Brooke lets out a heavy sigh when the waitress asks her what she’d like. “I’ll have the veggie omelet, but can you make it with egg whites only, please. And no bacon or sausage on the side. Just whole wheat toast. No butter, please.”
The waitress stares at her. “Egg whites only?” she asks tentatively, and Brooke nods. “No yolks?” She squints and cocks her head to one side.
“That’s right.”
The waitress shakes her head and writes it down. “I’ll see what the cook can do.” As she walks away, Brooke looks at me and throws her hands up. “It’s like she’s never heard of an egg white omelet.”
“You’re in nineteen ninety-five,” I remind her.
“You’re in the middle of Illinois,” Anna adds.
I put my arm around Anna’s shoulders and she kisses me on the cheek. Our eyes lock on each other’s for a moment, and I try to read her expression. “You okay?” I ask.
She thinks about it for a second. Then she nods. “Definitely.”
“Good.” I give her a small kiss.
“You guys are going to stop that when the food gets here, right?” Brooke says. I reach across the table for a packet of sugar and chuck it at her.
Brooke grabs it in midair and returns it to the container. “So juvenile,” she says, shaking her head. But then she lets out a laugh and presses her palms into the tabletop. “Okay, I can’t stand it anymore. I have news.”
Anna and I look at each other, and then at her.
“I met someone. His name is Logan and he’s from Australia. He has the most adorable accent.” She looks especially proud of that last part.
Anna looks at me sideways and leans forward on the table. “Where did you meet him?” she asks, and Brooke’s whole face brightens again. She bounces in her seat and leans forward, mirroring Anna’s pose. “We met at the Train concert.”
I clear my throat. “Watch yourself…” I say, and Brooke throws her hands in the air and says, “What? They’ve been around forever!”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Not as long as you might think.”
She sighs. “Got it.” She starts again, choosing her words more carefully. “We met at this concert at Red Rocks.” Brooke looks at me for confirmation and I give her an affirmative nod. “He’s there with a bunch of guys and I’m with my roommates, Shona and Caroline. Shona recognizes one of his friends from a class, and so the two of them start talking, and pretty soon we’re all hanging out together, waiting for the show to start. Then one of them asks if we want to sit with them.” She stops to take a breath and a sip of coffee.
“Logan sits next to me and we start chatting.” She beams. “He loves music too.” She leans over toward me. “I was dying to tell him that I’d been to Sydney to see a Maroon 5 concert in two thousand eight.”
“Again,” I remind her.
“Oh, right.” She leans closer to Anna and winks. “The lead singer is hot.”
I kick her under the table and she laughs.
“So we talk off and on throughout the show, and in the middle of the second set, he leans into me and asks—in this totally cute, kind of shy way—if I have a boyfriend. To which I, of course, say that I do not. And I can tell he wants to kiss me, right? But he doesn’t. We keep dancing and brushing up against each other and stuff, but he doesn’t make a move.”
The waitress arrives and slides our plates across the table. Brooke looks down at her omelet, which looks like a totally normal three-egg omelet, and then looks up at the waitress. “Thank you,” she says. She grabs her fork and starts picking all the vegetables out.
“At the end of the night we exchange numbers and say good-bye, and everyone starts walking their separate ways across the parking lot, but then I hear him call my name behind me.” She beams. “So I turn around and he’s standing there, and he asks if he can kiss me good night. Isn’t that sweet?”
She leans on the table and Anna does the same. “He’s an unbelievable kisser.” I steal a glimpse at Anna. She’s wearing a shy smile and the flush is already creeping up her chest again. She reaches for a strip of bacon and takes a bite.
“We went out the next night and get this…he lives a block away from me. Can you believe that? We’ve been inseparable ever since. We ride our bikes to campus together and meet for lunch and we’re ridiculously cute.” Brooke stops for a breath and takes a bite of her toast. Then she lets out a sigh. “I miss him already.”
