“Back to St. Paul’s. They’ll start looking for a compatible donor via computer in the national marrow registry. Unfortunately, the task is complicated because you have a rare blood type.”
Luke didn’t flinch. “Is that it?”
“They’ll put you back onto chemo maintenance to inhibit the spread as much as possible until a donor’s found.”
“So, I guess this means that I’ll be out for the rest of the season.”
Luke’s attempt at humor brought a thin smile to the doctor’s lips. “Shall I write a note to your coach excusing you from play?”
“How about if you write one to God instead? Tell him to find me a donor.” Luke pulled Julie closer to him. “Tell him I don’t want to die.”
22
Luke went back to St. Paul’s long enough to have his chemo device implanted and his dose regulated. Upon returning home, he doggedly started school again, and his baseball hat once more became a familiar sight in the halls and classrooms.
News of his need for a bone marrow donor made the front page in the local paper and was picked up by the Associated Press national news service. He got calls, offers of money, requests for TV interviews—everything except a compatible donor. He asked for nothing, preferring to stay out of the limelight. By fielding calls and running interference, Coach Ellis saw to it that Luke and his mother weren’t hounded.
At school, Frank rallied the football team, as well as the student body, and he and Solena initiated a bone marrow testing day. A doctor and three nurses came from St. Paul’s with syringes and vials for blood samples, along with permission slips. Most of the students lined up after school to have their blood tested for a possible match.
Coach Ellis was first in line. Julie was second. It touched her, seeing the support and caring Luke inspired in their classmates. The paper covered that event also, but she couldn’t bring herself to read the stories. They left her sad and depressed. And scared. For she knew that a bone marrow transplant was Luke’s only hope for survival; he was getting sicker and balder and more gaunt from the chemo and the relentless advance of his cancer, and time, Julie knew, was running out for him. A donor had to be found—and found soon.
As October faded into November, Luke was able to attend school less and less. On the days he did come, Frank picked him up and Julie drove him home. Yet he rarely wanted to go home until they visited the new stadium, which was now almost fully constructed. Even on cold, blustery days, he insisted on going. Julie would take his hand and they’d slowly climb the new bleachers, sit, and gaze down at the field.
“I sure wish I could play football again,” Luke said wistfully one November afternoon.
“If those doctors find a donor in time, you will,” Julie answered.
“Don’t you ever give up?”
“No. And neither should you.”
He entwined his fingers with hers. “When you’re up against a superior enemy, sometimes it’s okay to bow out gracefully,” he said quietly.
She whirled to face him. “I hate it when you talk so negatively. A donor will be found. And you will go to college and play football.”
“Come on,” he chided. “I don’t like arguing with you.” He managed one of his endearing grins. “I’m a lover, not a fighter. Remember?”
She returned her gaze to the barren, muddy field, where large clumps of dirt were riddled with bulldozer tracks. It looked brown and ugly, making it hard for her to imagine the field flat and thick with a carpet of grass. “Yes you are too a fighter. I’ve seen you fight to win in many a football game. And to me, your life is much more worth fighting for than any game.”
“I am fighting for my life, Julie. I fight for it every day.”
“But you talk about losing the fight, and that really scares me.”
“I can’t win every game I play.”
“It’s being on the chemo, Luke. It’s getting you discouraged. Once you’re off it, you’ll feel better about everything.”
“I promise: I won’t give up.” He toyed with a strand of her long hair.
Thoroughly depressed, Julie changed the subject. “Our last home game’s in two weeks. Will you come? Dad wants you to.”
“I’m coming,” he said. “I started the season with the team, and I want to finish with them.”
Without Luke, the Warriors had lost their heart to win and had quickly slipped from their number one ranking as what had been their most brilliant season turned to dust.
On the night of the game, Julie and her family picked up Luke and his mother in a specially equipped van. Too weak to walk, Luke had been given a wheelchair. “Are you sure you’re up to coming?” Coach asked.
