I might have been seeing things, but I think I saw Mom's soul fly out of there. I even heard her speak. She said, “You are a useless son. How could you let me be eaten? A normal son would never let such a depressing thing happen. I hate you! I hate you, and I hope these cannibals eat you slowly! Go to Hell, you schmuck!”
It was then that I realized Boss Moshi was sprinkling salt and pepper over my head. I sneezed, and then growled as loud as I could to frighten everyone and tried to make a run for the door. Boss Moshi laughed and grabbed my neck, lifting me off my feet. I kicked at him, but it only made him giggle louder.
“Your mom was not filling. I'm still hungry.” He licked my face. “Mmm. Yummy. You taste like black dog. According to Filipinos, the best kind of dog. Time for meal number two!”
Something crashed through the ceiling.
We all fell down, blinded and coughing. I pushed some rubble off me, my ears ringing.
Someone else was there with us, walking around behind all that smoke, their eyes glowing red.
“Guess who,” said a woman's voice.
A great wind – right on cue – swept through the place, cleared the dust, and revealed the stranger. Boss Moshi saw who it was and staggered back.
“Shit! It can't be true!”
It was Super Werewolf, back from her travels. Her tentacle arms whipped around like cut air hoses.
She threw her head back.
“Kill all werewolves! Ah ha ha ha!”
The secretary got a frying pan and hit her on the head. Super Werewolf's tentacles wrapped around the secretary’s face and tore her head off with the spine wiggling. Super Werewolf threw the mess at Boss Moshi who was on the floor, on his ass, crawling away backwards like a crab.
“Stay away, you monster! Don't touch me! I'm the boss here – I demand you let me be!”
Super Werewolf picked him up by the feet...and began to slowly rip him in two. She was enjoying it. As I ran out of there, I heard his insides splatting on the ground. His scream seemed to go higher in pitch each second. Once on the street, I heard a mighty rumble. I looked back and saw the whole place fall and bury them – and then BLOW UP. Super Werewolf's head landed on my feet, her face glitching with her mouth vomiting sparks. Its voice faded:
“Kill. Kill. Kiiiiiilllllllll....”
I kicked it away.
Now what was I going to do? Was I really the last werewolf on Hawaii? Where was I to go? I had no idea, so I just walked. Just followed the Moon.
My legs....
So much walking. My stomach begged for food. I looked in every car. I'd eat a rotting human. I'd eat bones! I didn't care. I couldn't go on. I was too weak. I fell to my knees and swallowed centipedes and worms whole so I didn't have to taste them. Something got my attention.
Up ahead.
Movement!
Three of them – walking down the street toward me. I hid behind a car. The figures came in clear.
Transdolphins under the moonlight.
Fancy sushi.
And I was going to eat them.
I growled. I grinned. The wolf in me was back.
Hello, old friend, I thought. It's been a while since we did this. Time to hunt.
BETH
Finally. With hard work, we were able to clean out most of the hotels in Waikiki and make them livable again. Best of all, remember that penthouse I was at earlier? At King's Master Time Apartments? It was all cleaned out – all ready to go, and I moved in with a great smile on my face. I dropped my bags and looked around and said to the cleaners, “Dreams do come true, my friends. Dreams do come true.”
It was time to create Oannes's statue. We gathered together all the gold we found and went to a jewelry shop and melted it all together. Our most artistic transdolphin sculpted the statue. Oannes took one look at it and cried. It was a lovely work of art. I started thinking about getting a statue made in my honor, too. Was I not deserving? Was I not special to the transdolphins? I was the one that saved them, after all. Only I wanted my statue to be TWICE the size and made of gold and silver and other fancy things. With that plan in mind, I was sending out three transdolphins a week to explore the island and find useful materials. One day, they came back holding onto a transdolphin named Terry. He was yelling to be let free.
“I'm fine! Let me go! I feel great.” His side was injured; looked like he was bitten by something big and crazy. The leader of the group, Bob, walked up to me. He was crying and feared for his life.
“We need to kill Terry – somehow – before he transforms!”
I examined Terry's bite.
“What do you mean transform? What bit him?”
“It was...a werewolf.”
Everyone complained and started throwing food at him. They booed and hissed. He shouted back:
“It was! I promise!”
“Impossible,” I said. “The tsunami washed them all off the island.”
“It was a werewolf – it really was!”
“Right!” I walked up and grabbed Bob by the shirt, right under his neck, and pulled him close. “Where did this happen?”
“We were in Aina Haina,” he gulped.
“Why were you in Aina Haina?”
“We saw an explosion. We were hungry.”
“Hungry?”
“We were hoping to find humans.”
“And what? You thought you'd eat them?”
“Can we?”
I honestly didn't know what to say. I let him go.
“Get on with your story.”
He nodded.
“The werewolf jumped off a car and tackled Terry and bit him. We were able to crush the werewolf with big rocks. Terry – what are we gonna do with him? What if he transforms into a werewolf?”
I walked away.
“He ain't gonna transform, you ignoramus. Transdolphins are immune to things like that. We are holy creatures. Let him go.” They shrugged and did. I pointed to Terry. “Go in peace, friend. Live in confidence.”
