mad maddie:
chive doesn’t like me. he likes whitney.
zoegirl:
then why does he kiss you? and why do you let him? and why are you packing up your books all of a sudden? has it gotten too hot in here for you?
zoegirl:
tell him how you feel. that’s your dare!!!
Sat, Jan 29, 11:33 PM E.S.T.
zoegirl:
hey, angela. i know it’s like two in the morning there, but … are you awake?
SnowAngel:
good god, zoe, i’m gonna have to strap a time-change clock to your forehead.
SnowAngel:
if it’s 11:30 there, then it’s 8:30 here, which means UR the one who’s up late, at least for u. were u out with doug?
zoegirl:
yeah, we went out after work. but i’m not txting about doug for once. i’m txting to tell you what graham cracker said.
SnowAngel:
that 3-yr-old u think is so adorable?
zoegirl:
he fell and skinned his knee, and he got all worried when he saw that he was bleeding. it was just the tiniest bit, but he clamped his hand over it and said, “i am holding it in. i am holding it in.” like if he didn’t, it might all drain out.
SnowAngel:
poor little guy
zoegirl:
finally he let me put a band-aid on. he watched me really carefully, and then his eyes welled up and he said, “zoe, i miss my mommy.” and i said, “i know. she’ll be here soon.” and he said, “i miss her because i love her. and when i love people, i want them with me always.”
SnowAngel:
awww
zoegirl:
and it made my heart hurt, and i thought of you.
zoegirl:
that’s all.
Mon, Jan 31, 4:02 PM E.S.T.
mad maddie:
hey, zo. i’m at java joe’s right now, and guess who i ran into?
zoegirl:
who?
mad maddie:
ian! with margo pedersen! AND THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!
zoegirl:
ooo, maddie, ouch.
zoegirl:
you okay?
mad maddie:
am i ok? hell yeah i’m ok. it was a classic awkward moment, tho, the ex meeting the new flame. ian was like, “uh, maddie, this is, um, margo. she’s, um … well, we were just …” and i was like, “dude, i know who margo is. we go to the same school. and ur allowed to date someone new, u know.”
zoegirl:
weren’t you upset?
mad maddie:
i did have the uncharitable thought of “she has a big ass, ha ha ha.” but oddly enough i wasn’t that upset. wanna know why?
zoegirl:
why?
mad maddie:
cuz i don’t like ian anymore. i mean, as a human being, sure. but i’m not pining over him.
zoegirl:
ahhh
mad maddie:
he’s not chive, that’s the point.
zoegirl:
so you’re admitting loud and clear in the light of day that YOU LIKE CHIVE. that’s good, maddie. that’s very good. now you just have to tell *him*.
mad maddie:
wait for it, wait for it
mad maddie:
i’m gonna tell him this weekend. we’re gonna hang on saturday—i’ll tell him then.
zoegirl:
for real?!
mad maddie:
i haven’t done it YET. but i figure if u can glue marshmallows to your nipples …
zoegirl:
doug calls me “hot cocoa” now. warm and luscious with a delightful marshmallow topping.
mad maddie:
good god, one little dare and out comes your inner deviant.
zoegirl:
ha ha ha. doug said the same thing, actually …
mad maddie:
doug shld send me flowers. he owes me BIG time.
mad maddie:
but for now, i’m outta here. i finished my chai and i’ve got some errands to run.
zoegirl:
like what?
mad maddie:
never u mind. it has to do with angela (and MAYBE u if ur nice), and it’s a surprise. i just hate it that she’s so depressed. it kills me.
zoegirl:
she left me a voicemail saying her mom’s driving her into the city this afternoon. maybe that’ll help.
mad maddie:
that reminds me, the other thing i need to do is swing by the DMV and apply for a new driver’s license. every time i drive somewhere, i think, “shit, what if i get pulled over.”
zoegirl:
why do u need a new license?
mad maddie:
cuz i lost mine, didn’t i tell u? byeas!
Mon, Jan 31, 8:24 PM P.S.T.
SnowAngel:
maddie, my life has hit an all-time low.
SnowAngel:
i know that hardly seems possible. how could i be lower than i already was? yet here i am.
mad maddie:
but … i thought u went into the city today. i thought u loved the city!
SnowAngel:
i do—it’s the only good thing about being here. but guess who i saw while i was there? actually, don’t bother, cuz u never will. i was buying a hot dog at the embarcadero, and the girl in front of me looked vaguely familiar. she turned around and it was JEANNIE STARR.
mad maddie:
jeannie starr? she goes to northside, doesn’t she? i think she’s one grade above chive.
