“But Veda — they’re around. Aren’t there more of them in the city?”
Veda tossed her head. “We don’t live near them, the way you do. And if they started to, we can move. Daddy would do it, for me.”
Laura knew a lost battle. Timidly she approached Veda and touched her hand. “Veda, I’m so sorry. I wanted you to have such a good time. Will you ever visit me again?”
Veda’s lip trembled. “I want to. It was a lot of fun — until the last part. But maybe you should visit me, next time.” She drew herself up proudly. “I’ll keep you safe.”
Laura pulled her thoughts back to the present. “Veda?” She would make an attempt to get through, after all. “Are you — at all afraid?”
Veda looked startled at the question. “Well, I don’t know. Of course it’s all very different. No one has done anything like it before. But there will be doctors watching all the time. If anything bad even starts to happen, they’ll put an end to it. And if they don’t, well, Daddy and the others will make them.”
“It’s just that — after what happened when we were children, I thought you didn’t want anything to do with Tofa. And even if Brian and your father have their reasons, I know you wouldn’t let them force you. Nobody could.”
Veda laughed. For a moment, she was the friend Laura remembered. “You do know me at that!” Then the mask again. “But really, Laura, I wouldn’t let childish fears come between me and such an important mission. And besides —” and now Laura could hear sincerity — “these Tofa will be different. That’s what it’s all about. Making Tofa we can live with. And they’ll be just children, little children, for years and years. I won’t need to be afraid.”
It made sense — Veda-style sense. Veda had never liked to be defeated. It must have rankled, retreating in tears from the field of battle. Now was her chance to remake the past. She would personally reshape the feared alien into something else. And for years and years, she would be the adult. The tall one, even.
The Tofa rejected ten of the recruited human host mothers. No one on the team could come up with any plausible hypothesis as to why those particular women were rejected. Veda and Laura survived the cut. They would carry Twin-Bred.
Officially, it was the Long-Term Emissary Viviparous Initiative. But everyone called it The Project.
Chapter 3
Mara drummed on her desk, then stopped: she must not show anything but firm and unshakeable confidence. “Mr. Chairman, it will not be feasible for me to report frequently in person. My duties will be extremely demanding in terms of time and energy. I am confident we can establish adequately secure channels for off-site communication.”
The Chairman’s expression remained mulish. “The Committee on Tofa Relations will insist on the closest involvement in every stage of this project. The members would find it highly inconvenient for you to limit communications in the manner you suggest. The Committee will need the frequent opportunity to ask questions, to have detailed exchanges —”
It was time to bluff. “Mr. Chairman. You have already committed quite substantial resources to the Project. You have exerted yourself admirably, and within the Council you have identified yourself with the Project to an extent which would make it quite embarrassing to change course. I do hope you will not put us both in a position of having to abandon this investment. I cannot be at the constant beck and call of roomfuls of politicians while engaging in an unprecedented and all-consuming scientific project.
“Mr. Chairman, if we are to proceed, then it is quite simple. You must give me the autonomy I require to do what you require. I will pay you due deference in all recorded communications. But on this Project, Mr. Chairman, I will call the shots.”
Councilman Alan Kimball sat listening to the silence that followed the intercepted call, stroking his chin. Then he buzzed his confidential assistant.
“Siri, my dear, please send me all resumes on file in the areas of biogenetics, educational psychology, and — no, just come in here. You can fill in the gaps, once I tell you what I have in mind.”
Siri came into his office, tablet at the ready, and closed the door. She perched in a chair near his desk as Kimball turned on the scramble field. Kimball reclined in his own chair, upholstered in well-worn leather, and tapped his toes in slow rhythm.
“The Council appears to be holding Dr. Cadell on a rather loose rein, Siri. Please investigate whether this policy includes the hiring process for her little project. I rather think it will.”
Siri tapped out notes on her tablet. Kimball continued to tap his toes.
“Long ago, Siri, a Terran philosopher of war advised his readers to know their enemies. We have been rather hampered in that regard, have we not? Dr. Cadell may enable us to rectify that situation.
“The good doctor’s project will be hiring. She will need specialists in a number of areas. You’ll be able to ascertain what those are. Please match up the vacancies with the people we know who could fill them. Don’t stop with the resumes — go through my contact files. I want a list — names, specialties, contact information, circumstances of previous contact — by the end of the day.”
Siri stood up and turned toward the door. Kimball sat up and cleared his throat to recall her attention.
“And of course — maximum discretion, my dear.” Siri barely raised one eyebrow. Kimball pressed his palms together in apology. “I know, I insult you by mentioning it. Forgive me.” She smiled, nodded slightly, and left.
Kimball reclined his chair again, closed his eyes, and made plans.
* CONFIDENTIAL *
CLEARANCE CLASS 3 AND ABOVE
LEVI Status Report, 11-15-70
Executive Summary
Staff Issues
Interviews are continuing to fill the remaining vacancies for scientific and technical staff (human). While preference continues to be given to sets of fraternal twins, this rather small pool of applicants may have been exhausted.
