“Yes,” I laugh, covering him with kisses. “No, we’ll figure it out. Is this what had you green during dinner?”
“Yes.” He hangs his head and peeks up at me under those long, curly eyelashes. “I was gonna take you out for a fancy dinner tomorrow night when I got in and then I saw you and this ring is burning a freakin’ hole in my pocket!” he shouts. “And then you wouldn’t let me screw my way out of it,” he says sheepishly.
“Oh! Is that what you were trying to do?” I poke him in the chest.
“Well, I didn’t know you were gonna play hardball with the pencils and slit up to here.” He puts his finger exactly where the top of the slit goes. “And then you went all librarian on me with, “No. Dinner. Put me down,” he says, mimicking my voice.
“Put the ring on my finger, and take me to bed.” I frown.
His Adam’s apple goes down and pops back up as he swallows. “Yes, ma’am.”
It’s late, but I have to call Tessa and tell her.
“Hello?” She sounds half-asleep.
“Tess, I’m so sorry to wake you up. I just had to tell you something.”
“K.”
“Are you awake enough to understand what I’m saying?”
“Mmhmm.”
I’m not so sure she is.
“Ian asked me to marry him!”
“What? WHAT? He did?” She lets out a screech. And then I hear Jared saying something. “It’s okay, it’s just Sparrow,” she tells him. “IAN ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM? WHAT DID YOU SAY?”
That’s more like it.
“I said yes! YES!” I yell back.
“Oh my god, Ro. I can’t even believe it. I’m coming over tomorrow to see if you look any different and to see your ring. Did he get a good one? If you two are going at it, I’m just gonna come in real quick to get a look…” She takes a breath. “I’m not even gonna be able to sleep now. I cannot believe it. I am in SHOCK.”
“I’m sorry I’ve got you all wired. Text me when you’re on your way tomorrow, and I’ll try to keep Ian off of me for five minutes. Turns out getting engaged is a turn on for him.” I sneak a peek at Ian out of the corner of my eyes and give him a guilty half-smile, half-cringe.
“What isn’t a turn on for that guy? Geez. Aw, Ro. I love you. I can’t wait to see you. I’m so happy for you. Put Ian on.”
I hand the phone to Ian.
“Hello?” he says and then holds the phone away from his ear as Tessa screams. He looks at me and laughs, shrugging his shoulders.
“Thank you. (Pause) Yeah, I was gonna wait until tomorrow night, but if I hadn’t gone ahead and asked, I would have been in the bathroom the rest of the night … yeah, you’ll have to ask her about that. Not my finest hour. (Pause) I know. (Pause) I know. I can’t believe it either. (Pause) Thanks, Tess. That means a lot. (Pause) (Laughing hard and shaking his head) Point taken. Okay, love you too.”
I call my parents too. My mom hears my voice and yells, “Anthony, pick up the phone, it’s Sparrow!”
Something tells me they know what I’m about to tell them.
“Hey, Rosie,” my dad says.
“Hey, you two. So … got anything you wanna tell me?” I ask.
There’s a long pause and then my mom says, “Well … uh, why don’t you go ahead and tell us what you were calling about…”
It takes me a minute to quit laughing at how awkward they’re acting.
“Well, Ian asked me to marry him tonight.”
“Honey! That’s wonderful! Congratulations!” They both speak at once.
“You guys totally knew!” I holler.
My dad speaks up. “Well, Ian came to pay me a visit last week and … well … he asked for my permission to marry you.” He gets choked up midway through.
“Awww.” I look at Ian. “You went to see my dad?”
“Yeah,” he whispers. I lean over and kiss him.
My dad clears his throat. “So, what did you say?”
“I said yes!” I tell them happily.
They both sound thrilled for me. We talk a few more minutes and when I hang up, my heart is completely full. I want to remember this moment—right now—this happiness that I’m feeling, for the rest of my life. I never want to forget.
