The find that pleased me most, however, was the rubber-banded stack of hundred-dollar bills. I counted $52,800 — plenty to disappear.
Closing the shoe box, I tossed it into the drawer of videotapes and folders that I’d carried into the living room. Having scoured the cabin, every incriminating piece of evidence was contained in that single drawer, and it gave me great comfort to have it in my possession now. I stood up and walked to the window beside the door. The bluffs soared above the desert a mile behind the shed, like colossal dunes of white sand. Orson, I thought. Just you now. The only thing left to destroy.
If he came for me, it would be at night, but exhaustion wasted my mind and body. I’ll sleep until midnight, I thought. I’m worthless now anyway. For all I knew, he might never come. He could be lying out there right now, statuesque under the snow.
I extinguished the heater and went into his bedroom. Wrapped in the fleece blanket, I curled up with the gun beside my pillow, and the handcuffs in my pocket. In the absence of wind and the humming generator, my breathing and my heartbeat produced the only perceptible sound.
I dreamed a memory: Orson and I are ten years old. The church service has just concluded at Third Creek Baptist Church, a chapel in the countryside north of Winston-Salem where Grandmom attends. Because it’s the last Sunday of the month, the congregation surges through the front doors outside for a covered-dish picnic. Beside the small brick building, the epitome of homely Baptist churches, a half a dozen picnic tables exhibit a smorgasbord of country cooking. Three grills have been going since midmorning, and the smell of hot dogs and hamburgers and a whole smoked pig floods the August afternoon.
When we finish eating, Orson and I sit under a walnut tree and watch a regiment of ants feast on a discarded watermelon rind. It’s clear and hot, and we sweat copiously under our matching baby blue suits with yellow bow ties.
I see her walking toward us, stepping daintily between families, who are gorged and lounging on blankets in the grass. New to the congregation, her knee-length sleeveless dress is the same premature yellow as the sun-scorched poplar leaves. She stops and stands by the watermelon rind. I watch an ant crawl across her unpainted big toe.
When she speaks, she makes the most peculiar sound, something akin to a knife blade sliding across a sharpening stone: "Schick. Aren’t you two just the most precious little things I ever saw!"
Orson and I look up from the ground into her heavily powdered face. Her curly platinum hair is rigid, and she smells like a concoction of cheap perfumes.
"Darlings!" she exclaims, grinning, and we see her false teeth, where broccoli florets still cling. Here it comes — that question everyone feels compelled to ask, though Orson and I are mirror images of each other. "Are y’all twins?"
God, we hate that. I open my mouth to explain how we’re just fraternal twins, but Orson stops me with a look. He peers up into her eyes and makes his bottom lip quiver.
"We are now," he says.
"What do you mean, young man?"
"Our triplet brother Timmy — he got burned up in the fire three days ago."
Through the powder, her face colors, and she covers her mouth with her hand. "Schick. Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to…" She squats down, and I’m pinching the back sides of my calves, trying not to laugh. "Well, he’s with Jesus now," she says softly, "so —"
"No, he wasn’t saved," Orson says. "He was gonna do it this Sunday. You think he’s in hell with Satan? I mean, if you aren’t saved, that’s where you go, right? That’s what Preacher Rob said."
She stands back up. "You’d better talk with your parents about that. Schick." Her feigned giddiness vaporized, she looks off into the bordering wood. With all her makeup, she reminds me of a sad clown. "Schick. Well, I’m terribly sorry," she says, and we watch her walk back into the crowd. Then we run behind the walnut tree and laugh until tears glisten on our cheeks.
I woke and found myself sitting up in Orson’s bed, pressing the Glock against my temple. Nothing surprised me anymore. Sliding out from under the fleece blanket, I walked into the living room, the gun at my side. Without the warmth of the kerosene heater, the cabin had cooled again, and I bent down to punch the electric starter, when something curdled my blood: I recalled the dream and the woman’s queer nervous tic: schick, schick, schick. Instead of lighting the heater as I’d intended, I unlocked the dead bolt and cracked the front door. Subzero night air deluged the cabin.
I hadn’t ventured outside again since arriving at the cabin in the late afternoon, and my tracks ran south toward the car. A surge of adrenaline straightened each hair on my neck — another set of tracks, which I had not made, came directly from the shed, up the steps, to the front door, where I now stood. He’s in the cabin. Closing the door, I turned around and chambered a bullet, regretting I’d not left the votive candles burning in every room. I stepped forward into the red darkness, squinting at the corners in the kitchen and the living room, straining to detect the slightest pin drop of sound — a noisy breath or a clamorous heart that pounded like mine.
Are you watching me now? I thought, creeping from the living room back through the hallway. The door to the spare bedroom was cracked, and I couldn’t remember leaving it that way. Approaching the door, I kicked it open and rushed inside, spinning around in the darkness, my finger on the trigger, waiting for him to spring at me. But the room was empty, just as I’d left it.
