Read Three Plays Page 7


  Art – (Enters) Ah there you are by boy, I’ve been looking for you for hours now.

  Jim – I’ve been sitting right here the whole time waiting for you. Do you need thicker glasses?

  Art – Have you been. Odd, I didn’t see you. Though I did get side-tracked a little bit.

  Jim – Side-tracked by what?

  Art – I’m in love.

  Jim – (Stares at Art)

  Art – Pretty cool huh?

  Jim – You’re in love?

  Art – Yep.

  Jim – When did that happen?

  Art – Oh about four hours ago I think. Hard to tell for sure, the time sure did fly past. I mean, wow, I haven’t felt anything like this in years. I don’t think I’ve felt this young ever. Wow.

  Jim – This is all rather sudden isn’t it?

  Art – Well, yeah I guess. But who cares, I’m in love Jim.

  Jim – How do you know? I mean this is rather sudden, how do you know that you’re in love?

  Art – How? I dunno, It’s just a feeling, I remember what it feels like from when I fell in love with your mother. Took me a while to recognize it the first time, but now that I know how it feels, well there’s no mistaking. This is great. You outta try it sometime Jim, it’s great.

  Jim – You know you sound like an older kid trying to get a younger one to try some new drug.

  Art – Do I really?

  Jim – Yep

  Art – Well…Don’t do drugs. But try being in love anyhow, it’s just great. It’s even better than playing video games.

  Jim- Better than video games? That’s a tough call I think.

  Art – I’ve been and love, and played a lot of video games. I’d give up video games before I gave up being in love. It’s a great feeling.

  Jim –Wonder if I’ll ever recognize love.

  Art – Well boy, I’ll describe it to you. It feels like, well, hmmmm. Well it just feels good, that’s all. It feels good.

  Jim – Gee, that’s helpful. I think you’re making this up as you go along. Next you’re going to sprout sayings along the lines of ‘Love is like an onion, there are many layers, and if you look too close it’ll make you cry’.

  Art – Bah alright, so I lack the words and you lack the experience. I’m telling you that I’m in love, and that’s a good thing.

  Jim – How did it happen? I mean, this afternoon you weren’t in love and now you are. Is it anyone I know?

  Art – Well, I met a pretty girl, we talked, and she didn’t run off screaming into the night. I found myself attracted to her, and enjoyed her company from the beginning. And since she didn’t run off screaming, and she did accept my invitation out for coffee, I got to know her better. I wonder if she’ll marry me.

  Jim – Damn. We’ll find out after you see how she reacts to you telling her about mom.

  Art – Actually she already knows about most of it.

  Jim – She does?

  Art – Yep.

  Jim – Even the evil incarnate bit?

  Art – Yep.

  Jim – And she stuck around?

  Art – Yep.

  Jim – You weren’t pretending to be the billionaire dictator of a major software firm were you? I mean you have that look about you.

  Art – I told her that I was an electronics repair-man, that I fixed gizmos and so forth.

  Jim – And she still stuck around?

  Art – She even decided to spend more time with me. We went out for coffee and talked for hours. I’m seeing her again tomorrow night on a real date.

  Jim – Are you’re sure you’re ready for that?

  Art – Of course I’m sure. Do I have to be sure? What will I wear?

  Jim – It usually helps to know for certain what you want. At least that’s the advice that you’ve given to me for the last ten years.

  Art – I mean I haven’t been on a date in over twenty years. I don’t have a clue what I should wear on a first date.

  Jim – Why don’t you just go in the same kind of thing you’re wearing now?

  Art – Won’t she think that I’m a slob?

  Jim – Why are you asking me that? I don’t know her, and to be honest women confuse the hell out of me. All I know is that the only way to appease them is to offer sacrifices of flowers.

  Art – The flower trick is important, but it doesn’t always work. You need to remember to compose poems to their great beauty. That usually helps at least as much as flowers.

  Jim – What if she isn’t beautiful enough to deserve a poem.

  Art – Write a haiku then. Or a limerick, just make sure it isn’t dirty. It doesn’t matter, as long as you take time to make it sound good.

  Jim – But what if she isn’t pretty. What if the angry woman in question has a face like a horse?

  Art – Then write a fiction novel about her great beauty. The entire purpose of the whole deed isn’t accuracy, but flattery to keep you out of the dog house. It won’t hurt her, and you’ll hopefully escape with your skin intact.

  Jim – That leaves a lot to look forward to.

  Art – It isn’t that bad, except for the constant being on guard so that you don’t say the wrong thing, but that soon becomes second nature.