We’ve slept maybe two hours when my alarm goes off the next morning. I remove his leg and his arm from me and very carefully try to crawl out of bed.
He groans, “Nooooo,” and tries to hold onto me.
I kiss his hand and hop up before he can stop me. I’m in the bathroom when he comes up behind me, kisses the back of my neck and groggily says, “I’m coming with you. I’ll be good.”
I giggle. “Okay.” I turn around and nestle into his neck. “But we’ve gotta be quick.”
He starts unbuttoning my pants. “I can be really quick,” he promises.
I brush his hands off. “That is not what I meant!” I laugh. “You are relentless.”
There’s something cosmic that happens whenever I feel Ian’s eyes on me. I can know he’s in a room before ever seeing him. It’s more than awareness that is heightened—the whole space surrounding me is popping. If we could see energy, I would be completely shrouded with it. Nothing but a mass of colorful energy.
It makes me stand up taller, laugh brighter, listen harder, and breathe easier. It makes me know—know that I am a beautiful, quirky mess of something wonderful.
It must be the love in his eyes. I have no other explanation for it.
Working my shift with him in the shop is a challenge. I tell Nadine and Chloe and a few of my regular customers that I’m getting married, and Ian smiles and waves as they congratulate him too. He’s working on lyrics for a new song, but anytime I come out from behind the counter and go anywhere near him, he gives me a sexy grin and finds a way to throw ‘Mrs. Sterling’ into a quick sentence.
I’m ready to pounce on him when we leave the coffee shop, but he is taking his time, leisurely walking with my hand in his.
“So when are you thinking you’d like to get married?” he asks.
“I … don’t know. Once we get to summer I can plan a wedding. Should we wait until I’m done with school?” I ask.
“That’s another year and three months … what about the end of summer? Before you start back to school in the fall.”
“That’s really soon.” I look at him with wide eyes. “What kind of wedding are you wanting?”
“One where you’re there. I don’t care about anything else.”
“Well, that narrows it down,” I tease. “I don’t need a big shindig either, although, if Charlie gets involved, it’s going to grow exponentially. They’ll want us to get married at the church,” I realize. My visions of a beach wedding just skyrocketed and plummeted within the same minute.
“Whatever you want, baby. Just tell me where to be, and when, and I’ll be there.”
“How about a December wedding? I’ll have three weeks off and we can get married in the church.”
“I like that. The label is talking about me being in the studio in January and they already know I’m determined to record it here, so I can be with you. They’re cool with it.”
I nod. I’ve already been looking forward to that, even though it’s almost a year away.
“I might have mentioned to them that I was going to propose.” He turns to me and smiles sweetly.
“Wow. So a December wedding. And then you’ll be here. With me.” I have to say it out loud to let it sink in.
He kisses my hand as we walk up the steps to my apartment. “Yep. It all just became real, didn’t it.”
- 22 -
5 months later
It’s been 5 months since Ian and I got engaged. I have my dress picked out. I found it in an upscale vintage shop in Soho and fell in love with it. The only problem is what Charlie will do when she sees it. The back is what makes it fabulous—sheer down to the waist with an appliqué of beads. I already know she will want me to fill that in with some sort of material. She’ll p
robably want me to add sleeves too. It’s a pale champagne tone with a deep V at the neck, which will most likely also need to be filled in with something less sheer. It’s the perfect beach wedding dress is what it is.
The invitations make me smile every time I see them. They’re plain on the front but have a little sterling silver sparrow hanging down the center from a thin cord. I finished addressing them all last night.
As soon as school was over a month ago, I began planning this wedding. I’ll be going home next month, and Charlie, Tessa, and I will knock the rest of it out before school starts again in the fall. I don’t want to have to do much once I’m in school.
Ian was just in town and left yesterday morning. He was quiet all week, not his usual self. If he’d been stand-offish with me, it would have really concerned me, but he was even more loving, if that’s possible. He didn’t sleep well. Every time I woke up, he was deep in thought. I kept asking if he was okay, and he kept saying yes. We still had a good time. I think he was just having an off week.
