I sighed and stared at the sketch I'd been trying to draw for the last twenty minutes. It was still a bunch of lines on a page and didn't resemble anything even remotely close to what was in my head. Except it really wasn't in my head and that was the problem. Every time I tried to get a picture of the dress I wanted, it shifted into lingerie similar to what Katka had asked me to design for her. Lingerie I knew she'd worn for Blayne. That sent me off on a whole new set of thoughts that had very little to do with clothes.
Worse, they weren't just sexual thoughts driven by the fact that I hadn't been able to get off in weeks. Every time I tried, I'd get close and things would just fall apart. I couldn't deny why anymore.
I'd fallen for him.
I wasn't ready to call it love and I was hoping it never got that far. What I felt was too strong as it was. I didn't need anything more.
I leaned back in my chair and tossed my sketchpad aside. I wasn't going to get anything done like this. I needed to clear my head. The problem was, I'd tried to distract myself before and it hadn't worked. While not the worst sex I'd ever had, the other night with Ty had been pretty bad, and I knew trying again wasn't going to do any good.
There was one option I hadn't tried yet because I knew it wasn't a smart idea. In fact, it was probably one of the dumbest things I could possibly do. Even if it cleared my head for a while, it would only make matters worse in the long run, which was why I hadn't done it yet. My resolve, however, was weakening.
I rubbed my eyes. I'd been trying to work on this for the past couple hours and had gotten nowhere. I was supposed to have at least six new designs drawn out and ready to be started by next week when I made my final pitch for a business loan. The bank wasn't requiring them, but I was. I wanted to assure them that I was capable of providing the volume of designs needed to maintain a business.
If I couldn't think, I couldn't do my work. And I needed to do my work.
A little voice in the back of my head told me that I was justifying what I'd been wanting to do for a while, but I didn't listen to it. I was tired. Tired of always being good and doing the right thing. Even I needed to relax sometimes.
I closed my eyes and didn't try to stop the thoughts this time. I let myself wonder what it must be like to have sex with Blayne. How it must feel to have him look at me with something other than friendship and admiration. What would his storm gray eyes look like, filled with love and desire?
I unsnapped the top button of my pants and slid my hand beneath the waistband of my pants and panties. Thinking about Blayne already had me heating up, and I wasn't surprised when I slipped a finger between my folds and found my skin already slick.
I thought of how his hands would feel as they moved across my bare skin. The heat of them. The gentle pressure as he caressed my breasts. As I played with my nipple through my shirt and bra, I imagined it was him, his fingers manipulating my flesh. When I rubbed my fingers across my clit, I saw him between my legs, his hand sending ripples of pleasure through my body.
Was he a tender lover or did he prefer a rougher touch? If it had been his fingers sliding inside me, would he move slowly, gently stretching me? I bent my fingers and found that spot inside me that made my muscles tremble. With as many lovers as Blayne'd had over the years, I had no doubt he knew exactly how to find that place too. Would he tease me with it, I wondered, or go straight for it, making my eyes roll back and my body quake?
I pressed the heel of my hand against my clit and began to imagine that it wasn't Blayne's fingers inside me, but something thicker, longer. I had never seen Blayne naked, but I knew the human body well enough to guess what was underneath. And I had no doubt that he knew how to use it.
“Ah.” A little gasp escaped me as I thought about what it would feel like to have him thrust into me, drive me towards an orgasm that I'd never forget. I could feel the pressure inside me building. I knew it wouldn't be as good as what he could do to me –for me – but I would get there this time.
A twist of my fingers. The thought of him over me, looking down at me. Pressure on my clit. The feel of his lips against mine.
Liv...
It was the memory of him shortening my name, a nickname I never allowed anyone to use, that made me come with a shout and a shudder. Pleasure coursed through me and I rode it out, all the while hearing him saying my name.
Liv. My Liv.
I slumped back in my chair, face flushed.
Fuck.
What had I done?
Chapter 3
Blayne
I knew I looked like an idiot, but I couldn't stop grinning. My weekend with Katka had been amazing. I'd worried that the more time I spent with her, the more I'd realize I really couldn't be with only one woman. I'd never spent that much time with a single woman and not been desperate to get away from her. With Katka, however, I hadn't wanted to say good-bye at the train station. I'd wanted to take her back to New York where we could be out from underneath my father's eyes. Maybe go further, somewhere he could never reach us.
While I'd immensely enjoyed the time we'd spent in our hotel room, both the sex and the time we'd spent lounging in bed talking, I'd also loved being able to take Katka out. Holding her hand in the small, romantic corner of a restaurant. I wanted that for us now more than ever. Maybe, I thought, it was time to talk to Katka again about telling Livie about us. While it wouldn't be the same as being able to claim Katka in public, it would be almost as good. Livie would work with us, I knew, to give my Kat and me at least some freedom at home.
I was still trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject when I got the call.
“Blayne.”
My father's voice was unmistakable.
“You and Livie will join the family this Friday night.”
Well, so much for pleasantries. Or asking.
“Hi, Dad,” I said amicably. “Nice to hear from you. How are you?”
