“How could you do that to him?”
She closed her eyes. It was a question that haunted her. How many times had she longed to go back in time and say, No, Dallas, I won’t walk away. I won’t sign your papers. “I just had to, that’s all. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.”
He got up and came around the coffee table. Sitting down by her, he laid his head in her lap the way he used to. She immediately began stroking her fingers through his silky hair.
So much like his father’s . . .
“Did he love me?” Noah asked in a voice so quiet and hesitant she knew why he’d come over here. He didn’t want her to see him cry.
“Oh, Noah,” she said, leaning forward to whisper, “he loved you so much. That’s why he wouldn’t see you. It would have broken his heart to look at you through prison glass.”
“That makes him a coward.”
“Or human.”
“Could I write him a letter?”
“I don’t think he’ll answer you. Could you handle that?”
“I think it’s better than not trying.”
Vivi Ann used to think like that; now she knew that trying could sometimes hurt more than giving up. “Okay, then. You give it a try. I love you, Noah. And I’m so proud of you.”
“I love you, too, Mom.” He wiped his eyes in a casual way, as if he thought she wouldn’t notice his tears. “It was kinda cool, you know. That carving in the tree.”
“Yeah,” she said, remembering. “It was.”
I thought talking about my dad would answer my questions, but all it did was make more. I kept remembering that carving in the tree. I know how he felt when he did it, so It’s like I know a part of him now and it makes me want more.
I tried to hide it from Cissy. The next time we got together was Tuesday while Mom was giving an equitation clinic and Aunt Winona and Mark were gone to Seattle. Cissy and I spent the day on a big blanket in her back yard. I tried to pretend that everything was the same as before, but she knew something was wrong. I guess love gives you Xray vision or something. I was just sitting there, drinking my rootbeer when she said I know you’re keeping a secret from me and I don’t like it.
I told her she wouldn’t like the secret, either, and she said if we really loved each other we wouldn’t have any secrets.
I do love you I said.
Prove it.
I could have made up something else, maybe told her that I might not pass Language Arts or some other bullshit, but the truth was I wanted to tell her. I’m afraid, I said.
Of what?
I told her she wouldn’t like me anymore once she knew the truth, but I knew that school was starting in ten days anyway, so I might as well tell her. Brian and Erik Jr. and the rest of them would do it for me.
She said she didn’t like me, she loved me and nothing I said could change that.
So I told her everything, how my dad was Dallas Raintree, half Native American and half white, how he came to town looking for work and found a job at Water’s Edge, and how he married Mom even though no one wanted him in the family. I told her about his temper and all the fights he got into. And I told her he killed a woman and went to prison for it. When I was done I couldn’t even look at her. It was the longest I’d ever talked about my dad and I felt sick.
She moved closer to me on the blanket and tried to get me to look at her, but I couldn’t do it. I just stared out at the canal as if I’d never seen it before. She reached over for my shoulder and pulled me down to the blanket so that we were lying down, facing each other.
I know all that, she said. My dad told me everything a long time ago. Did you know my gran testified against your dad?
It’s weird how a word can surprise you sometimes. I’ve thought about my dad in prison all my life. I’ve imagined what he looks like and how he lives behind bars and what he thinks about me, but until Cissy said that thing about her grandmother, I never once thought about how he got to prison. How they proved he was guilty.
Do you think he did it? she asked.
I didn’t know how to answer that. How could I? He’s like this ghost to me. When I tried to remember real things there was almost nothing—a dirty pair of cowboy boots, a white hat I used to play with, a voice saying something in a language I didn’t understand.
You should go see him, she said.
That’s when we came up with The Plan.
On the last day of the fair, Vivi Ann cleaned up the barn and told her 4-H girls goodbye, and then walked down the grassy hill toward the glittering midway.
Aurora was at the ticket booth, waiting for her. “You’re late.”
“The girls just left. And we said four o’clock. I practically made it.” She snagged a chunk of pink cotton candy from her sister and popped it in her mouth.
“Winona better not bail on us,” Aurora said, putting one hand on her slim hip.
“She’s in love. We all bail when love comes along.”
Aurora frowned at her. “What’s wrong with you? You seem happy.”
“And that’s wrong? I’ve had a good week. Noah and I finally talked about Dallas. It felt good.”
“Where is the little delinquent, off smoking crack?”
“Why, is Janie back in town?”
Aurora smiled grudgingly. “I’m glad you talked about it, and I’m glad you’re happy, but where is that bitch sister of ours?”
“There,” Vivi Ann said, watching Winona and Mark come toward them.
“She brought a date? To girls’ night? That is such a low blow,” Aurora said, throwing the rest of her cotton candy in the trash.
“Thank God,” Winona said, breathing hard as she came to a stop in front of them. “I’ve been calling you for an hour, Vivi.”
“I don’t get reception at the barn. You know that. What’s up?”
Mark stepped forward. “I can’t find Cissy. She was supposed to be at the house all day. Win and I were on our way to Seattle, but the Bainbridge ferry was a mess so we turned around. When I got home, the front door was standing open and Cissy was gone.”
“You’ve tried her cell?”