Planning continues for recruitment of Tofa staff. The difficulties with assessing applicant qualifications and motivations have not been fully resolved.
Test Subjects
To date, 20 human host mothers have been selected and briefed. A total of approximately 40 host mothers will be required. A surplus of embryos will be required in case preliminary examination requires that any be discarded.
Human embryos from sources of approved quality have been obtained and are in storage. Tofa embryos have not yet arrived. The preliminary schedule calls for staggered initiation of ten pregnancies at a time at six-week intervals. Discussion continues as to whether to use chemical means to compensate for the slight difference in human and Tofa normal gestation periods. The advantages are likely to outweigh the relatively slight risk factors involved in the introduction of additional substances.
While the scientific and technical staff await the decision as to use of Tofa host mothers, they are continuing preparations therefor.
* CONFIDENTIAL *
CLEARANCE CLASS 3 AND ABOVE
LEVI Status Report, 12-30-70
Executive Summary
Test Subjects
For reasons not yet determined, the Tofa have delivered 55 rather than 40 Tofa embryos. When questioned about appropriate methods of storing the embryos, the Tofa representative indicated that only short-term storage would be feasible. While the Tofa may be underestimating the technological capabilities of Project staff in this regard, their objection to any long-term storage attempt was sufficiently definite that such an attempt has been deemed inadvisable, as has any disposal of the additional Tofa embryos. The staff is seeking approval of an expansion of the initial stage of the project, and preparing to recruit additional human host mothers. Additional human embryos can be procured as needed. . . .
Mara closed the door of her apartment behind her and hesitated, wondering whether to check her messages or simply collapse.
“So, Mara mia, how was your date?”
“Awkward. Uncomf
ortable. He wanted to talk about how he overcame his difficult childhood. Difficult because he disliked his siblings.”
“I can see why that failed to appeal. I’m sorry, Mara.”
Mara wiped her eyes. “I would have been distracted anyway, because the damned Project is all I can think about.”
“Such language about my namesake! My godchild, even.”
“I may swear off dating for the duration. Since I can’t talk about the Project to people.”
“Whoa, there. The duration of a project that starts with a gradually produced series of babies and follows them for decades? Consider the possibility that your coworkers, to whom you can talk, include some actual people. Or at least your future coworkers. Check out the applicants as date material. Or recruit someone dateable.”
“I’m waiting for you to ask how the Project is going.”
“Why wait? Just talk.”
“It’s going crazy, is how it’s going. Or what I’m going. The mothers are driving me crazy. You know we have to expand the Project in a frantic hurry or see it all fall apart. Which is what it’s doing anyway, because while we try to recruit more host mothers, the ones we had are slipping away from us . . . .”
Cheryl woke up screaming again, and waited for the neighbors to start pounding on the walls. Silence, somehow shocking after the screams. She was in luck, it seemed — the neighbors must have left for work early.
This time, it was conjoined twins. Or more like a scrambled assortment of human and Tofa limbs and features, crawling out of her and lying on the floor and writhing and shrieking.
It didn’t happen, she told herself over and over. It was just a dream. It didn’t happen.
It wouldn’t happen.
Cheryl lay on the tangled, soaked sheets until she felt strong enough to get up. Then she called her mother. Her mother knew nothing about the Project. She would never have allowed Cheryl to apply. Once Cheryl told her mother, the nightmares would end and the nightmare would be over.
Emily gazed up at Rob, afraid to believe. “But Rob — you said you could never settle down and give me the future I deserved. You said you were giving me up for my own sake.”
“I wish I were that noble. I was just petrified of what it would mean to make a promise and have to keep it. But I’ve found out the hole in my life with you gone is a whole lot worse than the fear.”
“But you sounded so sure. I believed you. I’ve made plans. I’ve commited to the Project.”
“I’m begging you to make a different commitment.”
Julia looked at the strip for a third time. It hadn’t changed.
How? When??
She’d always assumed that if she couldn’t remember the night before, nothing worth remembering had happened. So much for that notion.
So much for free room and board, free health care, lots of attention from people who thought she was doing something brave and important.
And it wouldn’t help to get rid of it. The rule was no pregnancies, even aborted ones, within the previous two years.
Shit!
The Honorable Council Vice Chair, Pomerand Dur, counted to ten. His daughter tapped her foot impatiently in a dissonant rhythm.
“Uria, you have had every advantage you could conceivably derive from my position. You had five years of entertainment and frivolity while you pursued what we laughingly called your education. You have every form of transport known to mankind — not to mention that Tofa river raft you somehow acquired. Neither your mother nor I nor your government nor your community have ever asked anything of you except the slightest degree of discretion in your frequently lawless activities.
“It’s your turn, Uria. The bill is due. And this obligation is also a stupendous opportunity. This planet has no natural ruling class. We are going to create one. With your strength of will, your eye for your own advantage, imagine what you could do as the mother of one of the first generation suited to govern all the inhabitants of Tofarn.
