“Well, Officer, it’s like this,” McMillen said, “Southern gentlemen is kinda touchy about some things, and I don’t want what I have to tell you now to be misunderstood.”
But before McMillen could continue, there was a whoop of laughter behind us, and I turned to see the woman in the corner, who I had thought was asleep, looking at us with unsteady head.
“Gen’lmen,” she said, “gen’lmen, what the man wants to know is, are you John Law gen’lmen in back of Mister Mason or in front of Mr. Dixon….”
The sergeant banged his fist on the table, sending up a cloud of dust which settled on the corpse in a fine brown veil. “That’s enough out of you,” he shouted. “Just one more word—”
“Sure, sure,” the woman said, “but just answer Uncle Tom’s question. ‘N I want you to answer me one lil ole thing, ‘n that’s how could that poor bastard confuse you buncha faggots with gen’lmen? Far’s I can see, he’s the only dam’ gen’lman in the crowd. Thass right, ‘cause who but a gent would pay me to do my number in this kinda costume?” and she flung Officer Tillman’s jacket aside, trying vainly to stand, and fell back, laughing.
The pitch of McMillen’s voice leaped an octave. “Officer, Officer!” he said, “I want it strictly understood that that woman’s being here wasn’t no idea of mine!”
“Then how’d she get here?” the sergeant said.
“Oh, I’m going to tell you,” McMillen said. “You can bet your life I’m going to tell you. And this is what happened. After Mister Jessie raved awhile about his coffin rottening out on him, he just stood there in the middle of the floor with his eyes shining. He must have been thinking up a storm too, because all at once he started to yelling, ‘Hell and damnation!’ He said, ‘McMillen, when I was a young fellow I worked for a while as a porter in a house of ill-fame’—he meant a whorehouse—’and I never even tried to sample the goods!’ And I started to say, ‘Now is that a fact’ when he called my name like someone had stuck him with a pitchfork.
“‘McMILLEN,’ he said, ‘here’s what I want you to do. I want you to take this money—he carries his money in one of those ole long ole-fashioned leather pocketbooks with a snap on the top. You can see when you search him…. He said, ‘You take this money and go get us a case of the best bourbon whiskey you can find, and then I want you to get—’
“And I broke in then and said, ‘Now wait, Mister Jessie, you don’t want no case of whiskey….’
“And he said, ‘Boy, don’t tell me what I want! I say get me a case of whiskey like I told you. And when you get the whiskey, I want you to get me a sporting woman. Get me a raving blonde!’
“Gen’lmen, that’s when I really got disturbed. Now I knew Mister Jessie was disgusted, but I didn’t see any reason for him to be that disgusted; so I said, ‘Mister Jessie, I know you’re upset, but you don’t have to get all that upset. First you call for whiskey, and you don’t drink, and now you’re calling for a woman and you know,’ I said, ‘you know you too old for that kind of foolishness. And now on top of all that you asking for a blond pink-toe strumpet!’
“‘That’s right,’ Mister Jessie said, ‘that’s what I called for and that’s what I want. Here, take this damn money. I want you to get me one about forty-five, if you can find one who hasn’t hung up her bloomers and retired, as those Jezebels and Magdalenes I worked around used to say.’
“So this time I asked him real quiet, ‘Mister Jessie, have you been drinking?’ And he said, ‘No, but I plan to be as quick as you stop hanging around here asking questions and get back here with some whiskey. No, dammit, I’m not drunk; I’m just full of ninety years of disgust. You just get me the liquor and the gal.’
“So you see, gen’lmen, I really tried to argue him out of it, but I couldn’t get nowhere. He always was a stubborn ole man, still, he was my friend. So I found a taxi and went and picked up a case of Jack Daniel’s, and when I went to pay for it, I found out that Mister Jessie had give me an ole mildewed five-hundred-dollar bill. The man in the liquor store didn’t even want to change it. In fact, he sent a clerk to the bank to see if it was good or if it had been stolen. So then I took the same taxi and went and looked up a fellow I knew who used to work at one of these what they call ‘hit ‘em and skip ‘em motels,’ and he laughed at me like I was crazy and called me a fool, but he give me that lady over there’s telephone number.”
