Thirteen
Smoth walks with his jaw clenched as he takes me to the area they have for people who don’t want to fight. He opens the door, and eyes bore into me as I stare into the room emptily.
“You’ll stay with the Domespeople,” He says, his voice tight.
“For how long?” I ask, my gut twisting from guilt.
He looks at me, his eyes hard and watery, emotions swimming past in his irises. Through gritted teeth he tells me, “For as long as you deserve.”
He stays looking at me and I take a shaky step forward. The people’s eyes in the room stare me down and watch my every movement. The door slams shut behind me, and I turn to look at him. It moves slightly, as if pressure is applied to it, and shifts again, the pressure being removed.
I look around. The room reminds me of a Doctor’s office inside the Dome but with corners and twenty times as big. Long tables with long seats attached are lined up in long rows. A counter with a window is placed on the right wall, and people stand on either side of it, one side handing something out and the other receiving it.
Food.
Something else catches my attention and makes my heart race in my ribcage.
Everyone is wearing white clothing.
“Who are you?” A man sitting at one of the tables asks me.
I look around the room, and then focus my eyes on the floor. I start to feel like the room is closing in on me. I shut my eyes tight and take a breath.
I’ve been close to death. Shot at. Faced my own psychotic mother. So why can’t I stand up in front of a bunch of people I don’t even know and answer one simple question? Why do I choose now to be insecure and nervous?
“Who are you?” He repeats, harsher.
I drop my hands to my sides and stand up straight, trying to look tougher then I am.
“My name is Eenralla Land.”
Whispers take over the silence and glances are shared.
“Ream’s kid,” The man says matter-of-factly, nodding twice. He stands up slowly and the crowd falls silent.
He seems to be older, older than anyone I’ve ever seen. He has a streak of gray in his hair and lines around his mouth. Why is he so old? How is he so old?
He looks at me ferociously, then briskly starts to walk toward me.
I take two steps back, and he is in my face. My muscles tense and want to recoil, but I set my jaw and glare back at him.
He starts to laugh.
My face twists in confusion, and he slaps me on the shoulder.
“My name is Evan. Welcome to a civilized civilization,” He laughs, the people in the room laughing with him almost nervously. “I’ll show you around.”
He turns and leads me past the eyes of the people. The door we walk through at the back of the room opens automatically with a metallic sliding sound. It shuts with a ‘click’ behind us as we continue walking down the hall that had been hidden by it. The green walls are covered with doors like the hallway with all of the cells Peter and I had been locked up in. They’re each a painted a different color and made of wood. We pass by several of them in silence. Evan speaks up when we’re half way down the hall.
“You don’t want to fight?”
I look around, thinking. This place is for the people that don’t want to rise up against the Dome Government. I never told anyone what I wanted to do. I was just put here because of what happened with Doug… I never meant to hurt Smoth, but I guess that’s what landed me in here anyway… You can’t please everyone…
“I don’t know,” I say quietly, scrunching my forehead together.
“Hm,” He nods. “And why is that?”
I stare at the ground, watching the speckled white tiles as they pass beneath us. Everything that has happened to me passes before my eyes, making my head swim with thoughts that I don’t even understand. I want to go home, but I don’t want to be controlled. I want to be safe, but I don’t want to stand by knowing people are dying. Including my mother. My mother… And then everything Peter and Ken have gone through just to get me to this place, to get me to fight… I don’t know if I want to fight but not fighting seems like a waste of… of everything. But if fighting to get out of here just lands me into more conflict, maybe it’s the right thing to just go back to the Domes, to go back home. I don’t feel like I’m doing any good to anyone, and I feel like I’m just making things worse. I mean, the only reason my mom wanted me in this place is because I was her daughter and she wanted me to take her place. That’s it. There’s nothing about me that says I’ll fight or that I’ll even do it. She just went off of the notion that because I was her daughter, I’d follow in her footsteps.
All this information, all of the emotions thrown into the equation, and I still can’t find an answer on where I stand in everything that has happened and that is happening. I thought I knew who I was and where I stand on things, but I couldn’t be any farther from the truth. I had been who the Domes wanted me to be on the outside. The only difference is, is that I hated the government. I always have, and that still hasn’t changed, I know that much about myself.
I feel like I’m clinging to the way I had been inside the Domes, while the rest of me changes dramatically. It’s as if I don’t want to change at all. But the problem is that I have. I have changed and there’s no escaping that notion.
But the next question for me to answer is, who am I now?
“I guess I’m confused,” I say, more to myself.
“About what?”
I don’t respond. I keep all my thoughts to myself. I’m not the kind of person who speaks her mind or gushes about everything she feels to some stranger.
I’m not Nad.
We travel in silence until we reach the end of the hallway. He opens up another door and we step into a black room. A single light bulb illuminates the black ceiling and casts shadows as we make our way to the center of it. My back to the door we entered in from, facing the black door on the other side.
Evan stands in front of me again, the light casting eerie shadows on his face.
“We will be taking you through some psychological testing for the next few days—it could be less if you cooperate.”