  Jim – What happens if it doesn’t?

  Art – Like with most of the natural world, men who don’t adapt to changes don’t live for very much longer.

  Jim – How do you always do that?

  Art – Do what?

  Jim – Put the worse possible face on things, all while managing to scare me to the point that I fear for my life.

  Art- I don’t always do it. Only when it would be really funny.

  Jim – How does now make it really funny?

  Art – It’s about time I passed on my extensive knowledge about women.

  Jim – (nearly dies laughing) Right.

  Art – I was speaking in relative terms.

  Jim – Relative to what?

  Art – Relative to your understanding of women.

  Jim – But I don’t understand them what-so-ever.

  Art – Exactly, which in comparison makes my meager gleanings of knowledge about women in general seem to be the definitive source of information.

  Jim – I’m thinking that two nothings is nothing.

  Art – Sit back and listen to your old man, you’ll learn something, hopefully.

  Jim – What if I don’t end up learning anything?

  Art – Then I’ll finally have proof that you were dropped on your head as a baby.

  Jim – You mean you need more proof than my miss-shapen head?

  Art – That would most likely be genetic. Both your mother and I are reasonably smart individuals, as were our parents. If you’re dumb, well then your head must have been tampered with after you were removed from the packaging.

  Jim – Always possible, though I think if anything is wrong it’s because of designer flaws. Well, shall we get going ‘O’ he who understands women?

  Art – Listen and learn. First of all, I don’t understand women, nobody does, some of the time I feel that they don’t even understand themselves.

  Jim – If you don’t understand them, what makes you an expert?

  Art – Do you think all TV weathermen understand how weather is actually formed?

  Jim – Considering that ditzy blonde girl who does the weather for channel five, no I don’t think they understand the weather what-so-ever. If she’s a good sample of that profession, I would be surprised if most of them could even read.

  Art – They probably don’t understand everything that goes on in the atmosphere, and why it all happens, but they do have the years upon years of observation down so they can predict what might happen. That’s what I do. Don’t know how they work, but I am familiar with some of the more important signals women give off. And what happens after those signals appear.

  Jim – You’re going to try to teach me to be a ditzy weather g
irl. Now who was dropped on his head as a child?

  Art – I’m going to pass onto you our family secrets for survival.

  Jim – You mean like ‘Don’t pee on an electric fence’?

  Art – Exactly, your uncle had to learn that one the hard way. But mostly the ones involving love and women and so forth.

  Jim – I always wondered about him…

  Art – Back to women. I think you’re finally ready to hear about them.

  Jim – You’re not going to go on about the birds and the bees are you?

  Art – I wasn’t planning on it.

  Jim – Good, cause you gave me that speech when I was nine.

  Art – I was planning on hitting the finer points of the fairer sex. I’ve figured that you already know what breasts look like. Well on to more important things. Can you tell when a girl is interested in you?

  Jim – Nope. Wouldn’t she just say something if she was?

  Art – I’ve never had it happen to me, most of them seem to want to be chased, but for the most part our culture has taboos against women chasing men. Though they tend to hint at it when they’re interested.

  Jim – Hint? What sort of hints?

  Art – It varies. A lot of smiling usually, for a while at least, but only until they get annoyed that we’re too dumb to read their minds.

  Jim – Damn our infernal lack of psychic powers!

  Art – Indeed. The most important thing you can learn is how to play dumb. And you already excel at that.

  Jim – I learned from a master. What more can you tell me about that whole predicting thing you were going on about?

  Art – I can’t really tell you the tricks, just keep your eyes open and remember what goes on around you. After a while you’ll be able to at least recognize some of their quirks.

  Jim – Can you give any examples of what you’re talking about?

  Art – Sure. Take Elizabeth for example.

  Jim – What about her?

  Art – She’s in love.

  Jim – Wonder who the lucky guy is.

  Art – All the signs point to the lucky guy being you.

  Jim – Me? Your signs point to me? I think your expert knowledge and skills have failed you dear father.

  Art – No, they serve me quite well. Liz loves you, has for years.

  Jim – Right. Of course she has. What sort of magic pixie dust have you gotten into?

  Art – I’m completely sober Jim.

  Jim – You just told me that my best friend of many years is in love with me, and I didn’t even know it.

  Art – That sums it up fairly well.

  Jim – You have an odd sense of humor.

  Art – Yes I do have a quirky sense of humor. On this I’m quite serious my boy, I’ve seen the way she looks at you.

