mama, I love you, you have been a good mama and worked so very hard to teach us all right from wrong and I will kiss Papa and Clover and Harriet for you. I will miss you all and thank you for being my kin.
I repent for all the mean things I ever done and the bad and murderous thoughts I been having about the Meyerses too.
Yours loving and faithful, Sarah.
/>
February 5, 1882
It is said I have the ague and maybe newmoniea. I looked through every n but it is not in my Dictionary book. I hear Mama humming now and then and I am so cold. I thought I was waking up in heaven but here I am still cold and I see there is a mustard plaster on my chest and all that skin under it is red and blistered feeling.
Harland came in and told me he’s been driving my wagon with me sleeping in it, and that Mr. Raalle brought the mustard plaster, and that with tending me Mama has come back to herself a little and talks right and does fair well for herself again. Who is doing my share of work, I said, and who hitches these here horses?
And Harland puffs up proud and says he did it all himself.
So I said, It was you combing Rose before, too? And he looked all embarrassed and said he had promised not to tell who it was. Then he jumped out before I could ask again and I started coughing and couldn’t talk anyway.
February 9, 1882
When I sleep I toss around and have frightful dreams of Indians jumping at me and cutting me to ribbons, or being eaten by a bear, or standing to watch while my family is killed by a cougar and not being able to get to my rifle. I am almost afraid to sleep but so sick I seem to be called to it all during the day and night only in short spurts, then I wake cold and scared and coughing. It is hard to breathe and it feels like fat old Mrs. Meyers is sitting on my chest.
From here I can watch Rose’s head bobbing up and down out the back over the cook’s pantry. Mrs. Sing has brought me tea twice a day all these days of sickness. I have a racked cough and cannot talk too much as it sets me to coughing. Soup and tea and coffee is all I want as it helps keep the cold out of my bones. I feel like a little old dirty rag doll and I want to take a bath but Mama won’t hear of it.