Cory kept going, too. “You better hope this fucking baby doesn’t come out with your DNA. I’ll fucking kill you.”
Mitch looked to Alexis with a frown. “What the fuck is he talking about?”
“Just get out of here, Mitch,” Alexis ordered.
“You ever fucking touch me again and I’ll—.”
“You’ll what, you low life mother fucker?” Cory asked, going right back at it.
“Cory stop!” Bernie screamed. “Alexis never fucked Mitch. That never happened. Stop being a fucking moron. Just get the fuck out of here.”
“She told me, Bernie. I know she fucked him.”
“You don’t know fuck!” Mitch yelled.
“Get the fuck out of here, Mitch,” Travis ordered. Mitch touched the blood on his lip and walked away.
“She didn’t tell you she fucked Mitch. She didn’t get the chance to tell you anything. You wouldn’t let her.”
“Shut up, Bernie. Shut the hell up!” Alexis yelled.
“No, Alexis! No! That’s enough. Enough is enough!” Bernie turned back to Cory. You asked her if he put his dick in her.”
“Bernie shut up!”
“Yeah, where I come from that’s the same thing.”
“Well not around here. Mitch took her back there to get her drunk and take advantage of her. Alexis rolled him off her and kneed him in the nuts as soon as she felt him. She came back alone on the four-wheeler. Tom and Jim had to go find Mitch and then take him to the hospital.”
Alexis walked away, listening to the words Bernie promised not to tell, tears streaming down both cheeks. She had no recollection of the events to come. It was all a blur, every last second. One minute she was listening to Bernie confess what Cory wouldn’t listen to, and the next she was in the back yard, behind the house. She held the handgun with two straight arms, aiming right at the bulls-eye target at the edge of the field. The first shot hit dead center. Ten points. The next one hit right over top of that one.
“Alexis! What are you doing? Give me the gun,” Cory called from behind hers.
Alexis turned to see the audience of worried faces. The gun moved with the spin of her body and she pointed it right between his eyes. “I. Don’t. Fucking. Want. You. Here. Leave me alone.”
Cory put both his hands in the air and stopped. “Lex, please give me the gun.”
“What’s wrong with you? This isn’t your family. This is my family. I don’t want you here.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll leave. Just give me the gun.”
“I hate you. I hate you so much,” Alexis cried while keeping the gun pointed right at his head, trying to blink the blur away.
“Put the gun down, Sputter Bug.”
Alexis turned in shock. It was him. It was really him. Her dad stood in the distance, wearing his jeans, flannel shirt, and his John Deere ball-cap. It was really him.
“Daddy?”
The two second distraction was long enough for Cory to get his arms around her. Her legs gave way and she fell to the ground, trying to move. She wasn’t fighting Cory. She was merely trying to see her dad. She blinked through the tears, trying to focus. He was gone. That was it. He was gone.
The crowd of wet people were also a blur. Cory led her away and to his truck. Sam stopped and hugged her, telling her she would take care of the girls and to go home and rest. Alexis didn’t even protest the pill that Cory insisted she take, asserting it was fine for the baby. She did resist his offer to help her get into dry clothes. She didn’t need his help. She didn’t even need him.
****
The next indistinct, unclear moment came around three in the morning. Alexis opened her eyes and stared through the darkness of her room. Cory sat in the chair by the window, a shadow in the dark with straight crossed legs and arms folded over his chest. Alexis stared at the silhouette, not knowing if his eyes were opened or closed. She didn’t feel like she had before Cory had drugged her with something that knocked her out. She felt alone and hallow.
“You can’t hate me as much as I hate me,” Cory spoke from the dark.
Alexis didn’t move from her fetal position, other than swiping the tear crossing the bridge of her nose with her thumb. Silence saturated the room until Cory sat up straight, causing a creak from the chair.
“I don’t know what to say, Lex.”
Alexis pulled herself up with a grunt, hand on baby. “I don’t want you to say anything. I just want you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving until our baby is born. I promised your mother to stay with you, and I’m not leaving.”
