She’d had enough of the secrets, hints, hedging and silence, she was sick to death of it. Whatever it was caused her to lose him eight years ago and it was pulling her firmly away from him now. Or, more to the point, keeping her distant.
Nate, she instantly decided, wasn’t the only one who could close down. Two could play that game.
Lily abruptly let go of Laura and turned back the way they came. “I’m going back to the house.”
“No!” Laura and Maxine exclaimed at the same time. “You can’t go back. You have to stay with him. If you go back he’ll be worried,” Laura went on.
“Let him be worried,” Lily flared. “At least that will mean he feels something.”
Laura’s face changed again, this time to motherly disappointment. “Lily, you know that’s not fair. You know that Nathaniel feels everything, especially for you.”
“No, Laura, I don’t know that. If he did, he’d trust me with whatever this horrible secret is.” Laura closed her eyes in despair and Lily didn’t wait for her to open them again. “Just tell them I have a headache and that I went back.”
Without waiting for a response, she turned and practically ran back to the house (as much as she could run in flip flops).
Once Lily arrived home, she halted in the entryway and looked around.
She didn’t know what to do. She had nothing to do anymore. No chores, no errands, nothing. And that made her frayed temper completely disintegrate.
The master bed chamber, as Fazire sarcastically anointed it, that Nate had commanded wasn’t due to be finished until the next week.
Her office, the only other room upstairs now due to the enormity of the master suite, the living room had been moved to the garden level, that Nate had ordered her to decorate wasn’t finished yet either.
Nate had hired a housekeeper who came in once a week and cleaned and did the laundry and the ironing too, which made Fazire none-too-happy. “What next?” he’d demanded to know. “A chef so I won’t be able to cook either?”
Nate paid the bills. Nate had groceries delivered. His secretary set up an account on the Internet with Waitrose, no less, and all Lily had to do was click on her choices and voila! they arrived the next day.
She was, quite simply, overwhelmed by him. He was everywhere, taking control of everything. Or taking care of everyone.
Except he wasn’t there at all.
“Lily?”
It was Nate’s voice and she swung around and glared at him, automatically determined to make some headway, penetrate his shields, get some reaction from him, any reaction.
He was standing in the inner doorway, the hall was shadowy, the sunlight was coming in behind him and she couldn’t see his face.
“You!” she yelled nonsensically.
He started to move forward, the powerful masculine grace of his movement, and Lily’s admiration of it, somehow grating on her nerves and he ignored her bizarre outburst.
“Laura said you had a headache. Is it a migraine?” His voice was soft and normally she would have thought his concern was sweet.
But she was beyond that now.
“No, it’s not a bloody migraine!” she cried, stamping her foot in frustration.
Nate stopped less than a breath away, his hand reached out to her waist and his fingers bit into her there. Lily could see his face and his concern was plain as day. And still, it didn’t stop her.
“What is it?” he asked, his voice low, his tone guarded.
She should have read it, been more considerate with her words but she wasn’t in the mood.
She grasped his hand at her waist and pulled it up between them.
“It’s this!” she exclaimed. “It’s the housekeeper, the workmen, the decorators! It’s everything!” She finished with, “It’s you!”
At that, she abruptly released his hand and watched the shutters instantly go down in his eyes, shielding her from his thoughts, cutting her off.
“That’s it, Nate, close down. I expected no less.” Lily’s voice was edging toward bitter.
He moved into her and Lily stood her ground.
“What’s this about?” His voice was even lower, a different kind of a low, a rumble that was so lethal it skidded across her skin like the flat of a blade.
“You tell me!” she shouted, tilting her head back and moving into him in an unsuccessful attempt to be menacing.
He said nothing. She waited. He still said nothing.
Then she stopped waiting, pulled away and ran up the stairs to their bedroom, threw open the wardrobes a shade hysterically and started to throw her clothes on the bed. She had no reason to do this but it seemed a good attempt at a grand gesture.
If he was worried she’d leave, she’d make him think that she would, she’d force him into the confrontation they should have had eight years ago.
Lily decided a grand gesture was the only thing that would get a reaction from Nate. And, for some reason, she needed a reaction from Nate. She needed it desperately.
She’d thought she could do this, live together and keep her heart apart. But, apparently, she couldn’t. It just wasn’t in her.
Because this was Nate. She’d known the instant she laid eyes on him that he was hers.
And he was hers. Except, he wasn’t.
On her second pass to the wardrobe, Nate’s hand seized her wrist and he swung her around, clothes flying everywhere.
“Talk to me, damn it,” he snarled, his dark eyes glittering with menace and something else she could not read.
“You’re a fine one to tell me to talk to you. If you were a superhero, they’d call you Silent Man,” Lily yelled.
He used her wrist to pull her closer and he leaned into her, his face barely an inch from hers. “You were talking to Laura, what did she say?” he bit out and Lily realised he was angry.
No, furious.
And it was barely contained and it scared the hell out of her.
