CHAPTER XIII
By morning, Joan was screaming with her head, "Joan hurts bad, Mommy. Tell Jesus to make me stop hurting."
These pleadings seemed to wring the heart out of Jennie and Dave, so they decided to take her to the hospital.
"Daddy, Joan's head hurts," she screamed. "Help me, Daddy."
"Oh, God, please have mercy and touch our baby if it can be Thy will," he prayed brokenly. Turning to Jennie he pleaded, "Try to get hold of God, Jennie. This is killing me."
Jennie looked at him helplessly. She had been praying almost continuously since two o'clock that morning and yet Joan had steadily grown worse.
"I'm praying, Dave." She tried to appear calm. "I'm sure that God has the situation in hand. We must trust Him through it all."
"I'm trying to, Jennie, but her pitiful cries for help are breaking my heart."
Upon arriving at the hospital, Joan was taken directly to the emergency room. The doctor on duty examined her and then called in another doctor for consultation. After what seemed hours, they reported to Dave and Jennie. "We advise you to rush her to the Medical Center in Gainesville immediately. They have better facilities and specialists who are able to handle this case better than we can here. I'm sorry, but we are not equipped for this." The doctor looked grave.
"Is she critical, Doctor'?" Dave and Jennie were clinging to each other for support.
"I can't diagnose her case, Mr. Maddox, but I can tell you one thing; she is a very sick little girl."
"Yes, we know." Had they not listened to her screams and pleadings for help until their hearts were broken and their nerves shattered'?"
"We will call an ambulance immediately if you are going to follow our advice," the doctor spoke again. "We can have her ready to go by the time the ambulance arrives. "
Jennie looked at Dave. "What do you think, Dave?"
"It seems to be our only alternative, Jen." She nodded. "Go ahead and have the ambulance called," he said to the doctor. "And thanks for what you've done."
The doctor shook hands with them as he said, "Good luck to you."
Neither Jennie nor Dave spoke much on the way to the hospital in Gainesville. Once in a while, one or the other would groan audibly. Joan's screams had subsided and she seemed to be in a state of unconsciousness. Was it only yesterday that she was so radiantly happy as she clapped her hands and expressed her joy over her birthday cake and new doll?
"Ye know not what shall be on the morrow," Jennie quoted silently, "for what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." She glanced at Dave who seemed to be numb with grief. She longed to speak words of comfort to him, but she was speechless. "I wonder if she will live to get to the hospital," she thought.
"Oh, God," she prayed silently. "Somehow get glory to Thy name out of this terrible tragedy and give us grace to bear it."
"If Dave would only mind God," she thought. "He knows he needs to be sanctified but has made no move, whatsoever, in that direction." Jennie knew how weak Dave was along certain lines and how the devil had tripped him up before. "If he doesn't yield completely and let God sanctify him, it is possible he will lose out again, very possible. We are no match for the devil." She had been praying desperately for God to reveal Dave's need to him and help him to come to God for heart purity. As she looked at him now, his suffering revealed in his countenance, and on to the little form on the stretcher, she felt that surely God would use this to get to his heart. She recalled a testimony she had heard once at church. Sister Muncy had told how God had taken their little boy from them to break her stubborn will and bring her unto Himself. "What a cost!" she had thought at the time. "What a price to pay for failing to mind God." Now it was much closer home. Their own little Joan's life was hanging on a slender thread between life and death.
She searched her own heart. "Lord, if I have failed you or grieved you in any way, wilt Thou reveal it unto me? I love Thee, dear Lord, more than anything in the world and don't want anything to mar my fellowship with Thee."
She felt God's witness in her soul giving her the assurance she needed and an inner peace, in spite of the turmoil about her.
After what seemed endless hours, the ambulance pulled into the drive at the hospital. Joan was wheeled away immediately and they were left alone to pace back and forth in the waiting room. Later, a doctor by the name of Spinks came into the waiting room and told them, "We think it is an abscess on the brain, Mr. Maddox. It is definitely necessary to operate immediately. I can give you very little hope." His voice was sympathetic.
"Oh, Dave," sobbed Jennie as she clung to him, "Our baby, our baby." Dave did not speak but only drew her close to him. She felt the pounding of his heart and knew without words, how he felt. "I must try to brace up," she told herself. "Dave needs me."
