Chapter 8
The Feast
It was a gorgeous fall dusk. On my walk home, I thought about how Tristen tucked my hair behind my ears. Flashbacks of his touch on my chin burned into my memory. I grabbed my chin and smiled. Hopefully soon there would be more of those memories engraved into my mind.
I was about three blocks away from home when I felt the same, gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach. I cringed and automatically hugged myself. Great. I was so tired of this feeling. How was I hungry again? I had only been gone for about three hours.
The gnawing in my stomach grew more intense with every step I took. I began to pick up the pace, knowing that Mom had some dinner cooking on the stove at that very moment. I swore I could actually smell it. My head began to ache, along with all the muscles in my body. Sweat began to fall from the roots of my hair, and my pores were beginning to smell.
What the hell was happening to me? Normally I would have a little while before I felt this bad from hunger, but it seemed to be coming on more quickly, stronger.
I found myself practically running; however, my body didn’t seem to like that too much and slowed its pace on its own. I was breathing heavily and everything from my toenails to my teeth began throbbing.
From the corner of my eye, I spotted (surprisingly enough considering my vision was blurring) a shadow in someone’s driveway. I came to a halt and turned my head. The darkness was coming fast, but the street lights and the house that belonged to the driveway were not lit up just yet. From what I could tell, the shadow was small and motionless. I crept slowly towards it, hunching over just a bit to get a better view of what the shadow could be; not that my body could even help it.
As I approached it, there was movement finally and I caught a glimpse of yellow eyes staring back at me.
Meow
The moment I was sure that something was there, my mind took complete control. The hunger was debilitating and thoughts of what I had to do to get some food in my stomach crowded my brain.
As I got closer, the cat changed from the prone position to sitting, wagging its tail and meowing some more. It didn’t seem scared of me.
“Hi, little guy,” I said quietly. Those were the last words I would be able to speak until I got what I needed.
This cat was extremely brave because as soon as that came out of my mouth, he came over to me and wrapped himself around my ankles. He rubbed his body on my legs and meowed a few more times.
I bent down to give him a rub the best my bones would let me. I smiled at his innocence. Animals don’t have a care in the world. Their only concern is living.
Another terrible pain shot through me. I clinched and fought a scream that was ready to fly out of my throat. I rubbed the kitty’s little head with more urgency. I was not sure what possessed me to stop here and love on this little guy instead of making my way to some food. Every movement my hand made to rub the cat only brought on my hunger even more.
I continued rubbing his tiny neck... with more and more exigency. Something was beginning to smell appealing and surprisingly familiar to me. I lifted my nose in the air like a hound to get a better whiff. I closed my eyes and tried to mentally figure out the similarity. It was irony…bitter. My mouth watered as I thought about what it could be. When I brought my head back down to look at the cat, the smell got stronger. I bowed down closer and realized what it was. The meat. This cat smelled exactly like the raw meat I ate this morning.
Unconsciously, I tightened my grip around the cat’s neck.
What am I doing? I need get home.
The cat tried to worm its way out of my hand, but I couldn’t let go.
Oh my God. Grace. Let go. Let go!
He was pulling back as my grip got tighter and tighter.
Grace, what are you doing? Leave him alone!
And before I knew it, there was a crackling sound and the cat’s body was no long resisting. Before my mind could register what I’d done, I picked up the limp, lost soul and hobbled over to the sidewalk in search of a dark corner. About one and a half blocks from where I reside, I found a dark house with a for sale sign on the lawn. The porch was deep and dim. I was sure no one could find me there.
I staggered up the four steps to the porch and huddled into a corner, resting the cat on my lap. Okay, I just ended this poor cat’s life. Parts of me were feeling sorrow for the little guy and anger at myself, but my stomach was feeling otherwise. I needed to do this. My bones ached for this. I couldn’t live without this. I wanted this.
With that last thought, I brought the cat’s body to my mouth and bit down. Its body lay in my hands like a ragdoll and with the first bite, blood oozed out through my fingers onto my legs.