I returned to the hallway. Your room. You were watching me sleep. Disregarding my fear, I stepped over the threshold. The only place in the room obstructed from view was the other side of his dresser. The Glock raised, ready to fire, I lunged across the room, beginning to squeeze the trigger as the blind spot between the dresser and the freezer came into view. He wasn’t there.
The four closets were the only places I’d yet to comb, but I couldn’t imagine he’d squeezed himself into one. They were filled with supplies — one a pantry, another a storage space for gas, bottled water, and a substantial coil of rope. Besides, I’d have heard him banging around in the dark.
I walked out of his bedroom. There were two closets on each side of the twelve-foot hallway connecting the bedrooms to the living room. You’re waiting for me to walk by again, so you can swing a door into my face. I bolted through the hall back into the living room.
Standing by the cold heater, I’d begun to devise a plan to flush him out, when a bead of water slapped the crown of my bald head. Snowmelt. Wood creaked above me, and I looked up into the rafters. A shadow swung down from a beam, and something blunt and hard smote the back of my head.
I came to on the floor, and the Glock was gone. I struggled to my feet. The red darkness twirled, pierced by bursts of light. Am I dreaming?
The point of a knife slipped between my right arm and my torso and touched my solar plexus. I saw the ivory handle, and when I felt his breath against the back of my ear, piss flowed down the side of my leg and pooled under my bare feet. When I tried to pull away, the blade pressed against my throat.
"This knife’ll cut through your windpipe like it was Jell-O."
"Don’t kill me."
"What’s that jangle?" Reaching down, he felt the pockets of my sweatpants. "Oh goodie." He removed the handcuffs, with the key still in the lock, and cuffed my left hand. "Give me the other one." I put my right hand behind my back, and he cuffed that one, too. "Now lead the way," he whispered, the blade still at my throat. "There’s a surprise for you in the shed."
36
THOUGH barefoot, I couldn’t feel the ice between my toes. I imagined that the sliver of moon lit our faces blue and baleful. The night was surreal, and I thought, I am not here. I am not walking with him to that shed. Orson kept close, grunting with each breath, as though it were a struggle for him to stay with me. Withdrawal or frostbite, or both. I reached the back door of the shed, stopped, and turned. He shuffled toward me, pointing the Glock waveringly at my head. In the moonlight, I saw his face — the tips of his ears blackened, his cheeks, lips
, and forehead corpse-white from the cold.
"You’ve been guzzling your buttermilk," he said, grinning. "Go on in. It’s unlocked."
I pushed my shoulder into the door and it opened. Terror weakened me when I saw what he’d done. The interior of the shed was filled with candles — dozens of them placed on the floor and the shelves. Innumerable shadows jitterbugged along the concrete, up the walls, into the rafters. I saw the pole, the leather collar, the sheet of plastic spread out on the floor to catch my blood.
"All for you," he whispered. "A candlelight death."
"Orson, please…." The tip of the knife pricked my back, urging me through the doorway. As I walked across the concrete, I stared at the hole in the far corner of the wall, presuming he’d crawled in out of the snow sometime after dark. The missing panel of pine lay on the floor.
"On the plastic," he said. When I hesitated, he took three steps in my direction and pointed the Glock at my left knee. Immediately, I moved to the plastic and knelt down. "On your stomach," he said, and I prostrated myself as instructed. I smelled the leather collar as he slipped it over my head and cinched it around my neck — the scent of misfortunate strangers’ sweat and blood and tears and spit. I felt a terrible, intimate kinship with those doomed souls who’d worn this putrid collar before me. We were blood now — Orson’s hideous children. Papa dragged the stool out from the corner and perched on it, just out of reach.
Shoving the Glock into the waistband of Walter’s jeans, he took the sharpening stone from his pocket and began drawing the blade across it: schick, schick, schick. Watching him work in the dim, jaundiced light, candles surrounding the plastic, I grew sensitive to the cuffs that dug into my wrists.
They were mine. I’d owned them since a Halloween party in 1987, when a friend presented them as a gag gift to me and this woman I was seeing, Sophie. It embarrassed us at first, but I cuffed her to my bedpost that night. I’d tied up other women with these cuffs and allowed them to shackle me. I’d bound Orson. Now he bound me. Fucking durable metal.
I sat up, facing him. Desperately and discreetly, I tried to pull the cuffs apart, and when my hands turned numb, I strained even harder. A man-burner named Sizzle in The Scorcher breaks the chain between a pair of cuffs while sitting in the back of a police car, and goes on to slay the arresting officer. Still pulling my hands apart, I recalled that deft little sentence: "The chain popped, O’Malley’s neck popped, and Sizzle climbed behind the wheel and shoved the officer into the wet street." It’s that easy. So break.
"You’re wasting precious energy," Orson said offhandedly as he studied a ding in the blade. "I couldn’t break them when you held the flame under my eyeball." He resumed stroking the blade, and his eyes fixed now on me. "A guy does favor after favor for you, and this is how you repay him. This betrayal."
My mouth ran dry; I had no spit.