SnowAngel:
yeah, she’s a senior. that’s why she was in san francisco, cuz she was visiting colleges. she says she wants to get as far away from home as possible.
SnowAngel:
isn’t that ironic? i was like, “here, u can have my life. wanna trade?”
mad maddie:
that is so weird. i don’t know that i’d even recognize her.
SnowAngel:
it took us both a minute, cuz i barely know her and she barely knows me. but then she said, “wait a sec … aren’t u angela silver? i thought u were dead!”
mad maddie:
DEAD?
SnowAngel:
she said, “i thought u died in a car wreck! that’s what someone told me!”
SnowAngel:
this is what my life has come to, maddie. i move away, and one month later everyone assumes i’m dead!
mad maddie:
that is so sad
SnowAngel:
i said to jeannie, “what? no, i’m not dead.” and she goes, “r u sure?”
mad maddie:
good grief. she is 1 donut short of a dozen.
SnowAngel:
i stuck out my arm and said, “u can pinch me if u want.” and she did!!!
mad maddie:
man. it’s like that mark twain quote, “the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”
SnowAngel:
but the reports of my pathetic-ness have not. i might as well be dead.
mad maddie:
DON’T EVEN SAY THAT. EVER!!!
SnowAngel:
and then—THEN—i came home to find glendy’s name on our caller ID 13 times. what cld anybody have to say that’s that important?
mad maddie:
how do u know it was the glendinizer? maybe it was mr. boss, calling for your dad.
SnowAngel:
nuh uh, cuz she didn’t leave a message, which mr. boss would have done. anyway, dad was at work, so if mr. boss needed him, he’d have just gone to his office.
mad maddie:
did u call glendy back?
SnowAngel:
no, i hit delete, delete, delete. *jabs button 13 times*
mad maddie:
lord, angela
SnowAngel:
and now i am going to take a very long, very hot bath and use up all of my mom’s aromatherapy beads. and even that will not wash away the stain of
my pathetic-ness.
SnowAngel:
i love u, maddie, but i hate my life!!!
Mon, Jan 31, 9:15 PM P.S.T.
SnowAngel:
glendy called AGAIN, and i finally gave in and answered. wanna know what was so desperately important?
mad maddie:
do i?
SnowAngel:
apparently she felt unloved. apparently she’d saved me a seat at lunch today and i failed to notice.
mad maddie:
so?
SnowAngel:
exactly! i was like, “and this was so important that u had to call me 13 frickin times???”
mad maddie:
technically, 14
SnowAngel:
all i could think was, “great. everyone thinks i’m DEAD except for u, and ur the 1 person in the world i don’t wanna hang out with. LEAVE ME ALONE, U GROSS LEECHY PERSON!”
mad maddie:
ha
mad maddie:
what’d u tell her for real?
SnowAngel:
seriously, maddie, i cldn’t take it anymore, so i was kinda mean. i said, “i’m sorry i didn’t see u flagging me down. clearly i am a worthless human being. next time just don’t bother, ok?”
mad maddie:
ooo, way to tell it like it is
mad maddie:
what did SHE say?
SnowAngel:
first there was dead silence, and then she said really coldly, “well, excuse me for trying to be nice. excuse me for thinking u actually wanted a friend. u pretend to be so sweet, but really ur just a bitch!”
mad maddie:
omg
mad maddie:
angela, that was so uncalled-for. SHE’S the bitch—u know that, right?
SnowAngel:
it made me cry, maddie, isn’t that ridiculous? after she hung up on me, i just sat on my bed and bawled.
mad maddie:
oh, sweetie
mad maddie:
if i were there, i’d spray paint bad words on her locker for u. i’d take away all her Care Bears!
SnowAngel:
*sniffles*
mad maddie:
just think of it this way: maybe u’ve gotten rid of the glendinizer once and for all.
SnowAngel:
god, let’s hope
SnowAngel:
i’m going to call zoe and tell her about this stupidness, and then i’m going to bed.
SnowAngel:
thanks for listening, mads. night!!!
Tues, Feb 1, 6:33 PM E.S.T.
zoegirl:
hey, are you home from school???? because it’s 3:30 in california, if i finally got the time change right.
SnowAngel:
i’m home, yup. wassup?
zoegirl:
i want to ask your advice about something—but first you have to update me on the glendy situation. how was she when you saw her today???
