My heart lurched. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“It is not good. As I said, your friends are alive. But I would not say they are well. I have done what I could.”
I didn’t wait for him to say anything else; I just pushed past him, letting the big branch rip some of my tangled hair out by the roots. I had no idea what to expect, but my heart was already aching too much to put off finding out what was going on any longer.
In a clearing surrounded by tall green trees were my friends. All of them but Tim were laid out like they were about to be buried, with their arms crossed on their chests. Next to them was a giant lump of a troll, also laid out on the ground but with his arms at his sides. I wanted to cry over the fact that Tim wasn’t there, but I kept telling myself over and over that he was probably back in that witch’s house, flying around inside because she’d spelled the doors. I’d rescue his puny butt as soon as I got back. Before I even went to see Biad, I’d be there. It made me more determined than ever to get to the bottom of this mess and sort it all out. I forced the tears I wanted to cry back into my head. Now was not the time for a pity party. Not even close.
“I do not know what that beast is,” Ish said, pointing to the monster who I thought had eaten my roommate. I kept telling myself it couldn’t have happened like that. Tim was too dignified, too cool to die by stomach acid.
“It’s a troll.” My throat ached as I stared at my friends, all of them inanimate, still stuck in whatever messed up spell Judith had cast. They were still breathing —I could see their chests slowly rising and falling— but they sure didn’t look healthy; all of their faces were gray.
Ish pointed to a pile of white stuff on the ground, lying near the feet of the troll. “And I did not know what that was, either. I did not touch it, other than to put it closer to your friends. I hope that was not a mistake.”
I walked closer to the mystery lump, nudging it with my toe when it was within reach. “What in the hell…?” It looked like a pile of wet spider webbing or maybe a cocoon spun by a not-very-talented caterpillar. I backed away, not sure I wanted to see what kind of nastyass butterfly was going to come out of that thing.
“What should we do with them?” he asked me in a hushed tone.
“Just give me a second to think this through.” It made sense; I was in a foreign world, so of course instead of just doing what was on the tip of my mind, I was going to mull it over a little. Meet the new Jayne, world. Let’s save the comasizing for another place and time, shall we? I bit my lip as I considered my options.
I could use The New Green to liven them up, maybe. That was an option. I could … hmmmm… I could … errr … do the macarena? The more I thought about it, the more I realized, there were no other options, really; unless they had a doctor in the house who knew how to reanimate spelled fae, I was screwed. I turned to my rescuer. “Do you have a doctor around here? A healer?”
“Yes. But I do not advise the use of such a person.”
“Why not?”
He gestured to my friends. “She will most likely determine that they are demons and have their heads removed, burned, put on stakes, and placed around the edge of the village to warn others of their kind to stay away.”
My eyebrows were pretty much up at the top of my head by the time he was finished describing the state of his village’s healthcare system. “Okay, so scratch the healer option.” I turned back to my friends. “I guess there’s only one thing to do.”
“What is that?”
“You should leave.” I tried to cross my arms to appear more forceful, but the stupid cut hurt too much, so I let them swing at my sides.
“Where would I go?” He looked confused.
“Somewhere not here.”
“Why would I do that?”
I sighed loudly, frustrated that he was so damn nice and at the same time stupid. “Because I said so. Because I don’t want you to see what I’m going to do.”
He leaned in close and whispered. “Are you going to call your dragon? Have her eat them to save them from the pain?”
I scowled at him. “No, I’m not going to … do I look like the kind of person who feeds her friends to a dragon?” When he looked me up and down and shrugged, I realized how badly I needed a mirror. But I didn’t have time for vanity. I had to get my friends back online, find a nice big fluffy bush to pee behind, and then locate the portal to the Underworld. They had to have one around here somewhere.
The plan was taking shape in my head as I moved closer to my friends. Find the Underworld portal, go in, locate Biad, explain what happened, and then get back home. Boom. Done. I so rocked the party with my plan-making skills. I was feeling better already.
“I shall remain here,” Ish said. “You may depend on me to keep your secrets.”
“Did my sword show up here?” I asked, wishing I had it on me so I could threaten him into keeping that promise.
“What sword?” He glanced away when he answered, so I knew he wasn’t being truthful. It actually made me trust him more to find that he was such a horrible liar.
“Lie. Where is it?”
“Where is what?”
“Ish, I’m not playing around. That sword is a demon blade. If you try to wield it and you don’t have the right to do that, it’ll burn you really bad. It’ll make you see things you can’t un-see.”
His face went a little white. “I had planned to try it later today.”
“Bad plan. Seriously. Go get it for me.”
He pointed to a bush next to the troll. “It is in there. I will not touch it now that you have told me its nature.”
I walked around the beast to retrieve it, pulling it out from under a pile of pinecones. This place makes no sense. Deserts and pinecones living together in harmony? Since when does that happen? I shook the dirt off and then slid it into the small scabbard still attached to my waist. It got tiny-ized as it went in, becoming almost unobtrusive. Turning around, I caught the eye of my host. “Last chance to leave here with your ignorance still intact.”
