CHAPTER FOUR
Waiting for you," he said slowly, watching her.
Her mind rebelled against what that implied. "That's ridiculous. How could you have known I'd come out here?"
The intensity of his gaze boring into her eyes was staggering. "I summoned you here, Tamara . . . just as you've summoned me nightly with your cries. "
Her brows drew together so far it hurt. She shook her head in denial as she searched his face. "You said that before. I still. don't know what you mean. "
"Tamara. . . " He lifted one hand in slow motion. He turned it gracefully at the wrist, and trailed the backs of his long fingers downward, over her face. She closed her eyes involuntarily at the pure rapture his touch evoked, but quickly forced them open again and took a step back. "Listen to your heart. It wants to tell you-"
"Then I do know you!" She felt as if there were a bird trapped in her stomach, napping its wings desperately. Her eyes tugged at his as she tried to pull the answer from their endless depths. "I thought so before. Tell me when we met, Marquand. You seem so. . . familiar to me. " Familiar wasn't the word that had been on her lips. He seemed precious to her-like someone she'd cherished once, someone she'd lost.
She saw the indecision in his eyes, and a glimmer that might have been pain, before he closed them and shook his head. "You will remember in time. I cannot force it on you-your mind is not yet ready. For now, though, I would ask that you simply trust me. I will not harm you, Tamara. "
His eyes opened again, and danced over her face. The way he looked at her made her feel as if he couldn't do so enough to appease him, as if he were trying to absorb her through his eyes. She stilled her responses to the feeling, and reminded herself of the game he'd played with her last night. Her shoulders squared. Her chin lifted.
"Your message was delivered, Marquand. Daniel knows about our meeting and your little. . . performance. I made sure he understood. " As she spoke her fingers touched the still-tender skin at her throat. "It probably won't change anything, though. He doesn't listen to me where you're concerned, so you can see how ineffective this conversation will be. Leave me alone. If you have something to say to Daniel, say it to him in person. "
He listened. . . so well it seemed he heard her thoughts as well as her words. When she finished he tilted his head very slightly to one side. "You believe I kissed you only to make a point with St. Claire," he stated, his words slow, carefully enunciated and laced with the barest hint of an accent that she had yet to place. "And the thought causes you pain. "
She released a clipped sigh and shook her head. "Why would it cause me pain? I don't know you. I don't care "
"You felt drugged when I kissed you, sweet Tamara. You felt the ground tilt beneath you, and the sky above begin to spin. Your heart raced, your pulse roared in your temples. Your skin came to life with sensation. In those moments, as I held you, nothing else existed. No," he said when she shook her head fast, and parted her lips to blurt angry denials. " No, don't. I know what you felt, because I felt it, too. The touch of your hands, the taste of your mouth, the feel of your body pressed to mine sent me to the very edge of my control. "
She felt the blood rush into her face. Her cheeks burned hotter with his every word, and yet the familiar knot of longing formed in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to tell him he was crazy to believe that, but she couldn't seem to form the words.
Again his hand rose to her face, and she didn't pull away this time. She couldn't say why, but she felt like crying. "Tamara, I swear to you, I did not know you were even acquainted with St Claire until you said the words. I came to you because you begged me to do so. In your dreams you begged me to come. "
Her eyes had begun to drift closed as his hand stroked her cheek, but they flew wide now. She searched her brain frantically. How could he know about the dreams? She shook her head quickly. "No, that isn't true. "
"What isn't true? That you dream each night before dusk? That the dreams are testing your sanity, Tamara? That you cry out to someone in your sleep and cannot recall the name when you wake? Do not forget, you confided all of these things to me last night. "
Relief nearly made her limp. "That's right, I did. " She had told him about her nightmares. That explained why he knew.
"The dream was different tonight, though," he said softly.
Again her eyes widened. It had been different. He couldn't know that. She hadn't told him that. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "The name I call, I can't remember what it is, but I know it isn't Marquand. Why do you want to play with my mind?"
"I want only to ease your mind. It is true, you have never cried my surname. It is my first name you call in your sleep. " His hand had fallen from her face, to gently stroke her hair.