Alexis walked out of the room without a glance. “It’s not your baby. You denied him months ago.”
Cory didn’t respond. There was nothing he could say to make it better. Nothing. Alexis peed and went back to her bed. She just wanted to stay asleep. She didn’t feel anything when she was a sleep. “At least leave my room,” she requested in a sultry tone, rolling away from Cory’s presence.
“No. Go to sleep.”
Alexis didn’t have any more fight in her. She was depleted of that when she lost her dad. A closer look on what was worth fighting for and what wasn’t would wait until later. Sleep was the only thing Alexis cared about, not Cory, not Riki, not Kinley, not the baby, and not her dad, only sleep. She just wanted it to stop. All of it.
Cory was missing from the chair when Alexis woke to the bright light, streaming from the window. The clock told her it was nearly ten and that was the moment she wondered about Riki and Kinley. She looked for her cell phone first and then took the cordless from the receiver.
“Hey, how are you?” Sam quietly answered.
Alexis looked out to the pond where the sun shined bright. “I’m okay. Do you have my girls?”
“Yes, they’re playing in the basement with Doug and Emily. He hung their tire-swings from the beams,” Sam explained in a laugh.
“You’re home with him?”
“Yeah, I feel like I need him right now, you know?”
“Yes, I get it. I’m glad you’re with Doug. I’ll come and get the girls in a little bit.”
“Um…I just talked to Cory. I’m going to keep them for a couple days.”
“I’ll call you back. I sort of feel like I need them right now, too.” Alexis did need them. She needed their smiles and tiny voices. The house was too quiet without them, too dark, and too lonely.
“Okay, love you, bye.”
“Love you, bye.” Alexis could smell bacon from upstairs. She pulled on a robe, knowing Cory helped her get out of the wet dress she’d worn to her father’s funeral. Alexis held her breath and pushed in on the little leg shoving on her ribcage and descended the stairs.
“Good morning. Sit. I made breakfast.”
“Cory, I don’t want you here. Why can’t you understand that? I don’t want you to cook for me, I don’t want you to get me coffee, and I don’t want you in my house. What is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong is I am the biggest fucking idiot alive. That’s what is wrong,” Cory moved about the kitchen, shoving scrambled eggs and coffee in her face after making her sit. “I can’t believe you let me go months thinking you fucked Mitch. Did you know he spent the night in the hospital?”
Alexis was perplexed. She didn’t even know how to respond. She didn’t want to respond. “I don’t care.”
“You do care, Alexis. I know you do. Let’s fix this. Please. Let’s fix this,” Cory begged.
Alexis stood with a loud thump, dishes clanging from the blunt force of her fists to the table. “Fuck you, Cory. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get a do-over. I tried. I tried so many times to talk to you. You were awful. Do you remember any of that, Cory? Should I just forgive you?”
“Alexis, you could have told me.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. I know who you are. You’ve shown your true colors time and time again. I don’t want you.”
“Don’t tell me there wasn’t one time you couldn’t have told me over the past eigh
t months.”
“Yes, there were lots of times I could have done that. But not when I cared. Not when you should have listened. It doesn’t even matter anymore, Cory. Just leave,” Alexis begged with the calming of her voice, or maybe it was defeat. She just wanted him to leave.
“I can’t leave you here like this, Lex.”
“Like what? Hurt? Devastated? Alone? Yes you can. You’re very good at it. Just get in your pretty little truck out there and drive away. Just like you did last time.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Fuck you!” Alexis yelled again. “I’ll tell you what’s not fair. What’s not fair is I can never get on the phone and call my dad. What’s not fair is he’s never going to hold this little baby. What’s not fair is you thinking you have any right to anything going on in my family. You’re not my family. I don’t fucking want you.”
Cory took a deep breath and scratched his stubbly chin. “I’m going to get the girls. You’re not stable enough to keep them right now.”
