~ T h i r d W h e e l ~
“I’ve overbooked,” Lauren said to her roommate. “You’ve got to help me out.” “Overbooked?”
“Two guys are coming over tonight and I thought I’d hand one over to you.” Janie stopped chewing the gum. “What do you mean, ‘hand one over’?”
Lauren turned to the mirror, pursed her lips, and ran her fingers through her long blond hair. “Well, not hand one over, but share. You know, temporarily.”
Standing behind her friend, Janie peered into Lauren’s reflected image. Two women couldn’t be more different. When compared to Lauren’s crystalline blue eyes and pouty lips, Janie’s frizzy black hair and space between her two front teeth were an abomination. Janie said, “I don’t understand.”
“I’m not sure who I like better. So I figured I’d have a group date.” “Group date? But – ”
“Janie, c’mon be a sport. Besides you haven’t gone out in a while.” “Don’t rub it in.”
“I’m not rubbing it in.”Lauren turned to her friend. “You need to get out. You’re home every night. It’llbe fun.”
Janie stuffed her hands into her pockets. Her inclination was to say no, but how? They had been friends since the seventh grade. Lauren had, for reasons unknown, welcomed Janie into her clique when suddenly Janie reaped the benefits of cool by association, something Janie, who was painfully shy, was forever indebted.
“Don’t you think they’ll get mad?”
“Could happen. But I don’t want anyone who’s overly possessive. Besides it’s just a test drive.”
Janie rolled her eyes. Test drive. She hadn’t been on a test drive or date in more than two years, and for a gainfully employed woman with a nice personality in her mid-twenties, that had to be some kind of record. “Are we going to hang out around the apartment? Rent a movie or something?”
“Heck, no. Let’s go for sushi.”
Janie felt uneasy. Sushi was expensive. Who was going to pay for what? Sitting around the house, where she’d be anyway, was one thing, but going to a restaurant and sticking some guy with a hundred-dollar tab seemed, well . . . manipulative.
“How about going to that Greek place?” Janie suggested.
“No, it’s settled. We’ll do Japanese. I’m dying for some warm Saki.”
Janie wasn’t sure what to wear. Not so much for herself, but she didn’t want the guy, whichever one he was, to feel embarrassed.
After forty-five minutes, her room was strewn with balled up skirts, sweaters, pants that she had tried on and tossed off. Finally, she settled on a pair of jeans and a white shirt, the only top that had been professionally washed, starched, and ironed. She stood in front of the closet mirror. She looked clean and decidedly uncomplicated, which meant in her own mind – sexless. She shrugged. What did it matter? Janie slapped on some blush, lip-gloss, and flicked off the bedroom light.
Ten minutes later, Lauren swept into the living room in a cloud of Opium. Her black slacks were pencil-thin and the red V-neck sweater clung. Janie’s only hope was that one of the guys was myopic.
Lauren held out a silver chain. “Help me with this will you?” She then raised the cascade of golden hair off her neck.
“So who are these guys?” asked Janie.
“One’s an absolute dream. Comes into the shop every day. Orders an espresso and gives me a two-dollar tip. His name is Terrence. The other’s Mike. I’ve talked about him. He’s the guy who works on my car. Very nice.”
Janie hooked the clasp. “But why not see them separately?”
“I’m not getting any younger. In three years I’ll be thirty. That’s ancient, so I’ve decided to get serious and step up the process. The more people you get to know, the better the odds. Law of probabilities, y’know?”
“I suppose, but –”
“Oh, there’s the buzzer.”Lauren stepped back and stood straighter, sucking in her already-flat tummy. “Do I look okay?”
“Beautiful. How about me?
Lauren made a quick assessment. “Very sweet,”and rushed to the door. A man cloned from Johnny Depp, pale, dark and smoldering, entered. “Hey Terr,”Lauren said.
“What’s up, doll?”
Their eyes locked. After a hanging moment, Lauren pulled her gaze away. “Oh,”she said, “this is my roommate, Janie.”
Trying to hide her teeth, Janie plastered a tight smile on her face. “Hi,”she mumbled.
His glance sailed over her, then riveted back to Lauren. “You’re lookin’ hot. Where we goin’?” “Kyoto’s.”
Janie’s stomach lurched. When and how was Lauren going to break the news that the date was a communal one?
“Terr, Janie’s coming with us.”
His face froze. “To the restaurant?”
“Is that a problem?”
Janie’s palms broke out in a sweat. If only a trapdoor would open.
His eyes flitted from girl to girl. He stammered, “I guess not . . . We goin’ soon?” “Actually, I invited someone else too.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, Mike Martin.”
Lauren smiled brightly. “Don’t think so. He’s my mechanic. Come, sit down. I’ll get you a beer.”
