I followed her, glancing back once at Heyden, who looked frightened for me. I nodded my head to indicate I was fine and then continued to follow Bess, who rushed toward the stairway,
All I have done since the day von left is plan and plan for your return." she said as she marched up ahead of me.
Heyden was at the bottom of the stairway, looking up. Chubs moved to his side.
"I'll be all right. Get the motor home," I said.
"We'll be back as soon as we can." Heyden promised.
I continued after Bess, who was now waiting at the top of the stairway.
"I can't forgive your father for telling you a story like that. Why, anyone who looked at the both of you for only a moment would see how strong the resemblance is. Of course Nolan is your father.
"He's ashamed of what he's done, I'm sure. That's why he's not back. too. I know. I shouldn't be able to forgive him for taking you away from me. but I will. We'll all forgive each other for everything and be a happy family again, won't we?"
I glanced back and saw Mrs. Stanton looking up at us with great concern.
"Yes," I said. "We will."
This is so wonderful. so wonderful." she said and clapped her hands. "Come along. No, wait." she said, stopping me. "Close your eyes. I want this to be a really big surprise. Go on. Close your eyes."
I did so and she took my hand again. I opened my eyes enough to see that we were moving down the corridor toward a door on our right. She stopped before it and turned back to me. so I closed my eyes tightly.
"On the count of three, you can open your eyes. Rosemary. Ready?"
"Yes," I said.
"Good. One..."
I heard her open the door.
"Two. And three!" she screamed.
I opened my eyes and looked into the room.
To my surprise it was a beautiful room and a room obviously well kept. There was a four-poster canopied bed with a pink-and-white bedspread and large, fluffy pillows, at the center of which was the most beautiful stuffed black panther. It had absolutely luminous eyes and looked as if it was made with a rich velvet. On both sides of the bed were nightstands of the same eggshell white. One had a beautiful carousel on it. and the other had a Wizard of Oz clock with a replica of Dorothy with Toto at her feet.
Everything in the room was coordinated. from the white curtains with pink trim to the milk-white area rug with its apricot-tinted spirals. To the right was a long vanity table with an oval mirror framed in a pinkish white wood at the center. Everything on the table was neatly organized. Just to my left inside the door was a real old-fashioned school desk, the kind that had the desk attached to the seat. Books were stacked on it, the top one being a textbook for an American literature class. Next to the books was a notebook with a pen beside it. In the armoire on the right was a television set. On the walls to my left were shelves of books, dolls, framed art prints, and on the wall to my right was a poster from the Wizard of Or film with Judy Garland.
Whereas the rest of the house I had seen looked stuck in time with its tired vintage furnishings, this room could be featured in a modern-day House Beautiful magazine. I thought. From the lamps to the fixtures. door handles and dresser drawer handles. it all glittered like new. The windows glistened. the colors were vibrant. It was like watching a black-andwhite movie suddenly turn to Technicolor.
Bess moved quickly to the closet and opened it. "Look!" she cried, standing back.
I walked in slowly and gazed in at the rows of what looked like brand-new clothing, some with tags still hanging from sleeves.
"Every time I go into Anderson. I find something you would Eke, Rosemary. I've. even bought you new shoes to go with some of these outfits." she said, kneeling down to open a shoe box and show me its contents.
She stood up. "I knew you were coming back. my darlin'. my sweet. darlin'. I knew it." She held my hands and smiled.
"The room is beautiful," I said.
"Yes. As it should be. as it should always be. Now come. Sit with me." she said, pulling me to the bed with her. "And tell me everything you've been doing.
"No, wait." she added quickly, putting her finger to my lips. "Don't tell me anything. I don't want to know anything about all that. It doesn't matter. What matters is you are here now, and we'll be a family again."
She pouted. "You should never have believed him. How could you believe him? He was just angry at me for other things, and that was his way at getting back at me. Rosemary," she said and turned away to look down at the floor.
