“And hanging around with other guys—”
“Friends! Parker is a friend. I told you that. He even gave you his couch to sleep on. Do you think he would have done that if there was something going on between us?”
“You have to choose, Megan. Me or this stupid park.”
Chapter 22
Decisions, decisions…
Go back home with Nick:
Pros: Nick and I stay together
Cons: Too late to get a summer job anywhere; no money; will miss my new summer friends; giving in to Nick’s demands; no compromise (do I really want a boyfriend who says it’s his way or the highway?); live at home while Mom and Sarah…
Stay here:
Pros: Weekly paycheck; playing on the lake with new summer friends; can get to know Parker better (Will he kiss me again if I don’t have a boyfriend? Do I want him to?)
Cons: No complaining boyfriend.
I didn’t remember choosing. I didn’t remember giving Nick an answer.
It was like I suddenly woke up and found myself alone beside the lake, with his words We’re so over echoing around me.
Just like that. A snap of the fingers. We were no longer together.
Why had he really come? Had he really thought that I would just pack up and go?
Everything was suddenly blurry, the lake seen through a mist of tears.
“You okay?”
Parker. I swiped at the tears that I didn’t even realize I was crying until that moment. “I’m fine.”
“Nick said he wouldn’t need my couch tonight. That he was driving back home. Like, right now. That’s crazy.”
“As crazy as us breaking up.”
“You broke up?”
“Am I in an echo chamber?”
Parker wrapped his hand around my arm and turned me. I guess I’d missed a tear or two because he ran his thumb along my cheek. “Is that why he came here? To break up with you?” he asked.
“How the hell do I know why he came here? He gave me an ultimatum. Go home with him or break up. So I guess we broke up.”
“And you’re sad about that?”
Were all guys idiots?
“Have you never had a girlfriend? Have you never had anyone break up with you?”
This was a first for me, and I really didn’t like it. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I wanted to double over. “Why does my stomach hurt? Shouldn’t the pain be in my chest, where my heart is?”
“You need some serious heartbreak intervention,” he said.
“What?”
And even as I asked it, I thought I knew where he was going with his intervention plan. A kiss to take my mind off Nick.
Only I didn’t want a kiss, not even one of the heat-seeking kind that Parker was so good at.
“I know just the thing to make you feel better.”
“Nothing is going to make me feel better.”
“This will. Come on.”
We started walking back to the house. Parker pulled out his cell phone and called someone. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. His voice was quiet, mysterious. I didn’t care.
I didn’t care about anything. I was devastated. I couldn’t help but wonder if my mascara had run. Would people look at me and know that I’d broken up with Nick? Would they think it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me?
Should I have gone with him? Should I have thought that he meant more to me than anything else in the world? When you loved someone, weren’t you always supposed to do what made that person happy?
Did that mean that I didn’t really love Nick? Had I ever loved him?
Could you fall in love then fall out of love? Did you have to be together all the time in order to stay together forever?
“I don’t want to go into the house,” I said, as we got nearer. “I don’t want to see anyone.”
Parker had finished talking with whomever he’d been talking to and put away his phone.
“We’ll make a wide circle around the house,” he said. “We’re heading for my car. I’m going to take you somewhere.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
I wasn’t sure that I wanted any more surprises tonight.
He took me back to Thrill Ride!
A security guard was waiting for us at the entrance. I was too numb to object when the guard opened the gate and Parker nudged me through.
“Call me when you need out,” the guard said.
“Thanks, Pete.”
I guess when you worked here for three summers you got to know everyone.
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
“I am so not riding the roller coaster.” Although I was so lethargic, I might actually be able to ride it without feeling any sort of emotion at all. I was totally numb.
“Not the roller coaster,” Parker said.
The park wasn’t completely dark. A lot of the lights were turned off. All the lights in the buildings and a lot of the lights that lighted the path. But the lights that identified some of the more popular rides were still on. Just the signs, beaming out their names. Just enough light to see where we were going.
I supposed I should have been excited, or at least interested, to see the park when it was closed down, but I couldn’t work up any sort of enthusiasm about anything. I’d never broken up with anyone before. To use Nick’s favorite term, it sucked. Big time.
It didn’t help that the carousel came into view. My favorite ride. Nick had refused to ride it with me earlier in the day. “A kiddie ride,” he’d called it.
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
Parker dangled some keys in front of my face. “I have a master key that opens the control box for all the rides. Go get on your favorite horse.”
I laughed, a strange sound when I’d thought I’d never laugh again. Or at least not so soon. “You’re kidding, right? Won’t you get in trouble?”
“Only if I get caught. I don’t plan to get caught. And I don’t think you’ll snitch on me. Go on. Get on a horse.”
He walked over to the control box, fiddled with some switches or something, and the bright lights on the carousel were suddenly shining. I was smiling when I stepped onto the wooden platform and climbed onto a horse. A prancer. Three of its legs were down, one lifted slightly and bent. Colorful, carved flowers adorned it.
