Kale looked away from Ben, eyes falling on me. “Why did you have her speak?”
“I noticed when she spoke, the white ones got a little brighter. It was like something was fighting to break free.”
Kale seemed vindicated by this answer, and nodded, “Can you make the dark ones go away?”
“No way, man. Like I said, someone else’s work. But I think they might fade on their own.” He nodded in my direction. “If the sound of her voice makes the real ones fight for dominance, I’d say just keep her talking. Think of her as your North Star. It looks like they’ll fight their way free eventually.”
Aubrey had been right. The daily meetings with Dad’s Six had been to maintain control over Kale. By keeping him away from her, we were slowly breaking the hold.
…
Kale crossed the room to Dax’s computer, then stopped, staring at the machine like he’d never seen it before. “I— What do— Where…” The CD clunked to the desktop, and Kale brought his hands to his head, fingers wrapping in his dark hair. “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I remember how to use this thing?”
I didn’t know what was on the disk, and that scared me. All I wanted right now was to curl up in oblivion and sleep till next spring, but Kale was antsy because of Aubrey’s claim for the truth. The minute we left the others, he asked about playing the disk. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t put it off.
Gently, I pulled his hands away and picked up the CD. “Because you’ve never used a computer, Kale. Your vocabulary is…different. You’ve spent time with Kiernan and the others so you’ve picked up some slang, but I guess they couldn’t imprint practical knowledge. You remember watery things about people and events, but this is different. You don’t remember because it’s something you’ve never done.”
I dropped the CD into the drive and gave the door a small nudge. It closed, the computer monitor blinking to life as the disk started spinning.
The moment the picture flickered to life, I knew we’d made a horrible mistake.
On the screen, Kale was chained to a wall in a small room. He wore black sweatpants and a dark gray T-shirt wet with perspiration. Weary eyes trained ahead, he stared at something off-camera with unadulterated hatred. Bruises decorated the right side of his face, and he was exhausted—it was evident in his half-lidded stare and slumped posture—but there was still a spark of fierceness to him. Determination.
To his right stood a man I’d never seen before. Wearing a white lab coat and standing impossibly tall, he had salt and pepper hair and cold, dead eyes. He motioned to someone off-camera, and a slip of a girl stepped into view. She stopped in front of Kale and cupped his face on either side. If not for the chains, it would have looked like a loving embrace. The softest touch of two people with deep feelings for each other.
Kale’s eyes met hers, and his lips moved, but whatever he said was too low for the microphone to catch. A smile followed and then his eyes squeezed closed, lip twitching and body going rigid. He tried to pull away, but the chains prevented him from moving out of reach.
“Tell me the name of the girl you love,” someone on the other side of the room, out of the camera’s eye, said in a commanding voice. I didn’t need to see him. That voice, so full of vile and lies, was embedded in my memory as sure as my own name.
Dad stepped forward, his back to the camera as Kale’s eyes opened. With a taunting smile and a sigh, he said, “Deznee.”
“You’re making things harder on yourself by fighting the process. Mindy tells me this can be quite painful.”
“Then I have nothing to fear. If there’s one thing you’ve taught me over the years, it’s to deal with pain. There’s nothing you can do that will take her away from me, Cross,” Kale said, voice low. “Nothing.”
Dad’s anger was evident in his stiffened shoulders and fists clenched tight. “Again,” he barked. “Do it again.”
I didn’t realize who he was talking to until the girl took Kale’s face in her hands again, this time with more force.
“What is the name of the girl you love?”
“Dez,” Kale spat, eyes still closed.
The girl’s fingers twitched, knotting through his hair.
“What is the name of the girl you love?” Dad asked, rage dripping from every word. I’d never wanted to physically harm anyone as much as I did him in that instant.
“Dez!” Kale screamed. A tremor ran through him, body trembling.
Mindy let go for an instant, eyes wide with surprise, but had him back in her hands in seconds. “He shouldn’t still know her,” she cried. “This is impossible—”
Dad kicked a small rolling cart to his right. It wobbled, toppling to the ground with a loud clatter as metal instruments—sharp-looking ones—spilled from its insides. “Again!” he screamed. “The name of the girl you love is…?”
The sound of Kale’s voice as he bellowed my name stole all the air from the room. The reason we were here, the possibility of someone walking through the door, all vanished as I fought with the picture on the screen in front of me. His voice broke, throat more than likely raw, as he screamed it. Over and over. DezDezDez. The force of it sent the girl backing away and made the man in the lab coat cringe.
Beside me, Kale’s eyes stayed glued to the screen. I made a move to remove the disk from the drive, but he grabbed my hand, fingers wrapping tight.
Onscreen, Dad and the man huddled in the corner with the girl, who had to be Mindy. Kale had slid down the wall. He would have fallen to his knees had the chains stretched that far. Instead he was hanging, the metal cuffs digging into his already battered skin and making me sick.
“Any more and I risk destroying his mind,” the girl said. She’d turned toward the camera. Long straw-colored hair and innocent brown eyes. On the outside, a normal-looking girl. On the inside? A Denazen bastard with no soul. “I could easily kill him by accident.”
