CHAPTER 9
Sam sat back up and looked across the room at Sarah. He knew there wasn’t any good news to tell her. He had put through a call earlier to HQ to find out the status of their investigation. So far, they didn’t have any leads on Manaquez. It was like the dirt bag had dropped off the face of the earth.
He didn’t respond for a moment but when he did, he tried to make sure his voice was firm and convincing. She had been so patient with this whole process of having her life totally torn apart and he hated to scare her, but he wanted to make sure she recognized the danger she was in. No matter how good they were at their jobs, she wasn’t safe anywhere.
“Sarah, I’m going to be honest with you. There is no way we can keep this lunatic from trying to kill you again. We know, and you know, he’s going to try. But we are ready for him this time. That’s the difference. It’s going to be on our turf and on our terms. He’s not going to get close to this house without one of us knowing it. And he’s not a sniper so he won’t be sitting out there somewhere waiting for that perfect shot. That’s not what he does. His specialty is bombs, not guns.”
Sarah didn’t say anything, just kept looking at him with those big green eyes. He was pretty sure she was thinking he wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know, but he was also pretty sure she didn’t like what he’d just said. He watched her stand and stroll around the room, touching the lampshade and running her fingers lightly across the bindings of some books in the small bookcase along the wall. She turned back to face him and Bill and with a look of frustration on her face.
“It’s just so difficult to sit here and wait and not know when it’s going to happen. It’s like waiting for…I don’t know…something bad that you know is going to happen, and you just want it to get over so you can go back to the way your life was before! It just makes me so angry!”
Sam saw Bill glance his way, then back at Sarah.
“If I can butt in here, Sam?” Bill asked. Sam gave him a quick nod. He knew that sometimes it meant more if the words of wisdom came from someone other than himself. And he trusted his two agents. They had saved his behind more than once and he was pretty sure they would again. Besides, he knew Bill’s history and was pretty sure what he was going to share with Sarah before he even started speaking.
“Sarah, back when I was in Iraq, we had to drive through some really bad neighborhoods during night patrols. We knew there were people out there that wanted to kill us. We didn’t know how they were going to attack us, or when, but we knew the attacks were coming.”
Bill took a deep breath. Sam knew even though several years had passed, the exercise of recalling those times was difficult for him. “I used to be so irritated with the whole idea of the night patrols because there was no way of knowing when or where or how the attacks were coming. I’d get so nerved up before those patrols, I was almost sick. Then a buddy of mine told me we couldn’t control what the enemy was going to do. All we could do was control how we were going to react to it – how we were going to handle the attack when it came. He stressed that we had to be ready at any time and any place, but not let the knowledge that the attack was coming control our lives.”
Sam watched Bill gaze across the room toward Sarah. He saw Bill take a deep breath before he continued and it was obvious to Sam what this was costing Bill to tell his story.
“I also feel that God is still in control. We have to have faith that no matter what happens, nothing happens without Him knowing about it.” Bill looked down at his hands, then back across the room at Sarah. “I don’t know if that helps any or not, but that always has stuck with me whenever I’m in a tight spot.”
Sam saw Sarah sit back down in the chair she had recently vacated, and he hurt for her as he saw her shoulders droop. He could tell she was really struggling with her emotions. So far, she had been able to control her fear and hide it from them, but it was obvious it was just below the surface.
“I understand what you’re saying, Bill, but I don’t know how to react. I don’t have a gun in my hand and I can’t do anything to protect myself. I have to depend on you guys to protect me. It feels like I’m a sitting duck, just waiting…and I hate the thought that any of you could get killed in the process of trying to protect me! And as for God; He sure didn’t do anything to protect my friends, now, did He? If nothing happens without Him knowing about it, why didn’t he do anything to stop this from happening?”
Sam eyes locked with hers across the room. Those green eyes of hers practically screamed out her pain to him. He motioned to her as he stood up. “Come on. It’s time for a walk.”
He reached over and picked his gun up from the side table and stuck it quickly in his side holster on the way out of the room. Sam knew that without him wearing a jacket to hide it, she was going to know he had the gun with him but it was such a part of him and his job, he couldn’t worry about how she felt about it. He glanced behind him once to make sure she was following him and then walked through the kitchen and out the back door.
Sam stopped at the bottom of the back steps and waited for her to catch up with his long strides, then they slowly walked together toward the barn. He took in their surroundings, scanning the yard and landscape for anything unusual. This set up was much better than their previous safe house, and for that he was thankful. The farm was the vacation home of a former retired Federal agent. When he passed away, his widow had signed the property over to the Bureau and with its open layout and wide open spaces all around, it was absolutely perfect for a safe house.
