Tranquility, At Last
Raymond Daley
Copyright 1/5/15 by Raymond Daley
I have no idea how long I'd been out for when I woke up. There was almost no light in the LEM and every light that did still work was flashing franticly.
And someone was shouting at me.
No, strike that. Two people were shouting at me.
Or us.
Then I looked up, even though my head felt heavier than a concrete wrecking ball. Neil was gone.
I tried to shut out the thirty or so different pains screaming from various parts of my body. Something had gone seriously wrong.
"Eagle, come in. Eagle, this is Houston, come in."
Then the other voice. The one that sounded a whole lot closer. "Neil, Buzz? Go for Mike."
I finally found a button that worked and adjusted my headset. And then I realised, I was upside down. Or rather, the LEM was. I know there's no up in space but the surface of the moon definitely shouldn't have been above my head. So we crashed then?
Yeah. There was Neil's body, he was dead. His head definitely shouldn't have been at that angle. I guess those extra few days on the flying bedstead back home didn't take all that well then.
"Neil, Buzz? Go for Mike."
I pressed one of the few buttons that still worked, "Go for Buzz, Mike."
Then a long exhalation. "Gee, golly." The words of a man who knew everything he said was currently being recorded and probably being transmitted to millions of homes back on Earth. He was trying his level best not to swear. "Thought we'd lost you there pal! How's things on the surface?"
I looked around at my instruments. "Alternate channel Mike. Go A/C, copy?"
"Copy that Buzz, going A/C."
One second. Two. Three. Four.
"You still there Buzz?"
"This is just me to you, right Mike? No-one else is listening?"
"Just you, me and Neil, Buzz."
How to tell him? "Just you and me, Mike. Neil's gone."
"Gone where Buzz? I haven't seen any Lunar EVA yet."
"He's gone Mike. Don't make me say it."
There was dead air for a second, it just felt much longer. Then he was back just as quickly as he'd keyed off, sounding incredulous. "You mean ...?"
"You know exactly what I mean Mike."
"Okay. Received. You know I've got to report this back, right?"
"I know Mike. Tell Houston I can hear them. Nothing more."
"Anything you want me to pass on? Or to your wife?"
"Nothing to my wife. She knew the risks Mike. Tell them Neil's gone. We came in too fast, too hard. Not enough fuel for a braking burn."
"How's it looking for a take-off Buzz?"
"Negative on that Mike. The LEM is upside down."
"Repeat your last Buzz? Confirm LEM upside down?"
"Roger that Mike. LEM is inverted."
A silence as Mike was probably thinking of every idea he could. "No chance you can fire retros Buzz?"
I scanned all the gauges, dials and read-outs. "Negative on that Mike. Reading zero fuel. Zero fuel. None at all. Neil must have hit the burn controls hard when he checked out. Wouldn't help me any way. I'm the wrong way up."
"No chance you could get out and right the LEM, Buzz?"
"If I were one hundred percent fit, I'd consider it Mike. For about a second. Even in this gravity, it'd still be too heavy to move."
"Not one hundred percent fit, Buzz?"
"At least three broken ribs, something broken in the left arm, several somethings in each leg and I think my hip went too. I'm going nowhere in a hurry Mike."
More silence. Poor Mike. I know he'd have given anything to get me back up to him right then. "No go then Buzz?"
"No go, Mike. I guess I'm gonna stay right here. Enjoy the view a while."
"You said no comms with Houston Buzz, confirm?"
"Confirm Mike. I think our antenna went when we landed on the roof. I'm not even sure how we're reaching you."
"As we're off the record, I'm flying a lot lower than I should be Buzz. I was thinking about dropping in, for a rescue."
"Negative on that rescue Mike. No point in all three of us getting killed. About that message, for my wife? Tell her I'm sorry. She'll know what you mean."
Then I heard him breathing heavily, like he'd got something on his mind. "Any ... any plans, Buzz?"
"We're still on alternate, right Mike?"
"Just you, me and the static Buzz."
"Can you focus in Mike, tight beam?" What I wanted to say next, I didn't want any of the Ham operators to overhear by accident.
"Wait one Buzz."
"Take your time Mike. I'm not going any where." He didn't laugh at that. I wish he had.
