His voice had begun to crack. I tried to look at him, but his head was bowed so far, I couldn’t see his expression.
Not wanting to admit that his words were water in the fissure of the last resolve I had, I said, “They killed my mother.”
“I know.” Ren lifted his face. He wasn’t crying, but in the fluorescent light, his eyes brimmed. “And there’s nothing that will change her punishment. She’s gone.”
He stood up, turning his back to me. “The Keepers’ laws are clear. And the punishments for violating those laws are also clear. Your mother knew that. Calla knew that.”
I tipped my head back, letting the crown of my skull rest on the wall. I couldn’t deny the truth of it. We’d all been so foolish. I’d been such a child. I told Calla I’d break the rules for her. She and Ren had broken the rules so Bryn and I could be together. We were on the road to hell and we should have known it.
“All that’s left is for us to start over,” Ren said, returning to my side. He sat down, his back against the wall in a mirror of my posture.
Dropping my head into my hands, I told him, “There’s no starting over for me.”
“I’m telling you there is,” he said. “That’s why I’m here. To offer you a second chance.”
I worried that I’d slipped into some new dream. Another torment offered up by my eroding psyche.
Ren’s gaze was earnest when I turned to look at him.
“What the Keepers took from you, they can give back.” He refused to break our gaze when he spoke, letting the words settle in. “I swear to you, Ansel.”
I knew there had to be a catch. That all was not forgiven.
As if he anticipated my next question, Ren hopped up. “Think about it.” He walked to the door, banging on it with his fist. When it opened, he turned back. “And think about what she did.”
When the door slammed and Ren was gone, I reached for the glass of water he’d left behind. My hand shook so badly that I only got the glass halfway to my face before it jumped from my fingers.
I stared at the water as it pooled around my feet.
Think about what she did.
As if I’d thought about anything else since the night she left.
When the door opened this time, I was awake. Ren entered and for the first time I wasn’t surprised to see him. Behind him, Logan Bane strolled into my cell, making my bones shudder. Ren’s good-cop bit was obviously over and Logan’s bad cop was bound to be a showstopper with a wraith backing him up.
Hope followed by despair was the worst torture. I should have known.
Logan tilted his head, looking me up and down. “He is a bit worse for wear, isn’t he?”
Ren gave a stiff nod.
“Hopefully we can amend that.” Logan kept his distance but smiled at me. “I have an offer to make you, Ansel. I think you’ll find it quite generous.”
I remembered the first time Logan had come into my cell. Ren hadn’t been there, but Logan’s father, Efron, and Ren’s father, Emile, had been. That visit brought no offer of redemption. First, there’d been Emile’s fists. I supposed it was better than his teeth, but even that thought didn’t take away the pain of the heavy blows Emile took obvious delight in delivering.
After Emile was through, Efron had summoned a wraith. I’d tried so hard to be strong. Brave, even. I’d spat at them. Shrieked curses and hatred as long as I could. But soon enough I’d only been able to scream. And eventually my voice disappeared altogether, though my body still writhed in pain while the wraith clasped me in its black tendrils.
Lifting my eyes to meet Logan’s assessing gaze, I half wondered where my anger had gone. Part of me thought that even looking at one of the creators of my misery should make every insult I knew boil out of my mouth. But whatever will to fight back, to resist, I’d once had was gone. I was so tired. Of this place. Of life. I just wanted it to be over.
My cell door stood open and a Bane elder came into the room, carrying a chair.
“Thank you,” Logan told the guard as the Bane set the chair down to face me.
With a curt bow, the Bane elder left—slamming the door behind him.
Logan settled into the chair, pulling a pack of Djarum Blacks from his jacket pocket. He crossed his legs, lighting a cigarette and watching me. He gave a quick jerk of his chin and Ren came to stand beside me, ready to block any attack I might make.
That almost made me laugh. As if I were any sort of threat to Logan. As if I could do anything to him. Even if I still wanted to.