“Ninety-eight cannot be given Domination until I know this can be fixed. I can’t risk him remembering Deznee. If he survives the drug, he’ll be even more dangerous afterward than he is now.”
“Are you sure you want to risk his life?” the lab-coat man asked. “One forty-three expired last night. Incompatible with the drug. He was quite strong.”
Dad ignored him and nodded to the girl. “Make it work.”
The screen flickered, and when it came back, everyone was standing in a different place. Dad was directly in front of Kale now, hand on his chin, tilting it toward the light. There was a glazed look in Kale’s eyes. “What is the name of the girl you love?”
Kale didn’t answer right away, and my heart gave a small squeeze. Eyes rolling back, his head lolled to the left as the fingers of his right hand twitched. “Blo—blond hair. Black pieces.” He tried to stay upright but his knees wouldn’t hold the weight. He collapsed, sending a rattle through the chains that echoed in the room. “Brown eyes…beautiful…ez…”
“This will have to do,” Dad snapped, pulling his hand back. Kale’s head jerked to the side as my dad stepped away and turned to Mindy. “I think I can make this work. Follow the rest of your instructions and come find me when it’s done.”
The screen went black.
“Kale?” His eyes hadn’t moved from the screen even though the picture was gone. The look on his face scared me. “Kale, tell me what’s on your mind.”
Slowly, he turned to me, expression nearly ripping my heart in two. “I remember that day.”
Hope was a fragile and dangerous thing. It had the ability to build you up higher than the clouds—and then drop you. A free-fall at a million miles an hour headed straight for solid, crushing ground. Still. I couldn’t help it. “You remember?”
He stepped away from the computer. “There was someone they wanted to take away from me. Someone important. Someone essential.” Turning to me, he frowned. “I know that I would have died for this person. To keep her safe. To keep her happy—and I know that it was you.”
I reached for his ha
nd, a swell of relief flooding through my veins, but he pulled away.
“I know,” he continued, thumping the side of his head, then his chest directly over his heart. “But I can’t remember. I know you now—and I have very strong feelings for you—but I don’t know you from then. That part of you is a ghost, Dez. A shadow that keeps moving just out of reach. And it’s driving me crazy.”
22
After seeing what was on the CD, Kale was agitated and moody. I understood his frustration and hoped maybe seeing his old room might help.
“This is your room.” I pushed open the door and stepped aside, a funny feeling fluttering in my chest as I realized we’d never been in here at the same time. When we moved in after the hotel burned to the ground, Kale hadn’t been around long enough to actually use the room. Everything had happened so fast.
Kale followed me in and closed the door. His eyes fell to the bed, the sheets still a tangled mess from the last time I’d slept here. It’d only been a few nights ago—the same night I saw him at the Nix party in town—but it felt like years. “When was the last time I slept in here?”
I moved to the bed and pulled the edge of the blanket off the floor, then straightened the pillows. “Honestly, I don’t know that you ever did. We moved in right before you—right before I got really sick. You spent most of your time next door with me.”
“Who’s been staying in here?”
I felt my cheeks flush. “Me.”
He sank onto the bed, eyes never leaving mine. “You were amazing tonight. Is it always like that? With us, I mean? This is going to sound insane, but it was fun.”
I sank down beside him and nodded once, trying not to laugh. “We’re a team. Our life is made of crazy, but we kinda like it that way.”
He was quiet for a minute. “This is hard for me, but I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I feel…something for you, but I don’t really understand it. You remember me completely.”
I blinked back the tears threatening to spill over and took a deep breath. “It isn’t easy.”
A quick glance to my right and I saw him watching me. Under normal circumstances, that kind of scrutiny from Kale would have sent shivers of anticipation through my body. Now, all I had were my memories. He quickly turned away and sighed. “Your friends don’t seem too happy that I’m here.”
Mom and Dax had forced Kale to cover his eyes as we approached the cabin. It was all very Batcave of them, but I could understand their caution. They couldn’t take any chances. Too many innocent Sixes had taken up residence in Dax’s underground shelter.
“It’s not that, really. Things are tense. They’re just nervous, since you’ve been living with the enemy for the last few months.” I forced a smile. “And they’re your friends, too.”
He leaned closer. So close that I felt his breath against my cheek and the warmth of his skin radiating against mine. “And you?”
I swallowed. “Me?”
“Do you trust me?”
“I trust you.”
“Marshal brainwashed me.” He reached across and ran his index finger along the lines of my jaw. The touch brought a rush of heated memories that sent tremors through my body. But it wasn’t just the physical contact. It was the sound of his voice. Deep and rich like warm caramel coffee, each word a soothing sip that sent the endorphins in my brain jumping. He could have recited the alphabet and it would have affected me just the same. “I could’ve faked a recovery just to get inside.”
“I trust you,” I repeated.
Leaning close, lips brushing my right ear, he whispered, “Then can I kiss you again?”
Can I kiss you?