Luke settled his baseball cap and told him, “Yes. I want to go.” Luke’s clothes hung on him. His once-powerful physique had melted away and his body had turned skeletal as the war against cancer raged within him. Julie reminded herself that he’d regained his form after his first bout with chemo was complete and that she should have every hope it would happen again.
They drove in silence to the game and, once there, Coach Ellis positioned Luke on the field, along the sidelines, at the end of the Warriors’ bench. When the team filed onto the field, each player stepped in front of Luke’s wheelchair, removed his helmet, and shook Luke’s hand. Julie watched from the stands, a lump in her throat, as Luke gave every player a high five, a smile, a few words.
And at halftime, she watched her father push Luke’s wheelchair out to the middle of the field while the announcer recited his football exploits and the bright field lights glinted off the polished metal of his chair. Cameras flashed as the mayor and superintendent of schools stood with him. The mayor made a brief speech about how much honor Luke had brought to Waterton with his talent. He gave Luke a plaque and then announced, “In your honor, the new high school stadium will be called ‘Luke Muldenhower Stadium,’ and will be formally dedicated as such come spring.”
Julie heard Luke’s mother gasp when the announcement was made and felt Nancy reach for her hand. Tears were all but blinding Julie, but she held her head high, feeling more pride for Luke than ever. His talent might have brought him fame, but his courage in the face of cancer had brought him honor.
Spring. Julie wondered if Luke would still be waiting for a donor or if his bone marrow transplant would be history by then. Spring. The season of flowers and fresh green grass seemed so far away. They still had the long, harsh Indiana winter to endure. She bowed her head and whispered fervently, “Hurry up, spring.”
“Julie, we need to talk.” Patricia Ellis came into Julie’s room, closing the door behind her.
Julie didn’t mind the interruption. She’d tried valiantly all evening to study for her upcoming finals, but had been unable to concentrate. She turned down the Christmas music playing from the radio on her desk. “What’s up?”
“What are you doing about your acceptances to Tulane and Ohio State?”
“What do you mean? I’m not doing anything about them.”
Her mother looked confused. “You’ve got to choose one of them. After all, you’re graduating in six months and—”
“Mother!” Julie stood. “What are you thinking? I can’t go off and leave Luke. What if he gets his donor marrow? I need to be here for him.”
“Julie, are you serious? Are you telling me you’re not going off to college just because Luke isn’t?”
“Of course I’m serious. I wouldn’t dream of leaving Luke.”
A worried frown creased her mother’s brow. “You can’t put the rest of your life on hold for Luke’s sake. I’m sure if you ask him, he’d want you to go ahead with your plans.”
“My plans are to stay with Luke until he’s well. If that means postponing college for a year, then that’s what I’ll do.”
Her mother didn’t back down, but her expression grew pensive. Haltingly, she said, “Luke’s gravely ill, Julie. What if … what if a donor can’t be found?”
“I think one will be found.”
<
br /> “But honey, what if—”
“Stop it!” Julie stamped her foot. “I won’t hear all this horrible talk. Luke’s got to get well again. I can’t even think about going through the rest of my life without him. I wouldn’t even want to!” She held out her hand. “Remember this ring? It’s more than just a souvenir from my summer vacation. It’s a ‘promise ring.’ Luke gave it to me. It’s his promise that someday we’ll be married.”
Her mother looked dumbstruck and Julie felt a thrill of triumphant satisfaction. “I had no idea the two of you were that serious,” Patricia Ellis said slowly.
“Well, we are. And as long as I can be here for Luke, I will be.” Julie was amazed that she could have lived so long under the same roof with her mother and still feel so far apart from her. The woman didn’t understand, and she never would.
“We need to talk more about this, Julie.”
“No we don’t. I’ve made up my mind. I’m not leaving Luke.” Julie crossed her arms in stubborn defiance, all but daring her mother to argue with her.
