God, I wanted her. I wanted her as I had never wanted anyone in my life. Maybe it was true that people always became obsessed with the one thing they couldn't have.
But I had her now, right here in my arms, and it was the most amazing, indescribable feeling.
I knew it was wrong. It was wrong on so many levels, but it felt so right. Having her in my arms felt so right.
I couldn't will myself to stop. Not even for Ian's sake. So I focused on her, and only her, pushing all other thoughts aside. Tomorrow be damned.
After that first taste, we came up for air, both breathless but unwilling to interrupt this for long. If we stopped now, we'd start talking. And that was something I wanted to avoid at all costs. I pulled her onto my lap, and the heated kisses continued.
She tasted so sweet and the way her curves molded against me, it was as if her body had been made for me. She had been made for me.
This was what I had fantasized about for years. I had lied to myself, lied to Ian, when I said I felt nothing but friendship for her. It had never been just friendship. There had always been something more that had pulled me towards Al.
It took all my self-control to take it slow and not simply pick her up and carry her upstairs to my bedroom.
We ended up there eventually, though. The champagne left untouched, the TV still on, we stumbled up the stairs blindly, still kissing, exploring each other with our hands.
We didn't go any further that night, even though it was killing me. Allie wasn't ready for it. I could see it on her face, how her emotions ran havoc inside her head. Neither of us said a word, and it was probably better that way. I didn't know what I would say. Beg her to leave Ian? Ask her to run away with me?
I knew from the look on her face, she wouldn't do either of those things. Still, I kissed her until we were both spent and fell asleep with her in my arms.
...“Let's just make a pact, make it official, like they always do in movies. No woman is ever going to come between us. We won't let it happen. And if there is a girl we're both interested in, she's off limits. There are plenty of other girls to choose from. And where Allie is concerned, she's off limits anyway, because she's our friend.”
“Deal.”
“Deal.”...
I woke with a start to find her curled up next to me, sleeping peacefully. It didn't feel as amazing as it had last night, however. With the sunlight streaming through the window, reality slowly began to catch up to me.
In the shadow of darkness, it had been easy to block out the voices in my head telling me what an evil bastard I was. Now, in the light of day, blocking out these voices wasn't quite so simple.
Fantasising about my best friend's girlfriend was one thing. But actually acting on those feelings was a totally different story.
I hadn't thought about the consequences last night. The past few days had been some of the best of my life, but I felt like I'd lost myself in some sort of fantasy which only included Al and me.
Now I had to confront the truth, which included Ian. Not that I could ever change what had happened.
The damage was done. It was time to face the consequences.
Beside me, Allie began to stir. I watched as she leisurely stretched her arms above her head, only slowly opening her eyes.
“Morning”, I said, watching her closely.
I wondered what she thought about last night.
Seconds later, I had my answer.
Al sat up. She was not quite fully awake yet, but I could tell that the events of the night before slowly came back to her. And just as I had, she seemed to go through a rough awakening. Suddenly her body went rigid as she looked over at me. There was regret in her eyes. Regret and pain. She threw the covers back, almost tripping over them as she scrambled out of bed.
I was out of bed in two second, suddenly wide awake.
I caught her hand before she could get too far.
“Please don't run.” This time it was me who was begging her.
She looked back at me, her eyes filled with unshed tears. For a moment I thought I could actually make her change her mind, make her come back to bed. That was all wishful thinking, though.
“I'm sorry”, she said as she pulled her hand free from my grasp and ran out of the room.
I could have let her go and forgot about last night. We could have pretended it never happened, just like we did with our first kiss. Ian never had to find out.
But I couldn't. Call me weak, call me a sad excuse for a human being, the worst friend on the planet, but I couldn't let her go.