“She does,” Kenzi said with a laugh. “She gets photo happy sometimes. Which was why I had to take the opportunity when it was presented.” She held her side. “Oh, God, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. What brought up that story?”
Willa shrugged. “Sophie asked me if I liked where I was living. I told her that it is a lot better than some of the places we’ve rented. It’s double the size of our last place. I don’t know why I remembered the day with the trunk, but I did. She thought it was hilarious.”
Kenzi chuckled again. “She adores you. I saw Grant laughing. Tell me he didn’t—”
“Offer to look over my stock portfolio and give suggestions? He can’t help himself.” Willa met Lance’s eyes again, and her smile widened. “Grant never understood that Lexi and I are Kenzi’s poor friends. I’d show him my bank account balance, but I’m afraid he’d have a heart attack.”
Lance frowned. He didn’t like the idea of Willa struggling financially. He almost asked her if Dax was paying her a good salary but decided against it. He considered offering her money, but thought that might not go over well, either.
Slow. Remember. Take it slow.
As she spoke, she leaned against him and the side of her breast brushed against his arm and the devil in him won. His blood started pounding, and he found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than how good she felt—how good she would taste.
I’m definitely going to hell.
Unless I’m already there.
Chapter Thirteen
An hour later, Willa turned in the passenger seat of Lance’s car and rested her head in a way that allowed her to watch him as he drove. The night had gone better than she’d hoped it could. Yes, it had started off feeling stilted, but after the meal everyone had relaxed. Her worry that Dax would say something abated, and she’d actually had fun. Lance had smiled and laughed with her.
So why do I get the feeling he’s not happy with me?
When Lance had picked her up that morning he’d mentioned that he rented a house on Cape Cod for the weekend. He said it was right on the beach, which was why he’d chosen the place. That and the indoor pool. He’d followed up that statement by asking her if she’d ever gone swimming naked. Her answer that she hadn’t had put a lusty smile on his face and a blush on hers.
Willa was working on not overthinking things, not worrying about every last thing that could go wrong. When she’d told Dax she was taking Monday off, she hadn’t told him it was because she would be away with Lance. There was a chance she would lose the best-paying job she’d ever had for—a taste of heaven? Normally the idea of risking any employment would have made her sick to her stomach, but this was different. This was Lance. A decade of thinking about him, secretly dreaming that something like this would one day happen.
She would have felt better about her decision if Lance was holding her hand. He wasn’t flirting with her. In fact, he was barely talking at all.
“Hey,” she said softly.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Is for horses.”
“That’s so corny.” His smile faded and she kicked herself internally for critiquing instead of saying something that would have had him laughing again. “I had a good night.”
He glanced at her then back at the road. “It was different than I expected.”
The way he said it was like a lead stone settling onto her chest. “In what way?”
She wished she hadn’t been watching him so closely because then she might not have seen the flash of disappointment in his eyes. “I’m dropping you back at your place, Willa.”
“Why?” she asked in a calm voice even though what she really wanted to do was grab the wheel, pull the car to the side of the road and demand he look at her.
“We said we’d take it slowly then planned a few days of the exact opposite.”
Feeling cold, Willa wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t remember complaining.”
He opened his mouth then snapped it shut as if deciding to hold back a comment. Willa’s stomach churned as she grew nervous. The longer he was quiet, the sicker she felt. His jaw tightened visibly, and he kept his eyes on the road ahead. “Did you say something to Dax about us?”
Oh, shit. “Yes.” What are the chances that answer will suffice? A girl can hope.
“I thought we had fun this weekend.”
“We did.”
“Then explain to me what I’m doing that is so wrong that you complained to my sister’s fiancé about it?”
Fighting back tears, Willa said, “You’re not doing anything wrong.”
Lance’s knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. “I want to understand you, Willa. I really want to, but I’m lost.”
“Dax misunderstood something I said. I was upset, and he assumed he knew why. I tried to tell him he was wrong. I thought I was clear, but maybe I wasn’t. He shouldn’t have said anything to you. In fact, he promised he wouldn’t.” Willa turned to face forward as she realized she shouldn’t have said the last part. It made it sound like she was keeping something from Lance. She was, but she didn’t want him to know that.
“He was worried about you. What I want to know is why.”
“It was before I talked to you on Thursday night.”
“And?”
“And Clay was asking me about you.”
“You talked to Clay about us?”
“No. Yes.” Willa covered her face with one hand. I can’t do this. I’m not ready to do this. “You’re right. You should just drop me off at home.”
Lance pulled onto a side street and parked. In a much softer tone, he took one of her hands in his. “Help me understand.”
Is this where I tell him about the pregnancy? About how I debated telling him for weeks. Do I lead with the miscarriage or how I hated myself because even though I had decided to keep the baby a part of me was relieved when I lost it?
Do I tell him that for a long time I blamed him for every mistake I made, every wrong man I slept with?
How because of him I almost turned my back on my sister?