She never got the chance. The phone on Julie’s desk rang and when Julie grabbed the receiver, she heard Nancy’s anguished voice say, “I just called an ambulance to come get Luke. He’s bad off, Julie. Really bad. And I’m scared. Can you meet me at Waterton General right away?”
23
At the hospital, Julie and her mother learned that Luke was having difficulty breathing and that his mother had called the ambulance in a panic. “You did the correct thing,” Dr. Portage assured her after he’d examined Luke.
“Will he be all right? Can I take him home?”
“He’s still in respiratory distress, so I’m admitting him. I’ve put him on a respirator.”
Nancy cried out and Julie felt wobbly on her feet.
“It’s only temporary, simply a way to help him breathe more easily for a spell. I’m ordering X rays to find out why he’s in trouble.” As an afterthought, Dr. Portage added, “As long as he’s on the respirator, he won’t be able to talk, so I’ll keep him sedated too.”
Numb, still shaking from an adrenaline rush of fear, Julie sank slowly into a waiting room chair. Her mother said a few words to Nancy, then headed for the phone, saying, “I’m calling your father.” Bud Ellis was at a meeting.
He arrived to join them in less than thirty minutes. “What now?” he asked.
As Luke’s situation was explained to him, Julie watched his shoulders sag and heard him mutter, “Poor kid.”
The lobby of the hospital had been decorated for Christmas, which was only two weeks away. A feeling of déjà vu slid over Julie: Luke had spent the previous Christmas in the hospital. She remembered the sense of determination they’d all felt about him getting well and the almost childlike naïveté with which they’d faced the future at that time.
“It’s not going to go away, is it, Daddy?” she asked. “It’s not ever going to leave Luke alone.”
“It does seem relentless.” Her father sighed and shook his head. “This makes no sense to me, Julie. Why should a kid like Luke go through this when he’s got so much to live for? I’ve talked to him about it.”
His admission surprised Julie—Luke had never mentioned it to her. “We’ve talked too, but we never came up with any answers.”
“There aren’t any. It’s just … life. But going through something like this sure shows what a person’s made of, and in my book, no one is made of finer stuff than Luke.”
Julie saw a film of tears swimming in her father’s eyes, and the sight rattled her. In all the years she’d lived with him, she’d never seen her father cry.
He cleared his throat. “He’s like a son to me.”
“Don’t give up on him yet. He’s still got plenty of fight left in him.”
And sure enough, by the next day Luke was breathing easier and had been taken off the respirator. He looked very pale, but he gave Julie a smile and a thumbs-up when she came into his room. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
She’d been warned that the breathing tube they’d inserted in his throat would affect his voice. “Let’s go back to L.A.,” she said, taking hold of his hand.
“If only we could.”
They were alone, but Julie didn’t know how long the time would last. Nurses breezed in and out of the room regularly and his mother could pop in at any time. An idea had been forming in her mind for days, and suddenly this seemed like the perfect time to present it. She studied the ring on her finger. “Did you mean what you asked me in L.A.?”
“About marrying you?” His gaze also fell on the silver ring. “I meant it.” A shadow of doubt crossed his face. “Are you having second thoughts? Do you want to give the ring back?”
“No way.” She seized both his hands and pressed them against her breasts. “Why should we wait to get married, Luke? Why, when it’s what both of us want?”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s get married now. It doesn’t have to be a fancy ceremony … and we can do it here in the hospital if we have to. Your mother, my parents, Solena and Frank, Steve and Diedra—if we can get them here quickly. These are the only people who matter in our lives, so they’re the only ones we should invite.”
She talked rapidly, hardly breaking for a breath, spilling her long-pent-up emotions. “I don’t need a fancy dress … why, the one I bought for the Christmas dance last year will do nicely. Oh, I know it’s not white, but who cares? You and I know we’ve never messed around. And the hospital is all fixed up for Christmas, so the ceremony could be really festive. Besides, don’t you think a Christmas wedding would be fun? Every anniversary we’d have two reasons to celebrate.
