CHAPTER 16
Sam looked in the rear view mirror at the headlights of several vehicles far behind them. They were only about half an hour from Washington, D.C. and the poured concrete structure on Pennsylvania Avenue known as the J. Edgar Hoover Building – FBI Headquarters
Almost there.
He should be feeling relief that he was close to being able to discharge his responsibility for her safety. He should be feeling ready to move on to the next case with the satisfaction that this job had been completed and had ended well. That was the way he had felt in the past when a mission was accomplished, but he wasn’t feeling any of those things this time.
Sarah was lying down in the back seat, as she had most of the trip. From the silence the last three hours he had to assume she had finally succumbed to her need for sleep. He could tell by the dark circles under her eyes that she was exhausted. It hadn’t been an easy day - for any of them.
They had left Jess and Bill at the farm to finish processing the scene. Sam had made the necessary arrangements for them to bring the body bags back via a small plane from the local airport. He had also contacted Sheriff Wilson and told him they’d had a shootout with a man who was assumed to be a member of a drug cartel – the same man who had stolen the truck from his townsperson. He informed him that in the shootout not only was the perpetrator shot and killed, but also the victim, Sarah Masters. Sam had asked the Sheriff to release the information to the news media after they were gone from the farm. He was hoping that once word got back to the right people that Sarah was no longer a threat to the drug cartel, they would forget she had ever existed. That was the only way she would ever be safe, even with a new identity.
Because it had already gotten dark, he hadn’t been able to see her face when the news report had aired on the radio earlier, just before they had crossed Ohio border.
“Sheriff Wilson of the Parkston County Police Department has reported that earlier today, two were killed in a shoot-out with Federal authorities at an undisclosed location in Parkston County. Killed was a well-known member of a Mexican drug cartel, Paolu Manuel Manaquez, wanted for a recent bombing that killed nine employees of Brown and Associates in Herbert, Ohio. He was also wanted in connection with other criminal activities, including racketeering, drug trafficking, and money laundering.
Also killed in the shoot-out was Sarah Masters, a former employee of Brown and Associates, and the only witness to Manaquez’s attack. Federal authorities are continuing their investigation, but for now are considering this case closed.”
The Sheriff had done a great job handling the news media and had worded his release to the press almost word for word what Sam had told him on the phone. Hopefully the news would quickly leak south of the border and this nightmare would be over.
They had only made two quick stops in their eight hour trip back to Washington D.C. Sam had run into a fast food place and purchased a couple of burgers and a container of bottled water for them to eat on the road. He had also stopped at a gas station once and filled up the SUV, while she had made a quick trip to use the restroom.
They hadn’t talked much. He had so much he wanted to tell her, but he knew he didn’t dare tell her all that was in his heart. It wouldn’t be fair to her and at this point it wasn’t going to serve any purpose. They didn’t have a future together and they both knew it.
Sam had hated telling her the truth about Matt Calvin’s death and the death threat to Adam Brown. But he felt after all she had been through, he needed to be honest with her and tell it all.
Later he had tried to focus on telling her what would happen to her when they got to Washington. He had assured her over and over that the Bureau would take care of her in preparing her for a new life with a new name and a new history. They would help her get a new start and she would be just fine. That was his prayer - but it didn’t make it any easier for him to have to leave her and walk out of her life forever.
He had been involved with turning people over to the Bureau’s witness protection program for years, but he’d never been this close to any of them before. Leaving her, and knowing he was never going to see her again, was going to be difficult – one of the toughest things he had ever done. In just a few short days she had become very important to him, and in just a few minutes he was going to turn her over to someone else to keep safe and he would never see her again.
Once they reached FBI Headquarters, Sam keyed the special number code into his cell phone and waited while the overhead door opened into the huge basement garage. He pulled the vehicle into an open parking spot and turned off the ignition, then turned around and looked at the sleeping form in the back seat. She looked so peaceful lying there he hated to wake her. But it was time to move on – for both of them.
Sam said a quick prayer for her future and her safety, then got out of the car and opened the back seat door, reaching out to gently touch her shoulder.
“Sarah, we’re here. You need to wake up now.”
Sleepy green eyes opened as she pulled up into a seated position, taking off her glasses long enough to rub her eyes. Then she slowly got out of the car. Sam couldn’t help noticing the weariness in her eyes. Even though he knew she had slept some, she looked totally exhausted and as tired as he felt.
“Sorry. Guess I must have slept.”
He smiled at her, feeling the love he had for her sweep over him again.
“That’s okay. You needed it.”
He turned as he heard footsteps coming from behind them. A red-haired female agent was walking in their direction, wearing dark slacks, a white blouse and a dark blue jacket. Sam knew the back of the jacket had the words “FBI” emblazoned across it. It was standard apparel for many of the agents.
“Agent Morgan? I’m Rebecca Thompson, with the Witness Protection Program.”
Sam turned and shook the offered hand, then turned back to Sarah.
“Rebecca will take good care of you.” He reached out and gently touched her cheek with the knuckles of his right hand.
“Will you be okay?”
Her chin came up and a look of determination swept over her face. She nodded and looked at him with those big eyes behind her glasses. He wished he could hold her in his arms again and somehow make all this go away. It would have been great if this had never happened to her, but then if it hadn’t happened to her, he never would have met her. And he wouldn’t give up the opportunity to have been able to know her for anything.
If only they had met under different circumstances; but at this point he knew he was going to have to turn her future over to God. She would be in His hands and Sam couldn’t think of a better place for her to be.
He took her right hand in his. “I’ll keep praying for you. You hang in there, okay? God has a plan for your life, I guarantee it.”