SnowAngel:
*makes guttural frankenstein noise*
zoegirl:
not so good, huh?
SnowAngel:
actually, it was fine. u know the drill: wounded cold shoulder and poisonous glares. but at least i have her off my back, right?
zoegirl:
*absolutely*
zoegirl:
i’m still sorry that happened, tho
SnowAngel:
oh who cares. it’s just like everything else in my life, a big pile of poo.
SnowAngel:
what’s going on with u? what do u need my advice on?
zoegirl:
well, my mom and dad are going to this big law firm shindig on saturday night. it’s called the prom, isn’t that dorky?
SnowAngel:
your mom and dad r going to the prom?
zoegirl:
it’s really just a fancy party, with a seated dinner and a live band. but it’s black-tie, so everyone gets all dressed up. one of the partners at mom’s firm decided to call it the prom as a joke.
SnowAngel:
oh those crazy grown-ups!
zoegirl:
but what this means is that i’ll have the house to myself.
zoegirl:
eeek! i’m so excited!
SnowAngel:
aha. r u gonna invite doug over?
zoegirl:
i want to cook him a really nice dinner, wouldn’t that be fun? and then … who knows where the evening will lead?
SnowAngel:
hold on now. ur not thinking … i mean, are you finally planning to …?
zoegirl:
no! you always ask that, and the answer is always no. the answer will *always* be no, okay?
zoegirl:
but there’s a lot you can do leading up to that …
SnowAngel:
an empty house, a romantic dinner, a soft, inviting bed …
zoegirl:
so my question is, where should i go to get some sexy lingerie?
SnowAngel:
zoe! *jaw drops on floor*
zoegirl:
what? that’s allowed, isn’t it?
SnowAngel:
of course it’s allowed! i’m just flabbergasted. who’d have thought that u, of all ppl, would be marching off to buy sexy lingerie? and for doug!!!
zoegirl:
where should i go? victoria’s secret?
SnowAngel:
sure, that would work. what r u gonna get?
zoegirl:
that’s what you need to tell me. what *should* i get?
SnowAngel:
hmmm *taps finger on chin*
SnowAngel:
is this something u plan to model for him, or will it just be the delightful surprise beneath your clothes?
zoegirl:
i’m not gonna model it for him! no, no, no. just something nice for when we … u know.
SnowAngel:
then i’d say it’s time to go for the thong, zoe. god knows ur the only girl on the planet who doesn’t own one.
zoegirl:
a thong? i am not a fan of thongs and you know it.
zoegirl:
anyway, don’t u have to have a really good butt to wear a thong?
SnowAngel:
u DO have a really good butt. here’s the criteria for a thong: firm butt (preferably tan), no dimples, no unruly hairs. do u meet the requirements?
zoegirl:
ew, angela. does anyone really have hair on her butt?
SnowAngel:
well, not sprouting from the cheeks or anything. i’m talking about from within the crevice.
zoegirl:
angela! sick!
SnowAngel:
so, good. u don’t have butt hair—u can cross that off the list. now, for the firmness element. *cups hands in air as if squeezing* i don’t think u have any problem there.
zoegirl:
oh my gosh, i am getting so nervous just talking about this.
zoegirl:
but okay, a thong. *maybe*. what about on top?
SnowAngel:
just get a good push-up bra with a little lace or ribbon on it. u’ll be able to find one to match the thong, and if u can’t, just ask one of the sales ladies to help u.
zoegirl:
no way, too embarrassing
zoegirl:
aye-yai-yai—i wish u were here to go with me!
SnowAngel:
yeah, me too *crumples into sad sack of a person*
zoegirl:
oh no, have i made u sad?
SnowAngel:
no sadder than i already was
SnowAngel:
i’ll be with u in spirit. now go shop, u love-crazed fool!
Tues, Feb 1, 8:11 PM P.S.T.
SnowAngel:
hi, maddie. i am feeling very worthless.
mad maddie:
why?
SnowAngel:
cuz zoe txted earlier to ask for fashion advice, and it made me so aware of how pointless my
life has become. she has doug, u have chive—and more than that, u both have each other. but what do i have? a big fat nothing. i don’t even have glendy now that she’s stopped talking to me!
mad maddie:
but glendy not talking to u—that’s a good thing, remember?
mad maddie:
anyway, i don’t “have” chive. not even close.
SnowAngel:
except ur gonna confess your love to him on saturday, zoe told me. and then he’s gonna throw himself in your arms and ur gonna waltz off in a spasm of happiness.
SnowAngel: