I just didn’t know if they would be.
When we were finished with lunch, Fletcher excused himself. I got ready for work. I halfway thought he might come by the Shrimp Hut but he didn’t. I tried not to be disappointed. I’d gotten so used to having him around while Mom and Dad were gone that I was really missing him.
It was after one when I got home, nearly one-thirty when my phone chirped. I smiled when I saw the caller’s name. “Hey,” I said in a low, what I hoped was sexy, voice.
“What are you doing?” Fletcher asked.
“I’m in bed.”
“Come over.”
I got up, walked to the window, pulled back the curtain, and looked out. Fletcher stood in the doorway, backlit by one of the lights in the apartment. Since it wasn’t very bright, I figured it was a lamp. “You know I can’t.”
“I’ll answer a question,” he said softly.
I released a light laugh. “Are you bribing me?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
Oh, I was tempted, so tempted. But one of us had to stay rational. “Fletcher, if my dad discovered me over there, he’d kick you out.” Not to mention that he’d be disappointed in me.
“It’d be worth it,” Fletcher said.
My heart did this quick little flutter with his willingness to risk so much. Why was I so afraid of taking a chance? I wanted to be with him. I just had this crazy idea that my parents would be able to sense if I were in the FROG. I’d always been the good, obedient daughter. Tonight I wanted to be with Fletcher more than I wanted to be good. I just didn’t want to get caught. “What if we went to the beach?”
“Now?” he asked.
I nodded, realized he probably couldn’t see subtle movements in the shadows. “Yes.” Did I have to sound so breathless when I said it? Was this any different than Kendall telling her mom she was spending the night here when she wasn’t? When you loved someone you took risks. I didn’t know if I loved Fletcher but I did know that I wanted to explore these feelings I had for him. I wanted to know more about his feelings for me.
“Okay,” he said. “Meet me down here. I’ll push my bike to the end of the street so we don’t disturb anyone. I’ll have you home before dawn, before they wake up.”
“I’ll be down in ten.”
My nerves were so jittery that my hands barely cooperated as I changed into a pair of black shorts, a pink tank, and pink sneakers. I couldn’t believe I was doing this, risking my parents’ wrath. They’d eased up on the curfews in anticipation of my going off to college—but I couldn’t tell them where I was going without telling them who I was going with. I just didn’t know how they would feel about that. They’d blame Fletcher, but as long as we didn’t get caught, who were we hurting?
I braided my hair so it would get less tangled during the ride. I slipped my keys into one pocket, my cell phone into another. I stuffed an old blanket into a tote bag.
Then I eased my door open, crept out, closed it behind me. I stood still, listened to the creak of the house and the air conditioner coming on. I slowly tiptoed down the stairs. No TV sounds coming from the den. The only light was the one coming from over the stove that Mom left on to serve as a night-light. The alarm was the tricky thing. It beeped when I turned it off, beeped again when I reset it and closed the door behind me.
I scrambled quickly over the front yard to where Fletcher was already waiting on the street. He flashed a quick grin. My chest tightened. I didn’t know exactly where we were going in our relationship. I just knew we were getting there fast.
When I reached him, he held out his helmet to me. I took it, then realized it wasn’t his. His was black. This one—I held it up to a streetlight—was red. I looked at him. “Where did you get this?”
“A store. Figured you should have your own, you know, if we’re going to be doing more things together.”
Deeply touched, I said, “Thank you.”
“So what’s your question?” he asked as he began guiding the bike down the street.
“It’ll keep,” I said. “Until we get where we’re going.”
“What are your plans for the future?” I asked.
We were lying on our sides, facing each other, on the blanket on the beach. Fletcher had built a fire with driftwood that he’d gathered up. As far as I could see there was no one else out here. The stars were diamonds on velvet. The moon was a slender crescent. The tide lulled us as it rolled in and out.
“I thought you’d ask a question about my past,” he said.
“Is there something you want to share?” I asked.
“Ah, trying to get two answers out of me tonight, huh?” Leaning in, he kissed the tip of my nose, my chin.
“I wouldn’t be that deceptive.” I wondered if a time would ever come when we discussed movies, music, TV shows. When we talked about other people. When we speculated about the royal family or the Hollywood elite. Right now it seemed like I could fill a lifetime just getting to know Fletcher.
“My immediate future involves kissing you,” he said.
It was like he couldn’t go two minutes without kissing me, which was good because two was a stretch for me.
“Seriously, Fletcher. When I asked you about your future before, you said you were going to get a haircut after graduation. Which I assume you’ll do as soon as you pass this summer class and officially graduate. But what are you going to do after that?”
He laughed. I loved his laugh. I wanted to hear it every hour of every day. Then he sobered. “I don’t know, Avery. God, I miss you.” He rolled over until he was half covering me and started nibbling on my neck. “Which is silly because I see you every day.”
I wound my arms around him. “I miss you, too.”
He rose up slightly, brushed strands of hair from my face. The braid could only hold so many captive for so long. “What am I going to do when you go to school?”