That even now, even when I know none of that was his fault, a part of me is still angry with him—with myself. And so afraid I’ll lose myself again? “I can’t do this, Lance. Please, just drive me home.”
His face contorted with pain. “And if I do, what then? We go back to pretending we feel nothing for each other? Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know.” She stared out the window of the car only because looking at Lance hurt too much. She gathered her thoughts the best she could. Every moment with Lance felt right. They fit together in a way she’d never imagined they could. Not even back when she’d fantasized about being with him. Whether it was walking hand in hand through an art fair, or laughing over drinks with his friends, she wanted more of him in her life. With him, she didn’t compare herself to Lexi. With him, she felt beautiful and life felt full of possibility. I like who I am when I’m with him. She turned back to meet his eyes. “I do know. I don’t want to go back to how things were.”
Lance expelled a breath, but he didn’t make a move to touch her. “Structures are only as strong as their foundation. If we can’t be honest with each other, what can we build on that?”
Willa let his words sink in and clasped her hands on her lap. I have to tell him. It’s time.
Oh, God, don’t let me lose him over this.
Please, give me the words that will help him understand. “I fell apart after we slept together. Lexi and I had a huge argument, unlike any we’ve ever had.” Willa’s eyes filled with tears. “She’s the only family I have, really, and I thought I’d lost her. I was devastated. I was so sad, so angry . . . I made mistakes. I did so many things I wish I could go back and undo.” Willa hesitated. He’d asked for honesty, but wasn’t that what everyone said just before they were told something that changed everything? Here goes . . . “I hated you. I blamed you because I couldn’t stay angry with Lexi and not lose her, so I hat
ed you instead.” One tear spilled down her cheek then another. “I hated myself just as much, though. When I look back at that time, I start to unravel. Talking to you Thursday morning had me thinking about the past, and then I was falling apart on the inside again. That’s what happened in front of Clay and Dax. I let the memories get to me.” Her shoulders started to shake as she prepared to tell him the part she dreaded the most. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Lance released his seatbelt, undid hers and pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay, Willa. You don’t have to do this.”
Tucked against his strong chest, hearing his murmured words of comfort, Willa finally let her pain out. She cried for the young woman who had given him her heart and had it broken. She cried because this was exactly who she didn’t want to be with Lance. She knew his family history and how one woman’s sorrow had shaped his home life. She wanted to be happy for him. She didn’t want to lay more guilt at his door. That wasn’t the foundation she wanted their relationship built on. She hated that she couldn’t contain her sorrow. It poured out of her until she was shaken and drained.
And I haven’t even told him about the baby. She straightened, dug in her purse for a tissue, and took a deep breath. If it changed how he felt about her, at least it was out there. “Lance, I need to tell you one more thing—”
Lance laid a hand on one side of her face and covered her mouth lightly with a thumb. “No, you don’t. I understand now. You don’t have to go back to that time. Ever again. It has no power in the here and now. The last forty-eight hours have been incredible. With you. I want more of you. Say you want the same and let’s move forward. Together.”
The tenderness in his eyes hadn’t been there before, certainly not after they’d left his parents’ house. If she wasn’t completely positive that it couldn’t be true, she would have said he looked like a man who was falling in love. Wishful thinking. I need to finish the story. Just say it.
“Say it,” Lance prompted. “Say you want me as much as I want you. I don’t mean just in bed. This weekend has been incredible. My friends love you. My family loves you. I—” He stopped, then said, “I feel good when I’m with you. I don’t know where this is going, but I don’t want to give up on it.”
She could have circled back to sharing her pain, but that would have completely changed where the conversation was going. She wanted the promise of happiness he was offering. She took his hand in hers and kissed his palm before lowering it to her lap. “Me neither.”
The kiss she was rewarded with was heartbreakingly tender. When he raised his head, he asked, “Where do we go from here, Willa?”
She closed her eyes briefly. I’m a good person. Maybe not a perfect one, but surely I deserve happiness. Lexi always tells me I’m the one who holds myself back. What would happen if I just trusted that it will work out and jumped? She opened her eyes and raised them to his. “Cape Cod?”
Those two words echoed through Lance. Outwardly he was holding it together, but inside he was a wreck. Her tears had stormed through his heart like Godzilla let loose on a seaside town. There was no defense against how she made him feel. While she cried against his chest, he’d wanted to make all sorts of declarations he had no business uttering yet. He’d wanted to promise her he’d spend his life making sure she never had a reason to cry like that again. For just a few moments, forever felt possible.
Then sanity returned. They’d only actually been together a few days. He was a man who kept lunchmeat longer than most of his relationships lasted. They’d never been a priority to him.
What if being with her didn’t change that side of him?
Was she the one he was meant to be with?
Or did he just want to fuck her so badly that all sense had left him?
I should know how I feel before we go further.
I should be sure.
But she said yes.
He’d promised her next to nothing, and she’d still said yes. He fought the urge to roll down the window of the car and yell that she was finally his.