Alexis turned on him with that remark. Cory grabbed her wrists before she had the opportunity slap him. “I’m going, Alexis. I’m going, but whether we’re together or not, you have to stop hating me.”
“No I don’t.” Her arms jerked from his and she walked to the living room, opened the door and walked away, showing him the way. Alexis sat on the sofa, turning her back to him and waiting for him to leave.
The audible conquered breath was heard when he opened the screen door to leave. “Come on boy, come inside. At least she wants you,” Cory said while holding the door for Mr. Dog. “Mr. Dog? Come on boy.” Alexis turned to the door, seeing Mr. Dog on his favorite rug on the porch. Cory didn’t even have to tell her. She knew. He didn’t move. It was cold out. Mr. Dog didn’t stay outside when it was cold. He had arthritis. His old bones hurt when he was cold.
“Cory?”
Cory walked out and knelt beside Mr. Dog. “Come on, boy. Not now. Please wake up.” He looked up to see Alexis standing in the door with one hand on her stomach and one covering her mouth. “I’m sorry, Lex.”
“Do you think the ground is too frozen to dig a hole? Underneath the oak tree by the pond?”
“No, I don’t think so. I’ll get the shovel,” Cory quietly offered.
“Take his rug. Put it in first and lay him on it. I’ll put a quilt on the chair for you to cover him up with.” Alexis walked away, feeling numb. She couldn’t cry for Mr. Dog right now. She didn’t have a tear left to cry. This would be another one of those things she would revisit at a later time, once she was normal again. If that day ever came.
Alexis watched out the upstairs window while Cory shoveled dirt, creating a resting place for Mr. Dog. She continued to watch until she watched Cory carry Mr. Dog across the yard to his favorite, lazy day spot. Right below his beloved shade tree. Alexis walked away before he placed him in the hole, wrapped in his adored rug. She couldn’t watch that.
Cory never returned. Alexis heard his truck start and then the gravel crunching below his tires. She sighed, and walked upstairs. Maybe a hot bath would help clear her mind. What else could go wrong? How much could one person endure before the cracked? She ran a tub of hot bubbles, flipped on the radio, and sank to her neck. And then cried, crying for nothing, and crying for everything. Her heart hurt like nothing she’d ever felt before. Like something that would never stop. Like the excruciating pain would never end.
The plan was to stay in the water until it cooled and her skin became wrinkly, however, that didn’t work. Riki wanted to talk to her. Alexis wrapped her wet body in a towel and ran for the phone.
“Lexis?”
“Hi, baby. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I want to come home with you. Daddy said I can’t. I want to, Lexis. Will you come and get me?” Riki cried.
“I’m not feeling good, sweetie. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay. Are you with daddy now?”
“No, he just came here and brought us clothes. We’re at Aunt Sam’s, but I want to come home.”
“Is Emily with you?”
“Yes, but I just want to come home. Can I? Please.”
“Let me call your dad. I’ll call you right back.”
“Lexis?”
“What, baby?”
“Grandpa Kinney died.”
“I know, baby. I’ll call you right back, okay?”
“Okay,” Riki sadly replied.
Alexis held back more tears and dialed Cory.
“Lex? Everything okay?” he answered.
“No, Cory. I want Riki. I’m going to get my girls.”
“No, you’re not, Alexis. You’re not stable enough to take care of yourself right now.”
“I need them.”
“Then I will go get them and take care of all of you. I’m not leaving you alone with them.”
Alexis stood and walked to the window, seeing the pile of fresh dirt below the tree. “Did you tell her about Mr. Dog?”
“No, I couldn’t. She barely understands why she can’t see Grandpa Kinney. I don’t know what to say to her.”
“Please go get them.”
“I’m staying.”
“Whatever, but don’t try to talk to me about anything. It is what it is, and it’s too broke to fix. I don’t want to fix us Cory.”
“Okay,” Cory agreed in a hurt tone. Alexis didn’t care about his hurt tenor. He didn’t even know the meaning of hurt. She dressed in flannel pants, a tee, and a baggy hoodie. Impressing Cory was the last thing she wanted to do.