He seemed no longer sophisticated and urbane. He was dangerous and predatory.
But still, Lily didn’t heed the warning look in his black eyes.
“Nothing!” she shouted into his face. “Not one damned thing. I asked her about you but she wouldn’t say a word!”
She saw a flash of relief cross his face before he hid it and she actually growled.
“What is it?” she cried, twisting her wrist free and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt at his chest. “What’s the damned secret about you that everyone is so intent on keeping?”
Nate’s hands hit her waist and he brought her closer but she resisted. He won, not surprisingly.
“It’s nothing,” he stated, his voice edging back to calm.
“It’s not nothing!” she exclaimed, yanking at his shirt.
“It’s nothing!” Nate barked, all calmness gone in a wink.
Lily jumped at the ferocity in his voice but she still didn’t stop and she pulled him even closer to her, her face a breath away from his.
“Well, Nate, it’s something to me. Whatever it is kept you from me for eight years. Whatever it is made you think I’d leave. Whatever it is made you let me go. Whatever it is, is holding you back from me now!”
When she finished her last dramatic statement, Nate jerked away from her and turned on his heel. Lily opened her mouth to call out to him that they weren’t nearly finished but he stopped at the door and threw it shut with such a vicious slam the pictures on the walls shuddered in their frames.
At this, she jumped again and could do nothing but stare at him, slack-jawed.
Definitely predatory. And definitely dangerous.
He strode directly to the bed, bent and with a swipe of his arm, sent her clothes flying.
At this, her eyes widened in alarm.
Then he strode, with determination, to Lily who stood rooted to the spot. He grasped her hips and lifted her upwards.
She cried out in surprise and threw her legs around his hips and grabbed his shoulders to steady herself as he turned her to
the bed. Then she was falling, holding onto him as she went backwards, her back hitting the bed and Nate landed square on top of her.
“You think I’m holding back?” he growled, his eyes back to glittering dangerously, his face barely an inch away.
Regardless of all she had just witnessed, she threw caution to the wind. It was a grand gesture after all and she started it. She had to have the courage to follow it through and see where it ended or she might lose everything.
So she flung at him, “Yes!”
And then she felt his hand yank the skirt of her dress up around her waist.
“Nate!” she cried as she realised his intent and he buried his face in her neck, conveniently hiding his from view.
“You have more of me than I’ve given anyone,” he snarled against the sensitive skin at the base of her ear and then she felt his tongue there. She tried to push him away as the gymnasts, who didn’t seem to care about the dramatic events that had brought them to this pass, started to warm up with cartwheels.
At the gymnasts’ antics, Lily stopped pushing him away and slid one arm around him and the other hand into his hair, trying gently to move his head so she could see his face.
“I don’t mean this. I don’t mean here, in the bedroom,” she whispered.
It was as if she didn’t speak, one of his hands skimmed with delicious intent across her belly, up to her breast, his thumb expertly finding her nipple through the fabric and rubbed tantalisingly against it. Even though she tried to control it, Lily felt her insides melt.
“I’ve given you more than I gave my adoptive family,” he murmured, his voice turned silky and was still at her ear, the deep timbre shooting tremors through her.
“Nate, don’t do this. We’ve always been good at this. Talk to me,” Lily begged.
He ignored her and his lips edged along her jaw to her chin as his hand went between their bodies, teasing at the edge of her lacy panties.
With his lips against hers, he said, “More than I gave my mother.”
She gasped as she realised he didn’t mean Laura. It was the first time he’d spoken of his birth mother since, well, the only other time he’d ever spoken of her on their first date in the park.
Her gasp was cut off by his lips taking possession of hers in a brutal, demanding kiss, a kiss that was meant to tell her something, a kiss that coincided exactly with his fingers stopping their tantalising play. They shoved the delicate fabric of her underwear aside and two of them entered her in a beautiful invasion.
She immediately moaned against his mouth, instantly responding to his touch. Her arms went around him, her hands pulling his shirt out of his jeans so she could run her fingers along the hard muscles of his back, so she could feel the immense heat of his skin.
“So wet,” he muttered against her lips, “only for me.”
And touching her, he seemed somehow taken away from the current tense conversation, his voice almost reverent, disbelieving. The sound of it broke Lily’s heart.
His fingers started moving, she could think of nothing else, not their argument, not his secrets, just what his hand was doing to her.
“Only you, Nate,” she agreed softly.
At her words, he dropped his forehead to hers and closed his eyes that look coming over him that was so raw and intense, it shook Lily to her core.
He kept his lips against hers as his hand worked its magic but he didn’t kiss her. He’d opened his eyes and they bored into hers as his hand sent electrifying shockwaves of pleasure shooting through her body.
Finally, he said against her mouth as his thumb swirled and she cried out sharply as he brought her closer, ever so closer. “You’re not leaving me, Lily.”
She shook her head.
“Say it,” he growled.
She pressed against his hand, so close, she was nearly there.
“Please, Nate.”
“Say it!” he demanded.
