the next corner is Kenny and now I know something’s up. He smiles when he sees me. He doesn’t offer any explanation because there’s no point now.
Halfway down to the next corner I find Carrie and a couple of others from the station. At the corner Wade and Chloe are waiting. At each step there are more and more of them, and they’re following me as I make my way toward the park.
There is Paul and Alice, Phillip and my mother. There is Wendy. She’s alone. She cries when I get to her, throws her arms around me, tells me how proud she is of me.
We walk on, with my family and friends stretching out behind me. Quinn’s mother and father are waiting at the next corner, along with Quinn’s girlfriends and people from her work. I can see the park now. Over the road Grant and Mary stand with Boner and his wife.
I cross the road with my procession, reach the other side and my mentors.
“You’ve come a long way,” Grant says. “And I’m so proud of you.”
Mary hands me a piece of paper. It is the vows I’ve written. I’d kept that in my top draw at home and I wonder why Mary has them. But then I know. She hugs me, pats my back affectionately.
“What is this?” I ask them, even though I know the answer.
“Go and see,” Boner says, nodding to the path that leads into the park and the rotunda.
“I’m afraid,” I tell them. Perhaps for the first time I have an emotion that I recognise immediately. Perhaps this is the first time I can accurately and honesty speak its name aloud.
“I know,” Grant says. “The future is up there, and it’s scary and exhilarating. That’s life, Judd. You can stay here, or you can take a chance, see what’s up there ahead.”
So I make my choice. I take a deep breath and I start down the path. My friends and family are behind me, step by step. I can hear their voices as they talk to each other, but I cannot catch what they are saying. My eyes, my attention, is upon what is ahead.
The rotunda is lit by a myriad of twinkling lights. I can’t see what’s inside it. I have to climb the stairs before me. And I do. I’m aware that I’m alone as I do it. The others have stayed below me on the path.
There, at the top, is a sight that takes my breath away.
Quinn stands there like a princess, or an angel. She’s in white like she’s wearing a wedding gown, only it’s simpler. The gown holds her figure beautifully. I can see our baby out front and it only makes her all the more wonderful to me. Her hair is spread out over her shoulders, running down her back. The gown follows her waist and hips, down her thighs and to her calves, ending just halfway. She’s in high heels, something she has given up of late, but not tonight. She is standing there alone with her hands held in front with a shy smile on her face. If I’d said that I have loved her to the extent of my strength right up to that moment then I would call myself a fool or a liar.
I walk slowly to her, shaking my head slowly. I was not denying her, only this vision and if it is real and not some hallucination or dream.
“Quinn...” I say, but nothing else.
Behind me I can hear a multitude of feet upon the stairs. They’ve followed my up silently. Now we are not alone.
I feel a hand upon my shoulder and Grant says to me: “Take your place.”
I do. We’re standing next to each other, facing all those people, all those faces. They’re lit up by the little lights and the joy.
Grant stands before them. Mary and Boner stand to the side. “Friends... family.... welcome,” he says. “All of you know why we’re here tonight – all except Judd of course.”
They’re all laughing and I’m shaking my head again. I laugh with them because I don’t know what else to do.
“We’re here for Quinn and Judd tonight, to witness their declarations of love and their promises to each other. All of you know the trials that they have faced, and all of you know how they have faced those trials with courage and love and grace. They have passed through to the other side and we rejoice in their lives and the little life that will soon be joining them. But this is not a re-taking of the vows that they made ten years ago. This is a making of new vows and promises. Their marriage is made new, like it was at the start.” He turns to Boner. “Now I’ll ask Rabbi Grodner to step forward and officiate Judd’s words of promise to Quinn.”
Boner stands before me, grinning.
“How does this work?” I ask him.
He leans forward. “You say your bit and I bless you. Easy. There’s no rule book for this.” Then he turns to the assembled. “Judd will now make his promises.”
I look down at the paper that I have written upon. The words seem so trite now that I have to say them. Quinn is looking at me, nodding slowly, smiling. I take a deep breath, put the paper in front of me and start to read.