  Jim – And where did you gain the experience to gauge a woman’s affections from a look?

  Art – Your mother used to look at me the same way.

  Jim – Oh wonderful, mother looked at you the same way. Was that before or after she informed you that you ruined her life and were damned to spending an eternity in hell? If Liz is looking at me like that…Why am I still even alive? Maybe she’s coming up with some terrible forms of torture for me.

  Art – It was when we first met, before she changed. That happened well before you were born smart-ass. Your mother was a loving gentle woman. And she looked at me in a special way.

  Jim – And how did you recognize ‘the look’? Did your abilities just decide to manifest themselves at that instant?

  Art – Your grandfather let me know. He recognized how she was looking at me. Well you see where this story is going. He taught me everything I knew about women, as much good as it’s done me.

  Jim – Makes me wonder why I didn’t end this discussion when it first started.

  Art – The first ten years that we were married were wonderful. They were good times. It all changed after…

  Jim – After John was born, I know, I remember.

  Art – It was a hard birth. Three days in labor, and then a C-Section. Your mother was a religious woman, not too much so, but still more than I have ever been. She was also suppositious to a point. On top of all of that, her parents hated me from the time that she decided that I was going to be her husband. I think that Johnny’s birth just made something inside her snap.

  Jim – She decided? Did she ask you to marry her?

  Art – No, but she dropped hints, and that woman was persistent. I had no clue what was going on.

  Jim – Until grandpa filled you in.

  Art – What a family tradition he started.

  Jim – Did grandma go insane too?

  Art – I don’t think so, but she died when I was six.

  Jim – Not a good way to start a tradition.

  Art – Nope, it could be worse though.

  Jim – Yes it could, it could have karaoke as an integral part of the ceremony.

  Art – Dad has more taste then that, not by much, but enough. What do you plan to do about Liz?

  Jim – I don’t know. I mean, she’s my best friend, and she’s in love with me.

  Art – We’ve covered that.

  Jim – Did your dad ever cover what to do in such a situation?

  Art – No he didn’t, most of his advice so far has been geared to identifying women who might give you a chance.

  Jim – No tips on what to do when you have her?

  Art – Nope. Dad only ever dated one girl, and he ended up marrying her.

  Jim – What the hell kind of expert on women does that make him then?

  Art – One with a narrow range of study, limited to one subject. But it’s better than what you have. What do you think you’ll do about Liz.

  Jim – I don’t know, it’s all a shock. My best friend is in love with me.

  Art – Decided what to do yet?

  Jim – Nope. I’m getting more confused by the minute.

  Art – Well, seems that my work here is done then.

  Jim – Off to save the world now? Or just have dinner with your new love interest?

  Art – Neither, I’m going to take a nap, the world isn’t worthy of a benefactor of my sort, and I have a date with Karen tomorrow night. That sounds good. Oh yes before I go, remember what I asked you about helping me with Johnny…

  Jim – I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to try to do.

  Art – That’s good, but I have a new hurdle to throw in.

  Jim – What now?

  Art – We’re adopting Eugene. He asked me to do it, I think that’s the reason he wanted to talk to me so badly. It needs to be done.

  Jim – DAMN IT. I mean… Damn it.

  Art – You don’t think that’s a good idea?

  Jim – Yes and no.

  Art – How so?

  Jim – Well, it’s great that we’re going to get him away from his father for good. Even though he is almost old enough to leave home on his own. Gene Is like a brother, I’ll be glad to have him, but that might cause serious problems.

  Art – Such as?

  Jim – Being his legal guardian won’t be fun when he does something else really stupid, like the time that he…

  Art – I already told him, as a condition of our adopting him that that sort of thing would end, or the deal was off.

  Jim – Good, the other thing is Johnny himself. You know how Johnny is angry at the universe? Well Johnny doesn’t like Eugene. Actually Johnny seems to hate Eugene more than the rest of humanity on the whole.

  Art – That bad huh?

  Jim – Indeed it is. Indeed it is. Which is odd since Eugene seems to love Johnny like he was his own little brother.

  Art – What irony, if I wasn’t hip-deep in it, maybe it wouldn’t make me want to cry.

  Jim – Maybe we’ll get lucky.

  Art – How so?

  Jim – Maybe on the way home today we’ll get into a terrible flaming car
wreck and get ourselves rather dead.

  Art – How is that lucky?