Terry laughed and jumped in the air and clicked his heels and ran off.
“Free! Freeeeee!”
Bob looked nervous, and he whispered to me, “Um, do you want us to go out again?”
I thought it was a good question.
“Depends. Did you find any gold?”
“No.”
“Then get back out there, dammit. Be strong. You're putting our people to shame. Now get!”
He gathered his boys. They huddled together and began a discussion, looking at me now and again. Bob turned around.
“One more thing. Can we eat something else that's not fish? Feels too much like we're eating relatives.”
“Yes,” I said. “Octopus.” I waved my arms at them in a mean way. “This ain't no supermarket! Eat what you can get!”
I went to the beach to talk to Oannes about werewolves. The whole time, I kept thinking about food. I was hungry for tacos, grape soda, pizza – the good stuff. I looked around me. Some Heaven. I wondered what Hell was like. It had to have been the opposite, no? Were they all having sex down there? Eating so-called dangerous, sinful foods? Dancing? Laughing? Happy? Where was I, really? Was it all a test from God? Was he teasing me? Did I have to prove myself before I could eat things that tasted good? My stomach grumbled. I walked up to a transdolphin at a food stand.
“I'll take a fish on a stick,” I said.
The vendor smiled at me.
“Would you like a fish soda?”
I shook my head.
“I don't want to throw up anymore. Blood comes out.”
I gave her a dollar, snatched the fish on a stick, and ate it with my eyes shut tight, and swallowed.
On I walked....
Oannes was sitting at the end of one of those long business tables, eating a huge plate of fish and a whole watermelon and drinking red wine. The waves ran up to his ankles. I punched the table.
“I've been lied to!”
Oannes put his fork down and folded his hands.
“My
dear girl, whatever do you mean?”
“Your tsunami failed. Because of your lies, an innocent transdolphin was attacked. Our paradise is at risk!”
“What attacked your friend?”
“A bloody werewolf!”
He put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair.
“Hmm, that's strange.”
“Your tsunami was meant to wash them criminals off Hawaii. What gives?”
“Why do you keep calling it my tsunami?”
“You didn't...make it?”
“Nope.”
“Then who did?”
He shrugged.
“Don't know.”
I leaned in.
“...Was it God?”
He leaned in.
“Maybe. Or maybe not. How should I know? See, I'm just here to help.”
He got up and put his arm around me.
“I'm in the same jungle as you,” he said, “Now, what are we gonna do about this werewolf problem? Do you think there are more?”
“Better to think so.”
“You wanna go out and get them?”
“There could be thousands of them out there! We're not ready for that. It's their world out there. We're stronger together here, in the city.”
“Hmm. Maybe we can make a fence. Of concrete?”
“Better yet – of electricity, using the bulbs. Do you have any more for us to use?”
Oannes grinned.
“Yes. One more. It is my last gift to you.”
“You're leaving?”
“The time is right. You know enough to survive. My job is done.” He looked to the sea. “My people and I must go and help others around the globe.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Now.”
“No big party?”
“I'm too shy for that,” he said. “A hug will do.”
I hugged him.
“They're gonna ask about you. What shall I tell them?”
“Do to others as you would have them do to you,” he said. “It's a popular saying.”
Oannes walked into the ocean, waved goodbye, and that was the last I saw of him.
Dreslen walked up and stood next to me.
“I'm guessing he's gone for good.”
“Yup.”
“Did he have any last words?”
“Yup,” I said. “I'll make a big speech about it later.”
That night, I constructed a podium and got everyone together. I had something important to tell them.
“Our friend Oannes is gone,” I said.
Everyone complained. Some even cried.
“Who will guide us?” they wondered.
I raised my hand.
“Me! I will take care of you. I will guide you. It was his final wish.” I pointed to the gold statue of him. “And Oannes said to me, 'Beth, only you are worthy to boss around the other transdolphins. I trust you.' Those were his exact words.”
Now everyone nodded and applauded. I walked away from the mic, then remembered something and walked back.
“Oh, and one more thing: We might have a few werewolves running around.”
The crowd rolled their eyes and groaned. Before any of them could raise their hands and ask irritating questions, I said, “But don't worry! I'm having a powerful fence built right as I speak. It'll keep those hoodlums out. I promise to keep Hawaii safe from crime. Like Oannes said, you can count on me.”
Now everyone nodded and applauded.
I walked off the podium.
People slapped my back and told me how lovely I was. Fireworks shot into the air and lit up the sky.
LARS
The dead whales had stunk up the joint.
We sealed as much infant whale blood as we could and went on our way. Our new home was in a building across from Aloha Tower called Ocean Palace. The entrance was covered by three tossed cars, so we had to climb vines and fall through a window to get inside. I think we were on the fifth floor. Apartments were full of rocks and wet spiders. We walked around, opening doors in the hopes of finding a place worth our time. I found a leg on the ground – a human leg wearing a sock. I kicked it away and opened a nearby door, only to have a monkey fall on me. I ran around with that beast wrapped around my head. Dora grabbed it and yanked it off and threw it into a janitor's closet. The monkey ran between my legs and jumped out a window.
