Only more questions.
Reaching for the cleanser, he roughly scrubbed it into his skin, welcoming the sting. He deserved it and so much more. He should have realized the Ganglians would attack. They had been nothing but thorough in making sure none of their information on the humans fell into Kaliszian hands. But as it had been the Zaludians they were pursuing, he hadn't considered that the Ganglians would come to their aid, but he should have. The Zaludians had come to the Ganglians aid when Emperor Vasteri had intercepted the ship carrying the female that was now his Empress.
Shutting the water off with a jerk, he stepped out of the unit and grabbed a towel. After doing a quick swipe of his chest, he wrapped it around his hips and walked into his private quarters.
He ignored the table full of charts, the chairs, and couch making his way to the only other piece of furniture in the room. The very large bed. Finding he could no longer stand, he collapsed onto it sinking his fingers into his loose hair, silently mourning those he’d lost.
• • • • • •
Taking a deep breath, Jen backed into Treyvon's private office pulling the hover cart in with her. She'd wanted to come here all day, to see for herself that Treyvon was okay. Instead, she remained in the kitchen, hoping the meal she was preparing would help ease some of the pain she saw on each and every Warrior’s face. On Earth, food always seemed to play a significant role at a funeral. It drew everyone together and fed the body while the conversation and stories told over it eased the soul. She wasn't sure what Kaliszians did at times like this, as it hadn't been in the educator, and she hadn't felt right asking.
Turning, she was prepared to confront Treyvon and force him to eat. Instead, she found the space empty.
That surprised her because from what she'd been able to overhear, Treyvon had been driving himself relentlessly since they'd gone after the Zaludians. Hearing it had gotten even worse after the attack with him barely eating or sleeping.
Straightening her shoulders, she moved across the room to the door separating Treyvon's private office from his living quarters. He'd always been coming out of them or already in his office whenever she'd brought Last Meal before.
Should she knock?
Or just enter?
Maybe he had finally decided to rest.
If he were asleep, she would be waking him from a much-needed rest.
But he also needed to eat.
Decision made, she placed her palm on the security panel wondering if it would grant her entrance. There was no reason why it should, but still…
When it did, she stepped into Treyvon's private domain.
Jen didn't know what she had expected to find, but it wasn't a dripping wet, practically naked Treyvon, sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands. She also didn't expect the overwhelming grief that filled the room. Abandoning the hover cart by the door, she was immediately at his side.
"Treyvon?" she whispered. "Are you all right?" She reached out a hand to touch him, but something told her not to… not just yet.
The glowing gaze that rose to meet hers was filled with so much pain and anguish that it made her heart stutter.
"You should not be here, Jennifer." Treyvon's voice was gruff and quiet, as if he hadn't used it for a very long time.
"Where else should I be?" she asked her voice just as low.
"Anywhere but here."
"You are wrong. This is exactly where I should be." Turning, she went into the cleansing room to get another towel. Seeing the large, ornate comb lying on the counter, she picked it up. Returning, she stood in front of him and waited until he raised his gaze to hers.
"Will you allow me to comb your hair?" she asked. Then without waiting for his reply, climbed onto the bed moving behind him. Blotting off the excess moisture, she gave herself a moment to take in the beauty of his massive back.
Treyvon felt his entire being still at Jennifer's words. Did she know what she was asking?
What it meant to a Kaliszian?
Their hair was sacred to them. It was where their worth and status was displayed for all to see in the form of their beads. They were rarely removed, usually only before important ceremonial events or for cleansing, as a sign of respect for the ones lost in battle. And he had lost many in the last few days.
The grooming of one’s hair was a highly personal and intimate act. A young Kaliszian's mother typically groomed their male offspring's hair until they received their first achievement bead. Treyvon's mother had returned his manno's Ashe bead long before that had happened for him, so he had no memory of her ever brushing his hair.
After that, the only other person a Kaliszian male ever allowed to see his hair unbraided was his Ashe or True Mate. As Treyvon had neither, no other living being had ever seen his hair unbraided. Until Jennifer.
He opened his mouth to tell her she did not need to do this but then felt the first gentle stroke of the comb grazing his scalp. It sent a series of tingles down his spine that silenced him. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back, silently giving her permission to continue. As she did, a sense of contentment and rightness filled him, unlike anything he'd ever felt before.
Jen lost herself in the act of combing Treyvon's hair. She couldn't believe how such a simple act could feel so sensual and intimate to her. It never felt that way when she combed her own hair. And Todd…well Todd had kept his hair short and had been extremely fussy about anyone touching it, including her. But if the low rumble she heard coming from Treyvon was any indication, he was enjoying it as much as she was.
She never considered how long Treyvon's hair might be, or how thick and soft. It never appeared that way when it was braided, and she liked that she knew something about him that wasn't apparent to others. His hair was nearly completely dry and tangle free before she spoke.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, continuing her long smooth strokes. "The Commander and I really didn't get along, but he was your friend, and I know his death has to have hit you hard."
Treyvon stiffened, his eyes snapping open. He quickly spun around and gripped her wrists, his gaze blazing into hers.