  Jim – It’s not, but it defiantly beats going home and telling Johnny that Gene is soon to be a member of the family. And then spending the rest of whenever with Johnny…

  Art – I vote car accident, but we need something that wouldn’t hurt anyone else. Are there any cliffs between here and home? Preferably one with several hundred feet between it and the ground beneath. Jagged rocks would be good as well. Make it a quick painless death.

  Jim – Well, there’s Dead Man’s Curve, and the Cliffs of Insanity. I think those would be our best bet.

  Art – Dead Man’s Curve has been way over done. And the Cliffs of Insanity, well, no.

  Jim - What happens to be wrong with the Cliffs of Insanity?

  Art – Nothing, they’re just not really all that deadly. I mean what a misnomer, they’re only five feet high at their tallest, and for the most part they only stand two or three feet in height. And then they don’t exactly qualify as cliffs with their gentle incline and all. I wonder what idiot was allowed to name them cliffs in the first place, Don Quixote?

  Jim – They’re the best we have.

  Art – Well they’re not good enough for our purpose, so we might as well not even bother with that option.

  Jim – Good thing school is starting again soon.

  Art – That’s all fine and good for you, you get to leave town, but I have to stay with the boy.

  Jim – Eugene will be going back to school too, so hopefully Johnny will be easier to live with.

  Art – Maybe he will, and maybe the sun will fall from the sky and strike me dead.

  Jim – You can always hope.

  Art – I’m not that gullible.

  Jim – You play the lottery still don’t you? You’ve more chance of both having the sun fall on you, and Johnny becoming the ideal prodigy child than you have of winning the lottery.

  Art – Yes, but playing the lottery is my choice, I may not have a snow-ball’s chance in hell of winning, but I don’t have to play either. Now I don’t have very little control over Johnny, I wish I did, but I don’t. The only thing Johnny’s shaping up holds in common with winning the lottery is that the chances are slim and all I’ll ever be able to do is fantasize about it.

  Jim – If only you did win the lotto, then you could buy a nice tropical island somewhere and send Johnny to it.

  Art – If I had my own tropical paradise, you can bet that Johnny wouldn’t be the one inhabiting it. Karen maybe, but not Johnny. Being alone on an island with a beautiful woman is far more enjoyable than being there with an angry teenage son. The two don’t compare. Only a sick man would choose the other way around.

  Jim – Either way if you sold the movie rights they could make you quite wealthy.

  Art – Well, as we’ve already realized, I’m not going to win the lottery so it doesn’t much matter. Anyhow there is sleeping to be done, so I’m off to do it. I’ll see you later Jim. (Heads off Stage – Runs into Liz who is coming onstage. Liz is carrying a rolled up poster.) Hi ya Lizzy, looking for Jim?

  Liz – Yep, seen him?

  Art – He’s over there.

  Liz – Where are you going?

  Art – I’m headed home, I need a nap. It’s been an eventful day.

  Liz – But you didn’t finish giving me a critique.

  Art – It’ll have to wait. I need rest. Talk to you later.

  Liz – Bye Art. Hi Jim.

  Jim – Hey Liz.

  Liz – I brought this for you.

  Jim – Sweet my poster. This is going where the old Legend of Zelda poster used to be in my room. I think I’ll frame it.

  Liz – What an honor.

  Jim – This painting deserves such an honor. You even got the Elvis’ hair perfect. Thanks.

  Liz – You’re quite welcome. I signed it too. What’s with your dad? He looks distracted.

  Jim – He’s in love.

  Liz – What?

  Jim – Art is in love.

  Liz – Are you sure? Maybe he’s just tired.

  Jim – He says he knows the difference. We discussed it and I’m going to believe that he does.

  Liz – When did it happen?

  Jim – I think today after Gene talked to him. I guess he met her here, and then they went out on a date.

  Liz – But that was only a few hours ago.

  Jim – I know. But he’s sure about it.

  Liz – Wow.

  Jim – That’s what I said.

  Liz- You’re taking it awfully well.

  Jim – Why shouldn’t I?

  Liz – I don’t know, it just seems that in movies, when a character’s parent meets another person or gets married the character is always against it. And then they usually seem to come up with a scheme to get their parents back together.

  Jim – A scheme to get mom and dad back together, I never thought of that…hmmm, that actually wouldn’t be a bad idea.

  Liz – Are you serious?

  Jim – Hell no I’m not serious. Mom’s leaving was the best thing that could have ever happened to our family, I’m glad to be rid of her.

  Liz – Will Johnny feel the same way?

  Jim – Johnny hates mom. I don’t know how he’ll take dad’s new love interest. Oh damn, I still have to tell him about Gene.