“You could go, too.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“You’re smart, Fletcher. Lots of people who don’t do well in high school succeed in college.”
“I hate studying.”
“Maybe you’re studying the wrong thing. What interests you?”
He grinned. “You.”
He kissed me again, only this time he was slow and deliberate. He really didn’t like it when the conversation turned to the future. Not that I blamed him. I thought I wouldn’t fall in love until I went to college and here I was beginning to do it way ahead of schedule. I couldn’t imagine leaving him. But then neither could I imagine not going to school the way I’d always planned.
Time was running out. I knew I needed to get home before the sun was peering over the horizon, before anyone saw me arrive, could report that I’d been out all night.
“We need to go,” I said, not bothering to hide my disappointment.
Fletcher got up. I folded up the blanket, stuffed it into the tote. When I looked over, he was crouched at the water’s edge, stick in hand.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I walked over.
“Giving you something.”
I looked down. Within a heart, he’d written:
Avery
+
Fletcher
“Oh, Fletcher.” Tears stung my eyes.
“I’ve never done that for anyone,” he said. “I want you to know that you’re different, that what I feel for you is different.”
As he stood up, he pulled me near. He folded his hands around my shoulders, held my gaze. “With the helmet and the sand . . . I’m trying to let you know that I’m committed to you. I want to be your boyfriend.”
I smiled so brightly that I figured they could see it from the space station. “Oh, Fletcher, I want that so much.”
Rising up on my toes, I kissed him, putting everything I felt into it. He made me so happy. He pulled me closer, his arms enveloping me. His mouth moved over mine, taking the kiss deeper. I warmed with the pleasure sweeping through me like the waves sweeping over the shore.
> Drawing back, he pressed his forehead to mine. “There’s no one else.”
“I’m so glad.”
“It’s going to be light soon. We should go.”
I wanted to stay here forever. But I knew we couldn’t. I took my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture of his artwork.
“The tide is going to wash it away,” I said. “That’s kinda sad.”
“Maybe the tide is just going to carry it out to sea and it’ll exist forever.”
With a smile, I tilted my face up and met his gaze. “Are you a secret romantic?”
He scowled. “Hell, no.”
“I’m crazy about you anyway.” The words seemed to hang there. I didn’t regret saying them, but I was nervous that they’d chase him away. But I wouldn’t take them back, even if it meant they might end things between us. I wanted him—needed him—to know what he meant to me.
He didn’t offer any sort of sentimental words in return. He just kissed me again.
For now, it was enough.
Chapter 36
FLETCHER
Avery had me wanting things, thinking things, dreaming of things that I had no business wanting, thinking, or dreaming of. She made me want to be the kind of guy she deserved. She made me spout romantic nonsense about the tide.
She almost made me confess that I’d fallen for her. Hard. But I knew once I said the words there would be no going back. And our lives were on different trajectories. She was traveling fast, far, and high, while I felt like I was standing still.
With her I laughed. I smiled more than I ever had in my life. I talked more about things that weren’t really important. I revealed more about things that were important. It might not seem like much to her, but it was more than I’d ever revealed before.
I even thought about trading in the bike for a car, just so we could talk when we went places together.
Before her, no one asked me questions about myself. No one pried, no one dug for the answers. No one made me want to tear down the walls.
She did.
As we rode back to her house, I couldn’t deny that I loved the way she pressed herself against me, wrapped her arms around, hung on as though she thought I’d disappear if she let go. With her I felt special. With her I felt . . . loved.
And that was scary. I worried about letting her down, disappointing her. Doing something that would make her wish she’d never met me.
I parked the bike at the end of the street and started walking her to her house. She wrapped her hand around mine. It was a small thing really, the way she always liked to touch, but it was incredible, too. Amazing.
“Now that you know I’m committed, I guess you’ll want to let your parents know.” I looked over at Avery. “Maybe you could tell them that you have a date. When they answer the door, it’s me.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she said.
I didn’t blame her. It had sounded a little hokey when I said it out loud, and I’d never really cared about getting parents’ approval, but I had to admit that seeing the way they’d greeted Marc had made me think it wouldn’t be so bad.
“You just want to tell them during dinner? Hold a special family meeting? However you want to do it is fine.”
She stopped walking. I did, too. A streetlight was casting its glow over her. Although her face was cast in shadows and light, I could see it pretty clearly. She was obviously troubled. “Avery?”
“I don’t know that we should tell them yet that we’re going to be seeing each other.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t take this wrong, but Mom and Dad have certain expectations where I’m concerned.”
I felt like she’d punched me. “And I don’t meet those expectations.” How was I not supposed to take that wrong? “You’re ashamed of me.”
“No, I’m not.” She grabbed my arm for emphasis. I pulled it away. She sighed. “It’s just that I know the kind of guy they’ve always seen me with.”
“A guy who wears yellow shirts with button-down collars and loafers?”
“You noticed what Marc was wearing?”