"I don’t know what your definition of favor en —"
"It was all for you," he said. "Washington. Mom. We could’ve been amazing, brother. I could’ve freed you. Like Luther. I held the mirror up for him, too, you see. Showed him the demon. He didn’t spit in my face." Orson began pinching his cheeks and scraping the skin off his face with the knife, as if amused with the lack of feeling in his brittle epidermis. He bled in several places. "You came in my house," he continued. "While I slept in my bed. Tortured me." He stared into my eyes. "You scare me, Andy. And that should not happen."
"I swear —"
"I know — you’ll never come after me again. Andy, when a person knows their death is imminent, they’ll say anything. I was carving this guy up once, and he told me his grandfather had molested him. Just blurted it out between screams, like it might change something." He laughed sadly. "You gonna talk to me while I open you? Nah, I’ll bet you’re just a screamer."
Orson stepped down off the stool. The largest candle in the shed was a red cinnamon-scented cylinder of wax with the girth of a soup can. It sat on the shelf beside the back door, and he laid the knife blade over its flame and pulled the Glock from his waistband.
"Pick a knee," he said.
"Why?"
"Disablement. Torture. Death. In that order. It begins now. Pick a knee."
An extraordinary calm enveloped me. You will not hurt me. I came to my feet and found his eyes, invoking that irrevocable love that was our entitlement.
"Orson. Let’s talk —"
The hollow-point bored into the meat of my left shoulder. On my knees, I watched blood drizzle across the plastic. I smelled gunpowder. I smelled blood. I blacked out.
I stared up into the rafters, flat on my back on the plastic, hands still cuffed behind my back. I attempted to move my feet, but they were tied crudely with thick, coarse rope. One hundred and eighty-five pounds crushed into my ribs, and I moaned.
Straddling me, Orson took the knife off the red candle, which now oozed wax onto the plastic. The carbon blade glowed lava orange, and the metal secreted smoke.
I wore a T-shirt, a sweatshirt, and a shabby burgundy sweater. Starting at my waist, the blade cleaved easily through the layers of scorching fabric, all the way up to the collars at my throat. Then splitting the garments, he exposed my bare torso, the chest hair swaying in the tiny drafts effected by candles in this icy shed. Above the thudding of my heart, I thought I heard something on the desert, a distant whine, like mosquitoes behind my ear.
"Wow. Look how fast your heart’s palpitating," he said, placing his hand on my shuddering chest. He tapped my breastbone. "I’m gonna saw through that now. Anxious?"
When the knife point met my left nipple, I chomped my teeth and flexed every muscle, as though the tension might thwart the penetration of the fiery blade.
"Easy," he said. "I want you to relax. It’ll hurt more." Orson moved the knife two inches to the left of my nipple and inserted the blade an eighth of an inch. The metal was brutally cold, and I shivered as I watched him slit a sloppy circle, four inches in diameter. Blood pooled in my navel, and Orson spoke to me while he carved, his voice flowing psychotic peace.
"Two-thirds of your heart lies to the left of your sternum. So I’m giving myself an outline to work with." He sighed. "I’d have taught you this, you know. On someone else. Look at that." He held the tip of the knife under my eye so I could see my blood sizzling on the amber blade. "I know you don’t feel anything yet," he said. "That’s the power of adrenaline. Your pain receptors are blocked." He smiled. "But that won’t last much longer. They can only mask so much pain."
"Orson," I pleaded, on the brink of tears now. "What about the gift?"
He looked down at me, puzzled; then, remembering, he said, "Ah, the gift. You nosy bastard." He put his lips to my ear. "Willard was the gift."
He braced his left hand against my forehead and gripped the knife in his other. "Sometimes I wonder, Andy, what if he’d picked you?"
Someone knocked on the back door. Orson stiffened. "I want you to say something," he whispered as he stood up. "Swear to God, I’ll keep you alive for days." Setting the knife on the stool, he walked to the door and drew the Glock.
Percy Madding’s voice came through the door: "Dave, you in there? You all right?"
I strained to sit up on the plastic.
Orson fired eight shots through the wood at waist level. Looking back at me, he smiled. "That, Andy, is what you call —"
A shotgun report blasted through the door, and Orson’s chest caught the full load of double-aught buckshot. It knocked him off his feet and slammed him on his back as if a man had thrown him. Orson struggled to his hands and knees, stunned, staring at me as sanguine globs dropped out of his chest onto the concrete. Percy burst through the door and kicked the gun out of his hands. My brother crawled toward me, then eased back down onto the concrete, hissing shoal, sputtering breaths.
Leaning his double-barreled shotgun beside the door, Percy approached the plastic and squatted beside me. From the shallowness of his breathing, I could tell he’d been hit. He looked strangely at the pole,
the leash, the sheet of plastic, the ragged bloody circle in my chest.
"He got the key to these cuffs on him?" he asked gruffly, twisting his snowy mustache. His voice was strong, but his hands shook. When I nodded, he walked over to Orson and dug through his pockets until he found the key. He told me to roll over, and then, after unlocking the handcuffs, he unsheathed a bowie knife from his belt and cut the rope that bound my feet.
"You hit?" I asked. He touched his side. Down mushroomed out of a hole in his camouflage vest.