While smoke curled around him, Logan asked, “Do you miss your life, Ansel?”
I stared at him. What kind of a question was that?
Logan seemed to take my nonanswer as affirmative. “Because I’d like to give it back to you. My father and I have been talking, and we agree that you’ve gotten the worst of this debacle. Poor boy.”
That rankled me a bit. Logan was only three years older than me, and despite my current state, I still believed I was more of a man than he’d ever be. Not that it mattered.
“It must be hard,” Logan went on. “Being the younger sibling of an alpha. Did you ever wish you were the firstborn?”
I stayed quiet. It wasn’t like Logan really wanted me to speak. He liked to hear himself talk and I was happy enough to let him. If I had spoken, he wouldn’t be happy with my answer. I’d never wished to be alpha—letting Calla bear all that responsibility had made me feel like I had a freedom she’d never have.
Maybe that’s why she ran.
I shoved back that thought as quickly as I could. As much as I couldn’t muster anger toward Logan, I still wasn’t willing to break down in front of him again. He’d had that pleasure too many times already.
Logan smiled briefly. “I think we’re all a bit regretful that your sister failed so miserably in her duties. But how could we know? All that’s left is to pick up the pieces.”
Beside me, Ren stirred. Glancing at him, I couldn’t tell if he was nervous or angry.
“Your mother bore the brunt of Calla’s failure,” Logan told me, and I turned my head away. “Surely you understand why her death was imperative. One female alpha failing to instill respect for law and duty into her heir ... shameful.”
My breath became ragged, and it made my chest burn. I tried to keep my face blank as I stared ahead, not blinking. My eyeballs were rapidly drying out, but I couldn’t risk blinking. I knew if I did, I’d see my mother. See her splayed on the stone slab in the Chamber. See Emile’s muzzle bathed in her blood.
“And your father has lost his place as alpha,” Logan continued, taking a long pull off his cigarette. “But you, Ansel. You could be all you were and more.”
I didn’t so much as glance at him, but I listened hard, straining to hear any truth in what he was saying.
“Ren,” Logan said abruptly. “If you wouldn’t mind.”
Ren crouched beside me. His voice was low, calm. “You could return to the pack, Ansel. Come back to us.”
I dared to lift my head, peering at him. “What pack?”
There was a brief flicker of uncertainty in his gaze. Logan coughed delicately, and Ren quickly went on: “It will take some time to sort that out. Right now, we’re all one pack. Reunited as Guardians to prove our loyalty to the Keepers, recognizing all they’ve done for us.”
He paused, taking a long breath. “And all that Calla betrayed.”
“But . . . my wolf . . .” When I said it, I couldn’t stop the sucker punch my mind threw at me. It didn’t take much for me to feel all of it again. The wolf being peeled from my human body, like scraps of skin torn away one piece at a time. The way its shape burned in front of my eyes, scorched out of existence. The husk I felt like every moment since they took it away.
Logan piped up. “Have you so little faith in us, Ansel? What we’ve taken away we can give again.” The quasi-delight in his voice pulled my gaze to him.
The shaking began at the base of my neck, creeping slowly over my shoulders, g
ripping my arms. In moments, my entire body was close to seizing up.
“Breathe, Ansel,” Ren murmured.
Logan’s smile curved with pleasure.
“But it’s gone.” I could barely whisper. “You killed it. Killed that part of me.”
“That’s true.” Logan nodded. “But you’re forgetting your history. Once, there were no Guardians. The first wolf warriors had to be made. Do you think we’d be careless enough to lose that magic?”
I swallowed hard, clenching my fists with what little strength I had as I tried to gain control of my limbs. “You’re lying.”
“He’s not,” Ren answered.
The smoke from Logan’s cigarette had filled the airless room. I wheezed, but Logan shrugged, flicking ash from the burning tip.
“It’s not worth my time to concoct a lie for you,” Logan said. “We’re on a timeline here and if you want to be whole again, I can offer you a deal.”