  Liz – What about Gene?

  Jim – Hmmmm? Oh yeah. This morning Gene told me he had to speak with Dad.

  Liz – What about?

  Jim – Well it turns out that Gene wants to be adopted into our family.

  Liz – Are you serious?

  Jim – Sadly yes.

  Liz – What do you mean ‘sadly yes’?

  Jim – I mean I would have to live under the same roof as Gene and Johnny. Do you know what kind of hell that will be? I thought living with mom was bad.

  Liz – Well you can always come…

  (Eugene comes on stage)

  Eugene – I’ve been looking all over for you guys.

  Jim – Well I’ve been right here for the last several hours.

  Liz – I was mingling with my guests, and then I had to go and talk with mother about the show.

  Eugene – Well since I found you, I got some great news.

  Jim – The Canadian advance has been halted?

  Liz – (laughs)

  Eugene – What the hell are you talking about?

  Jim – Nothing.

  Liz – It was an inside joke. You missed out on it earlier. Maybe I’ll explain later.

  Eugene – It’s like you two are married or something. Anyway, I have good news.

  Jim – I know, Art agreed to adopt you.

  Eugene – He told you already?

  Liz – Wait a minute, does that make the two of you brothers now?

  Jim – I guess.

  Eugene – What do you mean you guess? Either he told you or he didn’t.

  Jim – I mean I guess we’re brothers, Art did tell me.

  Eugene – Wow, brothers. I’ve never had a brother.

  Liz – Neither have I, Jim, do you think Art will adopt me too? I’d like to have a brother.

  Jim – Johnny.

  Liz – Scratch that idea.

  Eugene – Johnny, that means I have two brothers now.

  Jim – I thought your math was better than that Gene.

  Liz – Really Gene, someone who is capable of at least high-school algebra should have caught onto that right away.

  Eugene – I forgot about Johnny, with all the excitement of the day.

  Liz – I wonder how much this is all going to cost.

  Eugene – Do you think it will be expensive?

  Liz – Court fees usually are. Maybe this won’t take too much, unless your dad doesn’t let go.

  Eugene – He will. Why shouldn’t he.

  Liz – It was just a thought.

  Eugene – I don’t see why he would hold me back, it’s not
as if…

  Jim – Gene, did you ever find those Japanese tourists?

  Eugene – What Japanese tourists?

  Liz – The ones you went out looking for this morning.

  Jim – The ones that you were going to test your new fear-inspiring name upon.

  Eugene – Yeah, I guess I did.

  Jim – What happened?

  Eugene – I don’t want to talk about it.

  Liz – Why not?

  Jim – This’ll be good. Didn’t it go as well as you thought it would?

  Eugene – No.

  Liz – What happened? You didn’t find any tourists did you.

  Eugene – I found them, a whole bus full of them.

  Jim – What’d ya do when you found them?

  Eugene – I don’t want to talk about it.

  Liz – Did they beat you up?

  Jim – I have a picture in my mind of a little Japanese girl kicking you in the shins. How accurate is it?

  Eugene – They didn’t beat me up.

  Liz – Well what happened then?

  Eugene – You’re never going to let me live this down.

  Jim – Probably not. Specially not if you got beaten up by a bus-load of Japanese school girls.

  Eugene – I didn’t get beaten up.

  Liz – Did they chase you off then?

  Eugene – They didn’t chase me off either.

  Jim – They didn’t beat you up, or chase you off. I’m confused, it’s usually either one or the other.

  Eugene – They laughed.

  Liz – What did you do that was so funny?

  Eugene – I just walked onto the bus and said ‘Boku no namae wa Godzilla desu’, ‘My name is Godzilla’.

  Jim – That doesn’t seem all that funny to me. Stupid yes, but not funny.

  Liz – Did you trip and fall or something? Or accidentally say something like ‘I like to dance with Godzilla’?

  Eugene – I only said ‘My name is Godzilla’.

  Liz – And they laughed?

  Eugene – They laughed.

  Jim – Did you use a funny voice? Like the one you made that time you caught yourself in your…

  Eugene – I said it in a plain voice. And they laughed.

  Liz – Oh, poor Gene.

  Jim – At least they didn’t chase you off the bus, or hurt you.

  Eugene – I did manage to make some cash, so it’s not a complete loss.

  Jim – You didn’t rob them did you? That’ll cause one helluva international incident.

  Eugene – No, I didn’t steal anything.

  Liz – Then how did you make some money?

  Eugene – I posed for pictures.

  Liz – That’s it? They payed you to pose for pictures?