I look at Brooke and I feel a wave of jealousy. Anna and I will never know what it’s like to live a block away from each other. We’ll never plan our class schedules so we can ride to school together, and we’ll never run into each other on campus and feel giddy when we unexpectedly spot the other one heading our way. It hasn’t even been a full day since Brooke last saw this guy; she has no idea what it’s like to miss someone.
But if Anna’s thinking the same thing, she never lets on. “He sounds great.” Then she picks up her fork and says, “I’m starving,” as she starts in on her breakfast.
The three of us spend the next few hours on the road. We stop at Starved Rock State Park and wander around the trails, looking at the rock formations and waterfalls. Anna doesn’t say anything, but she looks exhausted, and it hits me that this probably isn’t the ideal time for a hike. After forty-five minutes of sightseeing, I suggest we head back to Evanston and she looks relieved.
When we arrive at the bookstore, it’s only two-thirty, and the downtown area is busy. I don’t find a parking spot until I reach the next block.
“This is perfect,” Anna says as I pull the SUV into a tight space across from the park. “We can stop in the coffeehouse and grab a latte.”
We pile out of the car and I feed some quarters into the meter. Inside, we head over to our couch in the corner and Anna and Brooke plop down facing each other. Anna starts telling Brooke about the bands that play here on Sunday nights while I order drinks from the barista.
The three of us sit together for a little while, and I can tell that Anna’s stalling. She keeps checking her watch, and finally, when she can’t hold off any longer, she says good-bye to Brooke. The two of them hug and exchange a few more words, and Brooke makes me promise to bring her back here again soon.
After Anna’s gone, Brooke and I sit a little longer, sipping our coffees and talking about the day. “Mom and Dad would like her,” Brooke says.
“Yeah.” I let out a huff. “As soon as they get past the part where she lives down the street from our grandmother.” I roll my eyes. “And that she goes to the high school our mother graduated from. And that she and Maggie have become close friends. But yeah, as soon as they get past all of that, I bet they’d love her.” I set my coffee on the table, lean back against the couch, and fix my eyes on the ceiling. “I have to tell them when I get home tomorrow.” My head falls to the side and I look at Brooke. “They’re going to kill me.”
“No, they won’t. They might not get it completely, but what are they going to do? Besides, think about how nice it will be not to have to sneak around.” I try, but I’ve been doing it so long I can’t even imagine it.
Brooke tips her head back and takes another gulp, and then sets her cup on the table next to mine. Neither one of us say anything, but we both know it’s time for her to go.
She follows me past the barista and down the long hallway that leads to the bathrooms, and I check the men’s room while she stands outside waiting. Once I’ve confirmed that it’s empty, I open the door a crack and wave her inside.
I lock the door and without even saying a word, she reaches for my hands. She shakes her arms out hard like she always does and then kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you so much.”
“Any time,” I tell her, which isn’t entirely true but sounds like the right thing to say.
She shuts her eyes and I do the same. When I open them, we’re standing in Brooke’s bedroom, right where I picked her up this morning. “I still want you to meet everyone,” she says, and I tell her I’ll try. Then I close m
y eyes. When I open them again, I’m standing in the bathroom alone.
I’m not sure what to do with myself for the next hour while Anna’s at work. I head outside and start walking in the general direction of the record store when an ambulance turns the corner and flies past me, siren blaring, lights spinning. I’m just about to cross the street when I see it pull to a stop directly in front of the bookstore.
I take off running.
When I reach the entrance, the EMTs are wheeling a stretcher through the door, parting the crowd that’s already started gathering outside. I follow behind them.
“Anna!” I call out once I’m inside, but I don’t see her anywhere.
I keep following the stretcher as it turns down the Cooking aisle.
And that’s where I find her. She’s sitting on the ground, her hands wrapped around her father, who’s slumped down against the bookcases, his legs bent at an awkward angle. One of the EMTs reaches out to pull Anna away, but she looks at him with terror in her eyes and refuses to budge. “What’s wrong with him?” she cries.