Breathlessly she whispered, "I don't even know your first name. So it can't be-"
"Yes, you do, Tamara. " His gaze took on a new dimension as he stared into her eyes. "You know my name. Say it. "
And she did. Just like that, she knew the name she'd cried over and over again in her recurring dream. She knew it as well as she knew her own. The shroud had been lifted from her memory, and she knew. But it couldn't be him. She shook her head. "You aren't-"
"I am. " Both his hands rested on her shoulders now, and he squeezed gently. She winced inwardly because he'd put pressure on the spots where Curt had held her last night, and the skin there had bruised. He immediately readjusted his grip on her, as if he'd sensed her discomfort at the instant she'd felt it. "Say it, Tamara. "
Choking on unshed tears, she croaked, "Eric?"
He nodded, his face relaxing in an approving half smile. "Yes. Eric. If you require confirmation, I'm certain your St. Claire can provide it. "
She looked at the floor, her relief so great the muscles of her neck relaxed. She didn't need confirmation. She knew he told the truth. Why this intense relief, though? And why had she dreamed of him in the first place?
"You've begged me to come to you, Tamara, and I am here. " He caught her chin in gentle fingers, and lifted her face to him. "I'm here. "
She wanted to fling herself into his arms. She wanted to hold him desperately and beg him not to leave her ever again. But that was crazy. It was insane. She was insane. As tears spilled over and rolled slowly down her face, she shook her head. "This isn't happening. It isn't real. I'm hallucinating, or it's just another dream. That's all. It isn't real. "
He pulled her against him suddenly, his arms going around her, his hands stroking her back and shoulders, lifting her hair, caressing her nape. "It is real, Tamara. I am real, and what you feel for me is real. . . more real, I think, than anything else in your life. " His head turned and she felt his lips pressed to her hair just above her temple. . . lower, to her cheekbone. . . lower, to the hollow of her cheek. His voice uneven, he spoke near her ear. "How did St. Claire manage to get custody of you? What happened to your family?"
She found herself relaxing against him, allowing his embrace to warm and comfort her. " I was six when I fell through a plate glass window," she told him, her voice barely audible to her own ears. " I severed the arteries in both wrists and nearly bled to death. They called it a miracle when I pulled through, because they hadn't been able to locate any donors with my blood type. Everyone expected me to die. " She drew a shuddering breath. In truth, she remembered very little about the accident, or her life to that point. Daniel had always insisted it was probably best for her not to try to remember. What was blocked out was blocked out for a reason, he'd said. If her mind didn't think she could handle it, she probably couldn't. After all, near-death experiences were traumatic, especially for a six year-old child.
She released the air she'd taken in, drew a steadier breath and continued. "I was still hospitalized when my parents were taken with an extremely rare virulent infection. By the time the virus was isolated and identified, they. . . they'd both succumbed. "
"I am more sorry for that than I can tell you," he said
softly, his breath caressing her skin as he spoke. "I wish I had been there for you. "
"So do I," she blurted before she had a chance to consider the words. She cleared her throat. "But Daniel was there. He worked part-time in the research lab at the hospital then. As soon as he heard about the miracle girl upstairs, he came to see me. After that he was there every day. He brought presents with every visit, and constantly went on about how he'd always wanted a little girl like me. By the time my parents got sick, Daniel and I were best friends. When they died he petitioned the courts for custody, and got it. I had no other close relatives. If it hadn't been for Daniel, I would've been alone. "
She felt his swift inhalation, and the slight stiffening of his body. "I'm sorry. " The words were almost a moan, so much pain came through in them. His arms tightened around her and he rocked her slowly.
God, why did his touch feel like heaven? Why did the wide, hard chest beneath her head and the steel arms around her feel like the safest cocoon in all the world?
His voice only slightly more normal, he said, "It was Daniel who arranged for your employment at DPI, then. " She only nodded, moving her head minimally against his chest. "And what do you do there, Tamara? Do you work with St. Claire?"