The taste was even better than I’d imagined. Although the smell of it was almost the same as the raw meat I ate this morning, the taste was completely different. It was warm and juicy and so soft. With every bite, I sunk my face in deeper and deeper into its little body. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I swallowed the bitterly delicious red liquid. The meat was easy to chew and every swallow brought me into some kind of euphoria. It was almost as if I could feel my brain cells awakening. My senses were growing stronger with every clench of my jaw. My mind briefly confirmed that this was by far the best thing I had ever gotten my hands on.
I sat in the dark, draining every ounce of blood and flesh the cat had to offer. Not one thought of my life entered my mind. In that moment, no one existed except me and this carcass. There were no glimpses of Mom, Phoebe, school, Sonny, my dad, or even Tristen. All I needed, all I wanted was right here in this moment.
When I finally regained control, my eyes focused on what lay in my lap. Bones and pieces of fleshy tissue were scattered all around me.
The collar that I must have thrown to the side during my feast lay a foot away from me. I reached over to pick it up. A tag dangled, engraved with the name FLUFFY.
I quickly threw it away from me as if it caught fire.
Grace, what did you do?
I swiped the aftermath off my body and shot up. Grace, what did you do!
Tears began to shoot out of my eyes as I realized what horrible thing I had done. I just killed a cat! And I ate it! What had I done?
I ran off the porch of the vacant home and into the direction of my house. I could see my mom’s car in the driveway and a wave of relief swept over me. She was home. She would know what to do. She would know how to explain why I just killed and ate a freaking cat.
I swung open the door, winded and crying at the same time. I shut the door and stood in the foyer, unable to understand what just happened.
“Gracie, is that you? Dinner is ready, honey!” she yelled from the kitchen.
I didn’t move an inch. I wasn’t hungry.
“Grace?”
What did I just do?
Mom walked out of the kitchen with a couple of plates in her hands. She halted to a dead stop when she saw me.
“Grace!” The plates dropped to the floor, shattering into pieces and echoing throughout the house. “What happened? Why are you covered in blood?”
I glanced down at myself. I hadn’t realized how much blood I had on me. How could something so small have so much blood?
Mom slowly walked over to me, as if she were approaching a bomb. She held out her hands.
“Grace, honey. Talk to me. What…happened?”
I didn’t know how to respond. What should I say? I was walking along the road and found a cute cat. I killed it and ate. Normally, a kid would come home and say “Mom, I found a cat. Can we keep him?” No, I ate the damn thing.
My eyes were wide and my heart was still pounding. The crying subsided and I believed what I was feeling was shock.
“Grace, are you hurt?”
I looked over at her and shook my head. She proceeded to get closer, finally resting her hands on my shoulders.
“Okay, let’s go upstairs and get you into the bathtub.” Her voice became calme
r. I finally felt soothed and nodded my head without a word. She guided me upstairs into my bathroom. She ran a warm bath and helped me out of my blood-stained clothes.
I soaked in the tub while Mom rinsed my jeans out in the sink. I finally broke the deafening silence.
“I don’t understand,” I said softly, looking down in shame.
She stopped her rinsing and looked over at me. “What don’t you understand, Gracie?” she asked with genuine concern. She seemed to be so calm. I was sure she’d be hysterical when she saw blood all over me.
She kneeled down against the tub and waited for me to answer. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. How was I going to tell her I literally ate a cat?
“Mom, I did something horrible tonight.” The tears started stinging the corners of my eyes.
“Honey, I’m sure whatever you did there was a reason for it.” She took the loofah and began scrubbing my back. I shrugged away.
“Mom, you don’t understand. I don’t understand.” My voice was getting hoarse.
“Gracie, just tell me and we will fix it. We always do.”
She was right.