He shook his head. “As a dragon-rider I have seen things others could only dream of. I have been to places the villagers do not believe exist. I have flown through clouds and slid down rainbows. I will not walk away when a girl who wields a demon sword tells me she is going to awaken the dead in front of my very eyes.”
I grinned. “A fellow adventurer. Awesome. Now stand back. I don’t want to comasize you.”
“What is a comasize?”
“You don’t want to know.” I walked over and raised my arms up at my friends, keeping the troll and the nasty cocoon behind me. I planned to leave them exactly as they were, passed out or sleeping or whatever they were doing. Hell no did I want them running after me while I tried to find the portal.
“What are you doing?” Ish asked in a hushed voice.
I closed my eyes, picturing The New Green energy flowing below my feet, around me in the trees, and humming through the beings here in this place I didn’t know. “Shhh, just watch and learn, grasshopper.”
I grunted a little when the elemental force came at me too strong. Damn, it’s like trying to hold onto a bucking bronc. I’d seen rodeos on TV before. I pictured myself trying to stand on the back of one of those horses that was busy flipping itself inside out to get the rider off — a pretty apt vision, considering how ridiculous it was for me to be doing what I was attempting to do. One second I felt like I had a handle on that energy, riding that bronc like a boss, and the next second, all hell broke loose. I went from being the boss to being the rodeo clown.
Something big and bright and way too fresh leaped into me, taking me over and shooting out of me with a million beams of light. My arms dropped to my sides, too heavy to hold up anymore, and my vision took on a distinct green tint, making everything around me look like it was buried among a pile of emerald jewels. My friends were still there and motionless, but the greenery around them amplified into colors my eyes had never seen before. The other living thing
s that creeped, crawled, and flew around us were no longer hidden from view. I saw all these things working in harmony, everything functioning as part of one big orchestra, playing a symphony that only I could hear. It was nothing short of perfection.
“Ohhhhh…,” Ish said, just before he fell to his knees. His reaction, a blip in the music, managed to pull me out of my happy trance. I glanced over in gratitude, but saved my thanks for another time, since he seemed too out of it to listen. Oh well. At least he has a smile on his face.
I had to rein in the energy before I asked it for any help. Lord knew what would happen if I went ahead without waiting for the right moment, the moment when I could work with precision. My months of training with Sam and the other fae had taught me that I was never as good as I could be without some form of control worked into the process. Just letting things fly always ended up in a comasizing somewhere.
I was out of breath and leaning over from the effort, but I finally got that wild bucking bronco of a Green beast somewhat under control. Now it was a loud humming energy running all through me, connecting me to everything and everyone. This was more like a rock concert than a symphony, which suited me just fine.
My arms came up, the one with the slice feeling much better already. I waited until I was sure I could manage things before I started picturing what I wanted in my mind. I followed Sam’s advice and tried to hold it all together with a rhyme.
Bring all my friends back to me. Wash away the spell and make them free. Remove the evil that taints their souls. Send all that blackness to the Underworld where it really should go. I sighed, knowing I should probably have spent more time practicing my poetry writing skills in school. My only saving grace was that this New Green element didn’t seem to care any more than the old Green did how much I sucked at coming up with rhyming power-control spells.
All of my friends starting moaning at the same time. Jared was the first to move. He twisted to the right and barfed, right next to Scrum’s head, a bunch of black liquid that quickly started smoking and sizzling in the dirt. Becky was next. She sat bolt upright and vomited in her lap. Then she started crying, her arms limp at her sides.
I rushed over to comfort her, holding my breath so I wouldn’t inhale the steam coming off the black tar she just ejected from her stomach. It was quickly burning away, and I could only assume it was the evil I’d asked to be taken from them. Wow. Lucky guess on that one.
Jared slowly pushed up onto his elbow and looked over at me, his eyes swollen with bags highlighting their misery underneath. “What happened?”
I rubbed Becky on the back as I answered. “We got transported to another realm, I think. All of you got spelled with something ugly.” I pointed over my shoulder. “We brought a troll with us, but I left him asleep.”
Jared’s head was shaking slowly. “You sure about that?”
I flicked a glance over at Ish. He was getting to his feet and staring at something behind me. “Oh, the heavens help us,” he whispered.
My chin dropped to my chest. “Goddammit, he’s going to make me kill him after all, isn’t he?” I stood and turned around, sliding the demon blade from its scabbard.
Chapter Twenty
THE TROLL WAS SITTING UP, rubbing its lumpy head. I used the moment of his extreme distraction to move closer, bending over and tapping Sam and Felicia on the shoulders, encouraging them to get up and move over to where the guys were starting to stand. They both crawled out of the way, vomiting as they went. The trail of black slime they left behind was both impressive and highly disgusting.
I held my now very large sword out in front of me and raised my voice. I don’t know why I thought the beast was hard of hearing. “Listen up, troll … I don’t want any funny business out of you.” I blinked a few times after I heard the words leaving my mouth. Funny business? Since when did I become my grandmother? I was starting to worry that being in this older time was changing me, which made me even more frantic to leave it behind. I liked the regular old, modern-day Jayne, thank you very much. Jesus, the next thing you know, I’ll be using the word fiddle faddle.