He has left the planning to me. All he has requested is that we keep it simple and not do a huge blowout. He’s agreed to all the rest. I had to drastically cut the list that Charlie gave me. I don’t want people there that I don’t even know. Once we narrowed it down to just our closest friends and family, I’ve been able to pick out things that are more special for our day … the invitations being just one example of that.
I’m standing up to stretch when the phone rings.
“Helloooo,” I attempt a sexy voice.
“Heyyyy, baby,” Ian says.
“What are you up to?”
“Well, I’m heading over to Aaron’s. I’m gonna spend the night over there.”
“Oh, okay. You’re not staying at Jeff and Laila’s?”
“No. They’re back in town, so I’m just gonna go to Aaron’s for a while. Give them some space.”
“Is Laila being weird?”
“She’s always weird,” he answers.
“I thought she was better the last time.”
“I let her have it for being rude to you at your parents’.”
“You didn’t tell me that! What did you say?”
“I told her that I’m marrying you and whatever issue she has with you, she better work it out.”
“Ian. Why didn’t you tell me? Was she mad?”
“She didn’t say anything. And I left.”
“Hmm. That’s intense. And it will be so awkward when I have to see her again. She’s being fine with my mom, although my mom says Laila is still saying I’m way too young to get married.”
“She’s probably right about that,” he says.
My stomach starts a slow churn.
“She’s not the one to make that call,” I say.
“You’re right, baby. It’s just … are you? Are you sure?”
“What are you asking, Ian? Are you asking if I think I’m too young? Or if I’m sure about you? Or are you the one who isn’t sure?”
He’s quiet for a minute. The clock in the living room echoes with every tick-tock-tick.
“I can’t answer for you. I know I want to marry you,” he says.
“I know I want to marry you,” I tell him.
“That’s all I need to know.”
I’m really unsettled after our phone conversation. I decide to take a walk and end up walking further than I intended. I end up in front of a restaurant with a cute sidewalk patio and I stop. I always feel kind of sorry for people who eat alone, but I never actually feel bad for myself as long as I have a book to read. I’m hungry. I’m doing it.
I’m just getting to a good part in my book when I hear my name. I look up and Asher Caldwell is standing in front of me. He looks around nervously and then back at me. His hair is darker than the last time I saw him, but otherwise, he looks the same.
“Sparrow. You here alone?” He does another quick scan around us.
“Asher.” It feels like I’m swallowing venom just saying his name.
“Mind if I sit down?” he asks.
“Actually, I do.”
“Okay, I deserve that,” he says with regret. “I’ll just stand right here. I saw you sit down and couldn’t leave without saying hello. It’s been a really long time.”
“Yeah, you could have left without saying hello.” I give him a pointed look. “We both know why it’s been a long time.”
“Do you? Because I’ve wanted to see you since that night.” Asher’s face has gone tomato red. “I’ve wanted to explain my side of things. But your “friend” Ian threatened me within an inch of my life the night he put me in the hospital. He said if I came near you, he’d finish what he started.” He stands and waits for my reaction.
“What are you talking about?”
Asher smirks. “I knew you didn’t know. Ian paid me a little visit a few weeks after that night and nearly killed me.”
“I find that hard to believe.” I point toward him. “You’re standing here, aren’t you?”
He shrugs. “Believe what you want. I didn’t rape you, Sparrow.”
“I wouldn’t know, since I had PASSED OUT.” I get up to leave and Asher shoves me in the chair. Now I’m scared.
He sits down across from me and gets within a foot of my face. “You listen to me, I didn’t rape you. You were leading me on for months and that night you took your dress off right in front of me. If that’s not saying you wanted me, I don’t know what is. You knew how I felt about you—if you didn’t want me that night, why did you come home with me?”