“I don’t know,” I hear him say. “I need you to move away so we can figure it out, okay? Please.”
I can’t get to her side fast enough.
When she sees me, she grips her dad’s arm even tighter, but I kneel down next to her and pull her toward me. “Come here,” I say. My hands are shaking as I reach for hers. “Let them help your dad.”
I look over at Mr. Greene. His eyes are wide open, staring straight ahead. But then his head falls slowly to one side and he looks right at me and blinks in slow motion.
Anna’s head spins toward me, then back to her dad, and back to me again. Finally she releases his arm and lets me leads her a few feet away. The paramedics lower Mr. Greene to the floor and start working to bring him back from wherever he is right now.
“What happened?” I ask her.
“I don’t know. When I got to the store, I didn’t think he was here.” Her voice is trembling, and she’s breathing so hard the words are coming out all choppy. “I walked around for a few minutes and finally found him.” She gestures toward her dad. “I don’t know how long he’s been like this, Bennett. I don’t know what’s wrong.”
Justin must have heard the sirens from the record store because he bursts through the door, looking rattled as he scans the room. He’s clearly relieved to see Anna, but his expression changes again when he spots the paramedic team that’s gathered around her dad.
“What happened?” he asks us, but neither one of us knows what to say. “I just found him like this,” Anna says. She’s crying now, and I keep telling her it’s going to be okay, even though I have no idea if that’s true.
One of the EMTs stands up and walks over to us. He looks directly at Anna. “We’re taking him to Northwestern Memorial.”
“My mom works there,” Anna says quietly. “She’s a nurse.” Then she looks at me. “We need to find her,” she whispers, and before I can say a word, Justin says, “I’m on it,” and takes off toward the phone in the back room.
The EMT pulls out a clipboard and dislodges a pen from the plastic holder. “Were you with him earlier today?” Behind him, the other two paramedics are strapping machines to Mr. Greene’s chest and moving him onto a stretcher.
“This morning,” Anna says, her voice quiet and weak. “He was fine.”
He writes it down. “What time did you see him last?”
Anna speaks louder this time. “About ten o’clock.” She looks away, and I don’t know if she’s thinking the same thing, but I have to ask.
“What would have happened if we’d found him earlier?”
The EMT shakes his head. “We don’t know anything yet. I really can’t say.”
“What would have happened?” I repeat.
“I don’t know. You may have seen signs that something was wrong.” He looks straight at me. “Look, let us get him to the hospital first and find out what happened, okay?”
The other two paramedics give him a sign, and he snaps the notebook shut and starts moving toward the door. “You can ride to the hospital with us,” he says to Anna. To me, he says, “Sorry, family only.”
He looks at Anna again and says, “Follow me.”
Anna starts to move but I tighten my hold on her. “Ride with me. We’ll be right behind him.”
The EMT’s eyes narrow as he addresses Anna. “You’re going to let your father ride alone?”
“We’ll be right behind you,” I say. The other paramedics pass us wheeling the stretcher to the ambulance, and he gives me a disgusted shake of his head before he follows them.
I push a few gawkers out the door, and the little bundle of bells rings hard as I slam it closed. I snap the deadbolt into place.
As the sirens blare away and the spinning red lights disappear from view, I grab Anna’s hand and lead her to the other side of the bookstore. We walk by the front desk, and I spot the flowers I bought her this morning. They’re in a vase. In water. Exactly as promised. I take a deep breath.
“We’re going back to this morning.” Justin’s in the back room but I keep my voice low anyway. “Listen to me, okay? We have to go all the way back to this morning—back to the hotel. That’s the only time we weren’t moving or in plain sight today. I can’t time it right otherwise.”
Anna doesn’t move or say a word.
“We’re going back to ten fifteen, right before you left your dad at the hotel. You’re going to ride home with him instead and that’ll give you three hours to watch him for…whatever…some kind of sign that something’s wrong.”
