“Thank you. Is there another one for you?” I asked unnecessarily. One, there was only one can in his hand, and two, I already knew Liam wasn’t drinking since he’d driven.
“Nah, I’m good.” Liam’s ice-blue eyes stayed locked on mine for a few silent seconds, and just when I was about to look away, they drifted to the side and a smile crossed his face. “And he’s gone.”
I looked quickly in front of me to find that the guy I’d been talking to was in fact gone. Well, if you could consider five feet away gone. But at least he was focused on someone else now. “Seriously, thank you so much!” I whispered in relief to Liam, and sank down onto the blanket I’d been standing on. Shoving the cool can of beer into the sand, I took a sip of the one I’d already had that was still completely full.
Liam sat down in front of me, but kept his eyes averted. “I figured you needed to be saved from him, and I couldn’t think of a good enough reason.”
My eyebrows rose once in confirmation, and I laughed softly. “He was . . . well, he’s something else,” I said as I glanced back at the man in question.
“I don’t know why he comes to these things. He never drinks or eats, he never brings anyone with him, and he only talks to people about how his radish is going to save the world—”
“Avocado,” I interrupted. “He said the radish wasn’t going to produce the right kind of energy. He’s trying an avocado pit now.” Liam rolled his eyes, but his smile was contagious. “How do you even know him?,” I said.
“We don’t! He just joined in on a party one day when we were out here, and it never fails, if we’re at the beach he’ll show up at some point. I don’t think I even know his name, we all just try to avoid getting stuck in a conversation with him,” I said.
“Howie,” I answered before taking another sip. “He has an employee ID card clipped onto his shirt from some company.”
“Well, you’ve now met Howie. You can consider it a rite of passage here.”
“Yay me,” I mumbled sarcastically.
Both Liam and I were silent for a few moments as we watched Howie go into an overly excited and detailed explanation to a girl who looked like she couldn’t get away fast enough, and I laughed when her expression clearly showed she’d given up on trying to find a way out.
“I want to know more about you,” Liam muttered, bringing my attention back to him.
My smile faded and I shook my head faintly. “Liam, I—why? Why do you keep pushing for something between us?”
“I just want to know more about you, Kennedy. Friends do that—hell, strangers do it. So why can’t we?”
“Because you and I both know your real reason for wanting to know. You know just as much about me as you do about Kira, and probably more than your other friends know, at least the ones I’ve met. You asking for more is just—”
“It’s just a request as a friend, Kennedy. Nothing more, nothing less.”
I watched his expression carefully, and knew that it was anything but a friendly request. Before I could come up with another reason not to tell him more about myself, he leaned closer, and the movement had my dismissal getting caught in my throat.
“You already know where I went to school and what I majored in; why don’t you start there for me?”
I released a heavy breath and began shaking my head again, but found myself saying, “I went to Florida State, and majored in psychology.”
“Psychology? Really?”
I laughed, and tried to look offended. “Yes, really. Why do you look so surprised?”
Liam’s eyes widened as he tried to find the words. “I just never would have guessed that about you. You don’t seem like the kind of girl who’d be interested in psychology.”
“And what kind of major do I look like I would be interested in?”
He huffed out a short laugh and shrugged. “How to show a guy you’re not interested?”
Instead of saying something to get out of the conversation, or telling him he was pushing it again, I smirked and said, “I minored in that, actually.”
“Figures.” His eyes darted to mine before he was looking at the blanket again. “So what do you want to do with your degree?”
“Nothing,” I admitted on a sigh. “I had to take a course for gen. ed., and I ended up loving it, so I majored in it. I guess in a way I’d grown up being fascinated by the way people are because of my dad.”
Liam didn’t respond, but his confused expression was enough to make me continue.
“My dad is a detective; so is Uncle Mason. I figured he would’ve mentioned something about that in the meeting he had with you and Uncle Eli.”
“No. But somehow it makes sense. Eli said that your dad was the last person I wanted to piss off. I couldn’t imagine how your dad would be worse than Mason when he looks the way he does. But if they’re both detectives, I get it.”
I smiled wryly and asked, “Would it make it even better for you to know that they used to do undercover work? Like, they lived with, and were part of, gangs.”
Liam’s face went blank for a few seconds before he started getting up. “Well, great knowing you.”
I laughed and pulled him back down, and was glad to see the amusement in his eyes and smile. My dad and uncle had scared off enough guys while I was growing up, and the fact that Liam didn’t seem to mind made him that much better. A jolt ran through my body when I realized exactly where my thoughts had gone.
It shouldn’t have mattered if the news of Dad and Uncle Mason’s job caused Liam to run or not. If anything, I should have been hoping for it to make him too scared to keep pursuing something with me. But as usual when I was in Liam’s presence, my walls were falling.
Sitting back, I cleared my throat. “Anyway, growing up with them and hearing their stories about the people they encountered must have been what started it for me. We also used to watch these shows on serial killers, and I remember always being fascinated when they interviewed them and we got to hear their reasons for doing what they did.”
“That’s a . . . morbid thing to be fascinated by.”