My tears came down with full force as I braced myself for what I was about to reveal. The thing was that I wasn’t sure why I was even going to tell her the truth. I could have just lied and said that, I don’t know, I started my period or something. But the truth was that I was lost. I had no idea why I did what I did and Mom was always to the rescue. She would always understand, never judge…unless it was about Tristen, and she always knew how to make me feel better about the situation. She did always fix everything.
“When I was walking home from the mall, I got really, really hungry,” I said without looking at her. I couldn’t look at her. As much as she never judged me about other things, I knew she would when I dropped the bomb on this one.
She was quiet.
“I saw a cat. A black cat with yellow eyes.” My tears were now waterfalls.
“…and…I…I pet it, but my stomach was so hungry…so I squeezed his neck until he was…and I just had to, Mom. I had to.”
I finally looked at her. Her face was composed. There was no expression. This made me cry harder. What the hell was she thinking? If she had any thoughts of sending me away, this would surely bring her to a decision.
“Shh…it’s okay, Gracie,” she said serenely as she continued to scrub and rinse my body. There was no change in her motions. My tears were coming on so strong that I felt they could probably fill up the rest of the tub. But she was…as cool as a cucumber. And it pissed me off.
“Mom, I just killed a cat! AND ATE IT!” I yelled so loud that it hurt my throat. “How can you be so relaxed right now?” I pushed her hands away and stood up, covering my private areas with my hands.
“Grace, it’s okay. Just please calm down and we can talk about this…”
“No! It’s not okay! Something is wrong with me, Mother! Something horrible! How can I do this? I couldn’t control myself! I couldn’t even think about what I was doing! Weren’t you a doctor? Can’t you help me?” I asked, desperation the only emotion I could express.
My throat was killing me. I have never yelled at my mother this way. I would never even think about yelling at her. But what the hell was she thinking? How could she not be freaking out as much as I was?
I stepped out of the tub and rushed to my room. I needed to get out of there. I threw on a pair of jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, and my chucks…the ones that weren’t drenched in blood. I threw my hair into a messy bun and grabbed my phone.
“Gracie, where do you think you’re going?” Mom asked, this time with a hint of authority.
“Out.” I walked out of my room and headed towards the stairs. Mom followed.
“Grace, listen to me. We have to talk about this. You need to eat something!”
That forced me to halt to a stop. Was she serious? I turned around and gave her the craziest eyes I could manage so that she would get just how crazy I thought she sounded. “Are you kidding me? How in the hell can you honestly be worrying about me eating right now?”
“Grace Elizabeth, do not take that tone with me!” she yelled back.
“How can I not? Are you that selfish? What Mom, did you cook something different tonight and need me to try it? Guess what Mother, all your obsessions with cooking isn’t going to change the fact that Dad left you!”
She literally took two steps back. I could almost see the dagger I just stabbed through her heart. She seemed like she had a million things to say, but nothing left her mouth. I instantly wanted to take it back. I didn’t even know why I said it. Maybe it was just a button I felt I could push.
We stood for a moment, silently, and stared each other straight in the eyes. Finally, I turned on my heels and rushed down the stairs. I didn’t look back, but I was pretty sure she didn’t move an inch.
I flew down the porch steps and hooked a left down the side walk. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to just get away.
What the hell was happening to me? I ate a freaking cat less than an hour ago. AN ACTUAL CAT! My emotions were everywhere. I was upset, sad, so confused…but my body hadn’t felt this great in a couple of weeks. A brief thought of wanting to run a marathon popped into my head, but I quickly crushed it because that was ridiculous to think about in the moment. But my body felt…rejuvenated. Exhilarated. I could hear a car alarm in the distance. I could see a person walking down the street a few blocks down perfectly. And I swore as I was power walking, I was skipping a bit. It felt like a Black Eyed Peas song was pumping through my veins. If someone saw me right now, they would definitely think I was cracked out for sure.
Okay, Grace…chill. I tried to slow my pace and give myself time to think.