  Jim – How often does one run into Godzilla while on vacation?

  Liz – Look at it this way, you’re going to give a bunch of Japanese tourists one hell of a story to tell their friends and family back at home.

  Jim – You’ll be famous all over Japan.

  Eugene – As a laughing stock.

  Liz – Better than having gotten beaten up again isn’t it?

  Eugene – Yeah, I guess.

  Jim – Besides, Art said you had promised to give all that troublemaking up anyhow.

  Eugene – I know.

  Jim – You’re not going to break your promise are you?

  Eugene – No.

  Liz – Then why so gloomy?

  Eugene – For once I would have liked something to go my way. Then at least I wouldn’t have gotten teased about it when I told you the story. I wanted to scare these people, and I failed. Once again I’ve returned as Eugene the failure.

  Jim – We would have teased you anyway. That’s what friends are for.

  Liz – He’s right, you would have been teased no matter, this way you at least showed some profit.

  Eugene – The out-pouring of love is overwhelming.

  Jim – I know I know, with friends like us, who needs mobs of angry prank victims.

  Liz – Could be worse.

  Eugene – Yes it could. And before you decide that it would be funny to make it so, I’m going home.

  Jim – But Godzilla, we have so much to ask about.

  Gene – Like what?

  Jim – Will you take this stuff home with you? (gives Gene the paper bag)

  Gene – Is that all?

  Jim – Well, now that you mention it…No.

  Gene – Here it comes, I couldn’t have just taken the sack and gone.

  Jim – Nope you couldn’t, which could give us the valuable time we need to come up with other stupid questions.

  Liz – Like where you picked up the Japanese?

  Jim – And if the tourists paid in Dollars or Yen.

  Eugene – I’ll see you two later. (Exits stage)

  Jim – After you declared yourself, did Gamura appear and challenge you to battle?

  Liz – Good bye Gene.

  Jim – That is going to provide for hours of fun.

  Liz – I think his feelings where hurt.

  Jim – Maybe. But I wouldn’t worry about it, Gene bounces back fast. Besides, I think that being adopted into our family will outshine the entire Godzilla Incident.

  Liz – I suppose. Jim?

  Jim – Yeah? (Much gazing is done, at one another as well as elsewhere) Damn, I don’t look forward to telling John that Gene is going to be family soon.

  Liz – How do you plan to do it?

  Jim – I don’t know. All I know is that his reaction isn’t going to be pleasant.

  Liz – If you like I could help you with it.

  Jim – Thanks for the offer, but there isn’t any reason to endanger you as well.

  Liz – The alternative is to go home and talk to mother, planning my future, she calls it. I think at the moment that I would rather have to tell Johnny that Gene is in fact his long lost brother and he’s finally coming home.

  Jim – That would be funny, if it wasn’t so blatantly suicidal. I can almost see smoke coming out of Johnny’s ears.

  Liz – Do you think he would believe it?

  Jim – Not for a second.

  Liz – But you think he would still be angry?

  Jim – Very.

  Liz – Why?

  Jim – There are just some jokes that aren’t funny for certain people.

  Liz – Are you sure you don’t want help?

  Jim – I think the fewer people around the better.

  Liz – Ok. When are you going to break the news?

  Jim – Later tonight I think, probably going to be me and dad doing it. I think I’ll put it off as long as I can.

  Liz – I think I would get it out of the way as quickly as possible.

  Jim – On another day I might do that, but not today. I think I’ll go and get something to eat first. Every condemned man should get a last meal before being executed.

  Liz – That sounds like a good idea too.

  Jim – I haven’t eaten in hours.

  Liz – Neither have I, not since before the show, too nervous. Where do you think you’ll go?

  Jim – That’s a hard one, I think I’m in the mood for some Chinese food though.

  Liz – That sounds great, the place on corner of 7th and Dune is really good.

  Jim – I’ve heard that, I’ve just been too lazy to go and see for sure.

  Liz – Try the donuts.

  Jim – Are they really that good? You tell me that every time you go there.

  Liz – They’ve got the best donuts anywhere.

  Jim – A challenge that must be met. I shall eat a donut from this restaurant, and shall judge them.

  Liz – You will eat many of their donuts, and you will go home stuffed. We need to stop, this is making me hungrier.

  Jim – (as they head off stage) Would you care to join me in the partaking of the last meal? We can feast upon donuts together.

  Liz – (exits stage with Jim)
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  Scene 4

  Hours later back in Jim’s basement. Johnny and Jim are present.