Brecken smiled at us, coming closer until he could slide the bags off of my shoulders. “Figured you might want a ride.” His hand brushed down my arm as he took the bags, then he exchanged high-fives with Keenan as we headed for his truck.
“Thanks,” I said, catching myself as I started reaching for his hand. “How are you?”
He bumped his shoulder against mine. “Better now.”
After pulling the truck door open, he helped Keenan into the back before setting down the groceries. When he noticed what was, or what wasn’t, inside, he reached into his back pocket.
“Why don’t you go get what you need?” He pulled out a few twenties and stuffed them into my hand. Before I could object, he added, “What you really need.”
My fist closed around the money as I shifted. Money was power, no matter how people wanted to argue it. Crew had used it as a way to strip me of power, whereas Brecken was using it to give power back. “Do you need anything?”
“Everything I need is standing a foot and a half in front of me. I’m good.” He caught himself just in time too, and his hand, which had been reaching for my waist, settled back at his side. “Take your time. Keenan and I will hang out in the air-conditioning, listening to rock ‘n roll and eating candy.”
Brecken waved at Keenan in the backseat, who already had melted chocolate all over his face and fingers from his candy bar. Crew would have insisted on hosing him off before letting him into the car. Brecken didn’t even flinch when Keenan accidently touched the leather with his sticky fingers.
Making the return trip to the store, I grabbed a few fresh items I hadn’t had enough for before, as well as some packages of granola bars, jerky, and nuts. Items that wouldn’t spoil and didn’t take up too much space. Once I got home, I’d stash it deep inside the linen closet. We’d have enough food and supplies to get us by for a couple of days at least, if that was what it came to. I wasn’t hoping for a reason to run, because I knew how dangerous it would be, but I needed to be prepared for it.
Brecken and Keenan were rocking out to a classic Pearl Jam song, both of them playing air guitar in the same way.
“Encore,” I greeted when I slid inside the truck.
Brecken turned down the radio and set the new bags into the back. “Need to go anywhere else?”
“All set.” I grinned back at Keenan, who was still air-guitaring the heck out of “Alive.” As we were leaving the parking lot, I pointed at the hotel parking lot. “Any idea what that’s about?”
“The world decided they were missing out on the Medford County Fair?” He kept his face aimed forward as we drove by the brigade of news vehicles.
“I thought you gave your last interview?”
“I did.” His shoulder lifted. “My media liaison with the marines said giving the interviews would probably draw extra attention. At least for a while. It’ll blow over soon. Once everyone figures out I don’t have any weird fetishes or dark secrets to unearth.”
I stared out the windshield so he wouldn’t see the look in my eyes. Our relationship might not have been a dark secret to him, but the world would think otherwise. If anyone found out he’d rekindled an old relationship with the married woman who lived next door, an affair that could last the same amount of time said woman’s husband was in rehab, the story would spread so fast, the whole country would know in a matter of a day.
We’d have to be careful. More careful than we’d already been. This might have been a good time to put an end to what was going on between us, but the thought of letting him go so soon after getting him back was too much to bear. Everything came with a degree of risk, and having Brecken in my life was worth this one. I’d do my part to be extra careful, and I knew he would too.
“You can take the truck whenever you want to go somewhere. I’ll get you an extra key,” Brecken said as we turned down our street.
I was about to reply when I noticed someone on our porch as we pulled into the driveway. My heart stopped, ice forming in my veins. It wasn’t until the person rose from the chair they were sitting on that my lungs went back to functioning.
“What’s he doing here?” Brecken’s voice was low, his eyes checking the rearview.
“He probably heard what happened with Crew. Wanted to check up on us.” My hand was trembling, but not so much that Brecken noticed. I’d never realized how similar Crew and his father looked. From a distance, hiding in the shadows … they looked like clones.
“What do you want to tell him?” Brecken turned off the ignition, not letting anything show on his face.
Keenan had barely registered that we were back home.
“That I needed to run to the grocery store and you offered to give us a ride.” I shoved the door open, reaching for a few bags in the back. “End of story.”
Brecken tipped his head in acknowledgement before stepping out of the truck. “Come on, little man.”
He unbuckled Keenan and helped him out of the truck before grabbing the rest of the bags and following me. He caught up to me, keeping his distance but staying close at the same time.
Keenan finally noticed who was waiting for us on the porch. “Hey, Grandpa’s here. He never comes here.”
That was just fine with me.
“Hi, Lester. Have you been waiting long?” I kept my voice as unaffected as my face, acting like it was no big deal that my degenerate father-in-law was waiting for me while I came strolling up the steps with the man I’d once promised to marry. Just like any other day, I told myself. Don’t give him anything to suspect.
“Not too long,” he answered. The but long enough was implied in his expression.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I shuffled the bags to one arm, digging my key out of my purse. Something of the non percent-by-volume variety?
“I came to check on you and Keenan. Make sure you were both doing okay.” Lester’s gaze cut to Brecken coming up the stairs with my groceries in one arm, Keenan hanging off his other like a limp monkey. “Looks like someone already beat me to it though.”