“How much did you pay her?” the sergeant said.
“I offered her seventy-five dollars and a tip if she satisfied Mister Jessie. But she said that there was a big convention in town so that she’d have to have the union scale—a hundred dollars.”
“A hundred dollars—her?” one of the officers said. “I’ll be damn!”
“Yes, suh. She sounded like she was juiced already, and I started to tell her to forget it—”
“Juiced?”
“I mean she sounded like she had been drinking, about three sheets in the wind—high. But much as I wanted to help Mister Jessie, I didn’t want to go around looking for another woman for him. So I told her okey and dropped by her place, and though she didn’t look like she was worth any hundred dollars to me, I paid her most of the money right then and there; so that if she came out here and found that Mister Jessie had changed his mind, or if she didn’t like the deal, she wouldn’t start no black-and-white—I mean she wouldn’t cause no trouble. And to tell the truth, the fellow who give me the address also give me a drink, and I had started to get awful curious to see what Mister Jessie was going to do.”
“So what did he do?” the sergeant said.
“I’m gon’ tell you, Officer. So then I told the lady the address, and she said she’d be here in about thirty minutes. And then I got in a taxi and came back here with the case of whiskey. I was pretty worried, because not only was Mister Jessie acting like he’d been drinking billiards or something, but I was afraid that the lady had taken his money and wouldn’t show up.
“Well, gen’lmen, when I got back here Mister Jessie had shaved and got dressed up in that suit he used to wear when he served on the ushers’ board of his church. He was a trustee too, and always a very neat and dignified-looking man. And now although he wasn’t no calmer than when I left, he looked really sharp.
“I said, ‘Mister Jessie, here’s all this whiskey you ordered,’ and right away he wanted to know if it was the best, and I told him it was the best I knew about. So then he said, ‘I told you to bring me some whiskey and a woman, McMillen—where’s the gal?’
“So I said, ‘Now don’t get excited, Mister Jessie. She’ll be along in about twenty minutes.’
“‘She’d better be,’ he said. ‘McMillen, she’d sure better be. Because if she ain’t, I’ll go out and find another one. I’ll find me a half dozen! How much money did you spend?’
“‘About two hundred dollars,’ I told him, and I starts to give him his change.
“Well, he looks at me like I’d stepped on his corn then and said, ‘Two hundred dollars! And you talking to me about value? Why, when I was a boy you could buy a whole barrel of whiskey for fifteen dollars!’
“And I said, ‘Yes, suh, Mister Jessie, I reckon that’s when you should’ve been buying it. Times have changed. I told you you didn’t want no whole case of whiskey. You can’t even buy a gallon of jump-steady bootleg for no fifteen dollars. Not today!’
“He said, ‘McMillen, I know what I want and I don’t want it for free. I got the money to pay for it and I’ll pay. How much did it cost?’
“Almost a hundred dollars—ninety-three dollars and seventy-three cents.’
“Well, then Mister Jessie looked at me kind of hard and said, ‘McMillen, what kind of damn woman did you get me?’
“‘I don’t know what kind she is, Mister Jessie,’ I said, ‘’cepting that she’s supposed to be a blonde.’ And just as I said that, that lady over there in the corner, she knocked on the door and Mister Jessie told me to let her in.
“And that’s when he did something el
se that was strange. When I walked back in here with the lady, Mister Jessie was nowhere to be seen. So I told the lady, ‘I guess he’s in the kitchen or the bedroom. You just take a seat while I go see.’
“But before I could move I heard Mister Jessie’s voice say, ‘McMillen, I’m not in the bedroom, I’m right here.’
“Both me and the lady gave a jump at this, and that’s when I realized that Mister Jessie had climbed into that coffin and was propped up on his elbow, looking down over the edge at us. And when I saw that, I made up my mind that I had business in the basement.
“So I turned to the lady and told her, ‘There he is, ma’am. He’s the one who sent for you,’ and then I headed straight for the door. I figured that since she was juiced and Mister Jessie was headed straight for St. Elizabeth’s, they didn’t need me to introduce ‘em. I almost made it to the door too, but Mister Jessie wouldn’t let me leave. He sat up then and said, ‘McMillen, where you think you’re going? You’re invited to this party too.’