“Of course,” Winona said. “She’s not answering. And we found this in her room.” She held out her hand. In her palm lay a strip of photo-booth pictures. In it, Noah and Cissy were smiling, laughing, kissing. “It explains why my dock is still covered in bird shit. They’ve been together all summer. Unsupervised.”
Mark looked like he was going to be sick.
“Let’s not assume the worst,” Aurora said, and Vivi Ann could have kissed her sister for her sensible voice. “We’ll find them. That’s the first thing. Then you can get to the bottom of how far they’ve gone.”
“Where should we look?” Winona asked.
“I used to take girls to the beach park at night,” Mark said. “There was that tree swing at the far end. And the logging road out by Larsen’s Turnoff.”
“Perfect,” Aurora said. “I’ll check out the far side of the fair-grounds, especially behind the grandstands.”
“I’ll ask around the midway, check the empty horse barns, and go home,” Vivi Ann said. Flipping open her phone, she called Noah’s cell and got no answer. She left an urgent message, then did the same thing on the home number.
“I’ll help Vivi Ann,” Winona said to Mark. “My sisters are right. We’re panicking over nothing. Chances are they’re at the fair.”
Mark didn’t look convinced, but to his credit, he nodded and gave out his cell number.
“We’ll meet back at your house in an hour,” Winona said.
At that, they dispersed in different directions.
Winona and Vivi Ann hurried down the busy midway, looking everywhere, calling out for Noah and Cissy. When they’d covered every game and ride and food booth, they separated and did it again.
“This is impossible,” Winona said. “They could be anywhere. Hell, we used to hide from Mom and Dad when they came looking for us at the fair, re
member? All we had to do was see them coming and duck into the shadows. What if they’re doing that?”
“It makes sense, especially since they didn’t want us to know they were together.”
“Should we just go home and wait for them?”
Vivi Ann thought about that. “Why don’t you go to my house? Make sure they aren’t there and see if Noah left a note? I’ll make one more run through here. I’ll be a little quieter, though.”
“Okay.”
After that, Vivi Ann combed the midway and the empty horse barns but found no trace of the kids. Finally, she climbed in her truck and drove home.
Winona was waiting for her on the porch.
Vivi Ann knew instantly that this news was not going to be good. “What did you find?”
Winona held out a brochure. “It’s a bus schedule. In the corner Noah has written, Cissy/1:00.”
“Which bus leaves at one?”
“There’s no way to know. The Mason County transit system hooks up with Kitsap and Jefferson. From Belfair, they can go almost anywhere.”
Vivi Ann ran into Noah’s room and went through his closet and drawers. “All his stuff is still here.”
“Thank God,” Winona said. “That means they’re coming back.” She flipped open her phone and called Mark with the news. “He’s not happy,” she said when she hung up.
Vivi Ann felt seared by disappointment. “Yeah,” she said. “I’m not happy, either.”
“Let’s be logical. We’re pretty sure they’re together and that they took a bus somewhere. They must have planned to be home before us, and Mark told Cissy he’d be home at nine. There’s a bus stop about one hundred yards from my beach house, but how would Noah get home? Would he hitchhike?”
“Since I would have said he wouldn’t sneak around all summer with a girl or take a bus out of town without telling me, clearly I’m no authority on what he would do. Doesn’t Mark have a boat?”
Winona nodded. “We spent all summer teaching them both how to run it.”
“She could drop him off at Water’s Edge and be back in ten minutes.”
“In the dark? Could they be that stupid?”
“A question that hardly needs to be answered. Come on, let’s wait at Mark’s house. We can scare the shit out of them.”
Vivi Ann, Aurora, and Winona all pulled into her driveway in a line. They parked on the shabby grass and walked next door through the hedge. Mark was pacing back and forth on the expensive flagstone path in his yard.
“Beautiful house,” Aurora said, looking around at the carefully planned landscaping and copper outdoor lighting.
Mark didn’t even acknowledge her comment. He just kept pacing and muttering to himself.
“This is pretty much a rite of passage, Mark,” Aurora said. “Every kid sneaks out at least once. Janie snuck out and went to the Tacoma Dome to see Britney Spears. I didn’t know whether to punish her for sneaking out or for making such a poor musical choice.”
Mark turned to her. “Do you really think that situation is like this one?”
Aurora frowned. “You’re right. My kid was driving. At least Noah and Cissy were smart enough to take the bus. Look on the bright side; they didn’t steal a car.”
“She’s fourteen years old, for God’s sake. We should be calling the police.”
“Calm down,” Winona said.
Mark wrenched away from her and called Cissy on her cell phone again. When she failed to answer, he walked up to the road and looked out. He stood there so long night started to fall. The sky turned orange and then lavender.
“Parenting is going to be tough on that one,” Aurora said, shaking her head. “He’s wearing a groove in the lawn.”
“Shut up,” Winona said. “He has reason to be upset.”
“Yeah, but . . . I’m afraid his head is going to pop off. Let’s hope she never tries drugs. He won’t be able to handle it.”