"Sometimes," she continued. "sometimes a woman needs to be left alone. She has other problems, woman's problems, and men just don't understand. Rosemary. They can't understand.. They're selfish that way. They want to please themselves, satisfy their own needs,
"I thought you were too young for all this. but I was wrong. I was wrong, so wrong.
But don't blame me for that. A mother doesn't want to admit that her little girl is grown up. Grownup little girls don't want to be with Mommy all the time, now, do they? When you're a mother, you have to give up your baby, cut the umbilical cord, and let him or her go off, and no mother wants to do that, no real mother, no mother like me. "Can you understand that? Can you?" she asked, pleading for the answer she wanted.
I stared at her. Yes. I could understand that, but it all made me think of Mommy and how little Claude's birth and death served to cut that umbilical cord abruptly. Part of us wants our mothers to let us go. and part of us resents it. I thought. Everything is so complicated. Yes. I could understand. I could even understand this woman's turmoil. although I knew nothing of the details.
"He poisoned you." she said suddenly.
"Poisoned me?" Is that what happened here? I wondered with terror.
"Poisoned you against me. turned me into some sort of ogre. He was angry at me. Rosemary, so angry at ine. That's why he made up that story and filled you with all that poison just so you would follow him and leave me,
"But," she said, bouncing on the bed. "you realized all that was a lie, a great lie. didn't you? And that's why you came back to
"Look at yourself." she said. turning me so I could gaze into the vanity mirror. "Look at the way your eyes are shaped and your chin. How could you be anyone else but Nolan Simons's daughter?"
She scowled, "A father trying to turn his daughter against her awn mother, trying to convmee her that her mother slept in another man's bed after she was married and use that as a reason why he and she weren't doing what he wanted whenever he wanted. Disgusting, just disgusting.
"You're old enough to know that he wanted me to do animal things. He was a sick man. Rosemary, sick, sick, sick. Imagine, a grown man wanting to play doctor.
"Oh, but I shouldn't be telling you all these sordid, ugly things. It's gone, It's all gone and we're together and happy again.
"And just imagine how happy Grandma is going to be. She cried almost as much as I did when you left. Rosemary."
Her face changed again, filling with anger.
She warned me about Nolan from the start, but a young woman doesn't want to listen to older people, doesn't want to have anyone make those kinds of decisions for her, does she? You won't. I know. It's just natural, but we feel so helpless, watching our youngsters make mistakes they could have avoided. That's why I was so hard on you, why I didn't want you wearing those clothes or piercing your ears. why I thought it was too soon far you to go out on dates and stay up so late, and why I tried to keep you from seeing those pornographic movies. I was just trying to protect you, honey. You know that now, don't you? Don't you?" she asked again, needing me to respond.
"Yes," I said.
"Oh, good, good. That's good. Your body changed so fast. You grew up too fast. It's like putting someone on a fast horse when she is just learning how to ride. It wasn't fair. Nature wasn't playing fair with you. I had to take charge. I had to lock you up sometimes and keep you safe. I had to keep those boys away from you. too. Rosemary. They were after only one thing. I told you
and told you." she said, her face back to being hard and cold again. "That wasn't being crazy. Your father was just trying to turn you against me because I wasn't giving him what he wanted every time he wanted it. You understand that now, don't you? Sure you do. You wouldn't be back if you didn't. right? He finally admitted it. I bet."
She sighed and looked around. "This was my room when I was a little girl, you know. I had a canopy bed like that. My mother was so proud of it and so happy for me. Grandma used to chastise her for becoming so excited over things like this. 'You're spoilin' the child,' she would say, 'You're spoilin' the child."
She laughed and leaned toward me.
"Meanwhile, she was always giving me things on the side. Grandma. Grandma." she said, her voice drifting. "Oh. I'm suddenly so tired. Aren't you tired. Rosemary?"
"Yes," I said.
"Right. We should both get some sleep. In the morning.., in the morning..." Her voice dropped as if she had forgotten what she was going to say.
She stood up. "I'm going to get some rest now. You wash up and get ready for bed and don't forget to brush your teeth well. Up and down, up and down," she chanted. Then she stared at me so hard and long I was sure she was going to say, "You're not Rosemary. Who are you?"