"No," she mumbled into the fabric of his coat. "My security clearance isn't-" She broke off, stiffening, and jerked away from him. My God, he'd played her well! "DPI is a government agency, a subdivision of the CIA, for God's sake. And you are the subject of one of their most long-running investigations. I certainly don't intend to discuss what I do there with you. " She broke eye contact, and shook her head in self-deprecation. "God, you're good. I was actually buying all of this. You just wanted to milk information from me. "
"You know better. " His deep voice held anger now, and for the first time Tamara felt afraid of him. She backed up another step and felt the iron rail press into the small of her back. Eric Marquand stood between her and the doors. "I only want to discern whether I can trust you. St. Claire is out to destroy me. I cannot dismiss the possibility that you are a part of that plan. "
"Daniel wouldn't hurt a fly!" She bristled at the suggestion that her beloved Daniel was anything less than the sweet, loving man she knew him to be.
"I know that to be false. I do not need proof of his intent. I already have it. It is you I need to be sure of, Tamara. Tell me what your duties entail. "
He took a step nearer and there was nowhere for her to go. I won't," she told him. "I can't betray the division . . . or Daniel. "
"You would rather betray me?"
She shook her head fast, confusion muddling her brain. "I couldn't betray you. I know nothing about you. "
"You could easily be the instrument of my destruction. "
"But I wouldn't-"
"Then tell me. Answer whatever I ask, it is vital-" She shook her head again. He sighed and pushed one hand back through his hair, loosening several black silk strands from the queue in the back. When he looked into her eyes again the intensity had returned. "I can force you, you know. "
Fear tiptoed over her spine. "If you touch me, I'll scream. "
"I don't need to touch you. I can make you obey my will just as I made you come out here tonight. . . with my mind. "
"I think you need help, Marquand. You're more screwed up than I am, and that's saying something. "
One raven brow rose inquiringly. "You doubt what I know to be true?" He stared at her, and she saw an iridescent shimmer, as if the jet irises were suddenly translucent and the swirling light behind them came through. She felt her mind turn to water, and the hot whirlwind began to stir around her ankles, gaining force as it rose until it surrounded her like a twister. Her hair whipped her face. The satin robe flagellated her legs from calf to thigh. The wind moved, forcing her forward until only millimeters separated her from him.
He put his hands on her throat, his thumbs caressing the hollows above her clavicle. His fingers slipped beneath the material of the robe at her shoulders. The wind whipped the sash free, seemingly at his command. Slowly he pushed the scarlet satin from her shoulders, and it fell, to her horror, in a shimmering cascade at her feet. Yet she was incapable of lifting her arms to prevent it. She tried to tell her body to move. He wasn't holding her to him by force. Her arms hadn't been pinioned to her sides by his iron grip. They only hung limply there, abnormally heavy, unable to move. Her feet seemed to have the same mysterious malady. She could not make them take her a single step away from him.
Her eyes had followed the soft red cloth as it fell, but he caught her chin now and lifted it. He stared down into her eyes, but his gaze shifted every few seconds to her throat.
Part of her mind screamed in protest. Another, primal part screamed for his touch. He lowered his head and caught her earlobe between his lips. He nibbled it so lightly his touch was almost imperceptible, yet desire shot through her in fiery jolts. His lips trailed a path around her face and stopped only when they reached hers. They lingered there, barely touching. His hands touched the backs of her thighs and rose slowly, cupping her buttocks, squeezing, parting. One slipped around her hips, to cup her most intimate place, while the other remained behind her, to hold her immobile. She felt his fingers touch lightly, part her, probe her, and she heard a stifled whimper that must have been hers. Fire coursed through her veins, heating her blood until it boiled. She wanted this. . . damn him, he was making her want it!
Both hands flattened against her stomach and inched slowly upward. She trembled violently, knowing what was next. Awaiting it with a burning need that came against her will. Still his lips worked hers, sucking at them, first upper, then lower. Biting them softly, licking them with quick tiny flicks of his tongue, followed by slow, languorous laps that traced their shape. His fingers finally reached her breasts. He positioned a thumb and forefinger at each nipple, barely touching. She moaned low and hoarsely in supplication, and he closed them, pinching, rolling the erect nubs between his fingers until they pulsed like the rest of her.