He glanced over at the woman walking beside him and noticed that instead of looking around her, she walked with her head down looking at the ground at her feet. It was obvious that she was hurting and he wasn’t sure what to do to help alleviate her pain, but he was going to try. He felt a tenderness toward this young woman he hadn’t felt for a woman in a long time.
When they finally reached the barn, Sam pushed the heavy wooden doors open and entered before her, checking the place out before allowing her to enter. The barn was dark and cool and smelled of hay and old manure. Stepping into the cool interior of the old building he was instantly transported back to his childhood and the home farm where he had been raised. Right now though, he didn’t have time to reminisce about summer days spent in the barn with his father.
Sam led Sarah over near a window where dust particles floated in the light pouring through the dirty glass. A couple of sawhorses sat there and she perched on one while he straddled the other.
“So. Tell me what’s going on, Sarah?”
He watched as several emotions swept over her face and then she shook her head. “I’m not doing very well with all this.”
She pulled her braided hair back behind her shoulders with one hand and then let it drop onto her back again, a nervous habit he had noticed.
“I’m furious.” He heard the stress in her voice and knew her emotions were on the verge of an explosion. “I’m angry that these people I don’t even know are hunting me down. I’m furious that they killed all my friends and destroyed my life. My entire world is collapsing around me and I don’t know what to do about it.” Her voice cracked with emotion.
His heart did a little jump as he heard the vulnerability in her voice. It was good that she was finally showing emotion, starting to get angry with her circumstances. But that anger could get in the way of protecting her and it was his job to make sure that didn’t happen. There was something about her that drew him to her. Sarah Masters was someone he would enjoy getting to know better under different circumstances. But he couldn’t go down that road. His job – his only job – was to protect her from this guy that wanted her dead. He wasn’t exactly sure what there was about her that attracted him. Sure, she was cute, but she wasn’t like any of the women he’d been known to date in the past - not that he’d dated much in the last two years. After his divorce, he had avoided anything that even hinted at another
long term relationship. And if he ever were to get serious about a woman again, she would have to be a Christian with the same beliefs as him. He didn’t even know Sarah well enough to know where she stood spiritually.
She took a deep breath and spoke again. “I don’t know how you and Bill and Jess do it. You always act so calm and confident, Sam. I wish I could.”
Sam chuckled. If only she knew. Most of the time he felt like he didn’t have a clue what was going on around him. Must be he was a better actor than he thought.
“It may look that way, Sarah, but trust me; I’m not always calm inside. If I appear calm, I think it’s because of who I am now.”
“You mentioned yesterday that you’re a Christian. I suppose that’s what you’re talking about.”
Sam hesitated before answering her. He wouldn’t have brought up the subject to Sarah, but since she asked, maybe this was an opportunity to share his faith with her.
“Being a Christian isn’t about religion. It’s admitting your mistakes, turning your life over to God, and living for Him. It’s having a personal relationship with Him.” He stopped. “I know it’s hard for us to admit we’re sinners, but it’s absolutely essential if you ever want to get over your past mistakes and start over. Otherwise they consume you and don’t allow you freedom to live. And believe me, I made a ton of mistakes before I became a Christian.”
“Really? Like what, if I’m not being too nosey by asking?”
Sam looked over at her, taking in her earnest expression. He was going to have to dig deep to reach her, and he wasn’t sure he could do it. Over the years he had closed his heart to close relationships. He didn’t talk about his personal life or his past with anyone. Even Bill and Jess didn’t know a lot about his past. But something made him want to share his story with Sarah Masters.
Lord, give me the right words.
“It’s okay. You can ask. I firmly believe we don’t meet people by accident. God has them cross our paths for a reason. Right now, maybe the reason I’m here is for you. If answering questions about my life and my faith help you in your search for faith, then I’m doing my job.”
Sam stood and went over to the window and rubbed some of the grime off the glass with the palm of his hand. He looked through, did a cursory scan of the yard, and then looked back at Sarah. He really didn’t want to get into all this with her but then again, maybe it would help her in her search. He didn’t have a clue what her relationship was with God, but maybe his story would give her courage to keep searching.
“I married right after I joined the D.C. police force. When I left the police department and joined the Bureau, I kind of let the job take over my life. My wife finally got sick of it and divorced me.”
