My father interrupted my train of thought. “Deschen also looks upon you fondly. I could not have hoped for a better outcome. As such, I have changed my mind regarding our plan. You will poison the younger prince and his father tonight and wed the elder. If I can use him, I will allow him to live. He seems to be a competent enough military leader.”
Kill Kishan? He wanted me to kill him? “No!” I cried and clapped my hands over my mouth as his shrewd eyes locked on to me.
“What did you say?” he asked in a low, threatening voice.
Scrambling to protect not only Kishan but myself, I said the only thing that I knew would distract him. “The younger prince wears at least one of the amulets. I’ve seen it. You must not kill him until we discover the location of the other.”
My father paused and, emboldened, I stepped toward him and put my hand on his arm. “Kishan might be…manipulated. Perhaps I can learn of the other piece. Truthfully, I’m not sure I would have the same sway over Dhiren; he’s kind, but he doesn’t look at me with the same fire as Kishan.”
“You are more cunning than I gave you credit for, Yesubai, but, then again, you are my daughter. Very well, use your wiles to discover the whereabouts of the second amulet and bring it to my attention immediately.”
“What about the emperor?”
“What about him?”
“If I kill him, it would bring suspicion upon us. It will be much easier to handle the princes if they are lulled into a feeling of security.”
My father stood rigidly, his body tense. He wasn’t used to my talking back to him in such a manner, but he couldn’t disregard my comments, either, and he still needed me to further his purposes. Blue sparks lit his fingertips. I saw them from the corner of my eye but knew better than to acknowledge his power openly. He squelched it and said, “For the time being, then, the Rajaram family will live. Work on the younger prince until Dhiren arrives and await further instructions.”
Bowing my head, I said, “As you wish.”
“Now return to the palace and spend the day by the queen. Speak to her of my…achievements.” He then turned his back to me, an indication that I was dismissed, and I quickly headed back to the palace.
That night we dined together, one big happy family, though Kishan wouldn’t look at me at all and my father watched me far too often. Hajari stood behind my father, his eyes shooting darts with messages that threatened me the moment he got me alone. He was one man I would feel no remorse whatsoever about killing.
My father was to leave the next day. When there was a knock on my door at sunrise, I assumed it was him, but, to my surprise, it was Deschen and she was alone. “Where is your guard?” I asked, fearing what my father would do should he come upon her.
Deschen shrugged. “Queen’s privilege,” she said with a smile.
She apologized for interrupting my sleep, though I hadn’t slept for most of the night, and asked if I wouldn’t mind acting as her companion. I followed her out to the open field where the soldiers trained. “What are we doing here?” I asked.
Shaking off her robe, Deschen revealed a fitted kimono-style gown buckled at the waist with soft slippers and leggings underneath like those a soldier would wear. “I needed some practice,” she said with a wink. “Ah, there’s Kadam now.”
The middle-aged commander of Rajaram’s army stepped onto the hard-packed circle of dirt used for sparring and handed his queen a gorgeous set of matching swords. I’d never seen weapons like them before, and I wondered if they had come from her homeland.
“My queen.” The man bowed before her. “Are you ready to take position?”
“I was ready an hour ago. Were you curled up like a cat in his bed too long this morning? I fear you’re becoming an old man, Anik.”
The soldier smiled. “Not just yet, my lady.”
“Then raise your sword,” Deschen dared with a mischievous expression.
As they sparred, I curled up at the base of a tree to watch. The leader of the army was a skilled fighter, but it soon became clear that Deschen was more than capable of keeping up. I’d never seen a woman fight before, let alone move in such a lithe and supple way. The twin swords split the air as if they were an extension of her body, and she spun and twirled like a lethal dancer.
I could see why my father was fascinated by her. Soon the sparring pair was joined by Kishan, who good-naturedly teased his man-at-arms for being bested by a woman. When Deschen asked if her son could do any better, Kadam tossed him his sword. The prince tugged off his tunic and circled his mother. He hadn’t seen me, and I drew myself farther into the shadows. Though Deschen knew I was there, I felt like I’d been caught spying.
The queen questioned her son as their swords met, and I soon wondered if she had brought me along for an entirely different purpose. Kishan, unaware that I was nearby, answered his mother’s questions candidly.
She asked, “How are you after yesterday?”
“As well as can be expected.”
“You know that we tried.”
“What I know is that once again Ren wins.”
“It’s not a competition, Kishan.”
“Of course it isn’t. How could it be when there was never any hope of success? I will lose every time.”
“Not every time. Perhaps it is only the father who yearns for the title.”
“What woman would trade love for a throne?”
Deschen lowered her sword. “I would have,” she said soberly. “Give her a little credit.”
Kishan moved his sword to his other hand, twirled his wrist, and swung again. As their swords met, he was nose to nose with his mother. “Even if she wanted me, her father wouldn’t allow it.”
“We don’t entirely know that’s true.” He gave his mother a doubtful look and she winced. “All right, so he’s a stubborn man. Perhaps with time we can sway his thinking.”
“Ren is due back within the week and he’ll be expecting a bride to greet him.”
