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What if I decided to hurt him? What if I attacked him?
As much as I currently disliked him, I couldn’t take the chance.
Panicked, I ran in the opposite direction, away from Cole, from the fight, from everyone and everything. I ran and never looked back.
Chapter 9
Drink Me
Gasping, I jolted upright. Panic cloaked me as I scanned surroundings I didn’t remember stumbling upon. I was. . .
On the cold, hard ground in front of my old house. The house I’d lived in most of my life. The house my father had built. The house I hadn’t visited since the death of my family.
Tremors rocked me. How had I gotten here? I’d run from Cole, from the zombies and the voices, yes, yes, that was right, and then I’d. . . blacked out, maybe. I remembered nothing else.
Now the sun was in the process of rising, though it was hidden behind a thick wall of clouds—one of which was shaped like a rabbit. I gulped. Looked away. The tree swing my dad had built for Emma had been removed. The rose garden my mom had poured her blood, sweat and tears into maintaining was now a pile of rocks.
Corrosive acid filled my veins, threatening to spill over. Change, change, all around, here and there and everywhere, reminders that nothing and no one was safe from its clutches.
Familiar sensations pricked at me. The speeding up of my heartbeat—both of them—the beading of sweat on my brow, the constricting of my lungs. Knowing I was losing control of my body and my reactions only made everything worse.
Stop! Just stop. I wasn’t this girl, wasn’t some scared little mouse. I was stronger than this, forged from fire and sharpened by steel. In—I inhaled. Out—I exhaled. In. Out. Good.
Something soft shifted through my hair, tickling my scalp. “Oh, Alice. I hate to see you like this. ”
My gaze traveled up a pair of ballet slippers, stockings, a fluffy tutu and a glittery pink leotard. The remaining panic went head-to-head with a sudden burst of happiness, and, miracle of miracles, the happiness won.
“Emma. ” I leaped to my feet and gathered my baby sister in my arms. Wait. Something wasn’t right. “I can touch you,” I said. “I can actually touch you. ” Shock sent me careening backward. “How can I touch you? Am I dead?”
Golden eyes twinkled merrily, and perfect heart-shaped lips edged into a smile. “You’re in spirit form, silly. ” She flicked the end of her pigtails over her shoulders, a familiar gesture. “Your body is waiting at Cole’s barn, and your friends are, like, superworried. ”
The barn. That’s right.
I didn’t care. “I want to stay this way forever. ” I couldn’t lose the feel of her again.
“You can’t. Your body will die. ”
Just then, I didn’t care about that, either. “Your point? We’ll still be together. ”
Her smile slowly fell. “I don’t think we would. ” Looking down at her ballet slippers, she said, “Once we promised never to lie to each other, and right now I’m going to keep that promise. ” A pause. A sigh. “You’re in trouble, Alice, and it’s getting worse every day. ”
“No. ” I shook my head. “I’m handling things. ”
Her gaze met mine. “I can see the smudges. ”
I gulped. “What are they?”
Expression filled with tenderness, she reached up and brushed one side of my face. “I told you I would talk to people, and I did. But, Alice. . . I don’t think you’re going to like what I learned. ”
“Tell me anyway. ” I had to know.
“Very well. Have you ever heard the story of the two hungry wolves living inside every man? One is good, one is evil and both are fighting for control. In the end, the one that’s fed will end up the winner. ”
I shook my head.
“Well, that is what’s happening. That night inside Anima Industries, when you were stabbed, you had so much zombie toxin inside you the antidote couldn’t eradicate all of it. Your spirit was strong enough to fight it, though, keeping that part of you safe, but not your already weakened body. And the toxin, well, it was a mutated version and created something new, something born of you. Another spirit. That means there are now two spirits battling to the death for rights to live inside you. Yours, the human Alice. And the other. . . zombie Alice. ”
Pausing, she waited for those words to sink in.
I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I could protect myself from such a terrible invasion. Zombie Alice. Fighting for control. My smudged reflection. . . The desperate whispering voices. . . The sickening urges. . . I nearly dropped to my knees.
“You’re saying I’ve become a host to a. . . to a. . . zombie. But that can’t be. I’ve had long moments without the darker urges. Like now. I don’t want to bite you. ”
“That’s true, but you have to think of this as a disease. Your human spirit is fighting the zombie spirit, even though you may not be aware of it, and the human one is mostly winning right now. But because your human spirit, and therefore your body, produces a poison for the zombies, and you now have a zombie inside you, you are basically poisoning yourself. You’re allergic to yourself and weakening because of it. ”
“No,” I said, shaking my head.