He shook his head as the memories rushed at him. He hadn’t thought about any of this and certainly hadn’t talked about it with anyone in years. After he accepted Christ as his personal savior, he had kicked himself for the way he had treated his wife. If he had been a Christian when they were married, he would like to think his marriage might not have ended. Perhaps his ex would even be a Christian now. He felt like he’d failed her.
“I should have been there for her, Sarah. I made a vow to her and I didn’t keep it. And that’s just one of the mistakes I’ve made. I can’t help but feel that if I’d been a Christian at the time, I would have had my priorities straight, and it might not have happened.”
“Are you close – you and your ex?”
“No, not close. I’ve seen her maybe twice in the last few years. She married again and has three kids and the good life I never gave her. She’s happy.”
“And how about you, are you happy?” Her quiet question was sincere as it echoed across the barn to him and he glanced over at her quickly. She was watching his face intently and it was obvious that the question wasn’t asked idly. She really seemed to care about his answer. He thought about it for a moment.
Was he happy?
“At peace, would be a better way to describe it. I’ve placed my life in God’s will. I’ve come to the realization that He is control, and I’ve quit trying to fight Him. Coming to that decision has given me a peace about everything that happens to me.”
“Peace, huh? I sure could use some of that.” Sarah sighed and looked down at her hands. “So, back to this Christian thing. I was raised with Christian values, you know; “do unto others” and the Ten Commandments and all that. I’ve always thought of myself as a Christian. My parents made me go to church when I was young; I read the Bible and everything. So doesn’t that make me a Christian too?” She sighed again. “Although I have to admit after my parents were killed in the car accident, I kinda turned away from God. I guess I blamed Him for what happened. I felt like He should have stopped the accident.”
Sam went back over and sat down across from her. He wanted so badly to be able reach her and help her understand. It wasn’t often he had an opportunity like this, but she seemed to be searching. He had learned years ago that if the Lord placed someone in your path that was looking for Him, you had best take the time to give them the answers they needed.
“Let me see if I can put it in perspective for you, Sarah.”
He thought for a moment, trying to come up with the right words to explain to her. “You are an American because you were born here in the United States of parents who were American. You didn’t have to do anything to become an American. It was granted to you at birth by being born here. But becoming a Christian takes an active commitment on your part to accept God into your life and heart and turn your life over to Him. It’s allowing yourself to be born again – into His family. It’s more than a religion – it’s a personal on-going relationship with Him.”
Sam pulled his small copy of the New Testament and Psalms out of his pocket and handed it to her.
“Keep it. I don’t know how familiar you are with the Bible, but if you really want the answers to your questions, start in the book of Romans and read the verses that are highlighted. I’ve listed them in the front cover of the book so they will be easy for you to find. You might also find the book of Psalms comforting. A man called David wrote it. He was also being hunted down by his enemies – just like you. And he spent plenty of time angry at God too, but God never stopped loving him – and believe it or not, God still loves you.
“Listen Sarah, I don’t want to push my beliefs at you. But you did tell me you want peace. I don’t know any better way to find peace and truth than through a personal relationship with God.”
He watched as Sarah ran her slender fingers across the cover of the small book. It was far from new as Sam had spent many hours reading it. This particular one he’d carried for more than a year. But it was obvious she needed it more than he did right now. He never kept his small New Testaments long before he found someone who needed the Word and he would pass it on.
“Thank you, Sam. I did ask you – and I really do want to know and understand. I have to say, I envy your faith and relationship to God.”
Neither of them spoke for a brief time.
“Are Jess and Bill also Christians?”
He nodded. “Bill was led to know Christ as his personal savior by an Army Chaplain when he was stationed in Iraq. And even though she was raised in a Christian home, Jess became a Christian during her college years. They both have very interesting stories. But you should ask them to tell you, because they are their stories.”
Sam took a deep breath and smiled over at her. “Feeling better?”
He watched as a full smile spread across her face. She almost looked surprised at the smile, and it made him feel good to see it. After all she had been through, it was nice to see her face light up like that.
“Yes, I actually do. If nothing else, you took my mind off my own troubles for a while. Thanks, Sam.”
Sam reached out and took hold of her hand and pulled her up to a standing position, and then reluctantly l
et go of her hand. It had felt so good in his, like it belonged there. He took a deep breath. It was best if he kept his mind on the job at hand. Best for both of them.
His voice sounded husky to him as he pointed toward the door.
“Time to head back inside before the others come looking for us.”