“Perhaps there is something that can be done about that.” Kishan raised his eyebrows at his mother’s secretive smile and thrust her sword away from his throat. Deschen continued, “Whatever she decides, I want it to be her choice. I don’t want to push her in any way.” More quietly, she added, “The poor girl has been pushed far too often in her life.”
With a skilled countermove, Deschen twisted her wrist, and Kishan’s weapon was torn from his grip. She raised her sword to his chest and laughed. “Never underestimate women, my son.”
Laughing, Kishan said, “I would never underestimate you, Mother,” kissed her cheek, and went to retrieve his sword. “Best two out of three?” he offered, and mother and son began again.
Kishan’s skin gleamed in the early morning light, and the care he took with his mother was heartening. Here was a man who would treat his wife with the respect and kindness he showed his mother. Here was a man not threatened at all by a woman of power. Here was a man I could come to care for.
Deschen was right that I cared not a whit to have the title of queen. I wondered what her plans were, and I marveled at how skillfully she’d played my father. She’d purposely led me there that morning. She wanted me to hear their conversation. I was considering why and what exactly she expected me to do about it when I heard a voice behind me.
“Beautiful.” The sentiment of appreciation sounded filthy coming from my father’s lips. I rose from my comfortable seat under the tree immediately, my cheeks flushed at the idea that my vigilance was faltering. That I’d been caught watching mother and son with same sort of thirsty desire that my father had, disgusted me.
“She is truly unique,” he said.
“Yes. She is.”
Kishan noticed us then and dropped his sword, earning a stinging cut on his arm when his blade didn’t counter his mother’s. “Yesubai?” He took a step forward and then stopped.
The queen turned, swiping her neck with a cloth. “Ah. Seeing off your father then?” she asked me with a wink. She addressed my f
ather, “Thank you for allowing her to stay with us these next few months. It’s a pity Ren won’t be ready earlier.”
I tilted my head, wondering what excuses she would use to keep Dhiren from coming home. It was obvious she loved Kishan, but I’d never gotten the impression that she favored one son over the other.
“Yes.” Lokesh gave her a small smile. “A pity. Until such time as we shall meet again, my lady.” He took her hand and kissed it for an uncomfortable length of time then turned to me. “Goodbye, Daughter. You’ll be hearing from me.”
Deschen asked Kishan to escort my father to his entourage of soldiers and then wrapped her arm around mine. “You held up remarkably well, considering,” she said.
I wasn’t sure if she was referring to the revelations I’d overheard or my father’s presence. So I decided to say, “It was kind of you to ask for me to stay.”
“Or have you return with him? I should think not. You’re under our protection now, Yesubai.” Together we watched as my father’s horses pounded away from the palace and out the gate. Kishan turned toward us, gave me a long look, and then sighed and started back in our direction. As we waited for him, I overheard the queen’s request to her man-at-arms, Kadam. “Increase security at the women’s bathhouse. I was spied upon this morning. The villain has yet to be caught.”
He bowed. “I will see to it personally, my lady.”
Seeing my shocked expression, she quickly reassured me, “Do not fear, Yesubai. All of us will see to your safety.”
Though I had every faith in the dedication of the queen’s soldiers, I knew exactly who had been observing the queen. My face reddened at the knowledge of what my father had done, and I felt the guilt of it almost as thoroughly as if I had perpetrated the deed myself.
True to the queen’s word, it was soon announced that Dhiren would be taking an extended tour of the empire. It had been suggested that he take some time to get all the empire’s affairs in order before returning home and focusing attention on his bride. Dhiren reluctantly agreed and met with his father’s advisors in towns and forts, taking the long way home from the war front.
Hajari had been left behind to supervise me, and because of this, Kishan took it upon himself to be my personal escort. As the days passed, I found I looked forward to seeing him. He taught me how to play Pachisi, and I became quite good at it, even beating him on more than one occasion. Sometimes his mother joined us, but more often it was just the two of us with Hajari sitting nearby, sullen and bored.
Deschen often summoned Kishan to the women’s room, pretending she needed him only to ask him to take me down to the kitchens to fetch a sweetmeat for her or to escort me to the garden to cut some new flowers. Once she outright lied and said that I’d complained of being bored and would he mind teaching me how to ride. It was obvious that her intention was to purposely throw us together.
Considering the fact that I was to be married to his brother, the situation was awkward. Still, I relished being with Kishan. In the hours we’d spent together, I’d come to rely upon him. I loved seeing the glint in his golden eyes when he laughed, and the warmth of his smile filled my heart in an unexpected way. I’d never thought I’d be able to depend upon a man. The experiences I’d had with them had been less than pleasant, but Kishan was different.
Reliance soon became trust. Trust led to admiration. And then, before I was even aware it happened, admiration transformed into a longing that was at once terrific and terrible, and I realized I was in love. Despite this, Kishan remained as proper and as distant as a cousin.
As the long weeks passed and rumors of Dhiren’s return began to circle, I wondered if I had somehow misunderstood Deschen and my father. That Kishan’s feelings regarding me had changed with time. That he now accepted me more as a sister and no longer desired me as a man did a woman.