By the time Mark came back, Aurora was on the porch, sitting in a beautiful cushioned ironwork chair, Winona was standing by the custom stone obelisk fountain by the walkway, and Vivi Ann stood near the hedge. “It’s seven thirty-nine,” he said. “I think we should call the police.”
“They’ll be here within the hour,” Winona said reasonably. “If they aren’t, we’ll call Al.”
“People couldn’t wait to tell me what a bad seed Noah was, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and look where it got me. He’s taken my Cissy God knows where. I’m afraid—”
Up on the road, a bus pulled to a wheezing, clanking stop and then started up again. Its headlights shone through the twilight.
Vivi Ann took a step forward. She noticed that Mark did the same thing.
Noah and Cissy were so intent on talking that at first they didn’t see the people waiting for them. Heads bent together, hand clasped, they walked down from the road.
“Cecilia Marie Michaelian,” Mark shouted. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Noah and Cissy stopped in their tracks.
Winona came forward first. “We’ve been worried about you guys.”
“I’m sorry,” Cissy said; her voice was barely a whisper.
“It showed really poor judgment, running off like that,” Winona went on. “Where did you go?”
Noah took a deep breath and looked from Vivi Ann to Mark. “We went to the prison.”
For a terrible moment no one spoke. The only sound was the sea, washing onto the pebbled shore and then retreating.
“Unbelievable,” Mark said finally. “Get in the house, Cecilia. We’ll discuss this privately. And you,” he yelled at Noah, “you will never see her again, you understand me?”
“Daddy,” Cissy said, surging forward. “It was my idea. I talked him into it. Please, don’t—”
“In the house,” he said. “Now.”
“Mark,” Winona said, “certainly it was poor judgment, but—”
“Are you insane? Poor judgment is riding a bike without a helmet or skipping your class when you forgot about a test. This was dangerous and it’s his fault. Cissy,” he said firmly, “get in the house. And Noah, you can get the hell off my land.” He looked at Vivi Ann. “I’m sorry. Really. But I can’t let him endanger my daughter.” On that, he turned and walked into his big new house, herding his sobbing daughter in front of him. The door slammed shut behind him.
“Well,” Aurora said, “he was pleasant.”
“Shut up, Aurora,” Winona snapped. To Noah, she said, “What in the hell were you thinking? And how could you lie to me all summer? I trusted you. I told Mark Cissy was safe with you.”
“I would never hurt Cissy,” Noah answered stubbornly.
Vivi Ann recognized the look on his face: he was hunkering down emotionally, preparing to deflect every word hurled at him. Nothing said here and now would get past that armor. “Come on, Noah,” she said. “Let’s go home.”
She didn’t bother saying goodbye to her sisters, or even thank you. She was too drained, and too scared, to expend any more energy than was absolutely necessary. The worst part was how disappointed she felt, and how stupid.
“Say something,” Noah said in the car. “How come you aren’t yelling like Mark?”
“Would you rather I yelled at you?”
He shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Let’s not go there, okay? You know I hate it when you act like you don’t care. We both know that’s not really your problem.”
“No, it’s yours.”
“Another misfire, pal. This is not about me.” She turned off the highway and drove through Oyster Shores.
“So you love her, I guess,” Vivi Ann said a few minutes later.
Noah looked at her. “Are you going to make fun of me? Or tell me I’m too young to know what love is?”
“No.” She pulled up to the cottage and parked. “One thing about love is its recognizability. When you’re in love, you know it. No one else’s opinion matters. But Noah, this is something I learned the h
ard way: love doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Other people matter. And you just screwed the pooch, pal. You made your girlfriend’s father mistrust you. I don’t think he’ll let you see her now.”
“No one can keep us apart.”
“Okay, so now is when I’m going to tell you you’re young and make fun of you. If Cissy is the girl I think she is, she’s going to want to make her father proud of her.”
Noah looked desolate. “So what do I do?”
“First why don’t you tell me about today, then we’ll figure out tomorrow.”
“We wanted to see Dad.”
Even though Vivi Ann had expected those exact words, still they hit her like a slap. “Would he see you?”
“They wouldn’t let us go in. You have to be eighteen or have an adult with you.”
“Oh.”
“But I want to try again. I know he’ll want to see me.”
Vivi Ann heard every nuance of emotion in her son’s voice—bravado, fear, anger, and worst of all: hope. She hated to see Noah take that path, but how could she advise her child against hope?
“And I’m sorry about tonight. I should have told you about Cissy. It was just so cool to keep it to ourselves.”
Vivi Ann knew that feeling. She was the last person to deny someone the right to be in love. Such emotion was too rare to handle it roughly.
Vivi Ann reached out and touched Noah’s hair, moving her fingers through it. “I understand why you did what you did. Maybe I even have a little responsibility for it. And I noticed that you didn’t lose your temper tonight. That’s good.”
“But I fucked up.”
She gave him the bad-language look. “You lied to me and Mark and Aunt Win. You took advantage of my trust in you. Worst of all, you just showed Mark that he was right to believe the worst of you.”
“What do I do to fix it?”
“You were smart enough to come up with your master prison plan. I’m sure if you try, you can come up with a redemption plan.”