Sarah made another delicious dinner for them that evening consisting of Italian spaghetti, garlic toast, salad, and pie for dessert. Jess once again helped Sarah clean up the kitchen, and afterward they headed into the living room to join the two men. Sarah sat in one of the chairs, and Jess sat down on the sofa in front of the laptop where she immediately started pecking away on the keys.
“You seem to know your way around that pretty well, Jessica.”
Jess smiled at her. “I should. I have a degree in Computer Science and minors in Math and Physics. Right now I’m just searching for our internet connection so I can contact HQ and check on the status of the investigation.”
Sarah sat up straighter. “You have an internet connection – even out here in the middle of nowhere?”
Jess flashed a grin. “That’s one of the perks of working for the Federal Government. We have the ability to connect to Wi-Fi almost anywhere. If all else fails, there are always satellite connections I can get in through.”
Jess suddenly looked up from the laptop and Sarah saw her lock gazes with Sam. “HQ sent us a memo, Sam. They’ve found the stolen van Manaquez was driving. It was parked on a dirt road outside of Herbert and torched. Doesn’t sound like they were able to get any prints off of it though.”
He glanced over at Sarah, and then looked back at Jess. “No other word about his whereabouts?”
She shook her head. “Sorry.”
Manaquez was standing in front of her desk, his face a sneering smile. She tried to call out to everyone to get out of the building but there was no sound coming from her mouth. Then she tried to get out of her chair and run and tell them, but her legs wouldn’t work and she couldn’t stand up.
She saw him turn and leave the building, knowing what was going to happen and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. An explosion rocked the building around her and she could hear the screams of her friends as the heat of the flames reached her. Sarah knew she was going to die and there wasn’t any way she could stop it from happening. She screamed one last time…
“Sarah! Wake up – it’s just a bad dream.”
Jessica’s voice finally reached Sarah’s subconscious and she opened her eyes to see the female agent sitting on the edge of her bed. She had hold of Sarah’s shoulders.
About that time the door to their bedroom crashed open and both Bill and Sam burst through the doorway with their guns drawn. Jess quickly stood up and held up her hands.
“It’s okay, guys. She just had a nightmare.”
Bill lowered his gun and left the room. Sarah sat up slowly and pulled the sheet up around her, feeling Sam’s eyes on her. She finally raised her eyes to meet his.
“Sarah, are you okay?” The sound of his deep voice comforted her and drove away the remnants of fear she still felt from her dream.
She nodded. “I’m fine now. Sorry everyone for waking you all up.”
Sam glanced at Jess, lifted his chin in a little nod and left the room, quietly closing the door after him.
Sarah watched as Jess pulled her black hair off her face and sat cross legged at the end of Sarah’s bed.
“Bad dream, huh? Do you want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. No, she didn’t want to talk about it. Talking about it would make it more real. She supposed it wasn’t surprising that she was having nightmares. Wouldn’t most people if they were in her situation? The part that scared her most though, was the fact the FBI didn’t even know where Manaquez was located. She kept hoping he had returned to Mexico and just forgotten all about her, but the realistic part of her knew that wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to leave until she was dead.
Sarah sat there for a moment before she answered. She wasn’t sure she could explain to the other woman what was going on in her head. She felt like she was searching for something to fill the tremendous hole in her heart and her life. She just didn’t know what. She felt so much bitterness toward Matt Calvin for breaking her heart, and Manaquez and God for her recent losses – it felt like the hate in her soul was going to destroy her.
“Jess, how did you become a Christian? I mean, what happened to make you want to, and how did you know it was real?”
The other woman smiled and her whole face radiated joy. Sarah thought again about what a beautiful woman Jessica Thorne was. Her long wavy dark hair hung loose tonight around her shoulders, and her dark brown eyes snapped with brightness as she began to tell her story.
“Well, let’s see. It is best I give you a little background, I think. I was raised in a strict, church attendin’, Bible readin’’ home. My Dad was a Deacon of the church, so my brothers and sister and I were expected to toe the line and be perfect kids.” She laughed. “I went to church along with the rest of the family every time the church doors were open. But now I know I didn’t get much out of it. I really didn’t want to be there.
“Eventually I left home and went off to college and I really enjoyed the freedom to be my own woman. I didn’t go wild, mind you; no drugs, parties or anything like that. But I refused to go to church while I was gone. When I went back home, I had to; but when I was at college, I did whatever I wanted on Sunday. For me, going to church was something my parents made me do. There was nothing personal about it.”
Sarah found her head nodding in agreement. She’d been in that same position growing up.