“You know I’m right,” she said, and I could tell she was battling tears. “The darker side of you is sometimes strong enough to manifest outside you. ”
No. “I’ll use more antidote. ”
“And that will help in the short term, but it’s not a solution. ”
“What is?” I croaked.
“I. . . don’t actually know. When Justin bit you, he woke this new side of you. Breathed life into it. ”
Finally I did fall to my knees. I couldn’t deny her words anymore, could I? Seconds after Justin had bitten me, the new heart had started beating.
The new heart.
For the new me.
“What happens if she wins?” I asked.
“You know the answer to that. ”
I did. I just hadn’t wanted to admit it.
I would become what I hated most.
“How long do I have?” I asked, trying not to sob.
“Longer than most. Do you remember when Mom put her hand on your leg after the crash?”
My eyes widened. I couldn’t form words, could only nod. The dreams hadn’t been dreams, then, but memories. Having it confirmed ripped me apart. She’d suffered. My mother had suffered.
“She didn’t realize she was doing it, but she passed on her zombie-slaying abilities. Her. . . power, I guess is as good a word as any. ”
Hers. Not my father’s. “But she never exhibited any abilities. ”
“You know better than anyone you don’t have to see something for it to be there. ” She settled in front of me, squeezed my hand. “You inherited Dad’s abilities, too. That’s why you’re so strong, and one of the reasons you can do things others can’t. One of the reasons your body hasn’t already died. If anyone can beat this, you can. ”
“How?”
“I don’t know that, either,” she said. Her shoulders drooped. “I’m sorry. ”
I tried to smile. I wasn’t sure I succeeded. “Hey, don’t worry about me. I’ll find a way. ”
She nodded, and I could see that she wanted to believe me. And then she kissed my cheek, said, “I’m still searching for answers. I’ll be back,” and vanished.
I crouched there, breathing in and out, my hands fisted. No matter what, I wouldn’t allow myself to become a zombie. I would fight this, and I would try to find a cure, but if I failed. . .
No. Not an option. I formulated a to-do list and calmed. Find a way to decode the entire journal. Learn how to kill the zombie inside me. Actually kill her.
Simple, yet amazingly complex. Whatever. I’d done worse.
“Ali!”
My brow furrowed. That was Cole’s voice.
I stood and turned left, s
aw a car speeding through the neighborhood. I turned right, saw a woman walking to her car, a cup of coffee in hand.
“Ali!”
Suddenly a sharp sting pierced my cheek.
Had Cole just slapped me? I marched forward, setting a collision course for the barn and all my problems, annnd. . . the world around me blurred, only coming back into focus when I spotted the big red building where I’d left my body. Someone had left the door open for me. Inside, I caught a glimpse of Cole, Mr. Holland and all of the slayers crowding in front of my chair.
Cole lifted his arm, palm flat, ready.
He had. He really had.
I slipped into my body with a gasp. “I’m here. ”
He straightened. His gaze found mine and narrowed. It was a new day, but I was no longer surprised when a moment passed without a vision.
His father pushed a needle into my neck. “Antidote,” he explained.
“Are you okay?” Cole demanded.
Okay? No. Even with my to-do list hovering in the back of my mind, I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I wanted to tell him what I’d learned. I wanted. . . everything I couldn’t have. His arms around me. His voice in my ear, telling me everything would be all right.
He was the only person I would believe.
It was odd, and probably just the moment, or my shock, but now that limits had been placed on my future, none of the fury I’d harbored for Cole remained. I was still hurt by what he’d done, and the way he’d been treating me, but none of that mattered just then.
A single night had changed me irrevocably.
Change.
I laughed without humor. Another change had come for me.
“Give the girl some breathing room. ” Mr. Holland shoved the slayers out of the way.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice nothing more than a whisper.
Cole shrugged off his dad’s attempts and planted his hands on the arms of my chair, leaning into me, putting us nose to nose. “Where were you? What the hell do you think you were doing out there? Do you have any idea how much worry you caused m—us?”
I blinked at him. Gone was the gentle Cole, the one who had tended me after my panic attack. The one who had sweetly covered my hair with the bandanna.