When the song ended, I immediately went after Elle. I had to find her to explain. I didn’t want to give her any more time, no matter what Riley said. I drove straight to her house. When I pulled up, Bryce was walking away from her front door. He must have left right after we talked. The fire inside me roared. He was trying to steal Elle. Some friend! I jumped out of my truck and ran up to Bryce. He flinched seeing me coming at him.
“Nicholas, wait, it’s not what you think.”
“What do I think, Bryce? Tell me,” I shouted, grabbing him.
“I came here for you,” he pleaded.
“I didn’t ask you to do that, did I?”
“Listen, I lied and told Elle that I placed the bid for you. I told her I saw that some pretty sick guys were bidding on Genevieve, and you being like a little brother or something, I thought it would be okay. She didn’t want to listen to me but I had to try. You and Elle are great together. I just wanted to be a good friend to you.”
I was still angry at him for coming over to talk to her, but I guess the more people telling her it wasn’t actually me, the better.
I let go of him and he walked away.
I had been to her house a thousand times, but this time it felt cold. I wasn’t sure what was going to be waiting for me. Whatever it took, I had to make Elle understand, no matter what. I couldn’t lose her.
I knocked on the door. The dark house didn’t show any signs of life. I knocked again, but this time louder. A light turned on and the door opened. Elle stood in front of me. Her eyes were swollen and her face was soaked with tears. She didn’t say anything. Her normally inviting eyes were hollow and distant.
“Elle, you have to let me explain.” She turned and walked down the stairs, leaving the door wide open. I followed her, shutting the door behind me.
I didn’t wait for her to sit on the couch.
“Elle, it wasn’t me who put that bid in. You have to believe me. You are everything to me. I love you more than life itself.”
“Did you dance with her?” she asked coldly.
“Yes.” I became nauseated with my answer. Why did I dance with Genevieve? I should have chased after Elle.
“Then I guess you weren’t too worried, were you?”
“Elle, I was. When I went to look for you, you were already gone. Riley told me that Cora went after you and that I needed to give you some time to cool off. I wanted to follow you, but I thought Riley was right.”
“I didn’t need time to cool off. I needed you. Cora was kind enough to bring me home and Bryce wasn’t far behind her. Did you tell him to come here?”
“No, I was angry that he did. He had no right to come here.”
“You are lucky to have such a good friend. He told me that you didn’t put the bid in—he did. But that doesn’t matter to me because you danced with her.”
My heart filled with grief and shame. Why did I dance with her? I reached out my hand. “Elle, I love you so much.” Elle began to cry, pulling away. She put her hands over her face.
“I know you do, but why did you dance with her, Nicholas?” she said over and over, crying. I felt helpless. My world was shattering with each tear that fell. Everything was crashing down around me. Tears began to pour down my face. My head felt like it was going to explode.
After a couple of minutes, she calmed down. I tried my best to do the same, but it was difficult. I couldn’t believe how much I had hurt her.
“Nicholas, I know you love me and I love you too, but we can’t be together.”
The words ripped through me like a white hot knife.
“Elle, please, I beg you, don’t do this. You are everything to me. Please.”
I said it several times, hoping she would change her mind, but she just kept shaking her head.
“No, Nicholas. We can’t be together. It just seems that the more we try, the more things fall apart. And I can’t live this way anymore.”
In my panic to make her see, I started to tell her the secrets I had been keeping from her.
“Elle, let me explain everything to you,” I rambled. “I have some things to tell you that will explain everything.”
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. There is nothing that will make me change my mind. I want you to go, now.”
Again, I felt the sting of her words as they pierced through my chest. I couldn’t handle it. The world was spinning out of control.
“Please, Elle, please. I beg you.”
She leaned forward and kissed me on my cheek.
“Nicholas, you must go.”
She walked to the door and opened it. My body was moving toward her, but I didn’t feel like it was me. I was hovering above myself as I walked, grief-stricken, up to the door. How could this be happening? After everything we went through.
I walked through the door. The warm weather was now mixed with a cold mist. I turned back to look at her. She was crying even harder now.
“I love you and I always will,” she said, shutting the door before I could respond.
My world had just ended. I fell to the ground. My heart was pounding and I couldn’t breathe. I pulled myself up and barely got myself to the truck where I put my head down on the hood, still sobbing uncontrollably. Why? Why? Was this a bad dream? For a fleeting moment, my grief mixed with anger. I pounded my fist on the cold steel hood and yelled as loudly as I could, “Why?” My voice echoed around me, but fell silent in the mist. I put my head down on the truck again. Elle was the only one who made me want to take on all of the challenges ahead of me, because I knew I would be with her until I made my Final Sacrifice. But now I had nothing.
The mist turned into a steady hard rain. My clothes quickly became soaked. I ripped my shirt off in anger and fell to my knees next to the truck. This was the end.
I stayed there kneeling next to my truck for what seemed like hours. Somewhere inside me, I was hoping that Elle would come out and make everything better. But the longer I waited, the more I realized that she wasn’t coming.
Driving home was difficult. I couldn’t concentrate on the road. I nearly hit a parked car that I didn’t see until it was almost too late. When I got home, I sat in my driveway. I didn’t want to go inside because I knew that the group would be there, waiting like always.
After a lot of yelling and pounding on the steering wheel, I managed to get myself to go inside. I was still drenched from the rain, which had stopped before I got out of the truck. Steam rose off my hot skin. Every light was on in our house. I went straight to my room. I pulled off my wet clothes and got into bed. The warmth from the heavy down comforter was the only soothing thing left. I wished my mom was there. She would help make everything better again. I missed my parents so much.
I began to float. This time the darkness was in the form of a person. This shadow person walked around me, sizing me up. I couldn’t run or fight because I was helplessly floating, suspended like an ice cube in water. Then in one quick motion, the creature was on top of me, choking me, both hands firmly around my neck. As a reflex, I started to fight, but then I gave up, letting it do whatever it wanted to me. If it wanted me dead, then I would welcome it with open arms. Without Elle, there was no reason to fight back anymore. I opened my eyes and it was gone. It disappeared as soon as I stopped fighting. It vanished. It reminded me of the one other time when I let the darkness consume me last year. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to fight this darkness. Then I felt warm spots moving around on my back. It was so comforting, like a warm washcloth being dragged across my skin, taking away some of the hurt I was feeling. I turned to see who it was and it was my mom. I began to cry again.
“Mom, I miss you so much.”
“Nicholas, there is no reason to cry. I am always with you.”
“But what am I supposed to do now?” I pleaded, hoping she would tell me.
“Shh, honey, that is not for me to decide. Your father and I will always be with you. You are never alone, no matter how dark the path becomes. Just remember to look ahead toward the light.”
I awoke and began to cry again. Even with my mom’s words to comfort me, it didn’t make what happened with Elle any better. I needed her.