"I don't want nor need your sympathy, Jennifer," he bit out in a cold voice.
"I wasn't offering it." She fired back, not intimidated by him in the least. She knew he would never hurt her.
"Then what are you offering?" he growled. Pulling her wrists behind her back, he ran an insulting gaze over her breasts that his hold had thrusting up at him. "Your friendship?"
"Don't insult me like that, Treyvon!" Her gaze burned into his, even as her breasts tightened in response to his look. "I know you're hurting, but that doesn't give you the right to strike out at me when I'm only trying to help."
"I don't need your help!" he gritted out.
"Then what do you need?" she demanded.
"To forget!" he roared. Shifting one of his hands to the back of her head, he dislodged the hair she always pulled back and crushed her mouth beneath his. Before Jen could do anything, include respond, he ripped himself away and turned his back to her. "You need to leave, Jennifer."
For a moment there was no sound, no movement. Then he heard the rustling of her coverings against the sheets and knew she was following his command. It had him lowering his head and his fingers digging into his thighs so he wouldn't reach out and stop her.
The last thing he expected was her soft but firm hand gripping his shoulder, pulling him back, or the leg that swung over his thighs. A very long, pale, naked leg that had his head snapping up and his gaze blazing into hers.
• • • • • •
Treyvon's words and actions froze Jen for a moment, even as her mind raced. What just happened? Treyvon had kissed her… and on the lips. Something she could admit to herself she'd been dreaming about. Something Mac had told her Kaliszians considered sacred and reserved for only their Ashe or True Mate.
So why had he gifted her something so important?
And even more important… why had he stopped?
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The Treyvon she knew was strong and decisive. He never did anything he didn't mean or hadn't thought through. But this wasn't the Treyvon she knew. This Treyvon had just lost half his Warriors, and he was hurting.
That she understood.
She remembered how it felt not to be able to protect those you cared about. It had happened to her not only with Todd but with her parents and with Kimmy. She hadn't been able to do anything to save them. She'd felt so helpless and out of control and Treyvon was going through that right now.
He wanted to forget, if only for a short time. She had too, but there'd been no one there to give her what she truly needed, not that she'd known what that was. Oh, Mac had tried, but now Jen realized it hadn't been possible because what she'd needed then… and what Treyvon needed now… was that most basic of acts that showed you were still alive. Sex!
She could give him that. Could give herself that too. Toeing off her shoes, she grabbed the hem of the covering Maysa had brought for her and tossed it on the floor. Then putting a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder, she pulled him back and straddled his thighs.
• • • • • •
"Jennifer!" Treyvon's hands immediately gripped her hips, steadying her. "What in the name of the Goddess do you think you are doing?!!"
"Helping you forget." Her gaze held his as her hands traveled over the parts of his massive chest that his vest wasn't able to cover, before moving down, grazing the shredded abs she'd only ever gotten glimpses of.
She paused when his eyes began to glow brighter, and his hands tightened on her hips. This was where the old Jen would have stopped and Todd would have taken over. Todd never liked her being the aggressor. But she wasn't that woman anymore, and Treyvon wasn't anything like Todd.
Keeping her gaze locked with his, she slipped her fingers under the towel that by now was barely covering him and encircled his thick cock. She'd known he would be large because everything about Treyvon was large, but she hadn't expected not to be able to close her hand around him. Her breath quickened as she slowly stroked him from tip to root, feeling him grow even thicker, longer, and harder. Yet he was also soft and oh so hot.
She wiggled her hips wanting to get closer to him. She wanted to coat his cock with the wetness flooding her channel, so he was slick enough for her to take him deep. Deep inside her, to that place that was aching for him.
Instead, Treyvon's hands held her still, showing her that she wasn't the one in control. She was only doing what he was allowing her to do. As his glowing gaze continued to hold hers, his thumbs parted the soft flesh of her sensitive folds. Slowly he pressed one into her tight, wet channel while the other moved up to circle her already erect clit.
"Treyvon!" she exclaimed.
"Is this not what you want, Jennifer?" he demanded, causing her to gasp when he pressed firmly against her clit while pumping in and out of her. "To help me forget?"
"Yes! I'd just forgotten…" she broke off as a jolt of pleasure shot out from her clit causing her channel to tighten.
"Forgotten what?" he growled, twisting his thumb.
"How good it could feel!" she admitted.
Treyvon responded by lifting her away from his body, and while her hand lost her grip on his cock, his thumbs never ceased moving. He pressed her back into his bed, draping her legs up high over his hips.
"Then I will make sure you never forget again!" Removing his thumb, he replaced it with the bulbous head of his cock. "Now!"
With that, he thrust nearly hilt deep into her tight, slick channel only to freeze when she cried out.
"Goddess, Jennifer!" Treyvon fell forward onto his elbows, making sure not to crush her. Tightly clenching his eyes shut, his entire body stiffened as he tried to regain some control. What in the name of the Goddess did he think he was doing?!! This was Jennifer! He couldn't treat her like this! She was too fragile, too precious.