The seconds ticked by. I wished the clocks in here did tick, it'd have been a pleasant distraction right then. But you know the headshrinkers back at the Cape. Nothing in the craft to detract from the mission.
"Okay Buzz. I'm as low as I dare go, tightest beam possible. No hams are gonna listen in now. I guess that's what you meant?"
"Uh huh." I thought about what I was about to ask him. "Mike. A few days before we set off, did you get any unusual visitors? Government, maybe? People telling you not to mention they'd called?"
"One of them three letter agencies, you mean?"
"Yes Mike. Exactly that."
"Might have done Buzz. Can't rightly say either way. You know that. And why, too."
"Mike, can you retune? 4.123 hertz?"
"Away from alternate, Buzz? You sure? You want me to go now?"
"Go after this. Lowest gain possible."
I fumbled with my buttons. Mike was already calling me when I got there. "... in? Buzz, come in?"
"I'm here Mike. We're in the clear now. No-one can possibly hear us."
"Yes Buzz, understood. Two men, the day before I left for the Cape. Black Plymouth, plates obscured."
"Sounds like the guys who dropped by my house too. Just after my wife had gone out to buy groceries, so they knew our habits. Mike. Did they offer you anything?"
"In case things went wrong, you mean? Yes Buzz. Check your suit pockets."
Damn it Mike. I'd told them both no! No suicide pill! I wonder if they'd been to see Neil too? "Mike, if that's what I think it is, I'm not taking it. Is it?"
Neither of us wanted to say cyanide or suicide pill, even after taking all those precautions to guard our conversation. If word of this ever got out, it'd be the end of Moon launches for sure.
"One pill makes you larger. And one pill makes you small."
"Understood Mike."
"Remember, what the Dormouse said?"
The next line from the song drifted through my mind, as if on cue. Feed your head. "Yes Mike. Understood. Listen. We're low on electrical power here. I'm going to power off all non-essentials. Why don't you return back up to normal orbit? Houston might be getting a little antsy by now."
"I'll need to go back to the regular channel Buzz."
"That's fine Mike. I should just about be able to still hear you. Don't fly too low Icarus, you hear me?"
"Yes Buzz, I hear you."
I left Mike to regain his previous orbital position. I wasn't sure who'd got it worst. Me in here with a dead crew-mate or him up there, getting ready to leave alone. I powered down everything that wasn't life support or comms related.
"Buzz, you still there?"
"Still upside down Mike."
"The President's been on the air Buzz. They've declared you lost. Written off."
I thought they might. We had a feeling there was a back-up contingency, just in case things went wrong. "Mike. Do something for me, when you get back?"
"Sure Buzz, anything."
"Call the people at Guinn
ess. Make sure Neil gets a listing, first Man to die on the Moon. Don't take no for an answer. Okay?"
"Okay Buzz. Hey, if you aren't going back, can I have that boat?"
I tried not to laugh. It'd hurt me too much anyway. "Sure Mike. Deeds are in my safe, in the den. Jean knows the combination. Tell her all my records are in there. My will and everything, okay Mike?"
"Sure Buzz. Listen. I've been given my orders. I'm to break orbit and go home."
"Sorry Mike. You've got to go."
I knew what he was going to say next. He was going to say how sorry he was to leave me here. He was going to want to have a long drawn-out goodbye. And that'd have hurt him more than it'd hurt me. Because he'd need a clear head for re-entry. "Mike. Just listen. You did everything you could. And I'm grateful for that. I know you'll look after everything for me, back home. Two percent power left. Powering off."
If he replied, I'll never hear it. I've already pressed the button to kill my remaining power.
Soon the air will stop recycling. I'll keep breathing. All the lights are out now. I could almost pretend it's just me alone here, if it wasn't for the occasional flash of white that is Neil's suit beside me. I doubt he felt a thing.
Mike's a smart guy, he'll keep the existence of the pills to himself. No-one else needs to know. I bet they were spooks, though.
I was going to cycle the rest of the air out onto the surface. But I can't now. Everything is off.
I make three attempts to move. All of them fail. So I'm going to do exactly what I said to Mike. Just sit here and enjoy the view in silence.
Tranquility at last.
THE END.
Lyrics to "White Rabbit" are copyright of Grace Slick, 1967