I have barely enough time to write this down. There are many changes going on around here, some that I don’t even want to talk about. I fear this might even be my last entry, for reasons that I can’t explain right now. Hopefully I am wrong though.
My mother’s funeral was held yesterday. It was definitely a sad moment and it might sound a little bit cliché but what they say is true: “You don’t know what you have, until you lose it.” I never realized how much I cared for my mother until yesterday; when she was surrounded by wood and being put down into the earth, where her body will lie forever. My father was holding my new born sister, because he was too cheap to pay for a baby sitter. He tried to hold his tears back, and even though he succeeded, a few tears still escaped his eyes. I tried to do the same, but I was a little bit weaker than him, since I pretty much broke down in tears. I guess it is better not to hold that anyway.
Once I got home though I went directly to my room. The house was way quieter now. For a moment I just wished my mother was there, even to fight with her about something. That is when it really hit me hard. In the end, I cried myself to sleep…and I dreamt.
In the dream someone had died too. I was not sure who it was, but we were home getting ready when my mom said “Come on, we are going to be late for Jack’s funeral.” Curiously enough though, they seemed pretty calmed about it so I assumed he wasn’t close to us or something. My mom grabbed something from the table, it seemed like a gift but I couldn’t quite tell what it was and then we exited the house.
The dream skipped to us arriving at the place. It looked like an amazing house from the outside, which seemed weird to me since I assumed we were going to a funeral not a house. Apparently, this is where the funeral was being held. When we got into the house it seemed like a party more than anything else. I was really shocked about that. My mom took her present and placed it under a picture of a guy, which is where I noticed who it was, it was Lisa’s father. The family came to greet us shortly after and I gave her a hug and said I was sorry about her father’s death.
“Sorry? Why would you be?” Lisa asked kind of surprised. I thought she was joking, but in case she wasn’t I wanted to clarify my statement.
“Cause…He passed away.” I said.
“And that is a bad thing because…” Lisa said as we were interrupted by our parents that dinner was ready.
In dinner everyone said what seemed to be a little prayer but most of them consisted of “I am glad you are back home.” Or “let us know how it is” and stuff like that. I was really freaked out about it all and I didn’t understand crap either. What did they mean with “back home”? And how could they all be so calm about it? I guess there was something I was missing, but I just couldn’t quite place it.
Shortly after that I woke up. It was definitely refreshing to see a different aspect of death, where people just took it as something normal and pretty much just celebrated it. I guess we just suffer the death of our loved ones because of selfishness more than anything. We just can’t accept the fact that we won’t see them again. Instead, what we should do is accept that they are in a better place. Way better place…