“Yeah, you remember Brecken Connolly, right?” I waved between the two after pushing the door open. “He offered to give me a ride to the grocery store since I was out of groceries—and a car.”
Lester held out his hand. Brecken held his arms out at his sides, indicating how full they were, followed by a shrug.
“Awfully neighborly of you.”
Lester slid his hand into his pocket, looking between the two of us like he was waiting for something. I didn’t know what, or maybe I did, but I wasn’t going to confirm or deny it. Playing ignorant was my motto where all things Brecken was concerned.
“I heard about Crew. Checking himself into that damn rehab facility.”
Before Lester finished speaking, Brecken had stepped inside the house, Keenan still hanging off of him. I could have kissed him for it. I was going to kiss him for it. Later. Behind locked doors. Sealed windows. Motion detectors.
“He’s always been weak, taken the easy way out. Been an embarrassment to his mother and me, and now, his wife and son.” Lester rolled his fingers, his knuckles popping one by one. “Anyway, I just wanted to check up on you two.”
“Thank you.” My body relaxed as he started down the stairs, stopped when he’d reached the bottom.
“I stopped by a couple of days ago, but you and Keenan weren’t here. Still weren’t back later that night,” he said.
I made myself take a breath before answering. When dealing with someone like Lester, one must always think first before answering. “I took Keenan out of town for a couple of days. To try to get his mind off of missing Crew.” I held a smile, holding his stare.
His fingers rolled across the handrail. “Did you head out of town on your own two feet then?”
My breath caught. For half a second. “We took a bus.”
“Ah. Of course.” Lester’s head bobbed, but he didn’t believe me. I should have known better than to think I could get a lie past the devil himself. “Y
ou will give us a call if anything comes up? Oh, and do me a favor and thank the lance corporal for taking care of you two.” Lester’s gaze skimmed down me like he could see Brecken’s fingerprints scattered all up and down my body. “Looks like he’d been doing a mighty fine job of it.”
My throat moved, but I couldn’t swallow. My lungs strained, but I couldn’t breathe. Lester suspected something, but he suspected everyone. He wouldn’t have given Mother Teresa the benefit of the doubt, least of all his daughter-in-law.
“I’ll let him know. Say hello to Margaret for me.” With each word, I chased away a smidgeon more fear.
I wasn’t talking back to Lester, but in a way, I was. I was proving I wouldn’t be intimidated, I wouldn’t be bullied. He knew nothing, had no proof, but even if he did, I wasn’t sure he’d tell his son. Or if he did, it would be to mock him. It would be to make him feel small and inadequate.
A cycle. A pattern. I recognized it, and I supposed that was the reason my throat burned when I moved inside the house and saw Keenan. Was it DNA that spread the monster from one man to another? Or was it their environment? I found myself praying it was one instead of the other. I found myself willing to make a deal with whatever deity was listening that my son wouldn’t grow up to be anything like Crew and his father.
A pattern.
A cycle.
A—
“Hey. You okay?” Brecken emerged from the kitchen, concern furrowing his brow when he noticed me.
When he started toward me, I shook it off. Keenan was nothing like Crew. He never would be.
“Did everything go all right out there?” Brecken followed me into the kitchen.
He’d started putting the groceries away already, but there were still a few left. I didn’t miss how he’d left the bag of non-perishable items unpacked, sitting on the edge of the counter.
“Everything’s okay. He’s gone.”
Brecken’s arms came around me, his chest pressing into my back as his head tucked over my shoulder. “I missed you,” he breathed, his arms winding tighter.
My whole body relaxed, letting me melt into him. There was nothing sexual about his embrace, nothing that suggested he was expecting more. This was nothing more than one person wanting to be close to another. My arms settled above his and I let my head fall against him, closing my eyes.
“I missed you.” A tear slipped out the corner of my eye, those few words pertaining to so much more than last night. The six years prior. The countless years to come. Whatever lifetimes were to come where I’d have to exist without him. Here he was, with me, his body draped around mine, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever missed him more than I did now.
“I’ve got some things I need to get done today. I’ll be around town, close, but they’re important.” His lips pressed into my neck. “Are you okay if I leave? I’ll keep my phone in my hand, can be here in two minutes if I have to be—”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, feeling like I really meant it. I was stronger than I was weak. Braver than I was scared. “We’ll be fine,” I added when the sound of Keenan’s action figures smashing together sounded from the living room.
Brecken’s gentle laugh vibrated against my back. “You do have the Captain and the Hulk close by if you need them.” He pressed one more kiss into the column of my neck, letting it linger just long enough, before letting me go.
“I do have myself too, you know?”
Brecken smiled at me, tipping his chin. “Most badass superhero I’ve ever known.”
“I miss Brecken,” Keenan groaned from where he was sprawled out on the living room floor, his action figures tumbling out of his hands.
“I do too,” I said, setting down the book I was pretending to read.
It was getting close to bedtime, but I’d kept Keenan in since I noticed the news vans rolling up to the curb yesterday. It had been shortly after Brecken had left after our grocery shopping excursion, and even though most of them came and went, a couple of them had set up shop outside.