Dora ran after it.
“Come back! Damn! Well, there goes our dinner.”
We continued our apartment hunt....
“Found one,” Dora said, looking into a room. “This one smells good. We can live here.”
The place was amazing. I couldn't believe it.
“This room is untouched!” I said. “Like nothing ever happened.”
We took turns using the bathroom. Dora asked if I wanted to take a shower with her. She said that it would be safer that way. I told her no thanks. When it was my turn to go in there, I stared into the bathroom mirror. I was more sickly than usual, probably because I was on a steady diet of birds and fish. I gawked at my reflection.
Where am I now? This isn't normal. I should be working. I should be watching TV and drinking beer. My dad should be yelling at me. I want my old life back. Where am I? Is this Hell? Is this all real? What is reality? What is reality if nothing but a mess of information going in through my five senses – these eyeballs? Where's this information coming from? What's really happening outside my brain? My skull? What's creating all that information???
I ran my hands over my face and shook my head.
“Calm down,” I said to my reflection. “You're not making any sense. You're squawking rubbish. Don't lose it. Hang in there. Be strong. Be a man.”
My reflection spoke back.
“Kill yourself....”
The face said it lovingly.
Dora knocked on the door.
“I'm going out for more bird flesh. Be back soon.”
When I heard the front door close, I walked out into the living room and turned on the TV. I got nothing but static. I sat there and listened. My new, favorite show. I was hypnotized. I was relaxed. My stomach howled. I was lucky that Dora spent much of the day out there capturing food for us. A little while later, she flew through the window on her broom with a bag full of little, dead birds. I was a little disappointed she didn't get any fish, but who was I to complain? I don't see you out there in the heat of the day. Just be happy with what she finds, you ingrate. Dora took off their feathers and boiled the birds whole. The soup smelled wonderful. I grabbed a spoon and stuffed my face. Dora just sat there and smiled. I swallowed and frowned at her.
“You sure you don't want any?”
“No. I have my whale blood.”
We smiled at each other. Did she really care about me? I was starting to see her as my new mother, and maybe she was starting to see me as a son. That was a nice thought.
DORA
I wanted him. I wanted to drag my mouth all over his fine, sickly body. I wanted him so bad, I couldn't sleep at night. Sometimes, I'd just stand there while licking my lips and watch him sleep. I wonder if he knew I was there. Did it turn him on? Did he like me as much as I liked him? He never gave any signs. I made moves on him – made him food, hugged him when he was scared; once, a snake bit him on the foot, and I sucked the poison out. I did it as sexually as possible. He didn't even look at me. Was it a tease? What an animal.
When would he fall in love with me? What would it take? I was 168. I was a woman – and I had needs, understand? It had been too long. A person goes crazy! There was no other man around. For all I knew, we were the last people on that dead island. Trust me. I checked. I had been flying around since day one, but I wasn't just out getting Lars food. I was looking for zombies – my children. Strange. Dead bodies were here and there, but they stayed dead. Not one got up and walked around. Maybe the tsunami was actually holy water. Maybe it washed the walking dead clean. I don't know. I'm just guessing. In all honesty, zombies make no sense. May
be that's why they're so scary.
One night, as I chewed on white worms and flew by office buildings, I saw, in the distance, flashes of light.
I flew higher.
Waikiki had fireworks!
Humans were with us. A smile crawled across my face. I spat out the worms.
All I wanna do is eat babies all day. It is the witch's way.
I decided to check it out. What I saw confused me. It was like someone had stepped on my brain. Waikiki was crawling with (how should I say this?) “dolphin demons”. They were setting up these large light bulbs, putting them all in a long row. One of those creatures saw me and pointed, and they all started jumping around and hollering and throwing spears and rocks. I was hit and went crashing into an overturned bus. My broom crooked, I flew back home with a bad leg and my face bleeding.
Lars washed the gash on my leg.
“You saw transdolphins!”
“What? No, no. I said 'demons'.”
“They're not demons, you old bag. They're angels.”
“Whatever they are, they're all over Waikiki. From now on, that place is off limits.”
“Did you see...any females?”
“Can't say that I did.” I squinted at him, trying to read his mind. “Why do you ask?”
He seemed deep in thought.
“I have an idea,” he said. “Maybe we should go and ask for help. Maybe they'll let us live with them.”
“Are you so idiotic? Have you no sense? No, no. It's safe here. This is our home.”
“I can't stay here anymore. I'm lonely.”
“That's makes no sense. You've got me.”
He walked towards the front door. I had to think of something – fast.
“There's more to my story,” I said. “I saw them eating humans.”
“You're a liar. There's no way....”
“Those dolphin demons had guts in their mouths. Humans covered in blood were running around and screaming. It broke my heart. I flew down to save them, and that's when I was attacked. The demons kept shouting out, 'Kill the human! Eat the human!' One final, important detail: As I flew away, I saw one of them swallowing a live baby. It was disgusting, yet made sense. I'm sorry.”
Lars shook his head.