But instead, she turned and walked slowly to the door. When she reached it, she dipped her hand into her pocket and produced a key. She held it up.
"I have the key, but I won't lock your room. I won't lock it ever again. Rosemary. I promise."
She dropped the key into her pocket and then smiled and walked out
I heard her go down the hallway to another door, open and close it, and then all was still.
I stood up, looked about the room for a moment. Something wasn't right: something was missing. I thought, and then realized there were no photographs. What about a picture of Rosemary? Weren't there any photographs of her and her parents?
I started out and down the stairs. Mrs. Stanton was in the sitting room with Uncle Linden. I could see they had been talking, and I wondered what sort of things he had told her. She looked very troubled. Her eyes lifted quickly to me when I appeared.
"How is she doing?" she asked quickly. "She went to sleep."
"I'm so sorry I put you through all that, darlin', but it's a very heavy burden, very heavy."
"I'm all right," I assured her.
"Good." She looked at Uncle Linden and smiled, "I was just talking to your father, telling him about our tragedy.. He's a very patient and
compassionate man."
"We'll do whatever we can for you while we're here. Lilliann," he said. He said it with such
confidence and assurance. I felt my eyebrows rise. Suddenly he was a tower of strength.
"What happened. Mrs, Stanton?" I asked. "And why are there no pictures of her? Nothing in her room. I noticed."
"I thought it best to put them away for now," she replied.
"I don't understand. Haven't you heard anything from them? Where did Rosemary and her father go?"
She looked at me, her lips quivering. "I hope to heaven," she replied.
12
Daughters and Ghosts
.
As soon as I heard Heyden and Chubs
returning, I rose and went out to see them towing the motor home up the driveway and parking it near the largest barn. Heyden had been standing behind Chubs on the tractor. I hurried to them.
"Are you all right?" he asked the moment he saw me.
"Yes. Oh. Heyden, it's all so sad." "I know. Chubs told me the story on the way to the motor home."
Chubs glanced at us, nodded, and went to unhitch the motor home from the tractor,
"How horrible, First, her husband filled their daughter's head with all these stories and accusations, and then he talked her into running off with him."
"Chubs says they were killed that day in a headon crash with a tractor trailer just two miles south of here on Peach Tree Road. He says the truck driver had no business taking that road. It's so narrow and full of curves, Mrs. Stanton refuses to go down that road ever since, and he has to drive an extra fifteen miles whenever there's a need to take her in that direction."
Chubs came up beside us. listening. "The crash was so bad," he said. "I'm sure there's still pieces of that car in the bushes. I gathered up most of it and got rid of it.
"Mrs. Bessie, she just won't accept the truth. It's all left her in a sort of driftin'," he explained. "like someone stuck in time, just waitin' on the clock to tick. She's been waitin' for that girl to come home ever since. You the first young- woman stepped into the house since the accident. too. Hope and sorrow sure can change the way people sees things," he added. "Imagine lookin' at a stranger and thinkin' it's your only daughter. That's real desperation."
"But what does her grandmother say to her?" Heyden asked. 'Why did she go along with Hannah being Rosemary?"
"Mrs. Lilliann, she doesn't disturb her with the truth. It's easier to just pretend the bad thing didn't happen. Otherwise, no tellin' what. She ain't the healthiest woman round here," he added.
"Mrs. Stanton?"
"No, Bessie."
"What's wrong with her?" I asked quickly.
Chubs looked very uncomfortable talking about it. His eyes went from us to the house. "You understand I don't poke my nose into anyone's affairs." he said.
"Sure," Heyden said.
"Heyden, let's not trouble Mr. Dawson anymore," I said, seeing how painful it was for Chubs to talk about it, too,
"Right."
Chubs looked from me to Heyden and back to me.
"When you're around the people you work for as much as I've been around the Stantons, you can't help but overhear stuff. but I don't go gossippin' about it."
Heyden nodded. "We understand. sure."
Chubs sighed. "Since they brought you into it, you should know somethin' about it. I guess."
