Darcy
“Want to watch some cheesy American Christmas movie?”
Allie turned on the TV and I sat down on the sofa next to her. We found Miracle on 34th Street on Netflix. The original version from the 1940s, not any of the remakes. Of course, Al wanted to watch it. I just bit back a smile.
“Remember that one night we watched this movie?” she asked.
I couldn't forget that night even if I wanted to. It was one of my most vivid memories of that time, and that said something, because I'd successfully blocked out most of what went on during that time in my life. This particular night was an exception, though.
“You complained that the film was too old and outdated and boring, but I made you watch it anyway.” Allie went on, leaning into me, making my heart beat faster. I fought the urge to pull her closer.
“Yeah, and then you complained about the bad acting in it”, I teased her. I was almost daring her to say it.
“It wasn't that the acting was bad”, she defended herself. “I actually like these older movies in terms of how the actors play their parts. Most of them are so much better than modern films. It was just...”
“Just what?” I coaxed her. I should have stopped, I knew it.
Allie sat up, scooting away from me in the process, and the place where her body had rested against mine grew cold.
“It was just that one kiss”, she said, her cheeks flaming red.
“Mmh, that kiss. I remember. You certainly weren't happy with the acting there.” I couldn't stop myself. Maybe it was the wine talking. Maybe I'd decided I was going to hell anyway, so I should enjoy it while it lasted.
“Are we really going to talk about this?” she asked, her tone suddenly serious. Once again there was an undercurrent of tension running between us.
“You were the one who brought it up.” I sat up, too, placing my bowl of ice cream on the coffee table.
“Darcy...” There were so many emotions mixed into that one word.
“Let's just watch the movie”, I said, leaning over to take the remote out of her hand.
I remembered that day five years ago all too vividly. The fact that we were literally sitting in the exact spot where it had happened didn't exactly make things easier.
It had been a few days before Christmas, and Allie and I had both been in rather glum holiday spirit. Ian had jetted off to some tropical destination with his family, while the two of us were left to entertain ourselves, because our families didn't care much for Santa or a nice family dinner. Allie's mum had just been released from another lengthy hospital stay and needed peace and quiet, and my parents were at home yelling and throwing expensive things at each other. So we came to my granny's house, which was our safe haven.
That night, while my grandmother played bingo with her friends, Allie and I watched Miracle on 34th Street.
When it came to that kissing scene, almost at the end of the film, I heard Allie snort beside me.
“Now, come on, they at least could have made it seem like they were enjoying it. They're smashing their lips together like a pair of five-year-olds playing getting married or something.”
And because I was fourteen years old and generally a pain in the arse, I turned to her and said, “What do you know about it? Are you suddenly Miss Kiss Expert?” It was mean to tease her like that, and I knew it.
Allie hadn't locked lips with anyone apart from Tristan Miller, and that had only lasted two seconds until she had run away to the nearest bathroom to wash out her mouth with soap.
“I know that this isn't what real, passionate kissing looks like”, she defended herself, sticking her tongue out at me.
“What does real, passionate kissing look like?” I paused the movie, and turned to give her my undivided attention. I was enjoying our little exchange immensely.
“I can't describe it. I'd have to show you.”
“Then show me”, I said, thinking she was going to get out one of those girly films she loved to watch and show me a full-blown make-out session on the screen.
But she didn't. Instead, her eyes locked with mine for a heartbeat, and then she simply leaned over, placed her hands on both my cheeks, and brought her lips down on mine.
I was so surprised, I didn't do anything at first. I simply sat there and took in the feeling of her soft lips on mine. But my brain freeze didn't last long. Soon I was kissing her just as hungrily as she was kissing me.
Now, looking back on it, I have to say we probably made lots of mistakes. This was the first real kiss for both of us, and there was definitely that awkwardness of having your teeth click against each other, and trying to figure out how to move, seeing what felt good, and what didn't and all of that. But it didn't matter how many mistakes we made. In the end, it was still perfect.
We never talked about that kiss afterwards, and there were times when I wondered whether I'd made it all up. Why neither of us ever mentioned it again, I'm not sure. Maybe we both knew it would never lead to anything. At that point, the pact I'd made with Ian still fresh on my mind, I knew I'd be putting out friendship on the line by pursuing Allie.
We started the movie, and made ourselves comfortable on the couch. The opening credits weren't even over, and I already wasn't paying attention to the screen in front of me. Instead, I became very aware of Allie sitting next to me, almost touching me, but still sitting too far away.
I leaned over ever so slightly, even though I knew it was wrong.
She didn't pull away when my shoulder brushed against hers. I felt like I was back in my early teens again, waiting for the right moment to do the infamous arm-on-the-back-of-the-couch manoeuvre with the girl I had spent month obsessing over and who had finally agreed to come over to 'hang out' at my house.
I should have stopped.
But I couldn't. I was reckless, I was drunk, and Ian was hundreds of miles away...
She shifted a little when I brought down my arm behind her, and a lock of her hair brushed my fingers.
How was I ever going to get out of this alive?