What was going on? Let’s think this through. Let’s replay everything that had been happening over the past couple of weeks. There had to be a pattern somewhere. It couldn’t be hormones. I had never seen, heard, or read of any girl who PMSed and just started eating random cats around the neighborhood.
Let’s start backwards and work our way to where it started. Tonight, I ate a cat.
Okay…that was about the only thing I could really think about. I ate a cat!
The night brought a strong breeze through the air. I unconsciously zipped up my sweatshirt, but I wasn’t cold.
I was walking so fast that I didn’t realize I was walking towards school. About two blocks away, I could hear a basketball bouncing and tennis shoes scrapping against the concrete. Great, I really didn’t wanna see anyone from school right at that moment. But if I stayed on that path, it would lead to the lake eventually, which was really where I wanted to be.
Two more blocks later, I approached Middleton and could now see that a few guys were playing basketball on the outside court near the gym. I could just walk past and keep my eyes lowered. Hopefully I wouldn’t get noticed. I threw my hood over my head and sped up my power walk.
Suddenly, the ball flew over the fence…stopping right at my feet. All the guys stopped and glanced in my direction.
“Awe man, Kasey! You’re going to get it this time.”
“Oh wait, someone’s right there. Excuse me! Could you throw that back over?”
I stopped and stood in front of it, contemplating on whether or not I should be a jerk and just walk past. Whatever, they didn’t know who I was anyway. I started to take another step when I heard a familiar voice.
“Kasey, just go get it, dude. That ball wouldn’t have almost hit that person in the head if you knew how to play,” Tristen said.
I looked down at it again with a sudden desire to see Tristen’s beautiful face.
Screw it.
I reached down and picked up the ball with both hands. I took a deep breath and turned toward the court, purposely positioning myself in the light. It didn’t take Tristen long to recognize me.
A grin emerged from his lips when he realized it was me. “Grace?”
I smile
d as I watched him walk over to the fence. His hair was messy and he looked athletic with his tennis shoes, sleeveless jersey, and gray sweatpants. His arms were bare and I could see a small tattoo on his deltoid. Great. I had just lectured Phoebe on guys with tattoos. But something told me Tristen wouldn’t break my heart. I couldn’t quite make out what it was. I was not sure if I wanted to stare at it when he approached me. I didn’t wanna be one of those girls that were like, “OMG, can I touch it?”
It was hot though.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked.
“Oh, I needed a walk. What about you?”
Seriously, Grace? He was playing basketball, you idiot.
“Oh, just hanging out with the guys.”
Obviously.
“Wow, so you really are a jock,” I said playfully.
He chuckled. “Yeah, well…what can I say? I love wearing sweaty jockstraps. So, listen, about today and the whole Sonny thing…”
I wasn’t sure if he was talking about being caught with me outside on the bench or Sonny purposely trying to destroy me in the food court. I chose to believe he was talking about being caught because I knew for a fact she wouldn’t confess to what she did to me.
“Hey, don’t mention it,” I shrugged. “I would be a little pissed too if I saw my boyfriend talking to a girl with great hair.”
His smile grew wider. “Modestly conceited. I like that.”
“It’s the only way to be.”
He put one hand on the chain-link fence, allowing his fingers to poke through. “Seriously, you do have great hair, though.”
“I know.”
Nice one, Grace!
His eyes were smiling.
“Hey, Miles! Are we playing or what? And we kind of need the ball!”
Tristen turned around, and then back to me again. I threw the ball over the fence and he caught it without even looking. Impressive.
“So…I’m just about done with this game. You want some company?”
The butterflies in my stomach were doing pirouettes.
“Sure.”
I got the aching feeling that his butterflies were doing the same. I couldn’t imagine his smile getting any wider than it was.
“Awesome. Just give me a sec. I kind of smell so I’m gonna rush in and take a quick shower.”
“I didn’t even know school was open this late,” I said. Seriously, no clue.
“Well, we’re the jocks, remember? We kind of get to do whatever we want.”