He leaned back against the tractor wheel.
"Mrs. Bessie, she was barn with heart problems. They took her to see lots of doctors. The truth is she wasn't even supposed to have a child. That's what I heard once."'
He gazed at the house. I could see by the way his eyes grew smaller that he was remembering, reliving events, conversations and arguments.
"Everyone was afraid to raise his voice in that house. They walked on tiptoes, fussin around Bessie, keepin' her from doin' too much. Poor girl, she wasn't allowed to do things other girls her ace were cloth'. She never been to a fun park, ride one of them roller coasters, and she was practically of marry-in' age 'fore they'd let her go out on a date."
"How sad."
"That ain't the worst of it. First man she gets heavily involved with makes her pregnant. That was Mr. Simms. He was a no-account man, always blowin off about himself, what great things he was gain' to do in business. He had all sorts of new ideas for this place. 'Caused Mr. Stanton to lose a pile of money, too, and after Mr. Stanton died, he considered himself the boss round here. Truth is. I almost quit a few times 'cause of him. but I kept thinkin' about Mrs. Lilliann."
"What about Bess's mother and father?" I asked.
"Mrs. Lilliann's daughter Jessica died when Bess was only ten. Bad cancer, like a wildfire in her body. Bess's daddy remarried 'bout two years afterward and moved on to California. He didn't have much to do with the family."
"He just left his daughter behind?" I asked.
Chubs shrugged. "He married a woman who wasn't interested in a ready-made family, especially one with a sickly daughter. He kept promisin' he'd send for her. In the beginnin' there were calls, and then they started growin' fewer and far between, Mrs, Lilliann took over the motherin'."
"Haw terrible for Bess," I said, looking toward the house too.
"Losin' her mother like that and then her father runnin' off with another woman left her shaky, to say the least,' Chubs said. nodding. She was always afraid somethin' terrible was waitin' around scone corner like a wild cat ready to pounce on her. She had this way of lookin' at me when she s
aw me first thing in the mornin'."
"What way?" I asked.
"Well, it was like she was expectin' bad news all the time, anticipatin' it, holdin' her breath. I couldn't get my 'Good mornin' out fast enough, but when I did. I bellowed it and smiled and she relaxed. It made me feel good to see that."
He turned and looked down the driveway.
But I guess she was right about the bad news. I remember that terrible night, the police cars with their lights turnin'. Soon as I saw that mournful parade comin'up the driveway, my heart sunk. I was workin'in the back here when Mr. Simms come out of the house with Rosemary, both comin' suitcases and she carry-in' that beautiful stuffed black cat under her arms. I knew if she was takin' that out of the house, somethin' was bad wrong. It had belonged to her grandma Jessica and was passed down.
"Anyway. Mr. Simms just looked at me like I was so much dirt or somethin' and drove off, squealin' his tires round the turn there.
"I went back to work and it was dark 'fore I quit I just started to wash up. thinkin' about somethin' for dinner, when I seen the lights. I went out first, and this policeman, a local boy, Bobby Pine, steps out shakin' his head at me and sayin"It's bad. Chubs, real bad.'
"You know. Mrs. Bessie, she didn't even go to the funeral. She just lay up there in her room all week, and when anyone go to see her, she'd perk up and ask. 'Is Rosemary back? Did they come back vet?'
"She wouldn't hear nothin"bout anyone bein' dead and gone. No. sir. Those words drifted out of her head as fast as they drifted in. It was like... like she stepped out of the world each time and then stepped in and smiled and asked. 'Is she back yet? Is Rosemary back?'
"Got so I heard that in my sleep," he said. "How sad. All of it is so sad," I said. Heyden nodded.
"You did a kind thing lettin' her believe you was Rosemary," Chubs said. "Most people would just high-tail it outta here, for sure."
"Hannah's mother is a psychotherapist." Heyden told him. I thought he was about to reveal something about Uncle Linden, too, but he stopped.
Chubs raised his eyebrows. That so? And your daddy and she couldn't get along anyway, huh?"