Music began to play. The horse began to move up and the platform began to rotate.
I knew it was silly, but it made me feel good, made me happy again.
As I came around in a full circle, I saw Parker standing there. He grabbed the outside pole and leaped onto the platform. He stepped over until he was standing next to me, holding the cranking rod that moved my horse up and down.
“Carousels always seemed magical to me,” I admitted.
“They are magic. The horses on this carousel were carved in the late eighteen eighties. They’ve been renovated. Think about how many people have smiled while riding them.”
“Thank you for doing this for me,” I said.
“No big deal.”
Only it was a big deal. He’d known what I needed more than I’d known.
“I’m sorry Nick hurt you,” he said.
I was sorry, too. Sorry that maybe I’d hurt him, too, by not being willing to choose him over the park.
“I was probably silly to think that our being apart for so long wouldn’t change things for us,” I said.
“People do it all the time, have long-distance relationships.”
“It’s harder than I thought it would be,” I admitted.
“It always is, and my parents haven’t set the best example, but I’ve seen a lot of relationships weather the storms.”
“But we barely lasted a month apart.”
“His loss,” he said.
But it felt like mine, too.
Chapter 23
It was strange to check my e-mail and not find a daily message from Nick. Not t
o find any silly jokes or cartoons forwarded to me. Not to call Nick before I went to bed. To not have him call me in the morning. To dust shelves at H & G’s and not pick up little things to send Nick. No postcards, no wish-you-were-heres. There was just this empty place in my life.
How could I miss him more now than I had before? Although I wasn’t really certain that I was missing Nick. It was more like an absence in my life, an absence of habits, expected things. And I found myself wondering, had I ever really loved Nick, or had I just loved the idea of being in love? Of having someone to go places with, someone to e-mail, someone to text message, someone to instant message, someone to call.
It had been two days. Shouldn’t I be back on track by now?
Parker had walked me to the dorm after my shift. He’d pretty much carried on a one-sided conversation, telling me funny stories about different people who’d ridden the roller coaster that afternoon while he’d worked. I’d smiled but it had been an automatic reflex, trying not to be a downer.
He asked me if I wanted to catch a midnight movie somewhere. I’d said no.
Did I want to go get something to eat?
No.
Hang out at his place?
No.
He’d walked away from me with his head bent and his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. And I’d wanted to cry because I’d said no only because I wanted to say yes so badly.
I was racked with guilt. Guilt because I did want to be with him, maybe I’d always wanted to be with him, and now I was feeling guilty because I’d hurt Nick. It didn’t make any sense.
I went to my room. Jordan wasn’t back yet, so I just turned out the light and lay on my bed in the dark, forcing myself not to e-mail Nick. Maybe I could e-mail him as a friend.
There was a knock on the door. I ignored it. It came again. I got up, turned on the light, and opened the door.
“Rescue party!” Zoe cried.
She was standing there with Jordan, Lisa, Alisha, and a couple of other girls who lived down the hall. They were all wearing bathing suits.
“What?” I said.
“Rescue party,” Zoe repeated. “Heard you broke up with your boyfriend, luv. And you’re moping around. Can’t have that. Get your bathing suit on. We’re going to the pool.”
“The pool closed at ten.”
“Only to the unimportant. Come on now, nothing like a late-night dip with friends to get you right back on track.”
It was crazy. Everyone filed into the room and I had this horrible fear that they were going to watch me dress.
“Come on, Megan,” Jordan said, as she pulled out a drawer of my dresser and scrounged around. She tossed me my bathing suit. “It’ll be fun.”
“You’re all insane,” I said, laughing.
But still I went into the bathroom and changed. I could hear the others giggling and talking on the other side of the door.
When I stepped back into the room, they were waiting for me. And was I ever glad. Wasn’t doing things with people one of the reasons I hadn’t gone back home with Nick? So it was totally stupid to be moping around about it.
“Let’s go!” Zoe commanded.
We hustled out of my room and headed toward the pool. It was the pool at the hotel. We had the right to use it, although I’d always thought only during certain hours. But it sorta made sense that they would let us use it when it was closed to the tourists.
“Whose idea was this?” I asked once we were outside.
Jordan turned around and started walking backward. “Mine, of course. Can’t have a sad roomie. I was starting to suffer from second-hand break-up. You know? Like second-hand smoke?”
“I got it,” I said, laughing. I should have known it was Jordan’s idea.
As we got nearer to the pool, I could see other people hanging around within the fenced area.
“We’re not alone,” Lisa said.
“Not to worry. Employee e-mail is a wondrous thing,” Zoe said. “I just put the word out that we were all in need of some spirit lifting.”
Zoe opened the gate and we all filed into the blue-and-white-tiled pool area. Ice chests were lined up against one side.