Brecken had sent me a text that he thought it would be best if he didn’t chance coming over last night, in case anyone saw. I hated having to agree with him. So now we’d wasted two nights without each other, and with the way the news crews didn’t seem in any particular hurry to leave, it didn’t look like anything was going to change soon.
“If he can’t come over here, why can’t we just go over there?” Keenan rolled around on the floor aimlessly.
I slid off the couch to join him on the floor. Being confined indoors in the summer was no fun for a kid. I knew the news crews were here for Brecken, not to document the five-year-old running around in the yard next door, but I didn’t know if they knew about Brecken’s and my history. I never knew if the random neighbor passing by was dishing dirt to the polished newscasters in pressed suits or if they were just saying hello. I wasn’t sure how far they’d dug into Brecken’s history, or how much he might have said in his interviews. So I kept Keenan inside.
“Sweetie, I know. I’m sorry.” My head turned toward the window that faced Brecken’s. The curtain was closed, but I imagined being able to see him. For some reason, I pictured him throwing his arms up as another attempt to scramble eggs resulted in charring them. I found myself smiling at the curtain.
“Why can’t they just go away?” Keenan rolled onto his tummy, glaring at the door. I’d told him the reason why he couldn’t go outside, and he wasn’t thrilled with the media.
“They will. Soon,” I said, assuring him and myself. “Do you want to pick out a game to play? Your choice.”
Keenan was considering that, as though another board game was as appealing as visiting the dentist, when the lights went out. All of them. In fact, it was pitch black outside too, from what I could see through the beveled rectangular windows on either side of the door.
“Mom?”
“It’s okay. I think we just lost power.” I rose from the floor and carefully made my way to the front door to peek out through one of the windows. The houses across the street were dark too. Even the streetlights were out. “Yep. Power’s out. We better get the flashlights and candles.”
“It’s not stormy though.” Keenan shuffled off the ground, his footsteps moving toward me.
I was already thinking that, wondering what could have caused an outage on such a calm summer night, when I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. When I pulled it out, I found a brief text: The back door.
Grabbing Keenan’s hand, I wove through the house, grabbing a flashlight outside of the coat closet on the way.
“What are we doing?” Keenan whispered.
“Greeting a visitor.”
“Don’t people normally come to the front door?”
“Except for the ones who come to the back.” Flicking on the flashlight, I found Keenan’s face drawn up with confusion.
At least until I opened the door and he saw who was standing on the other side.
“Brecken!” he shouted so loudly, I worried it might have actually projected all the way out to the streets.
“Keenan!” Brecken replied with the same amount of excitement, minus the volume.
“I’m going to go get my flashlight so we can play hide-and-seek in the dark!” Keenan lunged into the darkness like he could see in it, his feet scampering up the stairs to his bedroom.
“Be careful!” I shouted to him.
“’Kay, Mom!”
Before I could say anything else, Brecken crashed into me, sending the back door slamming closed. The flashlight dropped out of my hand, and the surprised gasp that followed was silenced by his mouth covering mine. His hands roamed me like they wanted to be everywhere at once, his tongue pushing into my mouth, demanding my submission at the same time giving his own.
As soon as Keenan’s footsteps started thumping down the stairs, Brecken let me go, hands, mouth, and body, and stepped away while I focused on not looking like I’d just been pinned against a door, making out.
“Missed me?” I guessed
, still feeling the warmth of his lips coating mine.
He crouched to retrieve the flashlight. “I’ll show you exactly how much I missed you later on. After someone’s bedtime.”
“I was thinking of showing you the exact same thing.” I took the flashlight from him, my fingers brushing along his crotch as I passed.
A breath hissed through his teeth, and what sounded like his head hitting the wall behind him followed.
“Did your power go out too, Brecken?” Keenan’s flashlight was on as he flew around the corner, an armful of toys clutched in his hold.
“The whole block’s power went out.”
“It’s not even stormy,” Keenan repeated.
“Weird.”
My flashlight illuminated Brecken’s face as he followed us into the living room. “So weird.”
When he smirked, I lowered the beam. I didn’t know how he’d done it, just that he had. I didn’t care how either, because he was here, with us.
When Keenan grabbed Brecken’s hand to pull him into a never-ending (at least until he crashed asleep) game of superheroes and building blocks, I headed into the kitchen to grab some candles. I’d stocked up on a bunch of Catholic prayer candles at the dollar store last year after a different power outage. Not because I was the praying kind of person, but because I was the kind of person who liked having a light in the dark.
I arranged some candles in the living room, then I moved upstairs to light up those rooms as well. Before heading back down, I paused at the top of the stairs to check the message I’d missed earlier this morning. The one I’d purposely missed. It was from Crew, and this one was lengthier than his others.
I’m getting better. I am better. I’ve given up drinking. I’ve given up more. Miss you so much it hurts.
My grip tightened around the phone, unsure what to think of his message. Did he really mean that? Did he believe it? Was he capable of it? Part of me hoped for it, realizing the task of surviving the next thirteen years would be much easier to achieve if Crew dropped the alcohol and what came with it. Part of me knew better than to hope for that though, because expecting the worst was what would keep my guard up when he came home. I’d rather expect the worst and be surprised than hope for the best and be disappointed.