The hours dragged by slowly. Dave paced back and forth across the waiting room. Every so often an agonizing groan escaped his lips. Jennie could furnish him little comfort. She was leaning heavily on God trusting Him to get glory out of this heartbreaking ordeal. Memories of bygone events overwhelmed her as she leaned her head back on the chair where she sat. little things that she had not thought of in many days. Like the day Joan ran into the kitchen with a dirty little puppy in her arms.
"See, Mommy, pretty puppy," she had exclaimed joyfully.
"No, no, Joan. The puppy's dirty and may be sick. You must not play with dirty puppies."
"Mommy, Joan wants to play with dirty puppy. Sweet puppy, hungry puppy, Mommy."
Tears had welled up in Joan's eyes as Jennie had taken the puppy and put him back outside.
"Please, Mommy," she had begged. "Joan loves the puppy."
Jennie had ignored her pleas and taken her to the bathroom to disinfect her hands. Then she called her neighbor to see if he knew where the puppy had come from. Though there was no explanation, he promised to get rid of the puppy for her. As Jennie recalled the incident now, she could hear Joan's pleas ringing so distinctly in her ears. "Had I known this was going to happen," she thought, "I would have bathed the little dog, fed it and let Joan have it. What harm could it have done? And, oh, the happiness it would have brought to my little girl's heart."
Arising from her chair, she walked to the window. Raising the blinds, she looked out and for a while watched a little sparrow hop around on the ground searching for a morsel of food. Once again, she visualized a little dirty, hungry puppy clutched tightly in a little girl's arms. A tear slid down her cheek. "Let not your heart be troubled," a still small voice whispered. "Thank you, Lord." She wiped the tears away and looking up to God, she prayed silently, "Lord, I have always done the best I could for my darling baby. Please, Lord, take away these awful feelings of regret." A calm swept over her and she was able once again to rest in the Lord.
Hearing Dr. Spinks' voice, she turned away from the window to face him. He still wore his surgery smock and cap. With a serious look he told them, "She made it through the operation." Placing a hand on Dave's shoulder, he added, "All we can do now is wait and hope."
"And pray," added Jennie.
"That might help, too," he replied.
"May we see her?" Dave asked softly.
"Not now. She is in the recovery room and probably will be for an hour or so yet. Then she will be moved to the intensive care unit where we can observe her closely. If you would like, you can go up to the waiting room on fourth floor but it will be several hours before you can see her." He shook their hands, patted Dave on the shoulder and started to go. Turning back, he gave the sorrowing couple a sympathetic look and tried to hearten them with, "Keep your chin up! Miracles do happen, you know." Looking toward Jennie, he added, "Why don't you go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat or drink? In your condition, you must take care of yourself."
"Thanks for your concern, Doctor," she replied. "I do feel awfully weak but I hadn't even thought of food."
"I understand, Mrs. Maddox, but you must think o
f your unborn baby, also."
"You're right, Doctor. Thanks again."
When the door closed behind him, Dave and Jennie sat on the sofa. For a while neither spoke. There was no one else in the waiting room at the time, so all was quiet. Suddenly Dave dropped his head in his hands and began to sob. "Forgive me, Jennie," he choked, "but I feel I will burst if I do not give vent to my feelings."
"It's all right, Dave. A good cry will help to relieve the tension."
"Jennie," he began slowly as he regained his composure, "I have asked God to forgive me for trifling with Him. I have searched my heart and asked His forgiveness for every failure." He broke down again as he continued. "God's mercy is beyond my comprehension. I have failed so many times and He so freely forgives. I feel His divine witness just now that I'm His child."
"Thank the Lord, Dave. I agree that God's mercy is beyond our little finite understanding, and I'm so glad it is. Oh, the richness of God's love and mercy! His ways are past finding out. I love Him supremely and am trusting Him where I do not understand." She hesitated. Should she speak to Dave again about getting sanctified? She prayed silently for wisdom. For a few moments neither spoke. Dave broke the silence.
"Jennie, you have stressed many times my need of sanctification. I guess it took this awful tragedy to open my eyes to see that one cannot play fast and loose with God. I have realized for many months that I need a pure heart but have stubbornly refused to pay the price to obtain it. As a result, I have been up and down in my experience. My heart has been cold toward God, but I'm so thankful He has forgiven me and now I'm determined to mind Him in everything."
"Whether He heals Joan or not, Dave?" Jennie questioned.