I laughed at the way he was looking at me—like he was concerned for my mental stability. “But like I said, I’ve never wanted to do anything with my degree. There was never anything in particular I wanted to be or do when I grew up, and that hasn’t really changed. I feel like I’m still waiting to find what I’m meant to do.”
We spent the next two hours talking about everything and nothing. And somewhere in there, we ended up moving closer and closer as we joked with each other and I told him more about myself than I’d ever intended. Thankfully, the conversation had never gotten deep. It stayed playful and had mostly been full of childhood memories and embarrassing teen and college stories.
“Here,” he said as he came back to sit on the blanket after disappearing for a couple minutes.
I straightened when I saw what was in his hand, and my eyebrows rose. “S’mores? You all make s’mores at your bonfires?”
Liam’s lips curved up, and he shook his head once. “Not usually; someone must’ve brought them, though. Do you want it or not? Because if not, I’ll take one for the team and eat it by myself.”
“No, no! I want it!” I grabbed for it when he started putting it near his own mouth, and pulled it toward my body like I was protecting the treat. “I’ve been trapped here for hours, there’s no way you’re denying me one of these.”
With a short laugh, he put his hands up in surrender, and I took my first bite of a s’more since high school.
“Oh my God,” I moaned, and licked at my lips as I handed it over to him for a bite. “Easily the best thing I’ve eaten in years.”
We passed it back and forth a couple times, and when the last bite was between my fingers, I began handing it over, then quickly brought it back and shoved it into my mouth.
“Mm, yep. Yeah, that last bite was the best part for sure,” I mumbled around the treat, and tried not to laugh at the betrayed look on his fa
ce.
“That hurt.”
“I bet it did. You gonna get over it?”
“I don’t think I can,” he replied with false hurt. “That was low, even for you.”
“Poor Liam.” I pouted for his benefit. “I’ll go make another one, and this time you can have the first and last bites.” I started to stand, but stumbled when I got caught in the part of the blanket I’d pulled over my legs as the night grew colder, and fell against Liam.
His hands immediately went up to help steady me, but the force of my fall had landed me in his arms with my chest pressed to his. Liam’s hold tightened around my waist, and instead of helping by pushing me back, he pulled me closer—and I didn’t once try to fight him.
We stared at each other for a few tense seconds, and my breathing grew heavier as I tried to tell myself that I needed to back away, but what I wanted was much louder than what I needed at that moment.
I wasn’t sure who moved first, but our mouths crashed together in a hungry kiss that was so much like our first one a year ago. My hands slid from his shoulders to his neck, and the tips of my fingers played in his hair as I moved so I was up on my knees and straddling him. His arms tightened once against my waist before dropping lower and pulling my hips toward him as he let me take control of the kiss for a moment. But like last year, it was only seconds before he was the one demanding and controlling—and not one part of me had the will to fight him on it.
I wish I could say I was having a lapse of judgment because of the beer, but I hadn’t even finished my first one. Liam had kicked down my walls. He’d had me laughing more than I had laughed in years, and as always, he’d had me forgetting why I couldn’t be with him. And with the scent of the fire mixed with the salty ocean breeze, and with my body pressed up against his, I was positive I’d been silently begging for his kiss, and was now begging for it not to end.
But it had to end. It wasn’t until he whispered my name that I was able to remember why.
“Liam,” I breathed against his mouth, and moved my hands down to plant them on his chest. Countless seconds passed as we both sat there breathing heavily, and I forced myself not to give in again. “Liam, I think it’s time I went home.”
His body hardened beneath my hands, and I knew he knew what I was saying and doing. I was stopping this before it could continue. I was pushing him back. And I was throwing up my walls again.
No words passed between us as we got ready and left, and there was only a silent good-bye as we stared at each other when he pulled up in front of my building. I fought with myself over the apology that was on the tip of my tongue, but kept it in as I opened the door and stepped out of his car. If I had voiced it, I knew my already shaky walls would quickly fall again, and I didn’t think I would have the strength to get them back up.
June 12
Liam
“READY TO SPAR, old man?” I asked the next night as I walked up behind my dad and punched his shoulder.
He turned around from where he was helping a member perfect his technique, and raised an eyebrow to match the smirk on his face. “We’ll see if you’re still calling me that when I’m done with you. Go do something to warm up while I finish here.”
I nodded and tore off my shirt as I crossed the gym. After last night, this was what I needed. I needed time to clear my head, and I needed to focus on not getting my ass handed to me by my dad instead of replaying my night with Kennedy over and over.
My eyes automatically drifted over to the drink station, but I already knew I wouldn’t find the girls there. I’d waited until they’d been off work for a couple hours to show up to fight tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow like I normally did. Because ever since I’d gotten off work, it’d taken all my focus to keep myself from going to their condo to try to talk to Moon. I knew I would eventually give up and show up at her door if I didn’t do something to get my mind off her soon, and the gym would do exactly that.
“You ready?” Dad asked fifteen minutes later as he pulled off his shirt and climbed into the ring.
