“Why not?” Curiosity had her asking. She’d seen him have sex plenty of times, had sex with him, and he didn’t do anything a human guy didn’t. He’d never damaged a bot and hadn’t done her any harm. She wasn’t about to mention any of that to him but maybe he didn’t know those things. “You are bigger than me but you’re not going to break me unless you’ve really been restraining yourself every time you’ve touched me or a bot.”
“How would you know if I’d ever damaged a bot?”
“I told you that I’m the programmer, and though I rarely do hardware repairs, I read the reports. You’ve never so much as scratched one of them.”
She hoped that was a good enough answer because she sure wasn’t admitting her voyeurism concerning his sex life on Folion. He’d get pissed off over that violation.
“My concern is not damaging you.” He pushed away from the wall. “You don’t understand my dilemma.” His expression showed emotion…anguish.
“Tell me what you have against having sex with me.”
A frown marred his lips. “We discovered a ship of ours that had been thought lost forever and with it, a large group of cyborgs who had survived.”
“Okay. And that means what exactly?”
He took a deep breath. “My coloring is unique.”
She stared at him. “I can see that. You have those beautiful eyes and your hair is just gorgeous. I’ve never seen someone with streaks like yours without them putting them there. I assume it’s natural to you?”
He nodded. “I’ll make this simple so you can understand.”
Megan arched her eyebrow at him. “Okay. You know I’m a programmer though and not a nitwit, right?”
“I am not questioning your intelligence, Megan. Cyborg laws are complicated. When we escaped Earth, we stole ships to flee to safety and one of them contained the majority of our females. Their ship was lost. When we settled on our new home world the council’s first priority became instilling laws that made sure that the much larger population of males had equal opportunity to the limited supply of females.”
“You make it sound as though women are objects.”
He frowned at her. “Their number-one objective became setting up family units and making sure we had a future as we began to build Cyborg City. That meant that our females had to form family units with multiple males. Every cyborg was given the responsibility of having a child each to make certain our race continued to thrive and grow. Two children were preferable but having at least one per adult is mandatory.”
Children? Megan gulped. She didn’t want any of those. Her life wasn’t stable enough, she had never stayed in one place for long, and it wouldn’t be right to drag a child around in her nomad way of life. She knew from firsthand experience how messed up they could be. Her father had been a traveling salesman, home had been a space shuttle, and she’d grown up really lonely.
People didn’t stay, everyone left her, and she’d learned to never get too attached to people after having her heart broken time and time again when she’d allowed herself to care for someone. Her mother had abandoned both her husband and her child and her father had ditched her the day she’d been old enough to fend for herself since he considered her a nuisance. She’d sworn off any future that involved marriage or kids.
Ice continued. “Most male cyborgs were created sterile but we found a way around that with drugs that reverse the process temporarily but it isn’t effective for all males. With that factor added into the numbers, breeding pacts with a dozen males in each one was implemented.”
“What is a breeding pact?”
“Will you let me finish without interrupting?”
“Sorry. Go ahead.”
He took a deep breath, blowing out air. “It meant that if a male wasn’t able to impregnate the female in his family unit to have that one mandated child, he could call upon one of the other males in his breeding pact who had viable sperm to donate it.” He paused. “Before you ask, artificial insemination proved highly ineffective so the males actually have intercourse with the female to get her pregnant. It is less stressful on her that way and more enjoyable.”
Megan had no words, too shocked to speak. Ice didn’t have that problem. He watched her closely though, his eyes narrowed.
“I avoided joining a family unit because I need to be in control of my own life as much as possible. Cyborg females tend to be very aggressive because of their value— they are aware of it. They are…” He paused. “Assertive with males.”
She understood. “They rule the roost.”
“I don’t understand that wording.”
“They tell you what to do and you have to do it.”
His features tightened into a grimace. “Yes. If a male joins a family unit and he doesn’t make that female happy, she can file charges with the council and have that male deemed unsuitable. No other female will touch a male with that on his record. I probably would have been dismissed from all breeding pacts which tempted me because I found it difficult to donate so many times but I didn’t want all my options to be forever closed in case I ever did want to form a family unit sometime in the distant future.”
“You had to go to bed with a lot of women?” She wondered how many cyborg women he’d slept with but didn’t ask.
“I’m considered a rarity with my hair, eye color, and strength. I was called upon many times by males in my pact to donate when their females requested my DNA.”
That’s a big yes, she thought. Not that she could blame cyborg women for wanting Ice in their beds. If someone wanted kids, he’d make some damn cute babies.
“I bet that was tough, having to sleep with a lot of women.” She held back her snort. He was male after all and what guy would complain about having to nail a lot of women? “Poor you.”
He crossed the distance between them in seconds, grabbed her and jerked her to her feet while anger clearly twisted his features as he glared down at her.