“What do you want?” I squinted through the haze of clove-scented smoke.
“Your sister has chosen some unsavory allies,” Logan said, grinding his teeth. “The Searchers have deluded her with their lies. We need to put a stop to their collusion before matters get even worse.”
“She’s with the Searchers?” I couldn’t imagine how that was possible. Running away was one thing, but seeking refuge with our enemies? “That’s insane,” I muttered.
Logan laughed. “That’s the consensus we’ve arrived at as well. We think Calla somehow convinced herself that she’s in love with Shay and that by offering to help the Searchers, she can be with him.”
A quiet growl rolled out of Ren’s throat.
“But we’re going to fix that.” Logan looked at the alpha. “Aren’t we, Ren?”
“Yes, Logan,” Ren answered.
Logan stood up, dropped his cigarette, and put it out with his heel. With his hands folded behind his back, he paced the cell. “We need to get your sister and Shay back. In order to do that, we first have to find them.”
“How can I help with that?” I asked. “I’m worthless.”
“Actually, in your current state, you’re quite priceless.” Logan smiled. “Though your sister is a traitor, I’d wager she’s also guilt ridden about leaving her family behind. She knows how our punishments work.”
Ren growled again, louder this time. I glanced at him, but he turned his back so I couldn’t see his face.
“If you don’t know where she is, how am I supposed to find her?” The more I talked, the easier it became, as if my vocal cords were remembering how to work.
“An apt question,” Logan said. “We’ve known for some time that the Searchers have a hideout in Denver, from which they pester us in Vail. But the precise location is cloaked by enchantments. We have to break down those spells so we can attack.”
“So why don’t you?” I frowned.
“These sorts of enchantments can only be dispelled from within,” Logan said. “Obviously, we can’t get inside the Searchers’ hovel if we don’t know where they are.”
Logan threw a sharp look at Ren. The alpha pivoted to face me, crouching low to be at eye level with me.
“Calla will want to help you, Ansel,” Ren told me. “You can get inside.”
“But I don’t know anything about Denver.” I balked at the idea. I could barely stand, much less hunt down Searchers—who would kill me on sight if they knew who I was.
“Leave that to us,” Logan quipped. “Being the wretched creatures they are, it wasn’t too hard to narrow down the parts of Denver where they might be. We’ll send you out into those areas one by one, until they pick you up.”
“What if they kill me before I get to their hideout?” I asked.
“We consider that an acceptable risk” was all Logan said.
I sat silently, my head trapped in a vise of confusion, sadness, and futile hope.
Beside me, Ren said, “You have to, Ansel. You have to bring her back.”
Looking at Ren, I narrowed my eyes. “Are you going to kill her?” I hated that I harbored mixed feelings about the question. Calla had left us all behind. Left us to imprisonment, torture, and death. But she was still my sister.
Ren shook his head, but I kept searching his face for signs of deception, not knowing if I could really trust him.
“We don’t think killing Calla is our best course,” Logan interjected. “After all, we’ve already lost one alpha female in this debacle.”
“But she’s a traitor,” I said to him before I’d even thought about my words.
Logan attempted a somber nod, but he couldn’t stop himself from beaming at me. “She is, Ansel. But we think with time that Calla can be . . . re-educated and eventually brought back into the fold. Don’t we, Ren?”
Ren’s answer was little more than a snarl. “Yes.”
“So you see,” Logan purred, “you’re not only our best hope. You’re Calla’s only hope.”
One more question lingered in my mind, but I was afraid to ask it. I looked to Ren rather than Logan.
“Bryn?” Her name was all I could manage.
Ren spoke curtly. “She’s fine.”
“I want to see her,” I said. Just knowing that she was alive gave me a jolt of audacity I wouldn’t have imagined possible.
Logan stepped into my line of vision. “I don’t think that’s something we can do.”
I hung my head, but Logan continued to speak. “Not until you’ve shown us where your loyalties lie.”
