“Your place tonight?” I asked after I finally pulled away from her.
Biting her lip, she nodded. Then she swatted my bottom and pushed me back toward the stage. Tease. I finished out the rest of the performance imagining her legs wrapped around me, her fingers in my hair, and her breathless moans in my ear. I couldn’t wait to be alone with her.
It was hours later, but eventually we stepped through the door of the apartment Kiera shared with Anna. I wondered how long she’d stay here with her sister, but like sex, moving in together was something I didn’t want to rush. When the time felt right, it would happen.
Walking into their small living space, I ran my fingers over the back of the comfortable chair I’d given Kiera. Coming up behind me, she wrapped her arms around my waist. “I was so surprised you gave that to me. And happy. And sad.” I twisted to look at her and she shrugged. “It reminded me of you.”
I nodded. “Everything reminded me of you, but that still wasn’t enough. I needed something permanent.” I patted the tattoo over my heart and stared into her eyes. She was my everything.
Kiera’s eyes misted. “You astound me,” she said, slipping off my jacket.
“There’s nothing special about me,” I said, helping her with my coat.
With a smirk, she pulled on the bottom of my shirt, leading us to the hallway. “I know about fifty thousand girls who would disagree with that assessment.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Fifty thousand? My, my, I’ve been busy.”
When her back was to her bedroom door, she yanked me into her. “Not everything revolves around sex, Kellan.”
Stepping forward, I pressed my body along the length of hers. “I know.”
Her mouth parted and she tilted her head up, like she wanted me to kiss her. I bent down like I was going to, but then I opened the door to her room and we both stumbled inside. Giggling, Kiera called me a brat while I kicked the door closed with my foot. My mouth went to her neck and my arms wrapped around her waist. She stopped laughing with a small, satisfied sigh. God, I loved holding her, touching her…being with her.
My lips worked their way up to her mouth. Her touch was so soft, so sweet. I had never kissed anyone else with lips quite like hers. They made my head spin, left me breathless. They filled my every waking moment, began my every fantasy, and ended my every dream. Those wonderful, erotic lips…
While our mouths moved together, our bodies began shuffling toward the futon that she was using as a bed. When her legs hit the edge of it, I leaned over, forcing her to sit on it. We broke apart just long enough for her to kick off her shoes and scoot onto the middle of the bed. She gave me a minute to take off my boots, then her hand snaked out for my shirt and pulled me back to her. I laughed as our mouths reconnected. “So aggressive today…I like it.”
She laughed in my mouth as her fingers darted under my shirt. “I just missed you.”
That made me laugh. We’d spent a good chunk of the day and night together. We’d been apart for maybe a few hours in the middle, when she went to work and I’d met with the guys, but it hadn’t lasted very long. Rolling her onto her back, I hovered over the top of her. “I missed you too.” I was getting harder and harder by the second.
Kiera started pulling on my shirt, so I reached back and removed it one-handed. As I twisted to toss it on her floor, she began tracing my tattoo. Smiling, I studied the serenity on her face. When I got the tattoo, I never imagined Kiera would see it. And I definitely never thought her fingers would be stroking the swirling letters of her name. I liked it. A lot.
With peaceful, loving eyes, Kiera looked up at me. My heart squeezed as I looked down at her. She’s mine. I can’t believe she’s really mine. I tenderly stroked my knuckle down her cheek, then leaned down to kiss her again.
“Kellan,” she whispered, right before our lips touched. I pulled back to gaze at her, and she swallowed. “I want to…be with you,” she whispered.
My body reacted to her words, but I couldn’t help teasing her for her vagueness. Placing a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth, I murmured, “You’re with me all the time.”
I ran my fingers across her shoulder, down her ribs. She shivered, then squirmed. “You know that’s not what I meant,” she whispered.
I shifted our position so I was more firmly on top of her, and her leg wrapped around mine, holding me in place. I felt fire surging throughout my body. I wanted so much more, but I held back, teasing her and myself. Running my tongue up the side of her neck, I murmured, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What is it that you want?”
My hand drifted up her shirt, my thumb circled her nipple; it was fully erect under her thin bra. Her breath was heavier when she answered me. “I want you.”
My lips ghosted over hers. “You have me.”
She gasped when our mouths almost touched but didn’t. I pressed my hips into her, momentarily satisfying the ache building between us. Or maybe I was making it worse. Sometimes it was hard to tell. Kiera moaned and clutched my neck. Her fingers tangled into the back of my hair, sending jolts of electricity down my back. “Kellan…I want you…now.”
My hand slid down her stomach to the waistband of her shorts as I moved to her side. With one hand, I unbuttoned them and tucked my fingers inside. Her other hand reached up to my shoulder, and her nails dug into my flesh so deep I was sure I had marks. God, I loved that.
She was panting as my fingers inched lower and lower. “You have me, now and always,” I whispered in her ear.
She squirmed under my touch. “Yes, please, yes.”
God, I loved it when she begged. Praying I could keep it together long enough to tease her, I let my fingers slide against her. She cried out when I touched her. She was so fucking wet. For me. All for me. “You already have me, so what is it you really want, baby?” I wanted this, but I needed her to be specific. I needed her to be sure she was ready. I certainly was.