“That thought never even crossed my mind.” I shake my head. “I thought we were friends, Asher. I can see now that I was foolish to believe that. Chalk it up to me finally growing up a little. Was that your plan then? Take me home with you and get me drunk? No, you know what? I don’t want to talk about that night. It was a long time ago, thank God I don’t remember any of it, except waking up in your bed with blood everywhere and being sore for the next week. There’s something not quite right about that, Asher. Thankfully, for the most part, I have managed to put it out of my mind. I don’t need or want to see you or talk to you again. Ever.” I hold up my finger to show him my ring. “And I’m engaged to Ian, so all the more reason to leave me alone.”
“We were friends, until you stopped having anything to do with me,” Asher snaps. “I tried for weeks to talk it out with you. I was in love with you, and I know you knew how I felt. I thought you wanted me that night, but I still … I felt bad when I woke up and saw you’d left and all the … blood.”
I shake my head at him and hold up my hand. “Don’t even go there, Asher.”
“God, I can’t believe you’re marrying him. You don’t even care that he broke all my ribs and left me with a concussion?”
I give him a steely glare, and my voice is glacial. “Asher, I wish I could have been the one to break every bone in your body myself.” I stand up. “Now back off or I will make good on that wish.”
Asher shakes his head in disgust. “I talked trash to Ian, but I didn’t mean it. He was just so arrogant, coming to my place like he owned you. You know what? You deserve him. You don’t know shit. Do you hear me, Sparrow? You don’t know shit about Ian Sterling.”
I start walking away and he’s still yelling.
I round the corner and begin shaking uncontrollably. A cab sits nearby, and I rush in and go home.
When I get home, I run up the stairs two at a time, close the door, and lock it. I run bath water and when it’s high, I step inside the tub and lean back, hoping the hot water will calm the shakes. I breathe. I cry and I breathe some more. And cry some more. And rinse and repeat until I’m a shriveled up clump. I put on my most comforting pajamas and get under the covers, pulling my laptop with me so I can google Asher.
I haven’t been paying attention to the gossip on Asher, otherwise, I would have known that about a month after the episode with him, he went missing for a couple of months. He lost several significant production jobs and
went on an extended Caribbean cruise. There was speculation about plastic surgery. The more I read, the more I know that Ian probably did what Asher said. I wish I could be more upset about it than I am. I obviously don’t want to be with someone who is violent, but I have never seen an ounce of that in him. I’m not afraid of Ian. At all. I can’t say the same about Asher.
I just wish Ian had told me.
When Ian calls again later that night, for the first time in our entire relationship, I avoid his call. I let it go to voicemail and don’t call him back. The things Asher said are going around and around in my head. All of it. I fall asleep around 2 and wake up a few hours later, feeling like I’ve been run through the dryer—my head has been bumping against the side walls as I twirl around in circles. I’m dizzy and my temples are pounding.
I should have called in sick to work because I botch up a ton of orders. I take something for my headache, and Nadine tries to make up for my lack. When I leave for the day, there are four missed calls from Ian. I go home and without thinking about what I’m going to say, I finally push ‘call back’.
Before I can say anything, he’s talking.
“Sparrow? Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you … if this is about our conversation, I’m sorry, I just-”
“I’m okay,” my voice falters and it all comes rushing out. “I ran into Asher after we spoke, and it didn’t go well.”
“What happened? Did he hurt you?” Ian’s voice instantly sounds harsh.
“No, but it was pretty awful.”
“Tell me everything, what did he do?”
“Well, he told me you put him in the hospital,” I say quietly.
Silence.
“Ian?”
“Yeah, I did,” he says.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He doesn’t say anything for a long time and when he does, it’s slow and resigned. “The night we were in The Chatwal—the only time I left you, remember? When Tessa came? I went to see Asher. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I didn’t go over there planning to do what I did.” He lets out a ragged breath. “He had this weird smirk on his face the whole time and when I confronted him about you, he bragged about being your first … baby, are you sure you want to—”