Glancing at Logan, I asked, “If I do this, will you let me see Bryn?”
“Of course,” Logan answered, with a careless wave of his hand. “You’ll see all your packmates.”
Swallowing hard, I continued, “And will you . . . will you swear to me that if I make it back . . .”
My heart felt like a sharp rock cracking against my ribs with each beat.
“Will I swear what?” Logan asked, irritated with my stumbling words.
“I want to be with Bryn,” I blurted. “Mated to her.”
Logan stared at me, his eyes wider than I’d ever seen. After a moment he recovered, and gave a throaty laugh. “Well. Well, well, well.” He lifted an eyebrow at Ren. “Did you know about this?”
Ren bowed his head and I squeezed my eyes shut. How could I have asked such a stupid question? In an already hopeless situation, I’d made things that much worse.
“So many secrets.” I was surprised that Logan didn’t sound angry, but rather like he’d heard the funniest joke of his life.
Trying to salvage anything from the wreck I’d made, I said, “It wasn’t Ren’s fault. We were together before he knew anything about it.”
“Don’t worry about Ren,” Logan told me. “Worry about yourself.”
I banged my head hard against the wall, not caring that it made my vision blur for a moment.
“Now, now,” Logan coaxed. “You act as though I have no heart.”
My guts twisted at the irony of having to rely on Logan’s compassion. His words weren’t far off the mark. I’d suspected more than once that he lacked anything resembling a heart.
Meeting my wary gaze, Logan smiled. “Please understand: there’s only so much I can do. No matter how much I might pity your case.”
When Logan looked at Ren, his jaw tightened. “Who is your master, Ren?”
“Efron. Your father.” Ren’s eyes remained downcast.
“And why is that?” Logan asked.
Ren glanced up, surprise written on his face.
Logan’s laugh was brief and sharp. “Go ahead. I’ll forgive you. Tell him what I know my father told the Guardians.”
With some hesitation, Ren spoke, but he kept his eyes on me, not once sparing Logan a glance. “Efron told us that the Haldis pack wouldn’t be formed. Not without Calla. And he said that Logan wouldn’t rule a pack. That he’d failed to rule us as a packmaster should.”
“So you see, Ansel,” Logan said, “I’m being punished too. And this mission that I’m s
ending you on—it’s one of the ways I can return to my father’s good graces. We can all get what we want. If we work together.”
I nodded as I realized that the repercussions I’d feared because of my outburst weren’t coming.
“And you want Bryn . . . among other things.” Logan pursed his lips. “You can see that I can’t give orders about pairing you up. But I can probably persuade my father to keep what would have been the Haldis pack without mates for a while. He’s promised that I can be restored to mastery of your pack if I prove myself to him.”
“And that starts with me,” I said quietly.
“It started with Ren,” Logan told me. “But our alpha is sorted. You’re the next step to making things right.”
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t even a promise. But it was something. At this point I would have taken anything. He couldn’t give me Bryn, but he could make sure she wasn’t given to another wolf.
Filling my lungs with air, I used all my strength to push myself upright. Though I had to brace myself against the wall and my legs trembled, I’d managed to stand. Slowly, carefully, I tipped forward, bowing deeply to Logan.
When I’d straightened, he was smiling at me.
“Tell me what to do,” I said.
“First, I’m sending in something decent for you to eat,” Logan told me. “There are details to take care of. While I’m making arrangements, you eat. For reasons that should be obvious, we can’t clean you up, but you will need to be able to walk. Good food will give you some strength back.”
Logan’s smile broadened to a grin. “You won’t regret this.”
He walked briskly to the door, gave a sharp rap on it, and when it opened he was gone, leaving the door still ajar and me standing beside Ren.
I felt a hand press into my shoulder and I turned to meet Ren’s piercing gaze.
“When you see her, don’t forget what she did.” His canines were sharp. “To all of us.”
“I won’t,” I told him. “I’ll never forget. And I’ll never forgive her.”