“And if you don’t care what you’d be gaining, think about what you risk losing. Three other Council family members have already volunteered. What chance do I have of increasing influence, of even retaining my position, without that competitive advantage?”
Uria appeared to deliberate as to her best response. Finally, satisfied, she spat copiously in the direction of her father’s shoe.
“This is the most perverted and disgusting and revolting idea that even you have ever come up with. You don’t just want me to get pregnant, now, at my age — and with two brats — you want me to spend who knows how long living in some laboratory, and with Tofa everywhere I look! When you won’t even spend two hours in the same room with one unless you’re tranked to your nonexistent hairline first! There is nothing that could ever make me consider it for the tiniest fraction of an instant!”
Vice Chair Dur decided that his daughter needed more time to consider the idea.
The planners lowered their heretofore rigorous standards, and lowered them again. They could give no more ground without what was deemed unacceptable risk. Still they lacked sufficient human host mothers for all the embryo pairs.
In the end, the recruitment difficulties decided the issue. Ten of the Tofa embryos would be implanted, along with human embryos, in Tofa hosts.
Chapter 4
Mara approached the small building that she thought of, privately, as Dr. Shrink’s office. She climbed the familiar stairs, knocked on the familiar door, received the familiar greeting.
“Hello, doctor. It’s good to see you. It’s strange to think that after this session, we’ll be meeting by video call instead.”
Dr. Tanner waved her toward the armchair. “I look forward to discovering how we’ll work together at a distance. It may be easier for you to open up with that sort of protection.”
“I have to make sure I can set up a good enough privacy screen. These sessions have been important to me, but I will not risk the Project or my place in it.”
Dr. Tanner set his rocking chair gently in motion. “You still feel that no one else can know about Levi without seriously compromising you.”
“What would you think, if your coworker, or your boss, said that she chatted with her dead twin every day?”
“I assume you are not asking what I, with my training and experience, would conclude in such a situation. You are postulating a coworker or subordinate who would think as you sometimes do. That you are mentally unbalanced, a multiple personality perhaps, or suffering from hallucinations. I would be flattered —” with the usual half-smile — “if you, at least, were eventually to accept my assurance on this point.”
“I really don’t think that any more." Mara looked down at her hands, restless fingers twisting and twining. "I don’t think I think it.”
“In my profession, I have the opportunity to see and delight in the many creative ways human beings find to deal with pain that could otherwise hijack their lives. These solutions often pose challenges of their own. As in your case . . . . ”
“In my case, having a secret — and having comforting company always available — keeps me isolated. Levi thinks I should date more.”
“If and when you come to accept that desire, I’m sure you will find a way to pace the movement toward intimacy, in a manner that lets you assess whether you have found someone you can sufficiently trust.” Dr. Tanner opened a drawer, pulled out a box of aroma sticks, selected pipe tobacco. He extended the box toward her. When, as usual, she declined to reach for it, he went on.
“How do you currently experience Levi’s presence?”
“The same as always. We talk. It’s more immediate than, say, hearing music in your head — but it’s not like someone’s in the room.”
“Have the contents of your dreams changed?”
“The details change, but it’s still the same theme. I’m expecting him. Usually it’s something pleasant — we’re going to go out for dinner, or it’s our birthday and I made a surprise party. . . .”
&n
bsp; Dr. Tanner passed Mara a handkerchief. “Take your time. And when it isn’t pleasant?”
Mara sat shivering on the bank. The dissonant music played faintly from nowhere. She could see the search and rescue team throwing and hauling the net, over and over. Now they had stopped. They were hauling something in. The net was heavy.
The boat came closer and closer. The net and its contents were hidden in the bottom. One of the men called out something she couldn’t hear.
Dread filling her and twisting her stomach, Mara stood and approached the bank. The boat was almost at the dock. The men's faces were sober, apprehensive about her reaction. In a moment she would be able to see —
Mara woke to Levi’s voice. “Mara! Wake up! It’s a dream, baby, just wake up. Come on! Snap out of it!”
“And you never see his face?”
“Or any part of him. When I’m awake, I sometimes wonder what he’d look like — like my father, maybe — but I never see him, awake or asleep.”
“And you never draw him.”
“No.”
“Why is that, do you think?”
“I’m not sure. But I think — it’s something I can’t have, that’s all. I know it. Even in my dreams.”
Dr. Tanner brought his chair to a stop. “Mara, I’d like to change the subject at this point. There is a topic you’ve been reluctant to discuss. You’ve told me just enough to keep me from regarding it as an emergency. But I believe this is the time to explore it further. The thoughts of suicide you have had from time to time.”
Mara closed her eyes for a moment and opened them again. “All right. If we don’t talk about it today, I doubt I’d do it on the phone. But there isn’t that much to say.”
“When was the first time you remember thinking about killing yourself?”
Mara flinched slightly at his wording. “The first time I remember, I think I was about fourteen, give or take a year. But I don’t think that was the first time I thought about it.”