She blinks a few times. “What if we get all the way back and nothing’s happened?”
“I don’t know, then tell him something’s wrong with you. Tell him you’re having trouble breathing, or come up with an excuse to stop by the hospital and see your mom. Do whatever you have to do to be sure he goes straight to a hospital.”
Anna nods.
“Do you remember where he parked the car?” She thinks about it for a minute. “Yeah,” she whispers.
She’s ghost-white and trembling. “You have to pull yourself together now, okay? Don’t worry. We’ll fix it.” A vision of my battered self, lying in a puddle of blood, stuck who knows where or when, flashes in my mind. I push it away. The side effects don’t matter. All that matters is getting Anna back to this morning.
I rest my forehead against hers. I don’t even have to tell her to close her eyes. Before I close mine, I think back to this morning and try to lock in a mental image of the hotel and a precise moment I can let the other “me” disappear without disruption. I picture the circular driveway leading up to the hotel where Brooke and I picked Anna up this morning and—
“Brooke.” I didn’t mean to say it aloud, but I must have, because I open my eyes to find Anna staring at me. I drop her hands and rub my temples with my fingertips. “What will happen to Brooke?” I hear myself say.
She was with me the entire time. If Anna and I go back without her, what happens? Does Brooke disappear too? If she’s in the car when I get back, what do I do with her? If she’s not in the car, where has she gone?
I have to go back even earlier. I have to go back to this morning, before I picked Brooke up. I take Anna’s hands again, but this time, it’s not because we have a destination. Without thinking, I start voicing everything that’s going through my head aloud. “I’m not sure how to do this. It’s not clean, like the others were. It just…messes with so many things.” I barely have time to get the words out when Justin peeks around the corner and flies down the aisle toward us.
“There you are. I found your mom,” he says to Anna. “She’s still at the hospital. I’m supposed to take you.” Anna untangles her fingers from mine and follows Justin out the door. As he puts his arm over her shoulders, she stops and turns around. I’m still standing exactly where she left me.
“Aren’t you coming with us?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I stuff my hands in my pockets and fol
low them, still thinking through the morning in my mind, desperately looking for a loophole.
Justin’s car is parked across the street, around the corner from the record store. He opens the door for Anna and she climbs in while I slump down in back. I’ve never felt so powerless.
When we pull up to a stoplight, Anna points out the window as she looks at Justin. “Would you pull over, please?” Justin drives through the intersection and stops on the next block, and Anna gets out of the car, pulls the bucket seat forward, and climbs in back next to me. She rests her head on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, “I can’t let you go back.”
I look up at the rearview mirror and my eyes meet Justin’s. He stares at me for a moment, and then hits the gas.
Mrs. Greene spots us the second we round the corner and step into the ICU waiting room, and all three of us freeze in place as she bolts from her chair and speeds across the room toward us. She’s still wearing her uniform.
She hugs Anna hard and then leads her away from us, returning to the chairs in the corner, where she fires questions at her. Anna sounds calm as she fills her mom in on everything that happened, from the moment she and her dad left the house the night before to the series of events that led to her finding him on the bookstore floor.
Justin gives me a look and I give him one back, silently confirming that neither one of us knows what to do with ourselves. He glances awkwardly around the room and I point at a couple of chairs a polite distance away. We spend the next twenty minutes in silence.
Then Justin’s parents burst through the door, and that sends the energy level soaring again. “Where is she?” Mrs. Reilly asks as she heads straight for us. Justin hugs her and then points over toward the corner. I wish I didn’t have to overhear Anna’s mom repeat the same horrible details, but I’m close enough to pick up every word she says and every gasp that leaves Mrs. Reilly’s mouth.
I lean over, resting my elbows on my knees so I can cover my ears and at least muffle the sound. I’m just about to go outside and get some fresh air when I hear Anna’s voice.