I stroked against her in slow, teasing circles. She gripped me harder, squirming against me. “You…I want…”
I contained a groan as her words, her sounds, and the look on her face nearly undid me. Dipping a finger inside her, I softly asked, “You want this?”
She answered with incoherent groans and murmurings that sort of sounded like yes. Smiling, I kissed her throat. Kiera turned her head and found my mouth. She attacked me with eager, hungry kisses that made me want to rip her clothes off and plunge inside her.
Instead, I asked again, “What do you want to do to me, Kiera?”
She started groaning and moving in a rhythm that let me know she was close. I wanted her to say it before she came though, so I begged her, “Please tell me…please.”
She made a noise laced with frustration, then she reached down and pulled my hand away from her. She was breathing hard as she stared at me. Surprisingly, my breath was fast too. “Why did you stop me?” I asked her.
Gazing at me, she took a deep inhale before settling into a peaceful smile. “Because I want to make love to you. I want to have a glorious release with you, not separate from you.”
I gave her a lingering kiss. That’s exactly what I’ve been waiting to hear. “I love you so much, Kiera. I’m so happy you’re with me.”
She kissed my forehead. “I feel the same, Kellan. I feel exactly the same. I don’t want to ever go back to being without you. I love you too much to go back.”
I smiled wider as the warmth of the moment washed over me. “You never have to. I’m yours as long as you want me.”
She giggled. “Well, you already know how much I want you.”
I laughed, then kissed her jaw. Then the moment turned more serious, and I knew it was time. We were ready. Recalling everything we’d gone through, everything she meant to me, I softly sang the emotional song I had written about her while I finished undressing us. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, and my heart was in my throat as my fingers ran over her exposed, silky skin. There was nothing between us now but love. This
was how it should have been, from the very beginning.
With one arm around her waist, I laid her back on the bed. Before joining her, I stopped and stared, awed at what I was seeing. This beautiful creature was mine, heart and soul. She wasn’t a dream, she wasn’t a fantasy, and she wouldn’t evaporate the minute this was over. She was ready to love me, ready to be loved by me, and only me. And although she had her flaws, just as I did, she was perfect in my eyes—a goddess.
My mouth trailed slow kisses over her body. Every soft gasp, light moan, and gentle scrape of her fingernails over my skin ignited me. But knowing I no longer had to share this intimate moment with anyone else inflamed me. I wanted her, always.
As her soft hands explored my skin, mine traveled over her curves. When we could both take no more teasing, I shifted my body over hers. Her name washed over my lips as I slid myself into her, and the absolute euphoria of reconnecting was nothing compared to the emotional bond strengthening between us. We were free, no more barriers.
Gently, I pulled back, then sank into her again; we both cried out in unison. Heaven. As we began to effortlessly move together, I told her how beautiful she was, how much I’d missed her, how much I needed her, how empty I’d been without her. Every phrase that left my lips grew more impassioned as the fire between us spiked. But then the words “Don’t leave…I don’t want to be alone” slipped out of my mouth. It was embarrassing, but I couldn’t stop myself from saying it. Not being with her was my greatest fear. My only fear.
The memory of who I was before she came into my life, exactly a year ago, pounded through my brain—the loneliness, the desperation to connect—I couldn’t go back to that emptiness. I wouldn’t survive it. “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I muttered, barely conscious of saying it. I don’t want to be without you anymore. Ever.
Her expression full of confidence and compassion, Kiera grabbed my face and told me she wouldn’t ever leave me. Then she kissed me as fiercely as she could, pouring her heart into the action. I twisted our bodies so we were facing each other as we continued making love. And even though we were as close as two people could get, I pulled her tighter. “I don’t want to be without you,” I whispered.
“I’m right here, Kellan.” Grabbing my hand, she placed it over her heart. “I’m with you…I’m right here.”
Having everything I’d ever wanted laid out in front of me was too much, too powerful. I didn’t know how to handle the vast amount of love and joy churning within me, and I was momentarily struck with terror that it would all crumble to dust in an instant. But I knew her words were honest and true, and I found some comfort in them.
My hand over Kiera’s heart seared her hope and love into me, relaxing me. She placed her fingers over my heart, and I hoped she felt my love pouring into her too. I got lost in the rhythm of our bodies, the smell of her wrapped around me, the softness of where our skin touched. And, above it all, the rising tide of bliss that was quickly overtaking me. I knew I was getting close, but I didn’t want to feel this life-altering moment on my own, so cupping her cheek, I begged her to finish with me. Still teetering on an emotional cliff, I also told her that I didn’t want to be alone again.
She told me I wasn’t alone anymore, then she completely fell apart. Experiencing her response, both verbal and physical, pushed me over the edge. At the peak of the moment, we locked eyes, and the entire world seemed to come to a stop. And in that moment, all of my lingering fears vanished. I wasn’t alone. We were in this together now—100 percent.