I remembered a dream I’d had not long before Kale went back to Denazen. Kale and me at the top of the crane. He’d asked me the same thing right before turning into Able. I closed my eyes to keep the tears from spilling over. This wasn’t me, this constantly bawling, blubbering mess of a girl. But the memory was like a shot to the heart, turning the air to sludge and making it impossible to breathe. “Please don’t ask me that.”
He pulled back a bit, genuinely surprised by my reaction. “I’m sorry. I—”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. It was short, and bittersweet, and when I pulled away and stood, he stared at me with eyes full of wonder. It reminded me so much of that day at Curd’s. When he touched me for the first time. “It’s not your fault. I had this dream once. It— Know what? It doesn’t matter.”
I was almost to the door when he called out. “Wait.”
My feet stopped moving, but I didn’t turn around. I was afraid if I looked at him again, well…I didn’t know what I’d do. Cry, kiss him again, scream…
“Why don’t you stay?” he said.
The invitation pulled at so many different, warring emotions. I wanted to stay. More than anything, I wanted to be by his side and never let him out of my sight again. “I’m beat. I’d only fall asleep.”
The mattress creaked and I relented, turning around. He was standing now, looking between the bed and me. “So sleep here. I promise I won’t try anything.” He stepped around so he was in front of me. For a moment he simply stood there. Eyes on mine and lips pressed in a thin line. When he did speak, his voice was different. So much more the Kale I knew. “The truth is, no matter how much it scares me to admit it, I feel better when you’re close. I don’t understand it, and I can’t begin to explain it, but I’m more relaxed.”
How could I argue with that when I felt exactly the same way? Silly considering the situation, but still the truth.
He placed his hand over his heart, frowning. “I’m angry. I can feel it inside, eating away at me like poison. I—I don’t know who or what I’m angry about, but it’s easier to forget when I’m with you.”
Maybe Aubrey was right. In messing with the bits inside Kale’s head, they kicked a hornet’s nest. “You told me once that I was your lifeline. That I calmed the storm in your head.”
“I think it’s true.” There was so much emotion in his eyes right then. Fear and sadness. Anger. And something else. Something familiar. Kale had a way of looking at me. It was like I was the only person on earth. “Please stay?” he prodded. “I’d like it if you would talk to me. Ben is right. When I hear your voice, my head feels…lighter.”
“Okay.” I kicked off my sneakers as Kale did the same, and crawled into bed, burrowing under the covers. Behind me, the mattress dipped as Kale climbed in.
“Is it okay if I hold you?”
“Sure,” I said, throat thick. A moment later, the light went out and all I could hear was the soft sounds of our breath as Kale wrapped his arm around my waist and snuggled close. During the months he’d been gone, I’d lie in his bed and imagine him with me. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I’d wake and swear I could feel him lying there beside me. Now that he was, a part of me was terrified that any minute I’d wake up and the whole thing would be nothing more than a dream.
“Tell me something. About me. Tell me your favorite thing.”
I thought about it for a moment, but it didn’t take long. “You have the most amazing soul.” Rolling, I turned onto my other side so I faced him. Even though it was dark, there was a small red glow from the alarm clock on the dresser behind him. It gave off just enough light for me to see the outline of his face. “This anger you feel? I think it’s because of everything that happened to you. You went through hell. Denazen took you not long after you were born. They treated you like an animal. They used you as a weapon. And you know what? You still turned out to be the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
I took a deep breath, struggling to keep my voice even. “You see yourself as a monster, Kale, but you’re not. You didn’t let what happened to you change who you were on the inside. You asked me once what it was about you that I loved. And I’ll say it again. It’s your soul, Kale. It’s unlike anyone else’s.”
“I don’t remember any of it,” he said softly after a few minutes went by. “The only m
emories I have of Denazen are hazy but don’t involve anything like that.”
“They’re fake. If you remembered what they did to you, you would have killed them all. That’s probably why you’re having such a hard time dealing with the way you feel. The anger is still there but you don’t know where to aim it.”
“Maybe it’s better that I don’t remember, then.”
I’d never thought about that. In all this mess, Kale not remembering his life at Denazen was sort of a blessing. I knew he’d still had nightmares. To be free from that was something I wanted for him. But if Ben Simmons was right and this would all fade, then those memories would return.
And deep down, I knew they should.
“I was at a party one night with some friends. We were tipsy and playing some oddball drinking game—Twenty-seven Questions, it’s called. You’re asked a question and you either answer or drink. One of the questions my friend asked me was if I could change one thing in my life—anything—what would it be. I gave it some thought, and when I saw her at school the next day I told her there was nothing I would change.”
“Why?”
“Seems stupid, right? I mean, hell, we live in a world where there could very well be a Six that could turn back time or something. It wasn’t as crazy a question as my friend thought. I fell asleep that night thinking about it. I had a horrible relationship with my dad. I thought my mom was dead. Alex and I had just broken up… There were a million things I could have—should have—wanted to change.”
“I don’t understand why you gave the question this much thought. It was for a game, right?”
I smiled. “See, that’s the kind of thing you’d say. You’re getting better already.” I took a deep breath. “There was a point to this, though, and that point is, no. You wouldn’t be better off not remembering. I won’t lie. The time you spent at Denazen was horrific.”
“You care for me, correct?”