“It wasn’t the sex I minded but do you know how many times those donations took? Twenty-eight times the results were successful.” He took a ragged breath. “Twenty-eight viable children who were born healthy, mostly male, and I am not permitted to see them, talk to them, or ever be a part of their lives.” He took another harsh breath. “I told myself the same thing all males do when called upon. It is just a donation and I did my duty for the good of our future, but then…”
He went silent, shoving Megan onto her ass on the bed, and spun away. He put distance between them, running his fingers through his hair. He stood there.
Megan regretted her words. “Then what?” She spoke softly since she’d seen pain in his beautiful eyes before he’d turned away from her. “Talk to me, Ice.”
When he spoke, his voice softened, nearly a whisper. “I was off duty for a week on Garden, my home world, and I needed to do some shopping. I saw a woman I recognized in the store. I had been bred to her a year before and in her arms she held…my son.” He turned to stare at Megan, his eyes suspiciously wet looking before he blinked rapidly to dissipate the tears. “I’m certain of my assessment of him being my son since he shared my rare coloring and he smiled at me.”
Her heart wrenched for the raw pain she couldn’t miss in Ice’s features.
“He is my son, my blood, and yet I am not permitted to speak to him, to touch him, or to claim him in any way. Twenty-eight children are on Garden and they are mine but I have no rights to them. Can you imagine in your human mind how that feels or how difficult it would be to have that reality slam into you? It did me. It wasn’t just sperm donations anymore for duty. Pieces of my soul were being given to couples and I would never know my own offspring.”
She pushed off the bed, stood, and inched toward him. “I’m so sorry.” Tears filled her eyes. She hated to see him hurting that badly, to see how deeply it affected him.
He looked away, his gaze going to the floor. “That ship with most of our women was recovered recently. They’d bred mostly female children while
they were lost and they were recently returned to Garden. The council took the new numbers into account and changed the laws. Now their first priority since women aren’t such a shortage is to watch the DNA matching of the children born so that our males aren’t overused in breeding. They removed all males who have had over twenty successful donations from breeding pacts so future generations don’t face a higher percentage of unsuitable breeding choices with DNA conflicts from the male donors used for their conceptions.”
“So they can’t make you have more children.”
He spun away, his back to her again, and suddenly punched the wall hard. It stunned Megan as she watched him shake his fist a little and then it fell to dangle at his side. He’d left a mark on the bulkhead wall from his fist and a small sound drew her attention to the floor. Drops of red blood started to stain it.
“You hurt yourself.”
She reached for his arm, moving closer, but when her fingers touched his wrist he jerked away, putting distance between them again. He stopped by the door, keeping his back to her and just bled on the floor.
“I was called upon by a breeding-pact member when we first arrived at Garden on our last trip there a few weeks ago. The council decided to change the law two days after the mandatory donation.” He snarled the words and then spun back around. “Do you know what I read in the same order that stated you were to die?” He glared at her. “They gave me notification that my donation was successful. Another child will be born, mine, and they changed the law two days too late to prevent me from creating yet another life I will have no right to know. Why couldn’t they have done that when we first arrived with those women and children? Why did the damn council wait those days?”
“I’m so sorry, Ice.” She hurt for him, hated to see him suffering, and realized how much that had to mess with his mind.
“I’m finally free from ever being called upon to breed by force but they activated my sperm for that last donation.” He continued to glare at her. “Every time I touch you I am risking a pregnancy with you, Megan. I knew I could pull out of you for a few days but I can’t do that long term. I could only locate one medicondom aboard this shuttle and I used it that first time with you. I have no access to more until we can visit an Earth-based station for supplies. Cyborg pre-cum isn’t effective so the risk is in my not removing myself from inside your body before I release active sperm. That is difficult to do for me because the pleasure is too great between us at times and I nearly lost my control. I could impregnate you while my sperm is still active for the next two months.”
“Ice”
He cut her off. “It could happen and I’m not willing to take those chances. They have ordered your death and I can’t see a way of saving you long term. I refuse to lose another child to the damn council and their orders. They won’t care if you’re pregnant when they kill you because my DNA is considered overused so there’s no value in any child I might produce.” His voice turned so harsh, he snarled his words. “They informed me that because of how successful the forced breeding was, I am no longer mandated to produce a child of my own. I have lost too much of my soul already and I am getting too attached to you. I just can’t take the pain I could possibly face and will have to endure because I’ve run the odds in my mind. That’s the truth, Megan. It’s better to lose you now than suffer a greater loss of both of you.”
Something inside Megan broke for him, pretty sure it was her heart. All doubts about his ability to feel were gone. She walked to him and ignored how his body stiffened at her approach. She reached out and took his injured hand, still fisted at his side, her fingers curling around it.
“You can’t get me pregnant. I come from a messed up childhood so I didn’t want to ever have kids. I got implanted with birth control before I ever started having sex. Unless it’s removed there’s no risk involved.”