There was a moment's hesitation while Dave searched his heart. He then answered brokenly, 'Yes, Jennie, whether He heals Joan or not. I'm so sick and tired of fighting inward battles and being up and down in my experience all the time. I want all God has for me, the indwelling of His divine presence. I want Him more than anything in the world, Jennie. I'm sick of myself. I think I must be the most selfish person in the world. Remember how I wouldn't let you have a church wedding or a honeymoon because of my selfishness?" She nodded. How could she have forgotten? "And remember how I wouldn't let you work for God when you so humbly asked me? Oh, Jennie," he cried brokenly, "can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry for all I've put you through."
Jennie, too, was crying as she answered, "Of course, I forgive you, Dave. I've never held anything. in my heart against you. Now ask God to forgive you and to cleanse your heart from selfishness."
Dave confessed his selfishness to God, "Rid me of selfishness, Lord. I abhor myself for this awful jealousy. I'm sick of it, Lord. I want a pure heart, a heart of love. And Lord, I need deliverance from anger. Thou knowest how angry I get over such trivial matters. Deliver me from this carnal trait. Oh, God, I desperately long for cleansing through the precious blood of Jesus. I'm so full of carnality but my heart cries out for deliverance. Wilt Thou come, Lord, and eradicate these awful evil tendencies in my heart? These things that keep me from living a consistent, victorious life in Thee."
"Keep praying and confessing, Dave. God is here to give you victory. He can sanctify you right here and now if you will meet the conditions," Jennie encouraged him. "When the conditions are met, He will give you faith to believe for the cleansing."
"Oh, God," Dave continued to pray, "take out this bitterness I've harbored for years because of Carol's death. Give me complete deliverance over it. Give me power to witness for Thee, Lord. I need boldness and wisdom. Oh, God, Thou dost see how I'm ashamed of the reproach of Christ. Rid me of this shame, Lord. Give me joy in bearing Thy reproach. Thou knowest how I want to be seen of men and how I want to be somebody in this world. Humble my heart, Lord; take me down and rid me of this pride. Empty my heart of all these carnal traits. Crucify old self and set me free in Thee, Lord. I desperately seek Thy help." He quit praying and looked helplessly at Jennie.
"Yield to God your will, Dave. What about Joan? Is she on the altar?"
Dave's whole frame shook as he prayed brokenly, "Lord, I give Thee Joan, my darling baby, in life or death. She's Thine, Lord. Get glory to Thy name. I give Thee my wife. She's Thine to work for Thee as Thou dost see fit. I will not seek an easy way in life to spare my wife and family, but together we will go where Thou leadest whether the way is easy or full of hardships and suffering. I yield Thee my will in everything, my future is in Thy hands as well as the present. I'll go to the ends of the earth for Thee if Thou dost call me. Anything, Lord. I'll obey whatever the cost."
The door of the waiting room flew open and a young couple came in, laughing merrily. They stopped abruptly upon seeing the penitent Dave and Jennie with her face bathed in tears. They whispered to each other and left the room.
Dave wiped his eyes and looked questioningly at Jennie.
"Dave," she instructed, "God has promised to sanctify you when you have yielded to Him your all."
Dave did not answer. He mopped his forehead with his handkerchief and sighed. The door opened again and this time a woman appeared with a cleaning pail. Jennie looked helplessly at Dave while she prayed desperately for God to intervene. Dave had been so close to victory for a while but now it seemed the Spirit had lifted. Was the devil going to defeat him after all?
Dave arose and took Jennie's hand and gently helped her to her feet. Smiling, he asked, "Do you remember what the doctor told you, Mrs. Maddox? You still haven't eaten anything."
"But, Dave, I'm not the least bit hungry. There are things so much more important."
"I know, Jennie, but you're going to eat. Come along like a good girl."
Reluctantly, Jennie allowed herself to be guided out the door and down the corridor toward the elevator. As the elevator door slowly closed, she said, "Dave, you were so close to victory. You aren't going to let the devil defeat you, are you?"
"Jennie," he answered tenderly, "I can't pray any more in the waiting room with so much distraction. I saw a little roadside chapel about a block from here as we came in. I plan to go there and pray until God meets my need, if it takes all night." Squeezing her hand, he added, "I'll leave you at the cafeteria and after you eat, you can go up to the fourth floor and wait for me and for Joan." As an afterthought, he added, "Don't worry about me, Jennie. I mean to do business with God so you won't see me again until God sanctifies me wholly."
They had reached the cafeteria. Dave seated Jennie at a table and left. Jennie placed her order but when it was brought to her, she could choke down only a few bites. Her heart was heavy for Dave and ached for Joan. She prayed constantly as she left the cafeteria and made her way to the elevator.