“Quinn,” I say. My voice is shaking and quiet. Someone yells out to speak up, I think it was Phillip, and there is some quiet laughter.
“Quinn,” I say again, only louder, “we have been through this amazing time – from when we met, to getting married, to our lives together. We’ve seen good and bad, sometimes a lot of bad, but we’re still here. I didn’t think we would be sometimes, but I’m glad that I was wrong. You are everything to me and I love you beyond words.”
She is starting to cry and I can feel the tears start running down my face.
“I want our marriage to be new, reborn. I don’t want what we had in the past, that’s gone. I want what we can have in the future, and I can see a long and wonderful future. I want to embrace the future and embrace you in it. And so, I make this my pledge to you: I will love you always. I will stand by you forever. I will listen to you, I will hear you, I will see you. I will give you forgiveness and grace without measure and without condition. I will shelter you, treasure you, protect and keep you safe while I have strength. I will never forsake you, deny you or betray you for as long as I live.”
Then I think of something. I quickly pull out my wallet and extract from it the wedding band that I had been hiding there. Now I’m talking off script and I don’t care.
“And I give you this ring – new and perfect – as a sign of these promises to you...”
Quinn is crying still, shaking her head. She pulls off her old band and hands it to me. Then I slip on the new one and she looks down at the plain ring with wonder.
Boner blesses us and steps back. Grant asks Mary to step into the fray.
“And now Quinn has her promises to make to Judd before you all, her family and friends.”
She is shaking. She takes my hands. She’s doing this from memory.
“Judd,” she says, “the love of my life. You are my best friend, the one that I know better than myself. You’ve forgiven me, accepted me, when I couldn’t do that for myself. You’ve showed me love when I thought I was unlovable. You’ve shown my trust when I thought I was untrustworthy.”
She chokes on her last words and I squeeze her hands.
“I know that I haven’t deserved any of that, but you gave it to me just the same. You love me despite all of that. And I love you, for all your faults too, but also for the wonderful man that you are. I promise you that from this day on I will love you, I will respect and honour you. I will pick you up when you stumble, I will rejoice in your joy, I will cry with you in your sadness. I will fight for you, strive for you, long for you with everything in me. I will be true to you in the good and the bad, in the sunshine and the rain. I will be yours and only yours forever.” Then she laughs. “I don’t have a ring,” she says.
“That’s fine, dear,” Mary tells her.
Mary places her hands on both our shoulders and blesses us too. It’s a little different than I’m used to, but it was beautiful and real.
Grant stands, facing the crowd. “So, with the exchanging of vows, Quinn and Judd have declared their love and promises to each other, and I declare that their marriage is renewed and blessed by God and you all. Friends and family, I present to you, Judd and Quinn Altman.”
They’re all cl
apping and cheering, and I’d be standing there with my face going red and a grin upon my face if I wasn’t currently kissing my bride like it was the first time.
We walk the block to one of our favourite places. Quinn walks with me, her arm wrapped around mine. Our family and friends join us in a long, noisy procession.
“Did you do all of this?” I ask her in wonder.
“I had help,” she tells me.
“How did you get my family to come?”
She laughs. “This is what I was doing while you were getting your head bashed open.”
“Really?”
“Your sister was the hardest to convince. I don’t think she likes me.”
“She does. It’s just that she loves me and for a while you weren’t her favourite person. But she believed that I’d come back to you eventually.”
“She did?”
“Yeah. But that’s a story for another time. This...what you’ve done... this is amazing!”
She kisses me, stops the procession. Phillip slaps us on the back. “Keep moving, love birds. There’s plenty of time for that later.”
And there was. I found myself kissing her regularly for the next few hours. We ate, we drank, we sang outrageously, we danced. The strange thing was that I don’t actually remember our wedding being this fun. I guess there was a lot of pressure to make everyone happy. You had to invite this long lost cousin that you never talk to, and you have a lot of stupid speeches. We had speeches at our party now, but they were different. They were