He sighed, a weary sound I'd grown quite used to over the years. “I see that being married and having a good job hasn't made you any less tedious.”
I grinned. I wasn't going to let my father get to me. Not after the great weekend I'd had.
“Anyway,” he continued. “We're having dinner at the house at six. Be there at five thirty. None of this fashionably late stuff you like to pull.”
“No problem,” I said. “I just have to check with Livie and make sure she's not busy.”
“She's your wife.” His voice was flat. “I wasn't aware that checking with her was necessary.”
A flare of annoyance went through me. It didn't matter if our marriage was real or not, I'd never be that assumptive. “Well, Dad, not everyone has your archaic views of marriage where the woman has to plan her entire life around her husband.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them.
There was silence for almost a full minute before he spoke, “I'm sure that if she knows how important family is to us, she'll make an effort to be there. If she doesn't care that much, then maybe I need to look a little more closely at your relationship.”
“Wow, Dad.” I made my tone as dry as possible. “You're really going to pull that out whenever you don't like what I do, aren't you? Look as close as you want. There's nothing to see.”
“Then I guess I'll see you and your wife on Friday.”
“We'll be there,” I said. “As long as Livie hasn't planned something.”
I could sense my father's disapproval, but neither of us commented on it. His call had dimmed my good mood a bit, especially since I'd been hoping to see Katka Friday night. At least with Livie, time with my family wasn't completely unbearable. I did enjoy the time she and I spent together.
Livie wasn't home when I got there, but I waited up for her to ask about Friday night. I didn't want to risk her planning something and having to explain to my father why she wasn't there.
“Another family dinner so soon?” she had asked, her eyebrows raised in wonder.
I’d been surprised that she seemed su
rprised. Then I realized she had no working knowledge of family dynamics, considering she hadn't had a real family for fifteen years. Fortunately, she hadn't planned on doing anything other than working, so she had no problem with going. Based on what Katka had told me, working was pretty much Livie's life, so maybe attending social events with me was helping her as much as it helped me, and not just from a business aspect.
Dinner was more casual than an actual event, but my parents still expected us to dress nicely. Livie and I both stuck with dress pants and nice shirts, hers a perfectly tailored blouse and mine a fitted long-sleeved shirt. In a surprise that made us both laugh, we'd picked complementary shades of blue.
“Perhaps this will convince your father that we are truly a couple.” Livie gave me a rare, genuine smile.
For the first time, instead of noticing an instance when Katka looked like Livie, I could now see my Kat in Liv. The feeling was unsettling for a moment, though I couldn't quite figure out why. I shook it off before we got to the house and when we entered, Livie and I looked like the perfect power couple.
Both of my brothers and their families were here, of course. Benjamin was my father's namesake and heir. No way would he miss a single family gathering. I sometimes thought he'd spent half of his life kissing our father's ass.
Samuel, on the other hand, wasn't there because he wanted something. He was a peacemaker. It was easier to comply than to fight and, in Samuel's opinion, when he chose his battles, dinner was low on the list of important things.
Ashlyn was also here, though her older husband wasn't. The youngest of my sisters was thirty-seven, but her husband was twenty-five years older and wasn't exactly the healthiest of men. He only came to family functions when it was truly important. Like when my parents had tried to marry me off to Rebecca Stirling, the daughter of another prominent Philadelphia family. I'd put an end to that before it had gotten too far and, from what I'd heard, it was a good thing too. The company Rebecca had convinced her parents to let her run because her older brother was off somewhere trying to find himself was in trouble. I didn't know how bad, but there were also rumors that she was sneaking around with someone she shouldn't be.
My other sister, Cecily, wasn't present with her family, but that wasn't a shock. She was younger than Benjamin by fourteen months and had an MBA just like he did, but our father had never considered letting her run the company. When she'd realized that, she'd gone elsewhere, marrying a wealthy Philadelphian and managing his estate and businesses. She usually used that as an excuse to avoid as many family events as possible.
The butler gave me a friendlier look than he ever had before, but it was nothing compared to the look he gave Livie. I glared at him as she and I walked by. A flare of anger and something that almost felt like jealousy went through me. The intensity of it caught me by surprise, but I told myself it was because no one should look at a married woman like that. Also, Livie did look like Katka and I knew how much Kat loved her sister. That was all there was to it. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Livie, it's so good to see you again.”
Hannah greeted Livie warmly with a hug and I had to suppress a smile at the look on Livie's face. I doubted anyone else noticed it, but Livie's eyes widened and she stiffened in my sister-in-law's arms. I'd gotten so good at reading Katka, I was able to catch some of the nuances of her sister's face.
Hannah laughed as she released Livie. “Sorry, dear. I do tend to get a bit affectionate.” She lowered her voice to a conspiring whisper and winked. “Drives the in-laws crazy.”
Livie smiled, a real one. She liked Hannah, I could tell.
“Come on, little brother,” Samuel said. He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Save me from having to listen to Dad and Benjamin talking business and acting like I'm still in high school.”
I glanced at Livie, reluctant to leave her.
“She'll be fine,” Samuel said. “Hannah will make sure Mom behaves herself.”