The troll looked at me, his mouth turned down at the corners. “Me sick.”
I backed up a little when I saw his stomach start to heave.
He burped and winced.
I took three more steps in reverse. “He’s gonna blow, everyone. Back up!”
I heard shuffling behind me, but missed entirely the rock that was behind my right foot. I went down hard, just as the sounds of a giant troll spewing reached my ears. I both heard and felt the icky splat that followed. Warmth turned to burning really quickly; I was covered from head to toe in troll vomit.
I flopped down onto my back and stared at the sky, my sword forgotten next to me. “Why, God? Why?”
Sam’s face appeared, looming over mine. “You need to get that off you if you can.” She dropped to her knees and used the edge of her tunic to wipe my cheek off. Felicia joined her at the other side of me, trying her best to fix me up too.
I waved them off. “Just move. I’ll take care of all of this.” Trails of smoke rose up from me, the vomit burning itself off very slowly. I looked down and saw that it was going to take forever for this to work, and I didn’t have forever to get the job done.
The New Green energy that had been humming along in the background leapt to the forefront of my brain. Forget control. I needed some serious cleanup action. I spoke out loud, hoping that would help me get it right this time.
“Clean up on aisle three, clean up my friends and then clean up me, remove the black that was inside our bellies, and make it so we’re no longer smelly.” I waved my arms all over the place, hoping The New Green didn’t have a sense of humor that would make me regret what I’d just done.
My vision was wiped out for a few seconds and every color of the rainbow assailed me. My entire body was covered in tingles, and I shivered from the aftereffects they left behind. My friends were alternatively laughing, shouting, and coughing as I assumed it did the same to them. When I finally opened my eyes, I was happy to find that everyone was more or less the way I’d seen them last, although everyone except Scrum was in serious need of a hairbrush.
The troll leaned over and got to his feet, picking up the club he had brought with him and letting it rest by his leg. “Me better,” he said, scratching his tunic near his man-parts.
Becky was standing next to me, and I could see her grimacing out of the corner of my eye.
“Yo, troll!” I said, hoping I could distract him from his itchy balls problem.
He paused in his ministrations and looked at me. He grinned and his one tooth came out to grace us with its presence. “Me hungry. Me eat little person.” He took a step toward me.
I held my sword up. “Not so fast, there, Lumpy. I’m not on the menu.”
He looked down at the demon blade and frowned.
“No eat me,” I said, pointing at myself with my free hand.
He shifted his gaze over to Samantha and pointed at her with his club. “Me eat little person there.”
I shook my head. “Nope. You no eat little person there, either.”
Apparently I was fluent in trollish because he frowned at that and stomped his foot. “Me eat!”
I stomped my foot, hoping it was communicating what I wanted it to, namely that I was the boss. “No! You no eat!”
I expected a fight. A roar. A waving of clubs and stomping of feet. I got none of that. Instead, he flopped down on his butt and started wailing like a giant baby. His head tipped back and big, fat tears started pouring out of his eyes and dripped down to the ground. They left clean streaks behind on his face and left me kind of stunned. I had no idea what to do next. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined a troll being a crybaby, but I had a sneaking feeling I knew what he was going through. I wanted to wail at the world’s unfairness too. My last meal had smelled like a skunk, but at least I had one.
Becky was the first to speak. “Oh … that’s …
kind of … sad, actually.”
I had to admit, I was feeling a little mean about how I’d handled the situation. Trolls have feelings too, apparently. My earlier thoughts about this troll’s momma came back to me, and I felt even worse. Maybe he was young. Maybe he was feeling as lost and confused as we were. Great. Just what I needed. A troll babysitting job to earn extra money for the summer!
“Troll!”
He paused and looked at me, sniffling. I watched as a giant ball of snot that had been sitting on his upper lip went back up into his nose with one very inelegant snort. My stomach rolled over and I swallowed hard, trying not to let the gristle I’d eaten earlier come back up.
“Are you listening to me?”
He frowned, still obviously not happy. “Me listen.”
“Good. We’re going to find you some food. Some yummy, booger-covered food. But you have to wait.” I gestured to my friends. “We all have to wait. See? We’re all hungry, right guys?”
Everyone immediately started rubbing their stomachs and nodding their heads. Tony and Felicia even added in some moans for effect.
“See?”
The troll rubbed his stomach. “Me eat little peoples. Me no be hungry after.”
I shook my head and walked closer, bringing my pointy blade with me. “No. You eat people, I kill you.” I held up the sword at his nose. His eyes crossed as he followed its progress. “Me stab troll. Me kill troll. Troll no more hungry.”
His tone made me think he was mesmerized by my weapon. “Me no eat little peoples.”
I lowered the blade. “Good. I think we understand each other.” I turned to go and Becky screamed. Too late for me to do anything about it, I was snatched up from around my waist and brought immediately to the troll’s mouth. My sword arm was trapped under me, leaving me powerless. I didn’t even have time to tell The New Green to save me before it was all over.