All the while, nearly daily, letters came from Dhiren. He spoke eloquently of the life he imagined for us together, and though my answering correspondence was brief and even somewhat curt, his responses to me grew warmer over time—more emotional and intimate. After sneaking out the secret passageway into the garden to avoid Hajari, I found a bench and was sitting there, the latest pages from Dhiren crumpled in my fist, and wondering what I was doing to this poor family when Kishan found me.
“Yesubai? What’s wrong?” he asked.
He sat down next to me and pried the pages from my fingers. Smoothing them out on his thigh, he read:
My Dearest Bai,
The months we’ve been apart have weighed on me. How I wish I was at your side this very moment. Despite my mother’s request, my intention is to return home after my visit to this town, passing over the last few stops. I may even arrive before you receive this letter. I must admit that every time I close my eyes I see you. I am the most fortunate of men to be betrothed to a woman as beautiful as you are. The way the light shone on your face…
Kishan stopped reading, the pages hanging limply from his fingertips. “Kishan?” I asked. “Kishan, say something.”
He didn’t. Giving me only a brief glance, he rose and quickly stalked away toward the garden maze. “Where are you going?” I called out as he disappeared behind the hedges.
I finally found him at the center of the maze. He leaned over the fountain, hands splayed against the rim, his back toward me, and he didn’t turn to acknowledge me before speaking.
“Bai?” he asked quietly. “He calls you Bai?”
“Yes. No. I never asked him to.”
“But you don’t mind it.”
I wasn’t sure how to answer him. Isha called me Bai and I’d always liked the name. It felt like a secret between the two of us. It was a name meant for someone who loved me.
Finally, I replied, “I would prefer it if he didn’t use that name, actually.” Approaching Kishan from behind, I continued in a soft voice. “I know that you call your brother Ren, but I’ve only ever referred to him as Dhiren. Honestly, I don’t know if I would ever feel comfortable calling him otherwise.”
I was trying to convey to him in a small way that it wasn’t his brother who I loved. Kishan still wouldn’t look at me so I babbled further. “My father always said that nicknames are only used by lower castes of people.” I winced at my own words. They sounded cruel, and it wasn’t what I intended to tell him. I’d just insulted not only him but his entire family.
“He’ll be home any time now,” Kishan said.
“Yes.” I answered.
“And then you’ll marry him.”
“Isn’t that what’s been arranged?”
“Is…”
“Is…what?”
“Is it what you want?” He turned toward me then and stretched out his fingertips, running them down the length of the veil covering my hair. The thin fabric, already loosened, dropped away from my face. “Yesubai?”
The way he said my name was almost a caress. My limbs trembled, and though we weren’t standing any closer than we had in the past, I sensed the distance between us closing. The air wrapped itself around the two of us and warmed my skin.
“I…” My lips trembled and I lowered my head, unable to remain wholly myself while trapped in his gaze. “I do not love him,” I finally murmured.
Kishan sucked in a breath and gently ran his fingertips along my jaw to my chin, lifting my head so I could drown in his golden eyes once more. “Do you love someone else then?”
Mutely, I nodded.
“Tell me,” he said as I watched his lips form the words. My pounding heart made me feel overly tense, as if the only thing I could focus on was the tingling of my limbs. With a sluggish voice and muddled thoughts, I whispered. “I wish that you were my betrothed.”
One heartbeat passed and then another, and the moment felt hot and frozen at the same time. Then he smiled, and it was sunshine and heat and unspoken promises wrapped in a single expression. Before I knew what was happening, he pressed his lips against my palm and kissed the tender skin. His lips moved over my wrist slowly
before he took hold of my other hand.
The hazy fog that had enveloped my mind thickened, and I became a being of feeling and sensation. All I wanted was more. More of his lips. More of his warmth. More of him. He’d moved up to my neck when I was finally able to focus on his words. He had been saying he’d speak to my father.
I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him hard. Abruptly, I stepped away, and I felt the absence of his warmth as keenly as if my own father had frozen the blood in my veins. “No,” I whispered.
“What do you mean, no?” he asked, as confused and as affected as I was.
“I mean, we’ll have to be careful. My father is a…he’s a hard man.”
Kishan’s expression turned stony. “I won’t allow him to hurt you any longer, Yesubai.”
“Please just…just give me some time to talk with him. Perhaps I can persuade him to reconsider.” When he looked doubtful, I added, “I promise I’ll try to find a way for us to be together.”
“Ren will return soon. If we are to alter the terms of your betrothal, then something must be decided quickly.”
“I will send word to him immediately.” I took his hands in mine and pressed my lips to his fingers. “Please, Kishan, let’s just keep this between us for the time being.”
He agreed and escorted me back to the palace. I called Hajari to my side and sent him to my father with a letter saying that I must speak with him immediately. That night my father appeared in my room, and even though I had carefully prepared for his visit, my hands still shook when he appeared. “Dhiren approaches and is expected to arrive within a few days. Kishan has declared his feelings for me openly, and I believe that there is not much he wouldn’t do to stop the wedding.”
“I see,” my father said. “Please go on.”
“If you were to encourage him in his suit, it is very likely he will find a way to give you the items you seek. Perhaps then they would no longer be a threat to you and there would be no need to destroy them.”