Megan hoped that would comfort him but instead he shook his head. “I can’t do this even though that’s half the problem solved. I attacked another cyborg today, protecting you. He is going to have to report me to the council for my actions and it made me realize how attached I have gotten to you.” The hand she gripped moved and his fingers curled with hers, holding onto her. “I’m finally free to be my own man for the first time in my life. First they controlled me when we were under Earth Government’s command and then the council forced me to give more of myself than I wanted to. You threaten all of that.”
“How?”
Their gazes locked together. His thumb rubbed the side of her pinky. “I finally have control of my life, my body, and you’re asking something of me that I’m not willing to risk.”
He was a control freak. She’d realized that right off the bat with Ice. It wasn’t just a preference of his, it had become his way of protecting himself against more pain. She could understand that after having everyone in her own life let her down. It had really messed her up when her parents had abandoned her one at a time. Ice didn’t want to allow himself to feel too much and then lose her. Again, something she could understand.
She released his hand and took a few steps back, never looking away from him. “You preferred the bots because you couldn’t get attached to them.”
He sighed. “Yes.”
“And you don’t want to get more emotionally involved with me.” It stung but she knew he did it to guard his heart.
“Yes. I don’t want you to die either.”
He was torn. Megan was falling in love with the cyborg even more for having emotions she could relate to and understand. He happened to be more perfect for her than she’d ever guessed or hoped because he had flaws and emotional damage just the way she did. She no longer had any doubt about that whatsoever as she studied his beautiful silvery-blue eyes and the haunted look in them that he tried to hide from her.
“You won’t get attached to a bot and I don’t want to die.” She backed up more, straightened her shoulders, and masked her features. “I’ll be your bot. How may I serve you?”
Ice’s features showed his shock as it sunk in what she said and what it meant. His mouth parted and then he frowned. “Megan…”
“I don’t want to die. You don’t want to get attached.” She lifted her chin. “It’s the perfect way for both of us to live. How may I serve you?”
“You’re not a bot.”
“I could be one. If anyone knows them, it’s me. I program the damn things. This solves both of our problems. I get to stay with you and you get all the sex you want without the risk of getting to know me.”
They watched each other for long moments. Ice turned away, used the cleansing unit to wash his injured hand, and then dried it. When he turned, all emotions were hidden on his features and his gaze grew chilly.
“Bots follow orders without argument or question. That is how I need my females to be.”
She hesitated, knowing she’d offered to do this. “I can do that.” It wouldn’t be easy, she wasn’t real good at following orders to the letter, but this was sex they were talking about. She had a submissive streak in the bedroom. “I really can do this, Ice.”
His beautiful blue gaze ran down her body quickly and then jerked back up. “A test then?”
“A test of what?”
“A test to see if you can follow orders. If you can act as though you are a bot and swear to not get emotional, I will allow you to stay in my room.”
“And you won’t kill me?”
“I already can’t bring myself to kill you, Megan. Your plan of action is logical. You’re no threat to my home world if you are locked in a room where you have no access to communications. I want to be honest. I highly doubt the council will reverse their decision no matter how long you stay here so don’t get your hopes up of that happening. The available sex is tempting but I will be in total control if we do this.” Something softened in his gaze. “I just can’t risk it otherwise.”
Getting his heart broken, she thought, understanding what he couldn’t risk. She pushed back her nervousnes
s and nodded. She could do submissive. She’d had a boyfriend once who was heavily into that shit. It had been a little hot until she found out he liked that in all aspects of his life. She could be submissive in the bedroom but outside of it, she made her own choices.
She attempted not to be anxious as she closed the distance between them. She stopped inches in front of him, so close she could touch him by just lifting her hands. Her chin tipped back so she could stare up at the much-taller man. He was so very handsome with his strong masculine features and those amazing light-blue eyes with the silver streaks.
“How may I serve you?”
“We’ll try this plan of yours.” He hesitated. “Strip now.” His voice deepened.
I can totally be submissive, she thought. She turned away from him and started to strip out of her borrowed clothing. When naked, she turned to face him again, stunned to see that he’d removed his own clothing very quickly. She hadn’t heard a thing to indicate he’d undressed. She’d have to remember how stealthy he could be.
“You do as I say or this isn’t going to work. Am I clear?”
“Crystal.”
He studied her and she saw something in his expression that made her tense. She had seen that look before with a few of her employers when they were pissed off and about to push her into quitting. This was one job that she wasn’t about to easily let go. She watched him without saying a word as he went to the built-in drawers, bent to show his nice, firm, rounded ass, and opened the lowest one. In seconds he turned and she stared at what he had in his hand.
“Come here.”
Shit! She froze in fear at seeing the ropelike, long belt he held fisted in his hand. He watched her very closely.
“I said come here.”
Her gaze locked with his. “You’re scaring me a little. I know you got a little worked up over our conversation but you know I’m not responsible for the bad things done to you, right?”
“I won’t hurt you, Megan. There are things I wished to experience with the bots but they aren’t easily mobile as you are.”