“Brilliant!” Zoe exclaimed. “Who brought the drinks?”
A few guys admitted they’d brought them.
“How much do we owe you?” she asked.
“We raided the concession stands,” one confessed. “So let’s keep that little fact to ourselves.”
“We’ve got chips over here,” Lisa said. “This is great.”
And it was great. To be here with so many—
“Oh!”
I found myself being lifted into someone’s arms. I threw my arms around his neck. Parker. I should have known. He was grinning, but he had a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
“You know you’ve been a wet blanket lately,” he said.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Never dare me, Megan.”
He yelled and leaped for the pool. I screamed. We hit the water. Went under. Came up sputtering.
“You idiot!” I cried. I put my hands on top of his head and pushed him under.
He grabbed my legs, lifted me up, and tossed me back.
I don’t know how long we wrestled until we were both laughing so hard that we were in danger of drowning.
“Feeling better, Megan?” Jordan asked from her crouched position by the pool.
I flung my hair out of my eyes.
Parker tickled my bare stomach. “Answer her.”
I splashed water at him and moved out of his way. I was feeling better, so much better. I looked at him. “You know what would make me feel really better?”
He gave me a wicked grin and nodded. “Yep.”
It was incredible, but I knew that he did know what I was thinking.
At the same time, we both lunged for Jordan. She screamed as we grabbed her arms and pulled her into the pool.
She came up sputtering. “No fair!”
“All is fair in love and war,” Parker said.
“This isn’t war, so does that mean it’s love?” she asked.
I know it sounds strange, but it was like Parker suddenly got very still, very quiet.
I don’t know if he was trying to come up with a witty comeback, or what it might have been. At that moment, Ross yelled “Cannonball!” and jumped into the pool, causing a tidal wave. That seemed to be the catalyst for the party to really get underway.
More people jumped into the pool. Someone turned on music. We were far enough from the hotel that I didn’t think it would disturb any of the guests, the wise people who were sleeping so they’d be rested for going to the park tomorrow.
I was standing in water up to my shoulders. Parker was watching me, studying me.
“I’m fine,” I finally said.
“Good. Want something to drink?”
I shook my head. “Think I’m just going to relax here for a while. I can’t believe how warm the water is.”
After a while I swam across the pool, got out, and slid into the Jacuzzi. The water there was really hot, bubbling around me. I scooted over until I was sitting by Jordan, who was sitting by Ross.
She leaned over to me. “It was really Parker’s idea. The party here.”
“As Zoe would say, ‘brilliant.’”
“Don’t tell him I told you,” she said, her voice low.
“Why does he want it to be a secret?”
“He worries that you’re vulnerable. That you might think he’s trying to take advantage of what you’re going through right now.” She shrugged. “Or maybe he’s scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of liking you and you not liking him.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Are you kidding? No way. But I see the way he looks at you. The way he’s looked at you from the beginning. If you’re not interested, just tell me, and I’ll tell him. It won’t be so hard coming from me.”
“I do
n’t know if I’m interested or not,” I told her truthfully. “I just had one failed long-distance relationship.”
“It’s two months before we get to that part.”
Yeah, but I’d had three months with Nick before ours went long-distance. We didn’t even survive a month being apart. How could I build a strong enough relationship in two months to weather the long-distance part that would come? I didn’t think I could.
So would it be better not to try?
Chapter 24
The pool party was a turning point. I stopped worrying about my relationship—or lack of one—with Nick. I started living in the present, enjoying every day that came along. Enjoying every minute of being with Parker.
We ate meals together, went to movies, hung out at his place. And there was always the Wednesday night party, gearing up for the weekend. Only at this party, this week, I was gearing up to leave. To go home on Friday for the wedding.
Parker and I were sitting on the back porch. Just sitting there, enjoying the evening. The really strange thing was that since I’d broken up with Nick—or he’d broken up with me—Parker hadn’t kissed me. Hadn’t even tried. He’d made no moves at all.
At first I’d thought maybe the whole attracted-to-me thing had been because I’d had a boyfriend. You know: You want most what you can’t have.
And once I was available, well, where was the challenge? But if that was the case, why would he have kept hanging around with me? Was he waiting for me to make a move? To show I was interested?
How could he not know I was interested? We were practically living together. Except for the sleeping part, of course. But we were doing everything together, with each other whenever one of us had free time.
I enjoyed every minute of being with him, but I thought I wouldn’t mind at all if he broke his just-friends pact with me and took our relationship to the next level.
All these thoughts were going through my mind as the party began winding down. People were coming out to the porch to say good-bye. If we followed our usual routine, Jordan and I would help clean up, then she, Ross, and I would go back to the dorm. The last ones to leave.
I didn’t know if that would be the routine tonight. Jordan had been downing piña coladas. Ross, too. I had designated myself as the driver.