I glanced over at him and gave him a calculating stare. “I’m not going easy on you just because you might break a hip.”
He laughed. It didn’t matter that he was in his forties, just like it didn’t matter that he’d stopped fighting for a living over twenty years ago. He was still unbeatable, and he and I both knew he could easily take me down with just a few hits.
“You want to tell me what has you in such a bad mood?” he asked when we began.
“Kennedy.” Okay, maybe the gym wouldn’t get my mind off her. I took a few swings and dodged one of his, and grunted when he landed a kick to my ribs.
He blocked one of my hits. “And what about her has you showing up a day early?” After a few more swings, he took a few steps back and sent me a condescending smile. “It can’t be because she turned you down, because she’s been doing that for more than a week now, son.”
I glared and closed the distance before I threw another hit. “Yes and no. We kissed.”
He stumbled back when I kicked his calf, and bent over laughing. “You’re here to fight, looking pissed off at the world, just because you two kissed?”
I straightened and threw my arms out to the side. “She fucking shut down again after. The entire night she was completely different from how she’s been since I first talked to her here. It was good; everything about last night was good. And then a couple minutes in, it’s like she remembered that she’d been pushing me back before, and did it again. She didn’t say a word the entire ride back to her place.”
One eyebrow rose, and for a second, he actually looked sorry . . . until he spoke. “Maybe she was thinking about giving you another chance, but once she kissed you sober, she realized that last year was a fluke and decided to bolt.”
“Are you serious right now? That’s really what you’re going to go with? That’s your great fatherly advice? To try to tell me that my kissing is what had her shutting down again last night?”
“Looks like it’s a possibility.” He sucked air through his teeth and shook his head, but his mouth started twitching up into a smile, and soon his shoulders were shaking from the laugh he was trying so hard to hold in. When my face fell, he barked out a laugh and kicked out my legs from underneath me. Leaning over me once I was lying on my back, he grinned knowingly. “You want my honest opinion? I think she has a very real reason for trying to hold you back, one she’s not ready for you to know—if she’ll ever be ready for you to know. But from what I’ve seen, she’s a lot like your mom. She’s feisty. My bet is you just have to figure out the right buttons to push for her to completely open up to you. If I’m right, she’ll be trouble . . . but she’ll sure as shit be worth it.”
Accepting his hand to help me up off the ground, I got ready to go again. “I’m already starting to figure that out.”
ONCE MY DAD and I were done fighting and had talked awhile longer, I grabbed some food and drove over to the tattoo parlor where I got all my work done. Walking in, I headed over to Brian, a friend of my parents’. He was practically family and I’d always gone to him whenever anything happened in my life. But I hadn’t seen him since I’d found out Kennedy was in California, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he somehow found out and got pissed because I’d failed to mention anything.
“What’s up, Little Chachi?” Brian called out when he saw me.
I rolled my eyes but smiled at the nickname he and his wife had passed on from my father to me.
“You lookin’ to get something? I’m sure I’ve got a good hour or so before the weekend crowd starts pouring in.”
“Not today.” Grabbing a burrito out of the bag I was holding, I tossed it in his direction.
“Ah, yes. Gift from the gods. How did you know I was dying of starvation?” he asked as he opened up the foil.
“Because you’re always dying of starvation.” I pulled a chair into his station and groaned as I ran my hands over my face.
Brian clucked his tongue. “Ah, one of those visits. Good thing I’m not stoned. I need to be clearheaded for this.”
“Shut up, Brian.”
He laughed and took a massive bite of the burrito, then nodded once and spoke around the food. “Talk at me.”
“You might want to swallow the food before I tell you this.”
His brow creased as he studied me, and after a few seconds, he went back to chewing. “Done,” he grunted, and his eyes narrowed. “Are you in some sort of trouble?”
“No, not at all. I just have a feeling you’re about to start yelling as soon as I tell you what’s going on, and I’d rather not have to call an ambulance for you when you choke on the food.”
“Makes me all warm and fuzzy to know you wouldn’t try to save me.” Brian set the burrito on his desk and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’m sure it does,” I said with a grin, but it quickly fell. With a deep breath in, I asked, “Do you—”
“You get her flowers and beg her to forgive your stupid ass.”
My eyebrows rose. “What the fuck, Brian? I barely got two words out!”
“This about a girl?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Then you get some motherfucking flowers, and you go to her and beg her to forgive your dumb ass. There. Heart-to-heart done. Now I’m still starving, and this little piece of heaven is begging me to eat it.” Grabbing the burrito again, he took another bite and smiled through it.
“How did you even know it had to do with a girl?” I asked, somewhat amazed that Brian of all people could have guessed that.
“Because I’ve seen that exact same tortured face before.” His eyes darted to the side, and he swallowed thickly. With a slight shake of his head, he mumbled, “I still can’t believe how much you look like him now.”
“I know.” I sighed, but couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was seeing when he looked at me. Because even though pictures helped tell a story, they would never be the same as the real thing, and the guy he was talking about had died before I was born.
“So what’d you do to screw up this time?”