“What is it for?” I ask.
“To make sure you are where you need to be,” He says, and turns to walk out the door opposite of where we entered.
“You sound just like a Government Official,” I say under my breath as the door shuts.
“Your testing will begin in a moment,” A woman’s voice booms through the room. “You will answer all questions truthfully and fully—do you understand?”
A knot grows in my throat.
What have I gotten myself into?
“Do you understand?” Her voice repeats.
I stare blankly at the door Evan left through. I suddenly feel naked, like they can see through me. See every beat of my heart, hear every thought…
“Why?” I ask, wiping my sweaty palms on my pants.
The voice hesitates.
“Evan told you why,” It seems to laugh.
“Who are you?” I ask.
Another pause. “I am Rebecca. We have met.”
I smirk.
“Hello, Rebecca.”
“Hello, Eenralla Land.”
I shift my weight, my muscles shaking. I’m so sore that I feel like my legs will give out on me if I take one step.
“I will ask you some questions,” She says slowly. “And you will answer them truthfully. If not, we will use force.”
Peter’s bruised body flashes before my brain. Fear bubbles up inside of me, but I swallow it and stand tall.
“Like you did to my friend?” My voice wavers a little, and I bite my cheek.
“The people down here try to avoid fighting, so, no. Unlike your friend, we will release a toxin into the room that will knock you out. After that, we will proceed to monitor you as we create alternate worlds for you to get the answers out of you. And when that happens, you will not be able to conceal anything from us. We??
?ll know everything.”
I keep staring at the door. Where is she?
“Begin.”
I hear a faint beep. A camera.
“Is this your mother?” Rebecca asks as a flickering image of my mom stands in front of me.
“Shouldn’t you know that?” I say flatly, looking past my mother’s scarred face and at the door.
The spazzy image disappears.
“Obey my previous commands,” Rebecca says sternly.
I run my tongue across my teeth. Maybe I should just go with it. The faster it ends, the faster I get out of here.
“Did you grow up in the Domes?”
I smirk and look at the ground, shifting my weight and crossing my arms.
“Yeah,” I say.
“How old are you?”
“How old do I look?” I say, scanning the room for the camera. My eyes catch on the red light in the top left corner behind a flashing hologram.
I turn to where I can look straight into it.
“If you want the Government to go away, why are you acting just like them?”
Where did this defiance come from?
Just a few days ago, I would have just shut my mouth and done what I was told. I would have never challenged a higher-power person. Ever.
Maybe I’ve been hanging around Peter too long.
Or maybe I’m just like Lease.
I look down from the camera, and squeeze my eyes shut. These people could kill me. All they want me to do is answer some questions, and I’m making everything difficult and putting my own life in danger, it feels like.
“Eenralla Land, please cooperate. One more smart comment, and we will force ourselves into your brain.”
I shake my head and open my eyes. The room seems larger now, and I step back, regaining my balance.
“Yeah, okay,” I say, and I sit on the floor with my knees pulled up to my chest.
Rebecca asks many more questions, and I answer them each with one or two words.
Why was I so defensive of the questions they were asking me? It’s not like they don’t know any of the answers. I have no secrets. No one does. Everyone knows everything, one way or another, and there’s no way you can hide anything from anyone for long.
“Thank you for your cooperation, Miss Land,” Rebecca says, and I nod somberly. “Evan will bring in clothes and show you to your room.”
The door opens and Evan walks through with white clothes in his hands.
“Follow me,” He says chirpily.
We exit the room and walk back down the hall. Evan pulls open a light blue door on the right side and waves for me to enter.
“You’re interesting, new girl,” He says as he hands me the clothing. “You seem so conflicted though…”
He laughs and I walk into the room. My new room.
I stare blankly at the white clothes in my hands. They are the same type of rough material we used in the Domes. The same style too. Suddenly, I have the urge to rip the material apart and drop it onto the floor, letting my rage fade into a deluge of sobs. But instead, I stand, my face still as if made of stone, and stare at it, wishing it would all disappear.
“Well,” Evan says, breaking the silence. “See you tomorrow for more testing.”
He shuts the blue wooden door and I am left alone in the small white room. I sit on the edge of the small bed in the corner and lay down. The weight of sleep takes me over, and I start to fade into unconsciousness.
o0o0o
I wake up the next morning and I’m led to the room with all of the tables to eat. They call it a ‘cafeteria.’
I’m still wearing the black tank top and green pants. I don’t want to change into the other ones. They still sit on the edge of my bed, untouched and neatly folded.
I’m led back to the black room after eating a bowl full of mushy oats, and this time there is a table with a see-through monitor on it. I walk in and sit down, Evan shutting the first door and going through the second one directly across from it.
“You will answer sixty questions. Go.”
The camera turns on, and the computer screen comes to life. Questions pop up asking about patterns and things, and there’s one that has something like ‘If a boy has to buy a certain amount of something and can only hold a certain amount of them, how many will there be whenever?’ I don’t know why they want me to answer these questions, but I do it anyway. Just cooperate.