“We don’t have to have a reception or anything, either. Heck, some cheese and crackers is fine with me. Your mom could whip up one of her fancy cheese dips and my mom could do some kind of cake. Not a wedding cake.” She made a face. “I’ve always thought the icing on those things was too sickly sweet. And once you’re out of the hospital we could take a little honeymoon to—oh, anyplace—I don’t care—”
Luke freed one hand from her embrace and placed his fingertips against her lips to silence her. “Julie, stop.”
She stopped, and the silence in the room was deafening.
“I can’t marry you now.”
She felt a sinking sensation. “Why? I know you love me, and I love you. What else matters?”
His gaze roamed her face as if absorbing it. “I love you all right. And because I love you, I can’t make you a bride and a widow in the same month.”
“But the doctors are going to fix you up and you’ll go home and wait for a donor. You can’t give up, Luke. You can’t.”
He looked at her so tenderly that she almost started crying. “I know why I’m having trouble breathing, Julie.”
She couldn’t force herself to ask why. Because not knowing served as a protective shield, and so long as she didn’t know, she could hold off the finality of what was happening to him.
“I have a tumor in my lung, Julie.” He touched his chest. “And the chemo isn’t stopping it from growing. They want to cut it out.”
“Operate?” She said the word as if it were alien.
“It’s located here”—he pressed his palm against the left side of his chest—“very near my heart. It’s compressing my heart and taking over my lung. Surgery’s my best hope.”
“When?” She felt icy cold and stiff, and forming words took great difficulty.
“Day after tomorrow.”
Too soon! her mind cried, but her voice said, “But it will make you better, won’t it?”
“They think so.”
“Will you do it?”
“I talked it over with Mom and my doctors, and it’s what I want to do.”
She had fears and doubts. She had a host of reasons why he shouldn’t, but she saw his steely look of determination and knew he would do what he wanted and that nothing she could say could dissuade him. Not that
she was sure she should try. If surgery offered hope and made him more comfortable during his wait for a marrow donor, perhaps it was worth doing. “I’ll be here for you,” she said.
He smiled. “The first thing I want to see when I get out of recovery is your face.” He rested his palm on her cheek. “And when I close my eyes on the operating table, the thing I’ll see inside my mind will be your face.”
Tears swam in her eyes. “After this operation is over, after you get your strength back, promise me you’ll reconsider marrying me right away.”
“We’ll talk about it after the surgery.” He smoothed his thumb across her lips. “Of course, if we do get married soon, your mother will kill us both and the surgery will have been for nothing.”
She gave a short laugh. “I don’t care what my mother thinks. I want to be with you, Luke, for the rest of my life.”
His gaze caressed her face. “That suits me fine.”
The day before Luke’s surgery, Steve and Diedra flew into Chicago, rented a car, and drove over to Waterton, lifting Julie’s spirits immensely. When they walked into Luke’s room, Steve held up his hand and said, “Now don’t panic, nephew. We’re only here because word got around that you were driving the doctors and your mother nuts. Besides, we were sick of sushi—that’s fish you eat raw, in case you don’t know it—and your mother promised us a good home-cooked meal.”
Luke was all smiles. “You came all this way to see me?”
“You and Julie,” Diedra said. Julie had seen the expression of shock that crossed Diedra’s face when she’d first seen Luke and how she’d quickly suppressed it. Diedra gave him a hug. “We’ve missed you two.”
“Did you bring pictures from your honeymoon?” Julie asked.
“An albumful,” Diedra said.
They spent the afternoon looking through the photos and talking, and later, when Julie and Diedra went down to the snack bar for ice cream and Steve stayed behind with Luke, Julie told Diedra that she and Luke might marry as soon as he recovered from his surgery. “Would you stay for the wedding?” she asked.