Waiting for them to get there was torture. It seemed to take hours instead of minutes. She stoked the fire, flipped on the television, and yawned. The next thing she knew she was waking up from the recliner with a blanket over her arms. Riki was asleep at one end of the couch and Cory and Kinley were on the other. Alexis stared at all three of them, and started bawling. What the hell? Looking at a family that never had a chance hurt her heart. Her entire life hurt her heart.
Cory woke when he heard the clunk from the recliner handle, lowering the footrest. “I didn’t even hear you come. I must have fallen asleep.”
“It’s okay. They both needed a nap. You hungry?”
“I don’t need you to take care of me.”
“You don’t need anything these days, do you, Lex?”
Alexis stared at Cory, but not into his eyes the way he might have thought. It was more through him. “We’re not doing this. You’re here because you refuse to leave. That’s it.”
Cory’s rebuttal was cut off by the ringing phone. Alexis went for it in the kitchen without another glance.
“Hey, girl. How are you?” Bernie asked.
“I’m okay, just woke up from a nap. Long night.”
“Is he there?”
“Yeah, he’s like a bad rash. He won’t go away.”
“I’m sorry, Lex.”
“Eh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Guess what?”
“What?”
“Mr. Dog died this morning.”
“Oh my, God. Are you serious? What happened?”
“Nothing. He died peacefully, laying on his rug in front of the swing. I didn’t get to say goodbye to him either.”
“Wow, your luck, girl.”
“Right? My dad says when you stop fighting for things, you start a new life. Maybe this is my new life.”
“Said,” Bernie corrected.
Alexis’s eyes went to the two silver bowels. One full of water and one empty. “I don’t know how to be me without Mr. Dog or my dad.”
“Want me to come over?”
“No, I’m going to make the girls some lunch and spend the day with them. I’m okay. I promise,” Alexis looked to the beep in her ear and told Bernie she had to go. Her mother was calling.
“Okay, call me later. Love you, chick.”
“Love you back, chick.”
“Hi, how are you?” Lola asked. If one more person asked how she was…
“I’m okay, mom. I’m sorry I scared
you. I guess I lost it a little.”
“As long as you’re okay. You can come over for supper if you want. There’s a houseful, but there’s always plenty.”
Alexis snorted. “There’s always a houseful there. I’m going to pass. Cory just brought the girls home. I need them right now.”
“And him?”
“No, Mom. I don’t need him,” Alexis assured her mother while her eyes darted right to Cory’s, entering the kitchen with Kinley. She smiled at reaching Kinley while Cory placed her on her lap.
“Hate paralyzes you, Alexis.”
“I don’t hate him, mom. I’m just not overly excited about his existence.”
Cory smiled at Alexis and her comments toward him while he emptied the dog bowels and carried them to the pantry.
“I’m going to tell you just like I told Sam. It’s not over with you and Cory any more than it is her and Doug. You hit a bump. People do crazy things when they love someone. Step over the hurdle and move on. Life is too short for hate. I’m here if you need me. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“I am, Alexis. You tend to look at death different when you get older. Your dad’s in a good place and I know I’ll see him again.”
“But how do you move on without someone you love so much, someone you let be a part of your soul like that?”
Cory squatted to the floor when Kinley slid from Alexis’s lap, bringing him her little cowboy boots, listening as Alexis asked her mom about him. He knew it was him she wanted to get over. He knew she was seeking advice from her mother, and Alexis knew he knew. She wanted him to know.
“You can’t tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart’s still in love. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”
“Love you too, mom.”
“I don’t think we should tell Riki about Mr. Dog. I think we should tell her he wondered off and we can’t find him,” Cory suggested, still squatted to the floor.
Riki made her sleepy-eyed presence next, walking right to Alexis. Alexis slid her to her lap and hugged her.
“I sweetie.”
Riki looked up with sad eyed, right into Alexis’s, drooped shoulders and a puckering lip. “I’m sorry your dad died, Lexis.”