Most of them are easy, or, well, they feel easy. Only a few make me second-guess myself.
I finish off the questions and Evan leads me back to the cafeteria to eat.
“Why did you decide to give up?” Evan asks me before we reach the room.
“I answered all of the questions,” I say. “I didn’t give up.”
“That’s not what I mean, Eenralla. I mean, why did you give up fighting?”
I look at the door, my hand on the handle, ready to pull it open. My brain, my body is ready to disappear into the room and never come out. It’s ready to let the world fix its own problems and not involve me.
“I don’t feel like dying yet,” I say, and step into the room.
I go to stand in line to get food, continuously staring at my plate as the women behind the long counter slap food onto it one at a time. My feet lead me to a table and I sit, absently shoveling the food into my mouth. The faster I finish, the faster I can go back into my little room.
Just cooperate. You’ll be fine.
I hear the front doors to the cafeteria open, and angry voices following them. I keep my eyes down and locked on my food. I don’t want trouble. I don’t want to look up when I’m not supposed to. Cooperate. Don’t get in trouble. Live another day.
“Eenie!”
I jump at the sound of my own name, and lazily look up. Peter jogs up to me, wearing all black. His wounds are healed, with only a few scars to show that they were there.
His face seems different to me. Could a face change so suddenly in one day?
Peter stands behind me, my body twisted around to see him. His smile fades at I stare at him blankly.
“Well?” He says, breathless. “Come on.”
I swallow the food in my mouth.
“I’m not coming with you,” I say, my voice flat and my back to him as I take another bite of food.
I feel his eyes on the back of my head.
“What?”
I turn back around to face him.
“I’m not going. They’re not done testing me. They’ll kill me if I leave.”
“What?” He asks again, quieter.
“I said no,” I turn back around to put another forkful of food in my mouth, growing angry at the feelings I suddenly feel around him. I want to go with him. But I can’t. Live another day. I have to just get through another day in this place, and then maybe things will start getting better. One more day.
“I thought you wanted to fight,” He says quietly. Moments pass by, and the cafeteria has fallen silent. “What did they do to you?”
“Nothing,” I say defensively, irritably. “They did nothing to me.”
“What happened to you, Eenie?” He says quietly from behind me. “Where’s the you that jumped in front of my arrow to save a bear? Where’s the girl who took off on her own to find her way home? Who saved my life and looked down the barrel of a gun? Who stood—”
“Go away Peter!” I growl ferociously, turning towards him. My heart breaks at the expression on his face, but I hold everything in, just growing angry at my softness. I harden my heart and feel my pulse kick into a fast, abnormal rhythm.
“Eenie—”
“Peter! You only knew me for about a week! You have no idea who I am! Go away!” Tears are fighting their way out of my eyes, and I am standing in his face, quivering with anger, with sadness, with emotion…
He shuts his mouth and tightens his jaw. He watches me as I hastily step over the bench and walk away from him. I storm into my room and slam the blue door. I lean my back
against it, feeling every groove in the wood against my skin, my spine. Sobs bubble up into my throat, and I collapse to the floor.
My mother is a psychopath… I’m stuck between tens of thousands of gallons of water in a random rebellion prison room and the people running it all are picking me apart piece by piece and evaluating me… The rebellion is exactly like the government… Peter hates me… He doesn’t understand…
I wipe my face with my hands, angry now, more at the world I’m stuck in, rather than myself for the stupid heroic act I had done that started this mess. No, not that… The panel. It all started with that panel. A glitch. A touch.
Anger.
That’s what fills me, and I stand up, pacing the room. My eyes rest upon the door and I freeze in the middle of the room.
I need to do this.
Willingly.
I burst out into the hall and start to walk. I know where I’m going.
I open the door to the small black room and the dark walls greet me, embracing my state of mind.
“Rebecca,” I shout, staring into the camera behind the flickering hologram. “Rebecca!”
“Hello, Eenralla,” Her voice sounds surprised. Good. “We weren’t expecting you yet.”
“Surprise,” I say flatly, glaring into the camera. “How many more tests do you have for me?
A slight pause, then, “Two.”
“What if I don’t want to take them?”
Another pause.
“Then we’ll force you.”
I glare into the camera and run my tongue over my teeth.
I’m tired of bending beneath everyone else’s will. I’m tired of being tested and having my brain examined by every person I meet. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m done.
I bat my eyes at the camera sarcastically and flash my best smile mockingly, hoping she’s watching carefully, hoping whoever else is watching carefully. No one can control me anymore.
“Then force me.”
I turn, grab the table in the center, and throw it at the camera. It falls to the ground, its insides exposed. A low hissing sound comes from the walls. Orange gas begins to crawl toward me on the floor, and rise up like a tidal wave. I hold my breath for as long as I can, looking for something else to break before my body goes limp and unconscious. I hear banging coming from the first door. Who would ever want to come into this room? Willingly?
Well, I did.
I feel my head go light, and my vision starts to blur.
I breathe out my last breath and speak my last words before I pass out.
“You really are just like them.”
I feel my body hit the ground, and I fade into darkness.