It was a primal desire that brought a small smile to his lips. He was a rational man. A careful man. That’s not how he felt when he was with Willa. They had a bond as old as time itself. His mind told him to take his time, not to be reckless.
His body screamed that she was his woman. His. It defied logical explanation, which was the source of the war within him.
He didn’t consider himself a selfish man, but even as he told himself taking Willa to Cape Cod was about putting his needs above hers—he couldn’t convince himself to drive her home.
Not when he could spend the night kissing her sweet lips, exploring that amazing body of hers. He wanted to be the reason she lost control—his name the one she cried out as she climaxed.
He could have her in bed with him in less than an hour. All he had to do was stop asking himself if she needed more time. She’d said she didn’t.
He thought back to what his sister had said about Dax being protective of her. He understood him better now. As much as Lance wanted to have Willa, he also wanted to protect her—from anything that would hurt her, even if that was himself.
When he didn’t immediately answer Willa, her eyes fell from his, and she moved fully back into her seat. He turned forward and belted himself back in. She did the same with a click. With his hands once again on the steering wheel, Lance pulled the car back out into traffic.
He headed in the direction of the highway. He knew he should say something, but he was waiting for his thoughts to settle. He glanced at her face and then his in the rearview mirror. He doubted there were two more miserable-looking, turned-on people in Boston.
It shouldn’t be like this. No matter where we take this, her happiness is what matters most.
He thought about how she’d looked as she’d told a funny story to his family. He sorted through his memories until he came across one he knew would make her laugh. “Asher used to wear Superman underwear. He thought it gave him special powers. Ian teased him mercilessly about it. I don’t know when Asher finally stopped wearing them, but he’s older in every retelling. If you ever want to see him squirm, ask him about them in front of my mother. She thinks it was adorable. I’m waiting for just the right time to tell that story to Emily. I was thinking when I give her a pack of super-hero diapers at the baby shower.”
A smile returned to Willa’s face. “He’ll kill you.”
Lance shrugged. “Emily would never let him. Besides, he’s getting old. I can outrun him.” He held out his hand to Willa. She placed hers in his without hesitation.
“Emily’s definitely a good match for him. I didn’t know what to do when she told me to block the door at the museum. I’m not like that. She knows how to get what she wants.”
Caressing the delicate bones in her wrist, Lance said, “Normally, I would say I do, too, but you’ve always been able to turn me inside out.” He took her hand and laid it across his bulging erection. “And turn me on.”
She gasped softly and bit her bottom lip, but her hand curled around him. “What are you saying?”
He ran a hand up her thigh and gripped it possessively. “I hope we make it to the Cape.”
Chapter Fourteen
The property manager who met them with the key to the beach house gave up trying to hold Willa and Lance’s attention and hung the key on a hook by the door. A man in a suit carried their luggage in and asked them if they needed anything else. Lance tipped him but declined his services.
As soon as the door closed, Lance locked it. The smile he gave Willa was deliciously decadent and perfectly represented how she felt. He loosened his tie and tossed it behind him. Then he made quick work of unbuttoning and removing his shirt. The wide smooth expanse of his muscular chest took her breath away. There was no missing the bulging evidence of how much he wanted her, or that they’d reached a place of no return. It was both exciting and a little overwhelming.
She thought he was going to move on to the belt of his t
rousers, but he wiggled an eyebrow suggestively at her. Mesmerized by him and unsure if he was asking her to strip for him or do something provocative, she stood frozen. A lifetime of inhibitions stood between her and the way she imagined she would be with him.
He dipped a hand into one of his pockets and pulled out a strip of condoms. They opened in an accordion-like fashion from his hand to the floor and his mouth curled with boyish charm. There were at least twenty on the strip. “Too much?” he joked.
Willa chuckled, then she let out a full laugh. Just like that her nervousness fell away. This was Lance. The real him, not the perfect version he presented to his family. He was still the best of what she’d always known about him, but funny, too. And sweet. Playful in a way she’d never imagined. As much as they were becoming lovers, they were also becoming friends. She pretended to count on her fingers. “For one night? Not nearly enough.” With a smile that could not be suppressed, she pulled her shirt over her head and threw it at him. It landed in front of him like a dare.
He slung the strip of condoms over his shoulder and made short work of his shoes and socks.
She did the same then undid her bra. The heat she saw flare in his eyes at the sight of her bare breasts increased her confidence. He took what looked like an involuntary step forward when she unfastened the top of her pants.
She considered taking off each of the remaining articles of clothing one at a time, but instead stepped out of both. She stood naked before him, barely breathing, feeling the caress of his gaze as surely as if he’d been touching her.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” he said huskily as he closed the distance between them. His mouth closed on hers, and Willa was lost to the desire that rocketed through him. This. This has been what I’ve been waiting for. To come alive beneath a man’s touch. To feel the kind of passion people write songs about.
She vaguely remembered ripping at his belt to release him. She wasn’t sure if she finished the job or he did. His tongue was bold and demanding, plunging into her mouth and pulling her into an intimate dance she instinctively knew every step to.