“And that was when the lady spoke up for the first time. She said, ‘That’ll cost you double, Dad’— That’s right,” McMillen said indignantly, “never seen Mister Jessie before in her life, and right away she’s calling him ‘Dad’! I expected Mister Jessie to take her head off because getting sassy with him is like getting out of line with the high Chief Justice of the Supreme Cote. I was even about to straighten her out myself, but before I could open my mouth she said, ‘That’s right, Dad; the fee will be double. And while you’re thinking about it, what do you think you’re doing receiving me in that box?’
“Then Mister Jessie said, ‘Miss, you have been paid once and for all. If my terms are unsatisfactory, just return my money and leave us and there’ll be no hard feelings. I intend for this to be a party and I want no contention. How about it, now?’
“That calmed the—well, gen’lmen, that cooled her down a bit. She said, ‘Okey, Dad. But tell me something, what do you think you’re doing up there in that thing?’
“‘Miss, I’m resting,’ Mister Jessie said.
“And she said, ‘Dad, you sure must be awful tired.’
“So she looked at him all juiced-eyed then and shook her head like she was woozy, and she said, ‘Dad, you must be beat to your righteous socks. But why make it so easy for the body snatchers? All they’d have to do is shoot you full of formaldehyde, and you’re on your righteous way. You picked a strange place to entertain, Dad.’ And Mister Jessie said, ‘Are you objecting, miss?’ And she said, ‘Oh, no, Dad. But from where you’re sitting maybe you can tell me just why it is that every time I do business with one of you spooks it turns out mad? I have never known it to fail. Either the joint gets raided or the john’s ambitious to start him a family, or he thinks he’s a stud; or somebody shoots out the lights and throws a cat and a bulldog into the room. It’s always mad, Dad. Like in Baltimore the time that lady preacher who turned tricks herself until she went over the hill and had to hang up her drawers—she crashes into the joint like Carrie Nation—only she’s got a forty-five instead of a hatchet—and she stands everybody against the wall and tries to convert us to her religion. And now I pick one who wants to be entertained in a coffin!’ ”
McMillen shook his head, his voice coming dolefully.
“So that’s when I knew for sure that Mister Jessie wasn’t hisself; that he had gone seenile. ‘Cause all he did was look at that female snake real stern.
But to tell the truth, I was really irritated…. That kind of woman coming into Mister Jessie’s house and starting right off calling us spooks. She didn’t even know our names. At first I was hoping deep down that when she saw him she’d speak up and tell him he was acting a fool and that he ought to be ashamed. ‘Cause anybody could see that Mister Jessie was upset in his mind. But instead of doing that, she started talking all that old jive talk and calling us spooks. I tried again to leave, but before I could get out of the room Mister Jessie stopped me.
“Said, ‘Wait a minute there, McMillen,’ and he asked the lady, ‘Miss, what’s your name?’
“And she said, ‘Cordelia Duval, doll. What’s yours?’
“And he said, ‘I’m Mister Jessie Rockmore, Miss Duval. And that’s Mister Aubrey McMillen. We’re pleased to make your acquaintance. But before you take your things off, let me ask if you—’ And before he could finish she said, ‘Take them off? Dad, are you kidding? These are the McCoy!’
“Mister Jessie looked at her and kinda frowned and said, ‘No, ma’am, you misunderstood me, Miss Duval. I don’t question that at all. I just wanted to ask if you danced?’
“‘Dance?’ she said, and that’s when she threw back her head and started to acting real grand, talking about, ‘Why I was in the Follies, doll.’
“‘Is that so?’ Mister Jessie said. ‘I would have thought you would have been too young, Miss Duval.’
“And she said, ‘You don’t believe me, doll? Well, I was. I knew Mr. Ziegfeld and Mr. George White too.’
“So Mister Jessie just looked at her awhile. Then he said, ‘And have you been practicing your present profession long?’
“And the lady said, ‘Long enough to know all the tricks, Dad. You know any new ones? I think you’re trying to insult me, Dad. I was in the Follies and I knew Flo Ziegfeld and Will Rogers and I knew that spook boy Bert Williams too. He was a great performer and real cute when he took off his greasepaint. And wasn’t he a riot when he walked around pecking in his rooster costume! “Ah ain’t evah done nothing to nobody,” he used to sing, and “Take Away Those Pearly Gates” was another. We were all friends together and they were all sweet to me!’
