in, make a night of it.”
---
“Some wine?” she asks me and I nod. She pours out two glasses of white and hands one to me. We stand there, not drinking, looking at each other. It’s awkward like hell and I want to stay and I want to run like the devil himself is after me. Instead I clink my glass into hers.
“What are we toasting?” she asks quietly.
“Baby steps,” I say, and she smiles.
---
“Mary gave me something extra this week.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. She said that if you were to come home, that I was to make the night as normal as possible. I wasn’t to pressure you.”
“You did that.”
“Thanks. I was worried.”
“About what?”
“We haven’t made love in a while, Judd. It’s hard to feel close to you if we don’t. And I need it too. You know how I got when I was pregnant last time. This is worse. I can see you, I can want you, but I can’t have you. And I can’t see why you won’t. Do I disgust you so much?”
She’s tearing up, and I place a hand on her arm.
“You don’t disgust me, not at all. You’re lovely and beautiful and I want you so much. But I can’t. I keep seeing you and Wade in my bed and it’s like a knife in my guts.”
I make it worse, which was never my intention.
“I miss us,” she says, just holding on.
---
“Something wrong?” she asks archly.
“Nothing,” I say.
“What is it?”
I sigh. “That gown.”
She looks down. “What’s the matter with it?”
“You were wearing it the day I found out. You ran out of the room and started to tell me how sorry you were, and all I can think of is how you could have done this to us.”
Quinn swears under her breath.
“There’s things all through this house I can’t look at. I’m sorry, that’s just how it is.”
She pulls off the gown and tosses it into the trash.
“What else?” she asks me with that determined voice that says I’m never going to come out on top. “Well?”
She asked. “The bed, our wedding photo. Mostly the bed.”
---
“Well...” she starts, sitting forward, “he’s great when it’s something that he wants, but lousy when it’s important or hard.”
“I’m here now,” I point out with the slightest hint of an edge.
“You want something.”
“I do. I admit it. But I know it’s not easy. I know I’m going to have to open up. That’s why I’m here, to learn how to do it. I wish you’d give me some credit.” I fold my hands across my chest. This had to happen at some point. We’d have to get angry with each other, it was inevitable.
---
“Do you mind,” she asks, “if I have some space for a few days?”
I’m disappointed but I know that I can’t rush her, I can’t smother her. So I have a back-up plan, one that I’ve been keeping up my sleeve. It’s something I need to do, and I’ve been busy lately.
“Sure. Anyway, I’m going back home for a couple of days,” I tell her. “I think I should return Phillip’s car.”
“Can you get the time off?” she asks. She’s narrowed her eyes and I know she’s thinking of something, she’s planning something. I’m practicing trust and so I resist the temptation to grill her.
“Yes,” I say. “Kenny can take over. He’s actually grateful that I’ve taken Wade back from him, so much that he’s happy to help me out when I need it.”
---
“Judd Altman,” Penny says, fond of saying my full name. She wraps her arms around my neck and plants a kiss on my mouth, her lips soft and warm and I remember them well. I kiss her back, not dismissively, but with regret for love left behind.
I said I was going to call her in six month’s – four now – and here I am nearly two months later. I instinctively start to hide my left hand but she should find out sooner than later.
Phillip sees the ring and pulls up my hand for all to see. If Penny is hurt she doesn’t show it.
“Quinn?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“You got it sorted out then?”
“Not yet,” I say, “but maybe.”
“Congratulations,” Penny says and kisses me again.
Now I’m starting to feel like I’ve betrayed Quinn a second time. I’ve only seen Penny, maybe two minutes, and we’ve already kissed twice and I’m feeling something for her again.
Penny reads my face. “It’s just a kiss, Judd,” she says sweetly and pays for her things. They could be ice skating tools, but I wouldn’t know what they looked like. I’m an owner of this place now, and I don’t even know what they sell. Phillip is grinning like a fool as she leaves and I shake my head at him reprovingly.
Download regularly the Episode Guide for updates on this series. Additionally there is an Adult version (contains adult themes, coarse language, sexual references, high-level sex scenes and some violence) and downloadable audio books of these episodes (adult version).
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