Everyone has those moments in life, where we have to make a decision, knowing fully well that we can't go back once we choose a certain path.
I'd made the decision to go down this path, and now I was stuck at a dead end with no way back.
It was a Wednesday. Or so I thought. I hadn't exactly kept track of dates lately. The weather outside matched my mood perfectly. It looked like the apocalypse was about to start.
I had no right to drown myself in self-pity. I was well aware of that; but I was a coward. Hiding away in my room sounded a hundred times better than facing reality.
It was time to face the consequences of my actions, though. I'd made a mistake, and now I had to live with it.
However morally wrong my actions had been, I still couldn't make sense of my feelings. I didn't want to hurt him more than I already had, but at the same time I was hurting him every second of every day that I left him standing in the rain, keeping him waiting and hoping.
Over the past few days I'd avoided both Darcy and Ian, even though they tried their best to coax me out of my self-induced confinement. I didn't come to the house, didn't answer their calls or their knocks on my door.
I simply couldn't face them. What could I possibly say to either of them? I'm sorry? I made a mistake? All just feeble words that wouldn't be able to make it okay: make what I had done to them any less terrible.
So I hid myself away, like a fugitive on the run.
It worked well, until I ran into Darcy one evening.
It was raining, snowing and storming, all at once, and I figured the boys would be holed up at home. I needed to go to the library to return some books and thought this would be the perfect opportunity. Seriously, who would go out in weather like this?
Darcy, obviously, because there he was, bundled up in a raincoat, his head held low to shield himself from the oncoming wind.
I prayed he wouldn't see me, but since I was pretty much the only person out within a ten mile radius and was wearing a ridiculous neon-orange parka. I was as obvious as a lighthouse in the dark.
He immediately blocked my way when he saw me. “We need to talk!” he shouted over the wind.