She realized she'd regained use of her arms when she found them linking behind his head and pulling him closer. Her mouth opened wide to him, and his tongue plunged into it, stroking hers, twining with hers, tugging at it. He pulled it into his own silken moistness, and suckled the way she wished he would suckle her breasts. They throbbed for his mouth.
Before she'd completed the thought his hands were at her back, between her shoulder blades. His lips burned a path of liquid heat down over her chin, over her throat, along her chest. She arched backward, supported by his hands behind her, one at her back, one at her buttocks. He bent over her and unerringly found one swollen crest with his mouth. Mercilessly he worried it, licking until she whimpered, sucking until she cried out and biting until her hands tangled in his hair, holding him to her.
She couldn't catch her breath. She wanted him so badly it was out of control. Her center throbbed with hot moisture, and longed to be filled. . . with him.
He lifted his head and eased her upward until she had her balance. At some point during the rapacious seduction he had released her mind. She was unsure when, exactly, but at some time she had been free to object, to pull away, to slap him. She hadn't. Instead she'd responded like an animal. She was angry, with herself, with him and with her mind for refusing to give her the memory she needed to make sense of all of this.
He bent down, retrieved her robe and straightened again, slipping it over her shoulders. "You see?" He said it very softly.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Her voice cracked as she asked the question. She tugged her robe together, yanking the sash tight. She couldn't look him in the eyes.
"Not to you, Tamara. I came tonight for you. To help you, if you'll permit it. "
"Was what you just did to me supposed to help me, too?"
When he didn't answer right away she looked at him. To her surprise his gaze fell before hers. "No," he finally whispered. "I meant to demonstrate. . . . I did not int
end to go so far. "
She frowned, looking at him-really looking at him-for the first time since he'd peeled his body from hers. His eyes fairly glowed with passion and were still hooded. His breaths came in short, shallow gasps, just as hers did. My God, he'd been as swept away by what had happened between them as she had! He moved past her, his hands trembling as he gripped the iron rail and looked down over it into the blue-black night, and the illuminating snow covered ground below. His back was presented to her, its broad strength slightly bowed. Nothing prevented her going back inside.
"I am afraid I've handled this badly," he said slowly and carefully, though his voice was still hoarse. "It is not my wish to frighten you, or to make you loathe me. I care for you, Tamara. I have for a very long time. "
She allowed his words to penetrate the confusion in her mind. "I think I believe that. "
He turned, faced her and seemed to search for the correct words. "I truly came to you because I heard your cries. I had no other motive. Can you believe that, as well?"
She drew a slow breath. "I work with a young boy who has, on occasion, demonstrated some psychic ability. Several operatives have had sessions with him, besides me. But his powers, however slight, are always a good deal more evident when he is with me. I suppose there's a chance I might have some latent clairvoyant tendency that's been enhancing his. Maybe you did somehow hear my dreams. I won't say it's impossible. "
She was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, no matter how outrageous his claims seemed to be. Besides, how else could she explain what had been happening?
Encouraged, it seemed, he went on. "I came to you only because of the desperation in your cries. I swear this to you. I had no idea St. Claire was your guardian. " He took a step forward, one hand lifting, palm up, a gesture of entreaty. "Try to imagine how I felt when I discovered it, Tamara. The woman who'd been calling me to her, living; under the same roof as the man who has doggedly pursued; me for months. How could I not suspect a conspiracy to entrap me?"
She listened as he presented his case. She supposed he ; had a point. She would have thought the same if she'd been in his place. "I suppose you had cause to be suspicious. " She looked at the floor, bit her lip. She could reassure him without revealing any sensitive information. The truth was, she knew very little that was classified. "I have a low security clearance. Sometimes I think they invented a new one, just for me, it's so low. " She smiled slightly when she said that, and she faced him. "I can't count the number of times I've tried to argue Daniel out of this crazy idea that you're. . . " Why couldn't she finish the sentence? She swallowed and went on. "He always counters my rationale with the claim that he has loads of evidence to prove his theories. And I always respond by asking to see the files. The answer never changes. My clearance isn't high enough. " She studied his face, but it gave no evidence of whether he believed her. He listened attentively. " I never told him about the dreams. I didn't want to worry him. "
He nodded. "Is there a chance he might've found out in another way?"