"Treyvon…"
At her whispered plea, he forced his eyes open but kept his head lowered, not wanting to meet her pain-filled gaze. Instead, he whispered, "Goddess, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to harm you."
"You are going to be the one harmed if you don't finish what you started!" she growled at him, and the legs that had instinctively wrapped around his hips when he had plunged into her tried to force him the rest of the way in.
Treyvon's eyes widened in shock, his gaze shooting to hers, and he was stunned to discover blue eyes filled with a need and desire that matched his own. "Jennifer?"
"Move, Treyvon," she ordered, rocking her hips against his. "I need you to move. Please!"
It was the 'please' that had him unlocking his muscles. His Jennifer should never have to beg for anything, especially not for him to pleasure her. Withdrawing slightly, he pressed forward, watching for the slightest sign of pain or discomfort. Instead, she whispered.
"More. Harder."
Her encouragement was all it took for him to let loose his passion. A passion that was hers alone. Withdrawing almost entirely, he felt her channel tightening around him, protesting his withdrawal. Surging back into her hot depths, he gave her what she wanted. What he wanted.
“Oh God!” She couldn’t stop herself from clamping down on him, her hips thrusting up, gyrating, doing all they could to keep him right there! It had been so long since she'd felt like this, felt anything nearly this amazing. She knew she wasn't going to last, wasn't going to be able to draw it out, not the way she wanted to, and she was right. With Treyvon's next hard, deep thrust, he swiveled his hips, rubbing and pressing her clit in exactly the right way to send her over the edge. Screaming out his name, she exploded.
Treyvon's entire universe narrowed down to only one thing… to Jennifer. To giving her all the pleasure she could handle. To hearing her cry out his name. It made Treyvon feel like the most powerful male in the universe and had his balls drawing up tight against his body. As she screamed out his name again, her channel clamped down tighter than before, and there was nothing he could do but roar out his release and fill her with his seed.
• • • • • •
Jen lay draped over Treyvon's chest, listening as his thundering heart slowly began to resume its normal beat. What had she just done? What had come over her? She'd never acted like this before, but then she'd never been attracted to a male like Treyvon before either. He was so different than Todd.
Where Todd's hair had been light, Treyvon's was dark.
Where Todd's body had been slender but muscular, like a swimmer's, Treyvon's was thickly muscled like a bodybuilder.
Where Todd had always worried what people thought about him, Treyvon knew what they thought, and didn't worry about it at all.
Where she'd fallen in love with Todd easily and quickly, with Treyvon…
The hand she hadn't realized was slowly moving back and forth across Treyvon's chest stilled.
With Treyvon. Her breath stilled as her mind worked its way around what her heart already knew was true. She was in love with Treyvon, but with him, the love hadn't come easily. It had taken some time.
When had it happened?
Had it been the first time he'd saved her?
Had it been the last time?
Or had it been all those small things he'd done in between? The changing of her quarters. The showing her how to work the controls.
Was it supplying her with hygiene products and bedding from his personal store?
Was it when he allowed her to use their precious food stores to allow her to find her place and her worth in the new world she found herself in?
He hadn't made it easy for her, even though he'd eased the way.
He'd let her find her own way while making sure she knew she was never alone.
Any one of those things taken individually didn't mean much, but taken as a whole revealed what a warm, caring and worthy male Treyvon Rayner really was, whether he thought so or not.
Pushing up, so her elbows rested on his chest, she let her gaze travel over the male beauty displayed
beneath her. Her breath caught when his glowing blue eyes opened, capturing hers.
Yes, she loved him.
She just didn't know what that meant. For either of them.
• • • • • •
Treyvon lay flat on his back, his eyes closed, his chest heaving after the most explosive release of his life. Jennifer was sprawled across his chest with his arms wrapped securely around her. This wasn't what he had expected from this night. It wasn't what he deserved. But he wasn't going to question a gift from the Goddess, and that's what Jennifer was. A gift. One he would cherish for as long as she allowed him to.
Feeling Jennifer shift, his arms instinctively tightened, not wanting their time together to end. Opening his eyes, he found blue ones filled with an emotion he couldn't identify gazing down at him.
“Are you alright?” They asked together, and it seemed to break some of the tension growing between them.
“Jennifer?” he asked gruffly.
“I’m fine,” she answered. “Are you?”
“Me? Of course, I’m fine.” Treyvon couldn’t believe she thought she could have harmed him. She weighed nothing.
“Maybe on the outside.” Reaching down, she let her fingers touch and explore his handsome face. Something she’d never been able to do before. He really was a beautiful male what with his high forehead, sharp cheekbones, and strong, square chin. His glowing blue eyes always drew her attention, and she could sense his mood from them. And right now, looking past how soft and warmly they glowed, she could see his pain and hurt.
“But on the inside, you're hurting.”
The softness and warmth in his gaze disappeared as he stiffened, her words bringing everything roaring back. The pain. The senseless loss. The knowing that it was his fault. His failure. He would have risen and set her aside telling her she was wrong when her next words stopped him.