“Nate,” she breathed against his mouth, one hand coming up to delve into his hair, hold his face to hers.
“Lily.” His voice was a low, velvet rumble.
She opened her half-shut eyes and looked directly into his black ones.
“I’m not leaving you, Nate. I’ll never leave you,” Lily declared, her voice trembling with a feeling that had nothing at all to do with what his fingers were doing. A feeling that had everything to do with what was in her heart. What had been in her heart since she was fourteen years old and what she knew was her wish come true when Nate had saved her from the purse snatcher.
And then his mouth crushed down on hers and he let her soar, his hand taking her to glorious heights, where he always took her. His mouth absorbed her cry of pleasure as her hands clutched at him, her hips pressing into his fingers.
As the shudders receded, he fell to his side, gently pulling her with him and righting her skirt at the same time. Then he cradled her in his arms protectively, slowly stroking her back.
Her face was pressed into his throat and she felt vulnerable and exposed. He had taken her to a beautiful place but he did not join her there.
Still removed. Always removed one way or another.
“Nate?” she mumbled against his throat.
“Mm?” He was in his own place again, his own thoughts, far, far away from her. She was beginning to recognise when he was with her and when he was gone.
Quietly, in a voice so small she was surprised he heard it, she whispered scant words that held deep meaning, “I need you here, with me.”
His hand stopped stroking and his arms tightened around her, taking her breath.
“You have me.”
She shook her head against his neck, mutely denying his words.
“You have me, Lily. I promise.”
She knew she didn’t.
But Lily experienced a colossal change of mind. A life changing one.
Even an earth shattering one.
Instead of putting all her energies into guarding her heart against him (which clearly wasn’t working, it was Nate), she was going to try to open his heart to her. She was going to use everything that was in her power, such as it was, maybe even go so far as to use her last wish to open his heart.
She had no idea if she would succeed but, Lily determined in that instant, she was damn well going to try.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nate
Nate left the office early wishing to get home.
Home.
Where Lily and Natasha were.
And, of course, Fazire.
Tash had called, telling him there was a surprise waiting for him there.
He couldn’t imagine what kind of surprise it could be, in the month since Lily’s dramatic tirade, complete with tossing clothes out of the wardrobe, his life had been full of surprises.
Pleasant surprises. Extraordinary surprises.
The kind of surprises and the possible intent behind them being something he’d very much like to believe, but found, through years of experience with disappointment, he could not.
* * * * *
It had started the next morning after Lily’s scene.
She had woken early, very early. She slid quietly out of bed obviously making an effort not to disturb Nate. This effort was for naught as she knocked into the bed twice, cursed under her breath and nearly fell over as she dressed. Knowing she was being careful for his sake, Nate kept his eyes closed when what he wanted to do was drag her warm body back into bed.
When time passed and she didn’t return, Nate got up, pulled on a pair of jeans and went in search of her.
He found her in the kitchen wearing a pair of very short, thin, cotton drawstring shorts patterned in stripes of soft pink and purple that showed off her long, shapely legs. With this, she wore a pink camisole and an old grey cardigan which had seen better days and which he immediately decided to replace with something else, something new, something made of cashmere.
She was standing in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hip
s staring at the countertop with what appeared to be confusion.
Wondering at her mood after of their row the day before, Nate approached her from behind silently on bare feet and cautiously slid his arms around her waist.
The afternoon before she’d promised not to leave him, said she would never leave, but Nate didn’t trust that. He’d learned early not to trust and nothing had happened in his life to alter that lesson.
He knew she wanted more from him, she wanted it all and he couldn’t give it to her. He felt, as he did eight years before, like he was living on borrowed time, like once she found out who he really was she’d not only want to stay far away but now keep Tash from him as well.
And Nate wouldn’t allow that. And to stop it from happening, he’d do whatever he had to do, including keeping his past from the both of them.
Not that Lily was giving her all to him. The open-hearted Lily who let her excitement at life bubble out of her at the slightest provocation was gone. The laughing Lily who told stories about her beloved family had faded. No matter what he did to rectify his past mistakes, to erase the last eight years of her making do and scraping by, she was still different.
Wary, watchful and closed.
She jumped when he touched her and whirled, nearly knocking his chin with her head and her soft, fragrant hair whipped across his face.
“Nate!” she cried, her expression clearly showing disappointment at seeing him and he felt something lurch painfully in his gut. She looked over her shoulder at the countertop then back at him and announced on an exaggerated pout, “You’ve spoiled my surprise.”
Then she stunned him by sliding her hands around his waist and tilting her head to the side, the disappointment fading as she gave him one of her quirky smiles. At the sight of it, he sucked in his breath and he felt every muscle in his body tense.
Her smile was exactly as he remembered. Not wary, not watchful, not closed in any way. Open, happy and one of the sweetest sights he’d seen in his life.
She leaned slightly into him, her breasts brushing his bare chest, her chin forced to tilt back further so she could look into his eyes.