I nodded and followed my brother into the sitting room where we usually waited until we were called for dinner. Still, I couldn't resist a look over my shoulder to make sure Livie was okay. She gave me a smile and a small wave, but I still didn't relax. As much as I trusted Hannah, I still didn't like the idea of leaving Livie alone.
“So, Blayne.” Benjamin turned on me as soon as I walked into the room. “How are you enjoying doing real work?”
I gave my brother a tight smile and answered honestly, “I like my job, Ben. Especially since it's working for Samuel and not you.”
He scowled at both the nickname and the comment, but Dad spoke up before my brother could respond. “I'm glad to hear you're enjoying yourself.” He glanced at Samuel. “I just hope it's not all fun and games.”
“He's good at his job, Dad,” Samuel said.
For once, he wasn't just covering for me. I'd asked him to be honest about my job performance. Besides the fact that I really was liking the work, I knew if I screwed up, it'd reflect badly on my brother and I didn't want that. I may have been a jerk sometimes, but I really did love Samuel.
“Glad to hear it,” Dad said.
The conversation then went back to being between Dad and Benjamin while Samuel and I were expected to be a captive audience, learning from all of their brilliance. What we actually did was exchange exasperated eye rolls and knowing looks whenever neither of the others was looking. Fortunately, we didn't have to do it for long.
Dinner was ready right on time and I was able to make my way back to Livie. She didn't look too bad for having spent some time with my mother, sister and sisters-in-law, but I still caught a hint of relief on her face when she saw me.
We'd been put at the end of the table, which was my usual place, but this time, it didn't keep my father from talking to us both. Or, more accurately, talking to Livie about the progress she'd been making on her business. While I was grateful it wasn't open season on me and that Dad was being polite to Livie, I couldn't deny that it hurt a little. How could he seem so interested in what she was doing, but not care about me unless I was casting a negative light on the family name?
I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the conversation. I'd talked to Livie a bit, but I hadn't realized just how far she'd gotten over the past couple weeks. She even had an appointment this week to officially present her business proposal to someone at the bank.
“I could make a call,” my father offered.
The expressions on my siblings' faces said I wasn't the only one surprised by that statement. I was glad Cecily wasn't here. She probably would've had a heart-attack. As free as he was with our allowances, Dad never did anything like that for any of us. I glanced at Livie's flushed face and then at my father, wondering if this was some sort of trick, if he was trying to bribe her or something.
“I appreciate that,” Livie said politely. “But having your last name has opened enough doors for me. I would prefer to have my proposal accepted on its own merit.”
There was no mistaking the pleased look on my father's face. If she would've accepted, he would've done it. He was a man of his word. But, I had a feeling he would've thought less of her because of it.
The rest of the meal continued in a far more relaxed state than the previous one I'd had here. The others joined in the conversation, sometimes branching off on their own. Livie rarely initiated anything, but always gave a warm response to any inquiry sent her way. Even Benjamin was on his best behavior, though I suspected that was more because he feared my wife's tongue than any true desire to be polite.
Once we finished, everyone stood to automatically head to the sitting room where we'd end up taking dessert in about a half hour or so. It was the family ritual. In the past, I always tried to excuse myself right after the meal, but I didn't tonight. Livie appeared to be enjoying herself and I wasn't disliking it too much, so I figured we might as well stay, especially since it would make things look good for Dad.
“Blayne, may I speak with you in private?” My dad kept his voic
e low as he motioned towards the library. Across the hall from where everyone else was going, it would give us privacy, but wasn't so far that we'd be gone for long.
I nodded, my stomach twisting into knots as I followed him. This couldn't be anything good. Had he found out about Katka? I didn't think that was the case since he probably wouldn't have bothered with the whole pretense over dinner. It also didn't seem like the kind of thing he'd care about keeping from my family. Maybe he suspected something was going on and didn't want to say anything in front of Livie. Unless that's not what this was about. Maybe I'd misread him at dinner and he still thought she'd only married me for the money. Technically, I supposed that was true, but not in the way he would be thinking.
I shut the door behind me and turned to face him, bracing myself for whatever was about to happen.
“I don't say this often,” he began. “And I won't repeat myself, but I feel it needs to be said.”
Now I was confused.
“I was wrong about Livie.”
My eyebrows shot up.
“I told you before that I had changed my mind about her, but I'd still had my doubts. I was waiting to see if that had been an act, but tonight solidified that it wasn't. She truly is a remarkable woman.”
I nodded in agreement. I might not be in love with her, but I couldn't deny, she was amazing.
He pointed a finger at me. “I hope you appreciate how lucky you were to find someone like her instead of some gold-digger. Some men have spent their entire lives looking for someone like her. Don't fuck it up.”
My jaw dropped. My father rarely swore, reserving it for instances that he felt merited extra emphasis. He walked past me without another word, leaving me in the library to process the exchange.
I ran my hand through my hair. Well, shit. Now I felt even guiltier about sleeping with Katka behind Livie's back. Dad was right about how lucky I was. I needed to talk to Katka about telling her sister the truth. We owed her that much. It wasn't just about the freedom it would offer Kat and I. Livie deserved that same freedom as well.