“Oh, well excuse me,” I said, holding my hands up. “Now who is being conceited?”
He winked at me and turned toward the gym. Wow, he was so unbelievably sexy.
I backed away from the fence and stuck my hands in my sweatshirt pockets. For a moment, I completely forgot about the feline feast and began to concentrate on the right things to say while we shared our walk. I had the tendency of sounding like I smoked too many doobies when I was around Tristen. I stated the obvious about things, and I certainly didn’t want him to think I was boring.
As I focused on not being a complete dork, I began to watch the basketball game. I started to compare those guys to Tristen. Why was I so attracted to him? I obviously didn’t know him that well. I mean, his looks would surely be a great reason to be interested in him, but I was definitely not shallow. I needed more than that. And after watching Tristen over the past few years, I could kind of get who he was. I had seen him open doors for teachers, study hard, bring Sonny a balloon and a teddy bear on her birthday, help out his teammates, and tutor some of the students from Haynes Middle School for the tutoring program. To me, this clearly said that chivalry was not dead in his book, he was determined, he was thoughtful, he was kind, and he had a warm heart. But I wanted to know him better. I wanted to know about his life, his family, and his thoughts. And let’s face it, getting to know him intimately wasn’t such a bad idea either.
It literally felt like he took five seconds to shower and get dressed before he came out of the gym. He was now wearing a hoodie, tight fitting jeans, and…well what do you know, Chucks. This made me smile. His hair was still messy, which made me even happier. He had great hair too.
“Where are you going, Hoss?”
“Just taking a walk. Hey, rematch tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, if Sonny lets you out,” Kasey stated.
“Dude, you know she ain’t lettin’ him go nowhere,” Dexter chimed in.
“I’ll be here at eight,” Tristen said as he continued to stroll over to the fence.
“We’ll see,” Kasey didn’t seem at all convinced.
Was he not allowed to play with his friends? I didn’t get it.
He reached me at the fence and we both made our way toward the opening so he could get out. Once we were on the sidewalk together, we stood face to face, hands in our pockets. He then pulled his hood over his head. I smiled…and so did he.
“So, where are we walking to?”
“Well, I was thinking about going to the lake. Is that okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, that’s cool with me.”
We stood for another moment before we both turned to begin our walk. There was silence for the first two minutes, and I wasn’t sure if I should start a conversation.
“So, how was your day today?”
Good, he broke the ice. I instantly thought of poor kitty and the sound of its neck bones shattering in my hands.
“Um…it was okay.”
He sensed my hesitation. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” I said, hoping that he would just drop it. I knew I would have to lie to him, but for some reason I found it may be extremely hard to do so. Hopefully he would sense that I really didn’t want to talk about it, and let it go.
“Well if you do, you can tell me. I’m all ears.”
“Thanks.” I briefly considered his invitation, but decided that it would be insane. I decided to just change the subject before I mouthed off anything. “Do you guys play at night often?”
“Yeah. It’s not practice or anything. I’m actually not that big into basketball, but it’s a good workout and a chance to hang out with the boys.”
“And be jocks?”
“Exactly. You know, we trade jockstraps sometimes,” he said without breaking a beat. For a second I thought he was serious. I looked over at him in horror, but once I noticed he was visibly trying hard to keep a straight face, I couldn’t hold my laughter in.
The walk over to the lake was short. There was a levee, otherwise known as a manmade water barrier, that was blocking our view of the water. We took long strides over and short steps coming down the other side to reach it. We walked over to the steps of the lake’s edge and took our seats. There was only one street lamp behind us, and it wasn’t on. The moon was the only light reflecting off the vast lake. The water was calm, softly slapping the last visible step. I inhaled the smell of the brackish water.
I took a quick look around to see if there were any other people trying to escape their own lives. There was usually a late night fisherman here and there trying to catch some catfish. But tonight, there seemed to be no one in our view. Perfect. Just Tristen and me.