Jess continued. “Then I met Marcus, the head of the college’s Campus Christian Group. He invited me to go with him to one of their meetings. I didn’t expect anything different from what I’d seen in the church back home. Boy was I wrong. Those other college kids had something I didn’t have – peace, joy passion about their beliefs, and a purpose for their lives. That first meeting made a huge impression on me, and I found myself going back to the next meeting – and the next. After just a few meetings, I made my decision to turn my life over to God, and I’ve never been sorry.”
She laughed, her dark eyes twinkling. “My parents weren’t sure what to make of me when I came home and started asking them questions about scriptures I’d been reading. I think my Dad might still be in shock.”
She reached over and patted Sarah on the leg. “I’ve never been sorry I turned my life over to God, Sarah. I know in the occupation I’m in, I could meet my death any day. I guess that’s true for all of us, but I especially think about it because of my job. But I don’t have to wonder now about what will happen to me when I die. When I asked God to forgive my sins and come into my heart, all that was taken care of. I know when I die I will go be with the Lord in heaven. That makes facing death every day a little easier. Don’t get me wrong, Sarah. Life didn’t magically become perfect when I made that decision. People still do bad things to me; I still get upset and do and say things I shouldn’t. But the difference is I know now I’m forgiven for my sins, and in my heavenly Father’s eyes, I am perfect. And He’s greatly blessed me. I’ve met some wonderful Christian people who have helped me on my journey.”
“Like Sam,” Sarah said quietly.
Jess’ smile widened as she looked at Sarah. “Like Sam. He’s been a wonderful mentor. I know he’s not that much older than me – maybe twelve years or so. But Sam has kind of been a father figure to me. You’ll never find a more humble Christian, or a more fiercely loyal, and honest man. He cares about the United States of America and the people of this Country, and I think he’d do anything to protect them from our enemies.”
Neither one of them spoke for a time before Jess finally continued her thought. “You know, the Bureau’s motto is ‘Fidelity, Bravery and Integrity’. I think, at least in my
own mind, that motto pretty much sums up Sam Morgan.” She chuckled and dropped her voice to a deeper pitch. “Bill’s favorite saying about our boss is ‘he woulda made a great Marine.’”
Sarah smiled. She could almost hear Bill saying that. It was obvious that Jess and Bill had developed a wonderful working friendship, and they both seemed to look up to their boss and admire him for the man he was. She was quiet for a time while she soaked up all that Jess had told her. She wanted to hear more about Sam, but was afraid to show her interest in the man by asking too much. She didn’t want Jess to get the wrong idea.
“Has Sam ever been shot?” She couldn’t help but worry about his line of work.
Jess nodded. “The year I started working for him he was shot in the shoulder during a shootout with a terrorist suspect.”
“Did you get the guy?”
Jess chuckled. “Oh yes. Sam Morgan doesn’t take too kindly to being shot by bad guys. And he doesn’t like it when they get away. We got him, and let’s just say we didn’t have to wait for the wheels of justice to hand him his just rewards.”
Sarah nodded. That meant the bad guy had ended up dead. It might not be the way to feel, but she couldn’t help hoping this current situation would end the same way - with the bad guy dead. She secretly hoped to never have to go to trial and be a witness against him. Something told her the guys he worked for wouldn’t like it very much, plus she wasn’t looking forward to having to look Manaquez in the face across a courtroom. The nightmare she had just experienced made her realize she never wanted to see Manaquez again, if at all possible.
“Thank you for telling me your story, Jess. It means a lot to me.” She picked up the little Bible from the night stand that Sam had given her. “I’ve been reading the Bible again and trying to understand it all.”
Sarah felt a smile sweep over her face as memories came back to her. “I went to church with my parents when they were still alive and Vacation Bible School when I was a little kid. I used to stay with my grandmother over my summer vacations, and she always sent me to VBS, so I’m very familiar the Bible stories. But I don’t think anyone ever explained how I could know Christ as my personal savior and accept Him into my life, until now. So thanks.
“And in case I haven’t told you before, thank you for this; for taking time out of your life to protect me. I don’t know how you do this job, dealing with the stress and the unknown danger out there. ‘Thanks’ just doesn’t seem like a strong enough word.”
Jess patted her on the leg. “Just remember, forgiveness is a decision. We can’t expect God to forgive us if we don’t forgive others. As for thanking me, Sarah – thanks aren’t necessary. As Special Agent Samuel Morgan often says, ‘It’s what we do’”.
Jess smiled at her again before she gracefully stood back up and moved across the room to her own bed.