“Then Mister Jessie said, ‘That’s all very interesting, Miss Duval.’ And she said, ‘It was, doll; you have no idea. It was the height of my career and, doll, it seemed all clear, bluebird weather. Then I was betrayed by a playboy out of the Social Register and became disillusioned. Do you still think I’m lying, Dad?’
“And Mister Jessie said, ‘No, Miss Duval.’
“But that’s when I had to speak up myself. I said, ‘Mister Jessie, you know this strumpet’s lying. You know this whore ain’t been in no Follies. She’s just trying to insult your intelligence.’
“But all he said was, ‘Watch your language, boy.’
“Then he said, ‘That’s too bad, miss, I’m sorry to hear it. I guess we’ve all had our disappointments.’ And she said something about, ‘Yes, doll, but we’re still in there pitching, ain’t we? Why did you ask me if I could dance, doll?’
“‘Because it would be my pleasure to watch some nice dancing, Miss Duval. Would you be willing?’
“‘You mean that’s all you had me come out here for, Dad? Don’t I appeal to you? What’s wrong with me? I’m a professional, you know, and you have to have pride in what you do.’
“‘Yes, we do,’ Mister Jessie said, looking down at us like a preacher. ‘Mankind has to have pride as well as humility,’ he said, ‘and that’s why we’re having this party because I forgot just that. I never had a party before, but every party needs women and whiskey, and music and dancing. It took me a long time to learn it but I know it now. So would you care to dance, ma’am, or shall we break our contract?’
“She was laughing then, gen’lmen, and she changed her tune. I had been watching her hard, and I saw her when all that money that Mister Jessie had knocked on the floor jumped up and liked to’ve popped her eyes outta her head. Gen’lmen, those bills bugged her eyes out like a weak spot in a rubber inner tube. And she said, ‘Oh, sure, Dad, sure. If it’s dancing you want, I guarantee to satisfy. Where do I put my wraps?’
“So Mister Jessie told me to take her things and bring a bottle of whiskey and some ginger ale and stuff which he’d ordered while I was out getting the whiskey. And so I left them talking while I went to get the glasses and things. I was still worried about Mister Jessie, sitting in the coffin and wanting a woman like that in his house, but he was sounding pretty sensible again.”
“There
’s not a damn thing sensible about anything you’ve told us,” the sergeant said. “Snap it up, will you?”
“Yes, suh,” McMillen said. “I’m trying to remember how it went after that point.”
“Why after that point? What happened?”
“Well, suh, while I was out in the kitchen I had me a drink of that good whiskey. In fact, I had me a good strong one so that woman wouldn’t bug me too much. ‘Cause I figured it was Mister Jessie’s party, and if he wanted her here it was his business. So I had me a strong drink of that good whiskey, and when I got back, things had got to going pretty fast and confusing.
“Mister Jessie was leaning with his elbow propped up on the side of the coffin. Him and the woman is talking like old friends, and she wasn’t trying to act so grand now—though ever’ now and then when she thought nobody was paying any attention I could see her eyes cutting down to those bills. She had larceny in her heart all right, and I decided right then and there I was going to stay right here and look after Mister Jessie and his interests….”
“You mean you meant to get the money before she did,” the sergeant said.
“Oh, no, suh. I could’ve kept some of that five hundred he gave me to get the whiskey with. No, suh, I drink my whiskey but I work hard and I got too much self-respect to steal. You might think different but that’s the truth.”
“Go on.”
“Well, so then I decided to lay right there in the bend and watch out for Mister Jessie. I figured that, after all, I’d been drinking since I was a boy and he was just starting, so it wouldn’t be long before he’d be needing the benefit of my experience. So I kept my eye on him real close when he was taking his first drink, but I couldn’t tell much about how it was hittin’ him because his eyes were hid behind his glasses. He was busy asking the lady if she liked her work and she was saying something about having her a ‘rich full life’ on account of she got a lot of the Capitol trade….”
“She said that?” the sergeant said.
“Yes, suh, she shorely did….”