Sarah looked up at the man who had been there for her day in and day out for the past five days. It was going to be so difficult to say goodbye to him – not just because he had saved her life, but because somewhere along the way she had fallen in love with him. She was physically attracted to him, yes. But there was so much more between them than just that. She felt connected to his very soul. For years she had hoped to find the one man for her. Now she had found him, and was going to have to walk away from any future they might have had together. It wasn’t fair.
After he asked if she’d be okay, she had squared her shoulders and readied herself to leave him.
It was time.
Before she chickened out though she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, and then turned her face up and gave him a light kiss on his lips. Wiping tears from her eyes she backed away and looked up at him once more.
“Thank you, Sam. For everything. Don’t forget me, okay?” Her voice cracked under the emotion.
He grinned at her, and she was surprised that even though there was a smile on his face, she could see he was struggling to hold back his own tears.
“No chance of that,” he said, his voice sounding husky.
He surprised her by reaching out for her hand one last time.
“Are you going to be okay?”
She lifted her chin and smiled at him, then nodded.
“Yes. I think I will, Sam. I’m not alone anymore, you know.”
Then she felt Agent Thompson’s firm hand on her elbow, steering her toward the waiting elevator. Sarah turned back just once to look over her shoulder and saw Sam still standing there, watching her as she walked away.
Sarah swallowed hard and tried to keep from crying. Fairy tales didn’t end this way, but then her life had always been less than a fairy tale.
I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him, God. But now that I have, how can I walk away and just leave him? Help me God. I feel like my heart is breaking.
Goodbye, Sam, her heart cried. Please don’t forget me. I’ll never forget you.”
After leaving her at Headquarters, Sam headed home to his apartment.
Home.
In the past it had always called out to him as a haven of at least some measure of peace and sanity in the crazy world in which he lived and worked.
Sam pulled his car into his parking spot in the apartment complex. He sat there for a few moments with his hands resting on the steering wheel before he finally got out of the car, then walked the short distance to the front door of his building, unlocked it, entered, and headed down the hall to his door, which he unlocked and swung open. He automatically leaned down to pick up the stack of mail from the floor that he knew would have arrived in his absence.
He unholstered his gun and walked through the living room to the den where he pushed a series of buttons to unlock his gun safe and place his gun in it. This was his normal nightly ritual and he never even thought about the motions he was going through.
Until tonight.
For some reason, every move he’d made since leaving her at HQ was as if he was doing it for the first time.
Sam turned and went back into the living room, sat down in his big leather easy chair and kicked off his shoes. He had tonight and tomorrow before having to head back to the office on Monday morning. Time to unwind from the job and get oriented again to being home.
Loneliness punched him in the gut.
He glanced around the living room of his apartment, taking in the comfortable leather sofa and chairs, mission style end tables and solid wall bookcases filled with his favorite novels. Sam was a man who normally enjoyed his quiet solitude at home. After busy, often stressful and danger filled days on his job, his apartment was where he could reclaim his sanity. Here he could kick back, listen to his classical music and read his mystery novels and forget. For a time, those things would take his mind off the things he saw and heard in his job that weren’t so nice. Things that weren’t very easy to forget and could easily keep you awake at night.
Closing his eyes, he leaned back in his chair soaking up the silence and peace. He wasn’t really looking forward to going back to the office Monday morning. His team still needed to complete the written paperwork on the Masters case so the case file could be closed, but he sure wasn’t looking forward to it. And then there was always the next mission. They never seemed to run out of bad guys to go after.
His eyes snapped open again. What was wrong with him, anyway?
Nothing had changed, yet tonight his apartment felt empty, just like his life – and he knew why. In just a few short days he had become accustomed to being able to look across the room and see her. Just knowing she was there and was safe had been a comfort to him.
Over the years he had always prided himself on his ability to never become personally involved in a case. Oh, they all touched his life in some way, but they’d never changed who he was or why he did the job. But this one had been different.
Sam allowed his mind to slowly replay the events of the last five days over and over in his mind, wondering what steps he could have taken so things would have turned out differently. He always had trouble releasing a case from his mind – especially one that didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to. Even though he remembered all of them, this one would haunt him for different reasons.
He had never shared anything about his job with his ex-wife, Charlotte, but she had always complained to him that he obsessed about his job and the cases. Deep inside he knew that obsession was what made him such a good agent. His mind wanted to understand why sometimes things worked and sometimes they didn’t. It was important to him to figure things out completely so that hopefully in the future, he could keep bad things from happening again. Maybe he was a little obsessed, but that was what made him so good at his job.
Which was probably why he had never married again.
With that thought, Sam’s mind immediately returned to Sarah. His heart ached for her and what she had been through, and she was going to have to make so many more changes. He just hoped she would be able to handle it. Not everyone who went into the witness relocation program could do it. Not everyone was strong enough to give up their old life completely.
Then something she had said on the ride back to D.C. came back to him.
“I’m still me inside, Sam, no matter what. My past is a defining part of who I am and I can’t just forget it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn to be a new person. Isn’t that what we all do when we become Christians? Manaquez may have taken my old life away from me, but he didn’t touch my new life with God, and he never could. I’m still God’s child and He will take care of me.”
Sam closed his eyes again.
Please keep her safe, Lord. Help her adapt to her new life and let her be happy. Help her to have a good future. And I’m going to have to have some big time help here myself if I’m going to be able to forget her, Lord. It’s not going to be easy, so help me too, Lord.
He knew he’d never see her again. She was gone from his life and he was going to have to let her go, but that didn’t mean he was going to quit praying for her -- and he was pretty sure he would never forget her.