Our first time together as a genuine couple was one of those pebble-in-the-pond moments that I knew I would remember for the rest of my life. And it was only the first of many, many moments that we were going to share together. Hopefully, it was the beginning of a lifetime together. Because that was what I wanted with her. Forever.
And a lifetime together actually seemed possible now. Several things were seeming possible lately. Matt had gotten confirmation about Bumbershoot. We were gonna rock the festival this summer, and who knew where that might lead. Denny and I continued to be on speaking terms. He even knew that Kiera and I were officially together, and he was still cordial with me. The other D-Bags were doing well. Rachel and Matt were still together, and so were Evan and Jenny. Griffin and Anna were…well, they were happy with whatever they were doing with each other. And Kiera and I…we were progressing at a steady pace, and I’d never been happier in all my life. Yes. Things were definitely looking up.
I’d never really given much thought to my future before now. I guess I’d never really believed I would have one, or one with any true significance or meaning. But now, so many things seemed possible to me, and those possibilities gave my life new meaning and purpose. I was actually excited to see what might happen next. I just prayed to God that I didn’t do anything stupid to screw it all up. I supposed only time would tell, but with Kiera by my side I felt good about my odds. I felt good about our odds. And for the first time, I was beginning to believe that my parents had been wrong about me. Sure, I might make mistakes, I might do things I shouldn’t, I might stumble and fall, and I might even hurt people in the process, but I was going to be just fine. We all were.
Bonus Material
Dear Reader,
I hope you enjoyed Thoughtful! Writing Kellan’s story was a time-consuming labor of love. Countless hours were spent making sure every single moment of the time period before, during, and after Thoughtless was captured. As a result, the original manuscript was huge! I mean, mammoth! Printing a book that size really wasn’t feasible, so sadly, it had to be trimmed for publication. But thanks to the magic of ebooks, I’m able to add a couple of those scenes back in for you, as bonus material. I hope you enjoy the extra insight!
There were quite a few cut scenes to choose from, but I decided to include the full confessions scene at the Space Needle. I really felt that fans of Thoughtless would be okay with the scene being omitted, since most of the revelations are already covered in Kellan’s thoughts, but I also felt that new fans of the series would like the more in-depth explanation of just what happened to Kellan in his past.
As a bonus to the bonus, I’ve also included a short scene that starts after Kellan and Kiera’s screaming match in the back room at Pete’s, where Kellan finally admits he is in love with Kiera, and Kiera finally agrees to let him into her heart. This bonus scene shows exactly how Kellan arranged the after-hours Space Needle tour…
Thank you all for being so supportive of my work. I appreciate each and every one of you!
Much love,
S. C. Stephens
Scene One
Making Arrangements
Evan let me talk with practically no interruptions. He asked a question every so often, and sometimes he’d frown or shake his head, but he kept most of his comments to himself. When I was finished, he knew almost everything that Kiera and I had gone through in our rocky relationship. The only comment he made when I was done was “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
I looked everywhere but at his warm brown eyes. “I knew what you’d say. That she wasn’t mine, and I couldn’t go there, and…I didn’t want to hear it.” I flashed a glance his way. “Honestly, I still don’t, but it’s kind of too late now.”
Evan cracked a smile. “Yeah. Cat’s out of the bag, right?”
I cringed as I remembered my angry outburst. God, I could be such a dick sometimes. “Yeah…right.” Evan softly chuckled beside me. When he was done, I asked him, “So…do you really think I’m a dog?”
Evan smiled and shook his head, then nodded. “Yes…sometimes you really are.”
I jabbed him in the shoulder while he laughed again. With a shake of my head, I sighed and said, “Yeah, I suppose I am sometimes.”
Evan’s amused expression turned more serious. “Despite it all, I think you’re a good person, Kellan, and I know you’ll do the right thing.”
Even though I wasn’t so sure that I would, or that I even knew what the right thing
was, I nodded. My mind drifted to Kiera, and I focused Evan’s statement on her. If I took Denny out of the equation, what would be the right thing between the two of us? That question was actually an easy one. Honesty was what we needed. The air needed to be cleared, barriers needed to be torn down. I needed to show her the deepest areas of me and hope that didn’t scare her off. But I’d already shown her plenty of darkness, and she was still mine, so I felt okay exposing my innermost soul to her. For the first time in my life, I wanted to open up to someone…about everything.
And I knew the exact right place to do it. But arrangements would need to be made, and I couldn’t make them from here. I needed to leave, which meant I needed to walk through the bar…and I’d probably see Denny. That couldn’t be helped though. I couldn’t stay hidden back here all night.
Glancing around the back room, I asked Evan, “How long do you think I need to stay back here?”
Evan shrugged. “Another twenty minutes maybe, just to be on the safe side.”
I nodded, but I really didn’t think it mattered. If Denny truly did suspect something, whether I came out five minutes after Kiera or an hour after her would make no difference whatsoever.
When I felt time pressing in on me, I stood up. Evan stood with me. With a quick exhale, I bounced on my feet. I sort of felt like I was about to go perform onstage in front of a massive audience; I wasn’t nervous, but I was pumped full of energy. “Wish me luck,” I tossed over my shoulder.