Terrence dropped onto the edge of the couch. “Good idea.”
Janie trailed behind Lauren. “I’ll help.”
Her roommate flagged her away. “Don’t be silly. You two get acquainted.” Terrence sat back, then brushed some lint off his sports coat.
Janie slumped into a chair. Her mind raced with what to say. She could always open with some inane remark about the weather, maybe the wind chill. But the inside of her throat felt as if she’d swallowed a wad of cotton. She blurted, “I hear you’re an espresso man.”
“Huh?”
“The kind of coffee you drink.”
“Yeah,” he said.
“One sugar or two?”
“I drink it black.”
“Black, no kidding. That’s . . . very manly.”
He appraised his fingernails. “Did you say something?”
“Yes. I said – ”A buzzer sounded. Janie leapt from the chair. “I’llget it.” Man Number Two had red hair and smelled of aftershave.
She opened the door wider. “Hi, I’m Janie, Lauren’s roommate.”
He walked inside and grinned. “Nice to meet you, I’m Mike.” His eyes then fell on Terrence. The two men glared at each other.
With rising panic, Janie said, “Mike, this is Terrence. Have a seat. I’ll get you a beer.”She then bolted into the kitchen.
Lauren was slicing limes.
“I don’t think this is going to work out,”Janie whispered. “Why not?”
“Someone’s going to get the short straw.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Lauren, neither of them looks happy.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“But each one thinks they’re going out with you.”
Lauren twisted off the cap on a bottle of beer. “That’s okay. I got it covered. I’m going to flirt with both of them.”
“What? How can you do that? Everyone’s together.” “Piece of cake.”
Janie folded her arms and leaned against the counter. She looked at the clock. It was going to be a long evening.
“Don’t look so glum. Here, take a swig.”
Janie took the beer. Not bothering with the lime, she put the bottle to her lips and drank what she could manage.
When they returned to the living room, the two men were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Lauren placed down the tray of drinks and sat between them.
Within five minutes, her infectious laugh had each man smiling, and by the time the foursome left for the restaurant, Lauren’s arms were locked between them.
Kyoto’s was upscale. Black-lacquered tables and chairs, along with lit pillar candles warmed the atmosphere. Soft-spoken couples huddled together.
Hidden behind the menu, Lauren said, “Let’s get some combination plates.” “A little yin
, a little yang,” Mike said cheerfully. “Sounds good to me.”
Terrence rolled his eyes and called the waiter over. “Bring me a double Scotch.”
After ordering enough food for a small wedding, Lauren excused herself to the bathroom with Janie in tow.
While adjusting her lipstick, Lauren considered each prospective beau. “Terr is so handsome, but Mike is not without charm. He’s easy to talk to and can fix my car. But Terr, well, he’s a major hunk. What do you think?”
Janie shrugged. It was a mute point. After all, what did it have to do with her life? Reluctant to make any choice that was clearly not hers, she said, “They both seem nice.”
“Yes, that’s true. I’ll just have to see who’s going to try harder.”
Janie didn’t have a response for that.
When the women returned to the table, Mike was sitting alone.
Lauren slipped into the seat. “Is Terrence in the bathroom?”
“Actually, he just walked out.”
Lauren stiffened. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Don’t think so. He got up, and a minute later, I saw him pass by the front window.”
Lauren reached for Terrence’s crumpled napkin. “Did he leave any money?” She shook it. “Nothing? What the – ”
“Listen, don’t worry about it,”said Mike. “I’m with two beautiful women. We can still have a great time.”
Janie beamed. Never had she been likened to her gorgeous roommate.
Lauren pulled her cell from her purse and punched in some numbers. “He’s not getting away with it. He ordered a double Scotch for chrissake!”
Mike shrugged.
Janie tried to think of something to say, something clever, something to cut the tension. Lauren pulled the phone from her ear and flipped it closed. “He’s not answering.” “It’s not the end of the world,”Janie finally said.
Flushed, Lauren looked around the restaurant. “I’m going to use the pay phone at the bar. That punk won’t know it’s me calling. Be back in a sec.” She sprinted from the table.
Just as Janie suspected the evening was a disaster. Beneath the table she picked at her cuticles, resisting every urge to begin biting her nails.
Mike leaned toward her. “That guy wanted me to leave with him.” “What?”
“I told him, No way.”
Confused, Janie asked. “Why was that?”
A smile that lit up the room broke across his face. He reached for her arm. “I just met the girl I’m going to marry.”
Author’s Note:
I had sent Third Wheel to two publications. The first editor felt Lauren was too despicable and unlikeable for print. The second market kept the story for two years. They loved it, then went out of business. The trials. In any event this was a fun story to write. Just desserts are served, and a modern day Cinderella finds a nice guy who can fix cars. Even better than a prince.