"How could he, short of reading my mind?" She blinked and looked away suddenly. "Unless. . . " He waited expectantly. She made up her mind. What she had to say couldn't hurt Daniel. If anything, it might help him avoid a lawsuit if she could stay on good terms with Marquand. She tried to avoid the burning knowledge of her own powerful feelings for a man she barely knew. "There were times when I cried out loud, loud enough to alert Daniel and bring him to my room. He always told me he hadn't heard clearly enough to guess what I'd said in my sleep, but I suppose there's a chance he might not have told me if he thought it would add to the problem. "
"Or if he knew I would come to you, and planned to lie in wait. "
Until that point she'd done her best to see his side of things. Now her head came up fast and she bristled. "You need to get that idea out of your mind. I admit, Daniel follows you, lurks outside your house and watches everything you do. But why on earth would he want to trap you, as you say? What do you suppose he'd do with you when he got you?"
"He specializes in research, Tamara, not surveillance. What do you suppose he'd do with a live specimen of what he considers an unstudied species?"
Tamara's stomach lurched. Her hand flew to her mouth, and she closed her eyes. "That's ludicrous! Daniel would never. . . He's the most gentle man I've ever known. " She shook her head so hard her hair flew around her. "No. No, Daniel couldn't even entertain the thought. "
"You don't know him so well as you believe to. " He spoke gently, but his words were brutal. "Has it occurred to you that he might have known of the connection between us all along, that it might have been what drove him to take you in from the start?"
Eyes wide, she stared at him, shaking her head in disbelief. "It would never occur to me to think that. Daniel loves me. I love him! He's the only family I have. How can you suggest" - She stopped and tried to catch her breath. Suddenly her head throbbed. The lack of sleep seemed to catch up to her all at once. Every limb of her body ached with exhaustion.
"You have to at least consider the possibility. He knew about me, even then. I can prove it to you, if-"
"Stop it!" She pressed her palms flat to the sides of her head.
"Tamara-"
"Please, Eric," she whispered, suddenly too tired to shout or to argue any longer. "Please don't do this, don't say these things to me. I feel so close to losing my mind I don't trust my own senses anymore. I'm not sure what's real and what's delusion. I can't deal with all of this. "
Her head bowed, her eyes tear filled, she didn't see him come closer. He gathered her into his arms and held her. His arms offered only comfort this time. There was no lust in his touch. "Forgive me, Tamara. My thoughtless words cause you pain. Forgive me. I don't wish to hurt you. My concern for you overwhelmed my common sense. " He sighed, long and low. "God, but I've bungled this. "
She found too much comfort in his arms. She felt too warm and safe and cherished there. It made no sense. She needed to be away from him. She couldn't think when he was so close. She straightened, stepping out of his embrace. "I think. . . I think you ought to leave. "
The pain that flashed in his onyx eyes was almost more than she could bear to see. He dipped his head. "If you wish. " He met her gaze again, his own shuttered now. "Please do not forget the things I've said to you tonight. If ever you need me, you have only to call to me. I will come. "
She blinked, not bothering to argue that his claim was impossible. Perhaps he had picked up on her dreams, but they had been exceptionally powerful dreams. He couldn't possibly think this odd mental link of theirs extended beyond the one isolated incident. He didn't give her time to ask. His hand at the small of her back, he urged her toward the French doors. He opened them for her and gently pushed her through. She stepped inside and stopped, suddenly aware of the cold. Goose bumps rose on her arms and an involuntary shiver raced through her. She stood there a moment, then whirled to ask him how he'd gotten onto her balcony in the first place, a question she'd stupidly not thought of sooner-but he was gone. She shook her head hard and looked around her. It was as if he'd never been there.