I’d noticed everything. His haircut, his height. The way her parents smiled at him like he was surrounded by rainbows. “Is that what you want?” I asked.
“No, of course not.” She wrapped her fingers around my arm again. “I want you.”
“Then why not tell them that?”
“What if they don’t approve? What if Dad kicks you out?”
“There’s a break room at Smiley’s. I’ll sleep there.”
“What if things don’t work out between us? Neither of us has ever been part of a couple.”
“You said we could learn together.”
“But what if we fail?”
“When was the last time you failed at anything?” She didn’t answer, and I got it then. “But you think I’ll fail.”
“No, you’re twisting everything around. I just don’t want to set up expectations and feel like everyone is watching us. If we wait until I go to college—”
“Are their expectations going to be different then?”
“No, but at least I won’t be living with them if they’re disappointed.” Her eyes widened. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Of course they’re not going to be disappointed—”
“If your equation contains expectations, then yeah, you gotta factor in disappointment. But the variable is: why do you care so much?”
“You know how important their opinion of me is.”
“So important that you’re going to become a doctor when you really want to be a teacher.” Then I thought of something else and it sent a chill down my back. “Let me ask you this. You were upset when kids at school thought we’d made out.”
“Of course, I was upset. My reputation—”
I pressed my finger to her lips, my gut clenching because I was pretty sure I knew the answer. “What if the rumor had been that you’d made out with Scooter Gibson? Rich kid with upstanding parents involved in the community who own a huge house in town and one on the lake. Football star who got a full scholarship. Would you have been so worried about it then?”
“Of course. I still would have been upset.”
“But not as much. You wouldn’t have poured tea over his head. But instead the rumor was that you’d been with a guy who came from a trailer park, wasn’t smart enough to make the grades, probably destined for prison. Yeah, Avery, I was well aware of what people thought about me. I didn’t care. But I cared about what you thought. I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not, Fletcher. You’re smart, funny, good—”
“Save it for the next guy. I’m outta here.”
Spinning on my heel, I trotted back to get my bike. Glad that she didn’t follow. Hurt that she didn’t try to stop me. Angry that she mattered enough to hurt me.
When I reached my bike, I was tempted to get on it and ride off into the sunrise. But I’d been up all night and was tired. I might be an idiot to think I mattered to Avery, but I wasn’t stupid enough to risk having an accident.
I revved my bike and rode it the short distance to Avery’s house. I was grateful and disappointed she wasn’t waiting there to confront me. I wanted her to grill me. I wanted to grill her. I wanted to know the exact reason why she was ashamed of me. I’d tried to straighten up my act, had been working hard to conquer algebra—I just couldn’t seem to conquer the demons that labeled me a loser.
It was one thing to sneak around with the town bad boy. Something else entirely to stand beside him.
I jogged up the stairs to my place. Looking over my shoulder at her window, I saw only darkness. I thought about calling her, about telling her that I wanted to talk. For the first time in my life I really wanted to talk to someone. I just didn’t think anything good would come of it.
I opened the door, walked in, staggered to a stop.
Avery’s dad was sitting on the couch. Slowly he came to his feet.
“Want to explain whe
re you’ve been?” he asked.
Chapter 37
AVERY
What had just happened?
I sat on my bed, stunned. I kept replaying the conversation, but it was disjointed; pieces of it were missing. Because it made no sense in my head.
I’d been so concerned with having a boyfriend, with how a boy should treat me, that I hadn’t given any thought to how I should act as a girlfriend. Kendall made it seem so easy. She and Jeremy never fought. They got along great. I’d assumed when a guy wanted to be my boyfriend that it would be the same. He’d step into the role and everything would be perfect.
Shoving myself off the bed, I went into my bathroom and turned on the shower. I was feeling sticky and sandy. And confused. I knew I’d hurt Fletcher’s feelings, but he just didn’t understand about expectations. He’d never had any thrust on him.
After removing my clothes, I stepped into the shower and let the hot water wash away the sand, brine, and my tears. I hadn’t even realized that I was crying.
Mom had said she wanted me to find someone like Jeremy. Jeremy with his buttoned shirts, his good grades, his college aspirations. Jeremy who never showed up with bruises, who had a steadfast family, who was dependable.
But Fletcher was dependable. He’d been there when Tyler was sick. He’d made sure the rumors about us at school had stopped. He’d made my car purr on his own time. He’d fixed Mrs. Ellis’s car on his own time. He’d bought me a helmet so I’d be safe.
I’d been so afraid that he’d hurt me that I hadn’t considered that I would hurt him. I also hadn’t realized that he would want my parents to know about us. I’d thought he’d prefer sneaking around, thinking we were getting away with something.
I was going to lose him if I didn’t tell them. And I didn’t want to lose him.
When I got out of the shower, I dried off and slipped on a tank and some shorts. I walked to my window and looked out. I was so glad to see Fletcher’s bike was parked near the stairs. The lights in the FROG were out. I guessed Fletcher hadn’t had any trouble going to sleep. Or was he sitting over there in the graying dawn like me?